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Joy Behar Page
Partisan Politics; Interview With Steve Harvey
Aired September 14, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Comedian Steve Harvey is here tonight. You know people are always asking and twittering him questions about relationships. So I thought, "What am I, chopped liver?" I know about relationships. I`ll answer one.
So here goes. Here`s the question. How do we get our men to listen to us? Easy. Talk less. No one wants to listen to a blabber mouth rattle on and on.
You know, Helen Keller spoke only one word her whole life -- water. Boring, yes. But you know what? Everyone paid attention. I rest my case.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, meat suit mayhem. PETA is enraged after Lady Gaga wears a skirt steak at the VMA`s and on Ellen. So did PETA miss the point?
And the president gives his second annual back to school address but some school districts didn`t show the speech live. Are partisan politics to blame?
Plus, comedian, game show host and relationship expert Steve Harvey stops by.
That and more starting right now.
BEHAR: Well, it`s back-to-school season. You know what that means. Time for some schools in Texas and Colorado to screen President Obama`s speech to children to make sure it`s fit for their ears. Hide your children. I`m about to play a piece.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Nobody gets to write your destiny but you. Your future is in your hands. Your life is what you make of it and nothing, absolutely nothing is beyond your reach. So long as you are willing to dream big. So long as you are willing to work hard. So long as you`re willing to stay focused on your education.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Good thing they screened that because if you play it backwards it`s actually socialist propaganda.
Here with me now are Stephanie Miller, host of "The Stephanie Miller Show"; Steve Malzberg, WOR radio talk show host and columnist for Newsmax.com. Hi Steve, how are you?
STEVE MALZBERG, WOR RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Good, Joy. How are you?
BEHAR: Good.
What is the paranoia about on the right Steve? Tell me what it`s about.
MALZBERG: You can`t ignore what happened last year with the Department of Education put out a directive to schools all over the country on how to handle Barack Obama`s speech last year to kids.
BEHAR: What are they afraid of?
MALZBERG: First of all, they backed off. They must have been -- well, what is who afraid of? What are parents afraid of or what is the Department of Education afraid of?
BEHAR: What are they afraid that he is going to say that is going to be so harmful to children?
MALZBERG: Well, we know that the school wanted the kids to write letters on how they would help Barack Obama achieve his policies. And the Department of Education must have known they did something wrong because when that was discovered, they backed off and they told teachers not to have kids do that.
So you`d have to ask the Department of Education what they did wrong last year that made them change what they did. Look, Barack Obama is the most divisive president we`ve ever seen.
BEHAR: Come on.
MALZBERG: That`s not just me. You can read Doug Schoen and Pat Caddell, two life-long Democrats who wrote in the "Wall Street Journal" a column called "The Divisive Presidency".
BEHAR: You know, can I just say Steve that --
MALZBERG: Sure.
BEHAR: I think that the tipping point for divisiveness was when the Supreme Court said that George W. Bush was the president and not the people -- of the United States. I think that was the moment when the divide began. Don`t blame it on Barack Obama.
MALZBERG: The people of the United States voted. It was the Supreme Court who deciphered the votes.
BEHAR: Oh, come on. They never counted all the votes in Florida. There were more hanging Chads there -- come on.
MALZBERG: You represent a radical leftist view in this country; it`s a very small minority.
BEHAR: And what do you represent?
MALZBERG: I represent the majority of people.
BEHAR: Oh, the moral majority?
MALZBERG: I didn`t say moral. I said look at the polls. He lost all his independent support because he is a radical, divisive figure. Why do you think all the independents have deserted him? White, educated women have deserted him.
BEHAR: What is so divisive about trying to get health care for everybody, about trying to redo the financial situation in this country that he was left with, by President Bush in the previous years --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: By trying to end the war in Iraq which was an immoral war and a political war that had nothing to do with the truth? What is so divisive about that? Tell me that.
MALZBERG: First of all, the Congress has been Democrat since 2006. I don`t know if you know that. But aside from that --
BEHAR: I love how the right wing, they blame the Democratic Congress when it suits your side.
MALZBERG: Well, you say -- well, everybody assumes that the Democrats took over with Obama in `08 and are trying to save us.
The unemployment rate when the Democrats took over Congress was 5 percent. It went up to where it is now under a Democratic Congress. That aside --
BEHAR: Come on. Cut the guy some slack. You see what he inherited. I really have to go. Thanks, Steve.
Let me turn to Stephanie Miller now.
STEPHANIE MILLER, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Why, thank you, Joy. You know, between you being a radical leftist and you playing that Kenyan socialist president of ours I feel like I`m practically (INAUDIBLE) now.
I mean this is -- Joy, this is beyond ridiculous. Do you remember this with any other president in our history?
BEHAR: No.
MILLER: You know, study hard, stay in school. Since when did that become some sort of Communist message?
BEHAR: Also, you know what? I`m old enough to remember the `60s before civil rights legislation. And that was a very divisive time in this country. There was plenty of discord as you might remember also. I don`t know how old you are.
But to say that this is the most divisive time and he is causing it I don`t agree with that -- at all.
MILLER: It`s ridiculous. He is the most divisive president? This is the guy that ran on, you know, we`re not blue states and red states. He was the most inclusive president we`ve ever had.
Joy, you can`t help but know there is something different happening here and there must be a racial component because I have never heard of parents in this country saying they`re afraid of their kids listening to the president.
BEHAR: Right.
MILLER: George Bush talked to our kids. That`s probably why the test scores are so low.
BEHAR: I know. I wonder if he ever finished "My Pet Goat". Do you think he finished the book?
Can I run this? I want to show you this ad that`s running in California against Nancy Pelosi. It`s kind of funny. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Now my pretty I will save you from those evil Republicans.
My first pay $18,000 a month for my downtown office. And then go into massive debt, the Wall Street bail outs.
Here are my monkeys to make you pay for it all.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Step back, everyone.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, I`m melting.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Thank you for saving us. Who are you?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I`m John Dennis. I`m running for Congress.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: I love how he appears in the middle of it. I`m John Dennis.
MILLER: Wow. Is it wrong that I want to pour hot coffee in my genitals just from having been subjected to that?
BEHAR: But does it bother you -- it bothers you because it`s Nancy Pelosi. What if it was Sarah Palin who became the wicked witch? Then you`d find it funny right? Come on.
MILLER: No. I think Republicans and comedy not so much, Joy. That was just loud and long like the party itself.
BEHAR: I have to be honest. If it was Sarah as the witch I would be on the floor.
Ok. Newt Gingrich has been saying nutty things. Ok? He`s talking about how Obama is Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, calling him a con man. What do you make of that?
MILLER: You know, I don`t even know where to start with Newt Gingrich. It`s like first of all he got run out of town on a rail. Now they`re talking about doing the same thing, shutting the government down. It`s like I feel like we should just shut up about it, Joy. Good, do that. Do whatever Newt says.
BEHAR: Right.
MILLER: I mean, it really is -- he`s playing to the birthers, he`s playing to the lunatic fringe, but this guy was the Speaker of the House, Joy. So that`s my point is the lunatic fringe is the Republican Party now. There is no difference.
BEHAR: James Carville was on my show yesterday and he said that the candidates are even more extreme than the voters at this point. I think that`s a very interesting statement. He`s probably right.
MILLER: Well, I got to hope that, you know, a lot of these Tea Party candidates are nothing but good news for the Democrats that, you know, they are nominating, excuse me, unelectable people. It`s just a potpourri of fruits and nuts in my opinion.
BEHAR: I think Obama has to start to really make his case in a more - - he has to be more animated in his case that he`s making and stop being such a gentleman about it and really go out there now. That`s my advice to him.
MILLER: He needs to be, yes, less Samuel Jackson more Ving Rhames I think at this point.
BEHAR: Exactly. I think you`re right. Absolutely.
Ok. Thanks very much, Stephanie.
Up next, steak-gate: PETA is outraged by Lady Gaga`s meat outfit.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up a little later on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW one of the original kings of comedy, Steve Harvey, drops by to talk about family, relationships, and his new gig as host of "Family Feud".
Now back to Joy.
BEHAR: Well, PETA is mad, not Peter, PETA -- the People for Ethical Treatment for Animals is mad at Lady Gaga for wearing a dress made out of red meat to the VMAs. I`m not sure why they`re angry. Gaga is a provocateur for the Grammy`s I hear she`s going to wear a pantsuit made out of hardened arteries.
And why not?
Joining me to discuss Gaga and her gastronomic wardrobe are Jackie Warner, star of "Thintervention With Jackie Warner", Alexis Stewart and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt they are the hosts of "Whatever With Alexis and Jennifer" on the Hallmark Channel.
Did you like the outfit?
JENNIFER KOPPELMAN HUTT, COHOST, "WHATEVER WITH ALEXIS AND JENNIFER": Well, I just --
BEHAR: Yes, sure.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: -- do you think it would have made a difference if it had been pork, the other white meat?
BEHAR: I don`t know. Maybe that would have been better.
ALEXIS STEWART, COHOST, "WHATEVER WITH ALEXIS AND JENNIFER": It wouldn`t have shown up so well on camera.
BEHAR: Right.
JACKIE WARNER, STAR OF "INTERVENTION WITH JACKIE WARNER": And PETA would have been equally upset.
BEHAR: Yes.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Sure.
BEHAR: She appeared on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" yesterday I believe and this is how she explained it. She said, well, oh we`re going to show it, let`s see it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ELLEN DEGENERES, HOST, "THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW": What is the purpose of the meat?
LADY GAGA, SINGER: Well, it`s certainly no disrespect to anyone that`s a vegan or vegetarian. I as you know, I`m the most judgment free human being on the earth.
However, it has many interpretations but for me this evening it`s as if we don`t stand up for what we believe in and if we don`t fight for our rights pretty soon we`re going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: See, It`s symbolic.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: But it`s nonsensical.
(CROSSTALK)
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: It`s ridiculous. She already has meat on her bones. Why does she need additional steak on top of that?
BEHAR: You tell me.
WARNER: Why does she keep using her wardrobe to make these vast statements -- political statements and otherwise? It annoys me, all I can think of is her sitting up at night and watching TV and thinking what can I say now with my outfit tomorrow? And that`s so contrived for me.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: But it`s even more than that, Jackie. What you were saying to me earlier about the statement.
STEWART: Well, she`s -- if the statement is completely unclear from your outfit then you`re not making a statement with your outfit.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Right.
STEWART: She just wants attention. And that`s how she gets attention and it works for her.
BEHAR: -- to name the outfit.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Right.
BEHAR: Doesn`t that show you that it`s not effective -- the Statue of Liberty has a torch to light the way to freedom. It`s clear. Symbol -- symbol right? What is the meat saying? Nothing.
STEWART: It says pay attention to me. It is very clear, actually.
BEHAR: She also has -- she says it`s connected to --
WARNER: "Don`t ask don`t tell".
BEHAR: -- to "don`t ask don`t tell".
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: No it`s not.
WARNER: Ok.
BEHAR: Because their rights are being eroded I guess. That`s same idea.
STEWART: What does that have to do with meat?
BEHAR: That they`ll have no rights left.
WARNER: Except --
BEHAR: But the meat on your bones. Whatever.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: But again, Joy, it doesn`t make any sense.
WARNER: I think people would like to actually see her speak about this. If she got things to say then she needs a forum. She`s got "The Ellen" show to talk about instead of wearing it and certainly maybe give a speech about this as opposed to wearing this.
BEHAR: No but Jackie, look what she does. Let`s give her this much.
WARNER: Ok.
BEHAR: She creates an environment where you are, we are talking about it. So other people can discuss the rights and all the things that she is trying to convey. In a way she`s got a point.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: But I think we`re more discussing how ridiculous it is.
BEHAR: Well, yes, but that`s part of the fun of it but it does bring up the topics.
Now, PETA is mad at her for that. Why are they mad? What do they care? The thing is dead already. It`s a steak.
WARNER: Well, I -- it`s like you do. I agree.
BEHAR: People eat that food. It`s not like a piece of --
STEWART: I think that they consider that to be wasteful.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Unless she was going to take it to --
STEWART: Eating it, they don`t you know, they have a problem with factory farming, et cetera. I think that probably their problem is that she is just going to take that off and throw it out.
WARNER: She is using meat in fashion and things like that it`s not just --
BEHAR: Oh like nobody throws meat away on their plate?
WARNER: Some people wear leather -- you know people wear leather all the time.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: I don`t think they`re happy about that either.
BEHAR: Let`s look at this picture of her at LAX yesterday. Now see this, can you see it?
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Yes.
BEHAR: What statement is she making here?
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Pay attention to me.
WARNER: Look at me. She`s making the statement look at me.
BEHAR: She is going -- she is going through the metal detector. No one stopped her. She is wearing handcuffs on her entrails over there and nobody stops her. I go through with a watch and those lights go off.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Her handcuffs are symbolic of a good time I suppose.
BEHAR: See this is where I think she is really looking for attention in this particular instance.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Yes.
WARNER: Right.
BEHAR: Nobody needs to go -- it`s like she is wearing like showing her underwear.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: The nakedness or the handcuffs?
WARNER: And what statement is she making now?
BEHAR: She is making a statement like wear your underwear in case the plane crashes.
STEWART: Doesn`t she get cold on the plane?
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: I freeze.
STEWART: They don`t mind. They look better if you`re chilly.
BEHAR: I know.
WARNER: She`s fallen, I mean, she definitely hurts herself for fashion. And she has fallen in airports in the boots. I mean, she -- a lot goes on with that girl you know for fashion.
BEHAR: She is a very good singer right? You were just humming one of her tunes which I didn`t realize that was hers.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: She`s a talented girl.
BEHAR: Yes.
Ok, now speaking of talent "Idol" begins its ninth season and Jennifer Lopez is reportedly all set to be a judge and she`s going to be paid $12 million to do it apparently.
And also Jenny from the block is going to be -- Jenny owns the block. Ok? $12 million. So what do you make of that? Do you think that`s true first of all? You girls know this sort of thing.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: No, it would be great if it were true. I don`t know that it`s true. But it`s true.
STEWART: What part is great?
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: That chain money.
WARNER: I don`t think this is good for her career.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Why?
WARNER: No I do not think this is good for her career. Because I still think of J-lo in a certain realm you know and I just -- this is just, she is going to television, she is going to reality show. I -- I don`t know. I don`t think it`s good for her.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Jackie, she has credentials to do this. She was a dancer. She is a singer. She`s an actor.
STEWART: It might be good -- it might be good for their show --
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Yes.
WARNER: Yes, but I don`t think it`s good for her. I`m just giving you my opinion. But I`ll tell you something --
BEHAR: Why? Why would it hurt her really? I mean, it helps all of them. Paula Abdul was a singer and dancer and had a track record and she couldn`t get --
WARNER: I don`t think Paula Abdul and J-lo are on the same level, I don`t know. Maybe I`m still thinking of some of her work in the past but I just think that -- I just don`t think it`s the best decision for her.
But having said that --
BEHAR: Well, because J-lo is also a movie actress.
WARNER: That`s right. And she`s still getting some, you know, some good projects but having said that I don`t think she is the right person for this. What do you guys think? No, I think that we need someone a little more controversial, a little tougher person. I don`t think J-lo is a --
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: I think Steven Tyler is going to be the tough one.
BEHAR: Yes maybe.
WARNER: You think Steven Tyler is going to take -- what`s his name`s place.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: I don`t know. I don`t know anything about Steven Tyler.
STEWART: Did you use to watch "Idol" at all?
BEHAR: I watch "Idol" a lot.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: This past year when Paula was gone it was not nearly what the show was prior to that. There was no chemistry between Kara Dioguardi, and Ellen and I think J-Lo will bring something to the table that wasn`t there.
BEHAR: Good for her. When we come back I want your take on rumors that Lindsay Lohan will be hosting "SNL" again; A reward for bad behavior or what?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with my panel.
Lindsay Lohan has had a very busy few months; first jail, then rehab, then the VMAs. All that hard time she has done could be paying off because the actress is reportedly in conversations with "Saturday Night Live" to host that. What do you think about that? This could be a chance that she has been waiting for to resuscitate her career.
WARNER: I love it. Look, I`m in her corner. She is a young girl. We don`t know what it`s like to grow up in Hollywood in these pressures and constantly having paparazzi. I can imagine it is such a stress and a young girl can`t handle that so I always feel for celebrities that grew up in Hollywood.
But I love it. I think it is the best thing she could do. She`s going to go on and make fun of herself just like she did at the video awards. It`s great.
BEHAR: Yes. It seems like the go-to place whenever they --
(CROSSTALK)
WARNER: It`s a new kind of rehabilitation.
BEHAR: Well, I think of Hugh Grant, remember when he went on Jay Leno?
What were you going to say?
STEWART: It`s good for the show they`re going on. It`s great for that show so of course "Saturday Night Live" wants her. It just makes sense.
BEHAR: But you girls are young. And she`s been in a lot of --
STEWART: Thank you so much.
BEHAR: You`re welcome. You girls are very young and so is she. And she is trying -- I think it`s too soon.
STEWART: Are we old enough to be her mother?
(CROSSTALK)
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: I mean, totally. We`re old enough to be her mother but thanks.
BEHAR: Who? Lindsay`s mother?
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: We are, yes.
BEHAR: Well, that`s young to me because I`m probably her grandmother.
But it seems to me like, you know, she could use a little more smacking around you know, not literally but figuratively in terms of straightening her out before she gets into the business again.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: I don`t think we really know the depths of what is going on and what has really caused it or contributed to it. We don`t really know everything or anything. We know it`s reported. We know the quirky, wacky behavior that`s caught on film.
BEHAR: What do you think caused that? What caused --
She comes from a famous family. She is a famous girl. She has a famous -- doesn`t have a famous mother but her mother is kind of --
STEWART: It`s easier for her to behave the way she does because she is the famous one. So if you`re on a movie set I would imagine you are being told, yes, yes, yes. What can I get you? Then you go home and nobody is there. It freaks you out.
BEHAR: Right.
STEWART: So you have to -- attention is very important good or bad.
BEHAR: I see. We have time for one more thing.
Ok. Michelle Obama wants restaurant owners to start serving less of what customers want and more of what`s good for them. The customers, will they be happy with apple slices instead of French fries? What do you think?
WARNER: We should have that option. And I love it. I`ve always said the government has to get involved. I love what Michelle is doing. It`s about time.
Restaurants are totally irresponsible. We need to know exactly what calories and we have to have better options for people -- have portion size.
BEHAR: Why are the restaurants responsible?
(CROSSTALK)
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Listen, Jackie, if you are the person going to that restaurant all about the fried food and the fattening, high sugar items, you`re not going to choose the apple slices on the menu.
WARNER: We need the option.
(CROSSTALK)
WARNER: We need that option for people that are trying to make the right choices.
BEHAR: That`s true. That`s right.
WARNER: Here is the thing. Wait. There might be one person in a family that`s trying to make the right choice or one child that is obese that`s actually the parents are saying we`re obese too but we don`t want our child to turn out this way.
KOPPELMAN-HUTT: Don`t take them to that place.
BEHAR: Well, they can`t afford it maybe. That`s the problem.
WARNER: That place is America.
STEWART: There are plenty of foods that are very inexpensive that isn`t fattening. I think it`s great. It`s not a bad thing what she wants to do but how about we concentrate on the education of America so they know what the right thing to eat is?
BEHAR: There is something about the fact that poor people are obese and rich people are skinny these days. That doesn`t sit right with me. There`s something wrong with that.
WARNER: There`s plenty of wealthy people who are fat.
STEWART: You can live on a cup of sugar -- you can. And be fat. It`s cheap.
WARNER: Not only that but you didn`t talk about the depression factor.
BEHAR: There is that, too.
WARNER: Absolutely.
BEHAR: Carbs depress me. They put me to sleep -- whatever.
Thanks everybody very much.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I love having comedians on the show. And Steve Harvey is not only a comedian, he`s an author. He is a radio personality and the new host of "FAMILY FEUD." take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STEVE HARVEY, COMEDIAN/AUTHOR/RADIO HOST: In this bad economy what might Santa Claus have to do to one of his reindeers?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Eat one.
HARVEY: Eat a damn reindeer? Kids out here are listening to this show. You set up here and cookin and barbecued the reindeer?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: He`s a very busy man but he`s mine tonight.
HARVEY: Yes.
BEHAR: Hey, Steve.
HARVEY: Hey Joy, how you doing?
BEHAR: Glad to see you again.
HARVEY: Good evening.
BEHAR: We had a nice, long chat when I was sitting in for Larry and now you`re here.
HARVEY: This is your show, here.
BEHAR: My show.
HARVEY: You got your own thing. This has got your name on it. Got an expensive set, producers, people standing around, patting on you and bringing you water, tying your shirt up for you. That was nice.
BEHAR: I love it. It`s better than sex, I`ll tell you.
HARVEY: No it`s not.
(LAUGHTER)
HARVEY: No it`s not.
BEHAR: Better than sex with this group. Oh, they`re upset. Listen, a "FAMILY FEUD" you`re doing which I used to love "FAMILY FEUD" when Richard Dawson used -
HARVEY: Yes, absolutely.
BEHAR: to host it but he kissed everybody. Are you going to do that?
HARVEY: Yes, no I can`t do that.
BEHAR: Look at the pictures in the background. He`s kissing them on the lips. Look at this.
HARVEY: That`s nice.
BEHAR: He needs a lot of Valtrex, you know what I`m saying? That is dangerous.
HARVEY: It`s 2010 now and you can take things home with you now that you can`t get rid of. So --
BEHAR: What do you mean?
HARVEY: I can`t share with other people. This is a new day.
BEHAR: Oh, take things home like that.
HARVEY: I have a wife. Plus she`d shoot everybody.
BEHAR: So you`re not going to kiss them.
HARVEY: No, no. Let`s just shake hands. It`s a family show. It`s OK. I feel the same way as Richard did.
BEHAR: Yes, are you going to have your own family on the show?
HARVEY: Oh, no. I can`t expose my family like that, no. You talking - my kids?
BEHAR: Your whole family, wife, kids, whatever?
HARVEY: The wife and kids could do it. I love them.
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: The rest of my family?
BEHAR: What about that?
HARVEY: No, I would never, ever expose America to the rest of my family.
BEHAR: You wouldn`t.
HARVEY: No way.
BEHAR: Would you ever do a reality show with your family?
HARVEY: No, no. You can`t put cameras in my house either.
BEHAR: None of that. So you are actually a private person.
HARVEY: Well, my career would be over if you put cameras in my house it`s a wrap for me. You really can`t see, you know, child protective services.
BEHAR: I love that you give a lot of relationship advice. You know and I was reading you`ve been married three times so you should know what you`re talking about by now, right?
HARVEY: Yes, yes. You`re supposed to. See the only thing was, Joy, they kind of mislabeled me. They say I`m a relationship expert like a love guru. The only thing I`m an expert at is men. I`m an expert at manhood and how men think. If I could figure out how women think that`s a billion dollars for me. The guy that can write the book on how women think is a billionaire.
BEHAR: Why can`t a woman write the book on how women think?
HARVEY: Because even you all don`t know.
BEHAR: Is that so?
HARVEY: That`s a fact.
BEHAR: Why don`t you ask me a question. Maybe I can answer it.
HARVEY: OK, why not, why are women crazy?
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Because men make us crazy. That`s why.
HARVEY: That`s exactly what you`re supposed to say.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: You know, you say women are crazier than men? Do you think so?
HARVEY: Well I don`t really think they`re crazier. In the --
BEHAR: Yes, what`s your definition.
HARVEY: In my definition of crazy, somebody that goes off the deep end. No, I think guys go off the deep end more. But when it comes to figuring out the predictability between the two species.
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: It is far easier to figure out the predictability of men than women.
BEHAR: Well because they`re simpler in many ways.
HARVEY: True.
BEHAR: Women are complicated.
HARVEY: Very complex. I mean man, there is no -- because you know why? Because you know why, you all base your decisions on emotion. And it`s how you feel that day.
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: You know, I mean I could ask you a question today and you`ll give me an answer. But then tomorrow if we`re in a relationship and I ask you the same question you could have a different answer. I say that`s not what you said yesterday. I don`t feel like that today.
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: What does feeling have to do with the correct answer?
BEHAR: Well, this is why women are different. It`s true. And also women are very, you know, get antsy like I`ll be lying in bed with Steve, my spousal equivalent, and I`ll just say you`re breathing too loud. Stuff like that.
HARVEY: See right there, Joy, Joy. Why is this man breathing too loud?
BEHAR: I realize that`s wrong -- because he just is and I`m trying to watch a foreign film and he`s breathing too loud.
HARVEY: No, No, Joy, Joy.
BEHAR: Yes? Yes?
HARVEY: Breathing is necessary for life. Steve is just trying to hang around. You know, be here for tomorrow.
BEHAR: You mean he`s not breathing too loud on purpose? I think he is.
HARVEY: See right there.
BEHAR: He is trying to annoy me.
HARVEY: What this is, annoying you is the foreign film. Now you want to blame Steve because you`re watching this rotten film.
BEHAR: No, I`m trying to read I need glasses--
HARVEY: Is it a different language?
BEHAR: What you`re saying is I`m not annoyed with him. I`m annoyed with something else. The shrinks have a term for that. It is called displacement. So women do that a lot of times. I`m annoyed with something at work and I`ll come home and yell at you but men do that too.
HARVEY: We all do it. That is very, very true. Because the healthy love relationship in our life suffers usually when we suffer because it`s not really being a mean thing. You are just coming home and you think that you`re sharing with the person you`re closest to
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: When actually you`re not sharing at all. You`re dumping.
BEHAR: Dumping, yes.
HARVEY: You`re just dumping on the poor guy and his name is Steve, too.
BEHAR: We`re together 28 years.
HARVEY: You know I`ve heard this.
BEHAR: But his breathing has increased over the years.
HARVEY: And Joy, Joy, it has nothing to do with you.
BEHAR: No, what do I have to do with his nasal passages? Nothing.
HARVEY: Let`s pose this, the poor guy, this is in defense of Steve, is laying there sleeping.
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: And he`s breathing normal.
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: Then the foreign film comes on. He knows this is going to start ticking you off so Steve`s breathing picks up, any second now. And then right on cue, bam. Why you breathing so hard, Steve? It`s because of the foreign film.
BEHAR: Sometimes I say it in various languages because of the foreign film. If I`m watching a French film I might say it in French.
HARVEY: Oh this got to be -
BEHAR: You know the other thing that people do that`s interesting is, you know, I`m talking to you but I`m annoyed with something. You pressed a button. You pressed a button on me. Why would you press that button? I feel like I`m talking to my father instead of you at the moment. That`s called transference. I love that. So have you to say, this is what I used to do because sometimes I`d see him as my father or my mother. And I would realize it. I`d realize it. And I`d say, you`re my mother right now so don`t take anything I say seriously. Isn`t that good of me? I thought that was very sweet of me. Don`t I get points for that? I don`t get any points for that?
HARVEY: He stayed there 28 years?
BEHAR: Yes. Well, I didn`t give you what he does to me.
HARVEY: He should get a parade down fifth because this is a great guy. I mean, he loves you.
BEHAR: He is a fantastic guy. He is.
HARVEY: Any time you go right now you`re my mother what is he supposed to do?
BEHAR: Well, I used to tip him off and say don`t listen to what I`m saying now. I am being bitchy right because I think you`re somebody else. You know what I`m saying? You don`t get what I`m saying do you.
HARVEY: You know what, no, no -- but if this guy could write a book. He could save marriages across the nation.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Well we`re not married. What do you think about that?
HARVEY: That`s up to you. That`s totally under your control.
BEHAR: All right. When we come back I want to do, I`m going to ask you some questions and we can bat these ideas around a little bit.
HARVEY: The woman has the power.
BEHAR: Yes we do, much more with Steve Harvey on the way.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HARVEY: A famous celebrity who has a big mouth and is not afraid to use it. Darrel (ph)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Steve Harvey.
HARVEY: You had to go there.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HARVEY: Monday night, prayer meeting, Tuesday bible study. Wednesday missionary meeting. Thursday deacon board meeting. Friday young people meeting. Saturday old people meeting. Sunday everybody meeting. My mama made us go to church so much I used to look at my mama sometimes and just say, mama, I`d rather go to hell.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Well that was a clip from the original "Kings Of Comedy" and I`m back with one of its stars, Steve Harvey. Do you still do stand up, Steve?
HARVEY: Oh, yes. I would never give that up.
BEHAR: Me too.
HARVEY: It`s what made us who we are.
BEHAR: I mean, there is a certain way it`s the most stressful part of my career is stand up.
HARVEY: Yes. It`s tough walking out there.
BEHAR: It is.
HARVEY: I don`t think the average person could ever know what this business really is for those of us who have done it.
BEHAR: No.
HARVEY: Walking out in front of a room full of people, most you`ve never met before, they all claim to know you.
BEHAR: All waiting to make them laugh.
HARVEY: They have paid money and have this serious anticipation for you to touch a cord in them that is very difficult to reach in a person you`ve never met before.
BEHAR: It is a lot of pressure. I always feel like they`re dressed and I`m naked.
HARVEY: Yes, that`s a good way to put it.
BEHAR: Yes. Let me ask you some questions we`ve gotten from viewers. First of all, what is the key thing a man needs to know to please his woman would you say besides, I mean, does it include batteries?
HARVEY: You know what? There is no one thing. Here is a golden rule I`ve come up with, you know, from being married.
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: You can be happy or you can be right. That`s it.
BEHAR: Be happy or be right.
HARVEY: When I talk to a guy, I`m, look, you can be happy or you can be right. You can walk in the door and try to win the argument if you want to or you can just walk in the door and have a peaceful day. If you want to win the argument, good luck. Good luck. Good luck, man.
BEHAR: So if you`re having an argument with your wife, what should you do, just say you`re right, dear? You`re right, darling?
HARVEY: Pretty much that`s what it`s going to come down to.
BEHAR: What if she is smart enough to realize you`re just bs`ing her?
HARVEY: That`s OK, that`s all right. As long as she stops. I just want it to stop and have a peaceful night. I don`t care if you think I`m messing you over or patronizing you. I don`t care. Just can we have a nice date?
BEHAR: All right, OK. What is a sure fire way to send a guy running for the hills? What is the thing that women do that men just are repelled by?
HARVEY: You know, if you constantly are looking for a guy to make you happy once the guy feels the pressure that I have to do something constantly to make you happy you`re sitting there, what are we going to do now? How about now? I`m not feeling well. Hey, hey. We`re out.
BEHAR: So make yourself happy. Don`t ask a man to make you happy.
HARVEY: You look for a man who can complete you. Not make you happy. There is a difference. What if you`re already completed?
BEHAR: Then you are cool.
HARVEY: Then like you say, just get the batteries.
BEHAR: You mean complete you sexually you mean? You need that.
HARVEY: Really just complete you however you fill in the blank would complete you. If you`re looking for someone a little more disciplined than you or you want somebody who knows how to, you know, do some of the things that you don`t.
BEHAR: Yes, that you can`t do. I see what you mean. The yin and the yang.
HARVEY: You know you complement him and he complements you.
BEHAR: I got you. What should I do if a friend is having an affair and I don`t approve of it?
HARVEY: If you`re a woman?
BEHAR: Yes. Say a girlfriend of mine is having an affair and I think it`s bad. Or it is b ad for her, bad for the marriage. Should I tell her husband?
HARVEY: Oh, no.
BEHAR: No. Should I tell her that I don`t like it?
HARVEY: Well, if she is including you in it in any way. You know, if it`s -- if he calls, tell him I`m over here, then you are bringing somebody else into your mess.
BEHAR: OK but what if they find out that your girlfriend`s husband is cheating? Your very good friend, your girlfriend? Should you do her a favor by telling her that you know this or should you leave it alone and mind your own business?
HARVEY: Well the golden rule of guys is we never get in that. Now women, I`m said it on my radio show several times. Stay out of it because you don`t know the particulars. You don`t know what is going on. And if they ever put it back together and mend it she is going to blame you and if it breaks up she may blame you for that, too.
BEHAR: Well see, I had an incident like this one time. I saw a friend of mine`s boyfriend sitting with another woman at dinner somewhere. And I didn`t tell her because I thought -- it turned out it was just a business associate and he told me, he said, I happened to see your friend, Joy. And she said to me, why didn`t you tell me you saw him? I said because I didn`t want to get into it. And she said if you see that again I want you to tell me. She was mad at me.
HARVEY: Yes. Women like it that way. Tell me so I`ll know the truth. But guess what? Had you went to your friend.
BEHAR: Yes.
HARVEY: In a suspicious way and went, hey, I just saw him and he was --
BEHAR: Well there was no other way but a suspicious way.
HARVEY: Right. But it was a business dinner. He came for it. Or he is a very, very, well I don`t want to say that. But he is a very crafty guy and he just went to her and said, hey I saw Joy at a business meeting.
BEHAR: Oh, see this is where the men are one step ahead of us. See? You know.
HARVEY: You have to be crafty.
BEHAR: He`s a sneak.
HARVEY: Or you got to go in there and, you know, flip the information.
BEHAR: She did break up with him eventually.
HARVEY: Yes. Because it wasn`t a business dinner. Was she fine?
BEHAR: The other woman or the girlfriend? They were both fine. You say to a Jewish guy, my boyfriend I say how do you look? He says you look fine. You tale black guy, you look fine.
HARVEY: You got to drag it out because this is the up and down. How do you feel today? Fine. How do I look today? Fine.
BEHAR: Exactly.
HARVEY: Right. Because we got to encompass everything. Come on now. Work with us.
BEHAR: Right, that`s right. I need to go out with one of the brothers maybe. No it`s too late. How do I tell my --
HARVEY: It ain`t ever too late.
BEHAR: It`s too late for me. How do I tell my husband he needs to lose weight without hurting his feelings?
HARVEY: No way. You just walk up to him and say you are a fat, sweltering pig and you got to do something about it or I`m going to cut you off sexually.
BEHAR: Oh my god that`s a little harsh. What if you`re a Chevy Chaser?
HARVEY: There is no chance of that but somewhere in my deep dark past I probably ran up into something crazy like that one time at Comedy Club or something.
BEHAR: I don`t agree with you to say that.
HARVEY: You don`t?
BEHAR: Imagine if a husband says to his wife what you just said.
HARVEY: That can never happen.
BEHAR: You fat pig. God forbid. He would be dead. A knife will be found in his heart.
HARVEY: Yes, yes. But you asked me how do you tell your husband. You can`t ease into the subject with guys and we don`t care whether you ease into it or not. Just come on and tell us. That is the difference. You know, that`s the very difference, that is an edge you have. Take advantage of it.
HARVEY: I think you have to be kind though in that way because people have very bad feelings about their weight.
BEHAR: Say, sweetheart, you know, you`re starting to bloat.
HARVEY: Or you can just ask little stuff. Starting to bloat?
BEHAR: You look a little bloated.
HARVEY: Or you can just say, honey? What color is your belt? And if it takes him too long then just go, see? You can`t see your belt.
BEHAR: Oh, you can`t see it.
HARVEY: You can go a little like that.
BEHAR: All right, OK, is it considered cheating if in my mind I`m pretending to be having sex with my secretary while I`m actually having sex with my wife? Someone wants to know.
HARVEY: No, no that`s not cheating at all.
BEHAR: That`s not cheating.
HARVEY: No, not at all.
BEHAR: No.
HARVEY: No. Unless you`re stupid, you`re stupid behind tells your wife that`s what you do and what man living walks into the house and makes that announcement? What breathing guy?
BEHAR: But are you cheating in your mind? You know the old joke, there is a joke that two old people are in bed.
HARVEY: In your mind? Yes, in your mind you`re cheating.
BEHAR: You ever see the joke the husband and wife are in bed trying, so they look at each other, get started, turn around and go to sleep and the husband says to her, what`s the matter? Couldn`t you think of anybody either?
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: OK sit there. We`ve got more on the way with Steve Harvey. Be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HARVEY: Let`s just get this out of the way right now. Bow your heads. Gracious god, our father, please don`t let Steve cuss while he is up here this evening.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: I`m back with Steve Harvey. Steve, here is a good one. I like this question. My husband likes to fall asleep as soon as we`re done having s-e-x but I really like to talk with him for a while afterwards. Any advice?
HARVEY: Yes. Stop. Stop talking. Talk to him before. Give the guy a break. Women, come on, ladies. You know, I want to talk. I want to cuddle. Hell, we hot. We`re hot.
BEHAR: Before or after?
HARVEY: We`re exhausted.
BEHAR: You`re hot?
HARVEY: We almost had a heart attack a minute ago. Do you know that that moment, that actual moment is like a hundred million little heart attacks?
BEHAR: Really?
HARVEY: That`s what that is for a guy. Prince wrote a song about it. It`s like having a hundred million little heart attacks. That`s what it is. And all of a sudden you want to lay there and hug -
BEHAR: Is that what that song is about?
HARVEY: Yes. Like having a hundred little --
BEHAR: What is little red corvette about?
HARVEY: I have no idea. Someone smoking weed on that song right there. I don`t know what the raspberry beret was about. The red corvette. He liked red stuff.
BEHAR: I guess so. Why does it seem like the only guys who approach girls aren`t the ones you want to be meeting? Where are all the good guys?
HARVEY: Good guys are out there but a lot of people have to understand the law of attraction. You attract what you put out. If you constantly say, and this is very true, all I meet is bad guys, the only guys that come up to me are guys I don`t want. Guess what? Well guess what, you put that out into the space. Here it comes. That`s all you`re going to get. That`s the true law.
BEHAR: I see. All right. A lot of these guys, you know, show up without a wedding band but they`re really married. How can you detect if a man is married?
HARVEY: Well, there is a lot of stuff you can do. Let`s go outside. You know if he pulls up in a wooden bag with a swing set on top.
BEHAR: What if he doesn`t?
HARVEY: There`s ways.
BEHAR: What`s the question? Like a little detective work. How would you find out if a man is married? Like if you say to him -- let`s go back to your place and he says, no, let`s go to yours. Right there is a key.
HARVEY: Yes, right.
BEHAR: But then he could be a murder, too.
HARVEY: Yes. We`re remodeling my place, the paint and fumes are crazy. Can I have your home number? Right there. You got to get a home number.
BEHAR: Nobody has home phones anymore.
HARVEY: Yes, a lot of people do though.
BEHAR: But not --
HARVEY: Well, in New York it`s a little bit different but in the rest of America you`ve got to have a home phone.
BEHAR: I agree with you. But a lot of people just have cell phones which is really asking for trouble.
HARVEY: It is. You don`t have a way.
BEHAR: You can`t really trace the guy if he is cheating on you. Yes.
HARVEY: Boy Joy, I don`t see why you have me on for. You can just do the Joy Behar relationship book, quit having your guests on. Because you really are -- he`s cheating and you know he is cheating when he doesn`t have his ring. Something happens. Little hooks in his nose.
BEHAR: I`m going to write the book about what women need to know about you guys because I have a few years under my belt.
HARVEY: Joy, your man isn`t even allowed to breathe heavy.
BEHAR: Yes he is, my Stevie. Anyway, you can catch this Steve, Steve Harvey, hosting the nationally syndicated "FAMILY FEUD." Good night, everybody. Don`t talk after sex.
END
