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Joy Behar Page

Weekend Round Up; Diva Dish

Aired October 08, 2010 - 21:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

ANNOUNCER: Coming up on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, the woman claiming she slept with Ashton Kutcher now claims the actor and wife Demi Moore have an open marriage. Can you manage monogamy like that?

And Joy`s pal, the legendary Broadway star, Patti Lupone dishes about her juicy new memoir.

Plus the sassy and sexy Jenny McCarthy shares her tips on love and sex.

That and more starting right now.

JOY BEHAR, HLN HOST: Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore reportedly have an open relationship, yes, filled with threesomes. That`s what Kutcher`s 21- year-old alleged mistress said in an interview with "Star" magazine.

With me to discuss this and other fabulous stories from the week are Scott Adsit, comedian and actor of "30 Rock"; Deidra Hall, actress and author of "Deidra Halls` Kitchen Closeup" and Ben Lyons, correspondent for the E! Network.

So the girl tells "Star" magazine, the alleged mistress, you know, it`s "Star" magazine so take it with a grain of salt, but there`s a lot of people, even "People" magazine`s getting on this, so their little thing

ADSIT: Even "People".

BEHAR: Well, "People" is a lot more reliable.

ADSIT: You don`t have to tell me.

BEHAR: You know, it`s "Time Life" -- ok. This is the quote. Ashton said he and Demi, I love it, Demi, have an open relationship and have threesomes often. Do you buy this? Do you think it`s true?

BEN LYONS, E!: An interesting marriage in Hollywood that`s not conventional? I don`t buy that.

BEHAR: Don`t they live in New York?

LYONS: It doesn`t matter where they live. They can do whatever they want at home. I think it`s sad that somebody comes out and tries to make a name for themselves off of this.

BEHAR: So you don`t believe it.

LYONS: I don`t know what to believe. It`s their business. I don`t really care. Sure. Who cares? It`s Hollywood. Anything can happen.

I heard a girl once screaming about Joy Behar. True story.

BEHAR: What did she do?

LYONS: There you go -- anything happens in Hollywood.

BEHAR: Oh, the story about me and Karl Rove and the threesome? That`s true.

UF2: I didn`t leak it. I thought you were terrific. Him I wasn`t so crazy about.

BEHAR: But anyway, do you buy it? I`m just curious. You guys are in the media and you know that these things can be untrue.

UF2: Oh, I had an open marriage.

BEHAR: You did?

UF2: Yes.

BEHAR: Seriously?

UF2: I found out about it right before I filed for divorce.

BEHAR: No kidding. Is that true?

LYONS: See how excited joy got?

(CROSSTALK)

HALL: Not true. No. I agree. I think it`s their own business.

BEHAR: I know. It`s not their own business.

HALL: No, not today.

BEHAR: They tweet every move they make these two. It`s not their own business, Deidra. Ok. It`s my business. What do you think, Scott?

ADSIT: I think it`s true. They`re both very attractive people and they have every right to take advantage of that.

BEHAR: Ok. Now, Ashton called the cheating claims defamation of character and they have recently shown a lot of public displays of affection, including tweeting a photo of themselves in bed together on their fifth wedding anniversary. You see what I mean about these? They put it out there. There they are. See them in bed?

LYONS: They probably did something similar for their fourth wedding anniversary. They`ve been doing that stuff like since Twitter began. I don`t think it has anything to do with the recent allegations.

Who is this girl who`s trying to become famous this way? What a dumb way to get your name out there.

BEHAR: Why? It`s a great way. Who is she? She`s nothing.

LYONS: But what do you do after that. All right. So everybody knows that you go around and sleep with Ashton Kutcher. Now what?

ADSIT: Then you get a reality show. Are you blind?

HALL: Ben wants to know so he doesn`t bump into her by accident somewhere.

BEHAR: Well, now, just the men now. Why have an open marriage? Would you like to have that? For what reason?

ADSIT: I`m not married but if that were part of the deal, then sure.

BEHAR: What deal? There is no deal.

ADSIT: If that was part of the vows.

BEHAR: Oh, the vows.

ADSIT: You can sleep with other people.

BEHAR: Then why get married if it`s part of the vows?

ADSIT: You got a good point.

BEHAR: What about you?

LYONS: No. I`m old school when it comes to this stuff. I`m also not married and I believe that if you do take -- choose to take that next step you should be in it for the right reasons and be with just that person.

BEHAR: It`s different for women isn`t it?

HALL: It is different. I want to be loved and adored and cherished and I don`t want to share a tooth brush. I don`t want to share many other things including my husband`s arms when he goes to sleep at night.

BEHAR: Oh, yes.

HALL: And I don`t want to feel those bad feelings of jealousy. That doesn`t feel good to me.

BEHAR: That`s right. The jealousy issue would get me. I would be very murderous.

Ok. Let`s move on. Donald Trump says he is thinking about taking a run at the White House in 2012. Where have I heard this before? Take a look.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP, CHAIRMAN AND CEO, TRUMP ORGANIZATION: I am going to form a presidential exploratory committee. I might as well announce that on your show, everyone else does. But I`ll be forming that effective I believe tomorrow.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEHAR: Ok. That was Donald back in 1999 and he also hinted at a race in 1988. Ok. Why is he such a tease Ben?

LYONS: Every ten years Trump decides oh, maybe I`ll wake up and build a casino or become president of the United States. This is not a popularity contest. Becoming the president of the United States is not something you just decide to do one day.

You have to be qualified for it. And it`s a really important job. And I just don`t think that you put your name on casinos, you then deserve to even toy with the idea publicly at all.

(CROSSTALK)

ADSIT: He just went out there with an exploratory committee. That means that they went out and explored and didn`t find anything. And he stopped. I put out an exploratory committee and turns out I`m not qualified either.

BEHAR: Don`t you think it has something to do with promoting his "Celebrity Apprentice" show right now?

LYONS: Just promoting him in general. He always tries to --

(CROSSTALK)

BEHAR: I would think he`s a shameless PR guy.

LYONS: Come on. He always tries to keep his name in the news and what better way than to form an exploratory committee?

HALL: We had a president who won in this country who was highly charismatic and attractive to people.

BEHAR: Who, Abraham Lincoln?

HALL: No, no. I`m talking about Bill Clinton.

BEHAR: Oh, Bill Clinton.

Well, what about Ronald Reagan, also charismatic and handsome?

HALL: Yes and also won an election. And Donald I find incredibly charismatic, so --

LYONS: Charisma is not a qualification, though, to the most powerful job in the world.

BEHAR: To me he is just as qualified as George Bush Jr. was. I really believe that.

HALL: Thank you.

BEHAR: He was. He is. Maybe more.

What do you think it would like. First of all, do you think -- he`d run as a Republican. What if it was a Trump-Palin ticket?

LYONS: As a Democrat, please bring it on.

BEHAR: Bring it on.

HALL: Bring it.

LYONS: I would love to see that as a Democrat. I would love to see that. Yes. Go for it, guys. Have fun.

(CROSSTALK)

BEHAR: You want to say something? The last billionaire to run was Ross Perot and he fell short. He was short. Might America embrace Don to their bosom more than Ross Perot?

ADSIT: I don`t think America wants a White House that looks like the Vatican. You know?

BEHAR: How does it look like the Vatican?

ADSIT: It will if he goes in and redecorates. It`s going to be all gold and every presidential portrait will be mirrors instead.

BEHAR: Oh, yes. Right. The palace of Versailles like Marie Antoinette; Ivanka would be like the Secretary of State -- his daughter.

ADSIT: Yes.

BEHAR: All right now. Mike Bloomberg --

HALL: I would draw him to my bosom.

BEHAR: You would.

HALL: Yes.

BEHAR: You would draw Donald to your bosom?

HALL: Yes.

BEHAR: How much would you charge him?

HALL: Not a thing.

BEHAR: What about Mike Bloomberg? He hints that he might run.

LYONS: I love Mayor Bloomberg. He does a wonderful job here in New York City. He`s somebody who doesn`t have to take on this job. I think his salary is still a dollar and you see him at the --

BEHAR: He is a billionaire.

LYONS: And he does it because he loves to improve the lives of normal, everyday citizens.

BEHAR: I agree with that.

HALL: Right.

LYONS: He is incredibly qualified and no one from -- who I think has been mayor of New York City has gone on to higher office after that but if anybody could and should, I think it could be Mayor Bloomberg.

BEHAR: Yes. I think he would be great. But it seems as though, you have to have so much money now to run that only billionaires can run for president. That`s kind of sad isn`t it?

What about the little kid who says anybody -- they tell the kid anybody could be president in this country. Lies. Ok.

Todd Palin was ticked off. ADSIT: Can I just break in and say -- Deidra Hall just did hit on Donald Trump?

BEHAR: She did kind of, didn`t she?

HALL: Was it a hit? Ok. Well, I adore him. I was just paying him a compliment.

BEHAR: You would take him to your bosom, she said.

HALL: Well, that was how you talked about the voters. That`s what I meant. Would America take him to their bosom?

(CROSSTALK)

LYONS: Just sit back and hang out. That`s it.

BEHAR: He`s saying you`re weird, Scott. But that`s all right.

HALL: Thanks, Scott.

BEHAR: Ok. Todd Palin was ticked off this week at Joe Miller who is the Tea Party guy who is running for Senate in Alaska. Why? Because he wouldn`t say that Sarah Palin is qualified to be president. So Todd wrote him an e-mail, quote, "Sarah put her ass on the line for Joe and yet he can`t answer a simple question `Is Sarah Palin qualified to be president?` Sarah spent all morning working on a Facebook post for Joe. She won`t use it, not now."

Now, Joe Miller has since said that Sarah Palin is, quote, legally qualified to be president. Ok? That`s kind of a lukewarm endorsement. What do you think about that?

ADSIT: Well, it means that she`s over 35 and American.

BEHAR: That`s right.

ADSIT: And those are very good qualities.

BEHAR: Ok. Especially when they`re the only two that you have.

LYONS: She`s got me beat. I`m not qualified to be president of the United States.

BEHAR: You`re not 35 yet?

LYONS: No, not yet.

BEHAR: All right. Don`t brag about it. I mean, she spent all morning. Hillary would have solved the Middle East crisis by end of morning.

LYONS: All morning on her Facebook post. So crazy when politics and social media and celebrity all converge together.

BEHAR: I like when they turn on each other like that. It`s kind of fun.

Now, let`s stay in Alaska. Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have dueling cameos in two new music videos. Ok? The baby daddy and the mommy.

He is snuggling with a sexy R & B singer in his and Bristol is wearing a mink coat in hers in this clip from Entertainment Tonight that we`re watching. See in the background there? She is wearing a mink coat. Isn`t that directed at PETA? Why is she in a mink coat?

ADSIT: That`s a moose coat.

BEHAR: All right. It`s a moose coat. It`s like they love to kill animals these two. They`re either shooting moose from helicopters or shooting mink --

(CROSSTALK)

BEHAR: -- in their yard. What is that about?

HALL: I haven`t seen the video --

LYONS: I`ve seen the video. And they`re just so desperate for attention.

BEHAR: Is that it?

LYONS: They love the life and whatever it is whether it`s going to Grammys or the Emmys with Kathy Griffin or "Dancing with the Stars" or anything that keeps them on the -- in tips of people`s tongues and around - -

HALL: Yes.

BEHAR: Who has a lower I.Q., do you think, Levi or Snooki?

HALL: Yes and in a shameless self-promotion I`d like to say that my book is available on Amazon.

BEHAR: Ok very good. Thanks, guys. Catch Scott Adsit on "30 Rock" Thursdays at 8:30 p.m. on NBC.

ADSIT: Please.

BEHAR: Up next my friend Patti Lupone has a new memoir. And I`m going to squeeze all the juicy details out of her, in a totally different outfit.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: She`s won two Grammys; two Tonys and was nominated for two Emmys. She is currently in previews for the Broadway run of "Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown" and maybe she can use this segment as a kind of rehearsal. Her new book "Patti Lupone, a Memoir" is out now. With me, the fabulous Patti Lupone.

PATTI LUPONE, ACTRESS: Hi Joy.

BEHAR: Welcome to the show Patti.

LUPONE: Thank you very much, I love your show.

BEHAR: Thank you. You`re watching it at midnight?

LUPONE: I`m watching it at midnight in bed.

BEHAR: In bed, alone?

LUPONE: Well, sometimes with my husband --

BEHAR: Yes.

LUPONE: -- but you know when sometimes he`s someplace else and I`m in bed alone watching you, Joy.

BEHAR: Ok. Now, the memoir is fabulous. It`s very dishy.

LUPONE: Thank you.

BEHAR: But you -- someone told me you left out stuff.

LUPONE: Yes.

BEHAR: What did you leave out?

LUPONE: Well I`m married and have a 19-year-old son. Enough said.

BEHAR: Oh, all those wild days maybe of --

LUPONE: Yes. There was stuff that -- that I couldn`t put in the book.

BEHAR: You couldn`t put in the book.

LUPONE: No.

BEHAR: How old is he, 19?

LUPONE: Yes. He`s going to be 20 on November 21st.

BEHAR: See this is what happens when you teach them to read.

So, now and let me go to a few of the dishy stuff in there. I just worry -- we -- I love the story about Sunset Boulevard about how you found out that Glenn Close was coming in to the show.

LUPONE: Right.

BEHAR: And that Andrew Lloyd Weber -- what did he do?

LUPONE: Well, the whole Sunset Boulevard experience was, the -- the reason it was incredibly devastating was because it was initially incredibly wonderful. It was a wonderful company. And --

BEHAR: A great show.

LUPONE: Yes, well, we were rehearsing in -- in London and it was pretty fabulous. And when it started to go south, it went south in a particularly vitriolic way.

BEHAR: Oh.

LUPONE: And on this side of the Atlantic. Nothing was going on in London.

BEHAR: When you say went south, meaning what? The show was --

LUPONE: Well, the bad press. I was generating unbelievably bad press.

BEHAR: Why?

LUPONE: Well, there are theories from various people that it was generated from London to knock me out of the part so that the Universal group would not have to honor my contract because I was signed on to go from London to New York City.

BEHAR: Oh.

LUPONE: So there was a -- I can`t tell you the kind of -- well it`s in the book -- the kind of undermining I went through. And -- and I was told by my lawyer to stay on the states, because if you don`t they`ll have an excuse not to pay you. And -- and ultimately it`s not worth that emotional expenditure. It`s not worth that.

But it was devastating. The way I found out I was eventually fired, because the innuendoes were I was going to be fired but in London there was no bad press. There -- there were standing ovations every night. We`re going -- what`s going on?

BEHAR: And they don`t do that lightly in England.

LUPONE: No they don`t.

BEHAR: No.

LUPONE: And it was very confusing.

So when -- when I was in my dressing room, 6:30, preparing for the show and I got a telephone call from my agent saying, you`re fired. And I -- I went, excuse me?

BEHAR: Yes.

LUPONE: I didn`t understand it. He said you`re not coming to New York with the show. I said who told you? It was in Liz Smith`s column.

BEHAR: Oh.

LUPONE: And I went wait a minute, wait a minute. They don`t even have the balls to tell me to my face? We have to find out from Liz Smith`s column in "The New York Post" in America? And I`m at the theater preparing for the show? And so that`s when, you know --

BEHAR: Yes. That`s rough, whoa.

LUPONE: It was an -- I left -- left the theater and left London because friends had flown in to visit me -- you know to see the show and my husband and I and our friends went to a pub in New -- it called New Brien (ph), I can`t remember where it was. And -- and --

BEHAR: So is it true that you threw a floor lamp around that night.

LUPONE: I took batting practice with my floor lamp.

(CROSSTALK)

BEHAR: I have -- I have to say, a table lamp is much easier to throw.

LUPONE: Well, this was a cheap one so I could pick it up.

BEHAR: I mean a whole floor lamp. That`s rough.

LUPONE: Well, it`s because it was -- it was you know I was -- I was in shock, Joy.

BEHAR: Yes.

LUPONE: As you can imagine. I was like, and then the rage. Because it was months of this innuendo.

BEHAR: But there`s -- was there any -- any kind of, you know, bad feelings between you and Glenn Close?

LUPONE: No -- no.

BEHAR: Did she -- did she reach out to you and say this is what happened?

LUPONE: No.

BEHAR: No she didn`t?

LUPONE: No.

BEHAR: That doesn`t happen in show business.

LUPONE: No.

BEHAR: It makes you laugh I think.

LUPONE: Maniacally.

BEHAR: So you had to go out on stage knowing all this bad press was going on and this vitriol as you call it.

LUPONE: Yes.

BEHAR: But what about the other time I was reading another thing that was interesting that the doctor told you, you had breast cancer right before you had to go out and do a performance?

LUPONE: Right.

BEHAR: I mean, what did you do?

LUPONE: Well, it --

BEHAR: Right before you went onstage the doctor says by the way?

LUPONE: Well the radiologist, the -- I`m -- I was told, this is what -- you know, I don`t understand the American Medical Association. I really don`t -- and I don`t understand male doctors and female patients. I just don`t get it.

They discovered a suspicious clump on my left breast a year before and told me nothing about it.

So for my routine mammogram when it -- when they said, well, we have an issue and then -- and then that`s when they told me they had seen it the year before. And I go why didn`t you tell me? Dead silence. So my husband and I went in search of breast surgeons and in search of radiologists because they wanted to do a more complete mammogram and the radiologist said, I don`t think you have anything to worry about. It`s a very painful mammogram.

Then I get -- I`m making my Carnegie Hall solo debut and I`m in the Parker Meridian Hotel and I get a telephone call from the radiologist with the bad news I have breast cancer. And my husband was there and I was shocked.

BEHAR: Yes.

LUPONE: And I was sort of dumb-founded. And I hung up the phone. He knew exactly what she had said. And I got another telephone call from Scott Whitman who was my director and I said, Scott, I have breast cancer. He said do you have a sound check? And I went, oh, that`s right. I`m singing at Carnegie Hall tonight.

BEHAR: Well he`s sensitive.

LUPONE: Well, it was the smartest thing he could have said because I didn`t let it overtake my life --

BEHAR: Get out there, get out there and do your thing. The show must go on.

LUPONE: Well but it didn`t overtake my life.

BEHAR: Yes.

LUPONE: In the whole breast cancer experience. I dealt with it. You know.

BEHAR: All right. We`re going to have more with Patti Lupone when we come back in a minute.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: I`m back with the very talented star of Broadway and every other media, Patti Lupone. You know you worked in TV and theater and you`ve worked on movies also. Which medium has the craziest people to work with would you say?

LUPONE: Probably the theater.

BEHAR: The theater?

LUPONE: Yes.

BEHAR: I always feel like they`re the most fabulous, though.

LUPONE: Yes.

BEHAR: They`re fun. And, you know --

LUPONE: But there is -- you know, the theater is the actor`s medium. Television and film are not. They`re the camera`s medium, the director`s medium. And I think that it`s a little duller to shoot than it is to have the spontaneity of the stage. When you go onstage there is an accident waiting to happen or there`s a danger.

BEHAR: That`s right. The theater is in the moment whereas movies in a way are for posterity.

I mean Tony Curtis who died last week, he said that the posterity of a film, he was dining out on "Some Like It Hot" signing autographs for the rest of his life because of that movie.

LUPONE: Right.

BEHAR: So you have to be willing to enjoy the moment.

LUPONE: That`s what I do. Instant gratification and I keep saying that the stage actor only has their performance and the memory of it.

BEHAR: Yes.

LUPONE: You know, that`s kind of wonderful.

BEHAR: That`s wonderful. That`s right. Because that`s what life is basically. You haven`t got the past or the future.

Here are some twitter questions. This is I think -- I like this. "Are you nervous before a performance or do you have the confidence of knowing that you`re so good?"

LUPONE: No. I get stage fright. I get nervous.

BEHAR: Do you?

LUPONE: Yes. Because I don`t want to fail on stage. I want to do the best I can and you -- it`s an elusive thing. You know?

BEHAR: You never know what`s going to happen. It`s like Baryshnikov, is he going to hit that height?

I saw you in "Gypsy" and you were just remarkable in that Rose`s turn part.

LUPONE: Thank you.

Every night. Was it different every single night that you did it?

LUPONE: Yes. There was a basic structure but I get, I`m sure you do too when you do stand up. You get fed by the audience. I`m doing it for the audience and their reaction is half of my performance.

BEHAR: Right.

LUPONE: So, yes. Different every night.

BEHAR: Just the most brilliant performance I thought.

LUPONE: Thank you.

BEHAR: Let`s see. "How do you reconcile and rise up from a disaster?" These are people writing questions.

LUPONE: Well, you just have to. I mean, you can`t let it defeat you. I`ve never been the type of person that wanted to be miserable. I want to laugh. I want to have fun. So I`m always finding my way out of that disaster to sort of, not to sort of, to laugh again, to be joyful and be in awe of life.

BEHAR: Good for you. You have a happy marriage.

LUPONE: I do.

BEHAR: And a lovely son. Do you have any other children?

LUPONE: Just one boy.

BEHAR: Just the one.

LUPONE: I remember the pain of child birth.

BEHAR: They say you forget. That`s a bunch of baloney.

LUPONE: You bet it is.

BEHAR: You do not forget.

One other question, what advice can you give to aspiring actresses or actors in the theater?

LUPONE: To study their craft.

BEHAR: Study.

LUPONE: Study. Study. Study. Then go out and do it.

BEHAR: Is there some part that you never did, a theater part that you would like to do?

LUPONE: There`s a lot of them but I`m too old to do them now. I always wanted to play Ado Annie in "Oklahoma" or Ruth in "Wonderful Town".

BEHAR: Too late huh.

LUPONE: All the second bananas, interestingly enough.

BEHAR: Yes. They have always the best songs sometimes.

LUPONE: Exactly and the comedy.

BEHAR: Yes. I`d like to play Medea from (INAUDIBLE). I`m going to kill those frigging kids.

Come here. Come over here.

The book is "Patti Lupone, a Memoir".

We`ll be back in a minute.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: Jenny McCarthy is a talented actress, a fierce activist and she is also an author. In her new book, "Love, Lust and Faking It," sharing her -- she shares her experience with love and relationships. And he`s here with me now. Welcome to the show, Jenny.

JENNY MCCARTHY, AUTHOR, "LOVE, LUST & FAKING IT": Thank you.

BEHAR: So what`s faking it mean? What do you do? What are you faking?

MCCARTHY: Well you know -- funny you bring that up first, Joy. I`m not really necessarily talking about orgasms. But I do have something to say about those in a moment. But the faking it part is about how women start off relationships kind of in that honeymoon phase.

BEHAR: Oh yes.

MCCARTHY: Everything`s so funny and you`re loving football. And you know you`re fine with his mother. And then cut to two years later and you hit the bitch. So I`m trying to teach women and you know I`m teaching myself also this, that when you enter a new relationship, start of, be your authentic relationship, you know, say it like it is, leave it all on the table. Here I am.

BEHAR: How many women would actually get married if they did that.

MCCARTHY: I think you know what, there might be some longevity to it. Because I think in the first two years that we are faking it, and the guy goes you`re a dream, you`re everything I wanted, and I love you. Then we start getting resentment going, you know, bite me. You don`t even know who I am. Bite me. I haven`t showed you who I really am yet. So I think there is some resentment there so we start off with a clean slate, I think you have a better chance.

BEHAR: Uh well I think that`s write. I agree with you. You were writing this book while you were breaking up with Jim Carrey, right?

MCCARTHY: Well the way you say it, it sounds like I was doing the breaking up. So let me be political and say, you know it was mutual.

BEHAR: It was mutual.

MCCARTHY: But yes during the time we were going through our breakup, I signed the deal before the breakup to do this book. And you know I`m writing it going, oh my god. No matter whose decision it is, there`s still a grieving period. You`re still upset.

BEHAR: It`s horrible.

MCCARTHY: It`s really hard.

BEHAR: It`s the worst.

MCCARTHY: It is but you know what I realize -

BEHAR: How long were you married?

MCCARTHY: I was never married. We dated five years.

BEHAR: Oh same thing.

MCCARTHY: Exactly. We lived together. So it`s like the same thing as getting married. So like sometimes you have to go through painful experiences whether it be like health like my son, or relationships in order to kind of find lessons in it. And maybe teach other people what you learn.

BEHAR: That`s right but did you come clean with Jim when you first met him?

MCCARTHY: No. I was completely a phony baloney.

BEHAR: You were.

MCCARTHY: To the point of laughing at the jokes.

BEHAR: Well he is funny.

MCCARTHY: He is funny.

BEHAR: That was easy.

MCCARTHY: That wasn`t too bad. But still, you know, wanting to be pretty all the time and liking things that maybe I really couldn`t stand.

BEHAR: Like what?

MCCARTHY: You know, whether it be the really common denominator is football season.

BEHAR: Oh yes, I hate football.

MCCARTHY: Oh I love it. Let`s watch the game. And I`m sitting there, going, this is horrible. And then two years later, I`m like, we`re watching football again.

BEHAR: And they`re so dumb. They actually like it.

MCCARTHY: You know we are buying it. You know men are very linear in their thinking. You know my girlfriend told me the best thing ever, which was, my husband can`t read my mind. So I decided to start making him a list of the things I want. If you put it on paper, I need more hugs. Men go, OK. You know and they need that. I think it does help.

BEHAR: You know I want to ask you, you`re very funny yourself and your boyfriend was very funny himself, Jim Carrey. He`s a very talented guy. How does it work when two of you are very funny in a relationship?

MCCARTHY: I think like most comics I know, when you go home, you`re not that funny.

BEHAR: You`re boring.

MCCARTHY: You`re boring -

BEHAR: Just like everybody else.

MCCARTHY: Like you sit on the couch and you watch TV, you read books and you know watch "DANCING WITH THE STARS." it`s just a normal life. And I don`t think -- we didn`t yuck it up too much. For the most part, it was just calm.

BEHAR: I have a guy who`s very funny too. It`s not like we`re competing with each other.

MCCARTHY: No, not at all.

BEHAR: It`s like who gets this side of the bed and who gets to use the bathroom, you know. So did you learn anything from the relationship?

MCCARTHY: I learned a lot. To get into specifics of things that happened, can`t really. But what I learned to do was to take everything I had a problem with, look at it on a piece of paper. And instead of putting he did this, I put "I" in front of it and start to look at all those things we blame our partners for and turned on myself.

BEHAR: Right, oh, it`s so true.

MCCARTHY: It`s so true.

BEHAR: Right.

MCCARTHY: It was unbelievable. I said to myself, I`m not screwing up anymore. I`m going to do this right. And I think you repeat the same type of relationships with a different package if you don`t look back.

BEHAR: Absolutely. The blame list goes right here.

MCCARTHY: Yes.

BEHAR: Otherwise you will never move on. I totally agree with that. Now you were a celebrity couple and in kind of a fish bowl, you were always in the tabloids and stuff like that.

MCCARTHY: A little bit.

BEHAR: There`s a couple right now who`s in that position where everybody`s watching them and thinking they`re breaking up. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. I bring them up because there are rumors about a celebrity breakup. And they are in this celebrity fish bowl.

MCCARTHY: Right.

BEHAR: What would you, if she were here, Demi, what would you say to her right now?

MCCARTHY: That`s a good question, Joy.

BEHAR: I`m glad you think so.

MCCARTHY: I would probably tell her to do some investigating. Maybe don`t be so, you know, opinionated into one side of denial. You want to investigate, see if it`s true. How you do that, I don`t know. But then I would look at myself and go, let me re-evaluate this relationship if it is true. Do I hang in there? Do I leave? I`m not caught up to the latest scandal, but there seems to be so many people talking about it. I know the magazines wouldn`t go so far as to say the things they are without having some truth.

BEHAR: Oh especially "People" magazine.

MCCARTHY: I would tell her to keep digging myself.

BEHAR: Well you know she`s a little bit older than him.

MCCARTHY: Right.

BEHAR: A lot older actually. Maybe that`s an issue. Has that ever been an issue?

MCCARTHY: I dated a man when I was 21. He was 50?

BEHAR: what?

MCCARTHY: Yes, Joy, for four years.

BEHAR: Can we say pedophile?

(LAUGHTER)

MCCARTHY: He might have been 45. But I stayed with him for four years, so he turned 50.

BEHAR: Fifty! What were you so attracted to a man who was 50 when you were 21?

MCCARTHY: Uh I you came out from Chicago. I got on a singles out. It was like on a crazy train. It was what I call, my primetime of the Jessica Simpson. Everyone that goes through that wagon of fame very quickly, and he to me, was kind of a balancing stick. I didn`t want to go out and party. I didn`t want to hit the clubs. I wanted to focus on my career. And I thought this old guy only wants to sit home and watch "WHEEL OF FORTUNE."

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: So what happened then?

MCCARTHY: So we had a great relationship. Four years we played "Scrabble," I stayed out of the tabloids. Then we looked at each other and said, thank you. He`s an awesome guy. I`m still friendly with him.

BEHAR: Is he in a home now? OK tell me about your sexual awakening as a catholic school girl.

MCCARTHY: Oh my god.

BEHAR: Something about a teddy bear.

MCCARTHY: I grew up Irish catholic, all-girl catholic school.

BEHAR: Where?

MCCARTHY: South Side Chicago. Masturbation was considered evil. My friends were talking about it. I was too terrified to even try. But there was a story in my book, that`s why I`m talking about this, I had a teddy bear named Tubby. And he got caught in a certain position while I was trying to shut the window in bed. And Tubby and something spectacular happened in my body.

BEHAR: OK.

MCCARTHY: And I was like, oh my god. Tubby, you are very naughty. And I thought, OK. I will burn in hell. Tubby`s going to burn in hell. So it was his fault as we continued our relationship. The problem was, after a few years, I came home from school one day and my mom had sold Tubby in a garage sale.

BEHAR: Oh my god.

MCCARTHY: And I`m like, the poor - so Tubby`s probably out there drinking and smoking saying, you should see the places I`ve been.

BEHAR: Oh the places I`ve been. One more question. I like that you`re honest about -- shall we wait? OK, we`ll come back in a moment with this question. We`ll be back with Jenny McCarthy in just a moment.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: We`re back with Jenny McCarthy. You know I like that you`re very honest and open about plastic surgery and Botox. First of all, let`s talk about the people who are not. Why aren`t they?

MCCARTHY: I don`t know.

BEHAR: Do they really think that we think that they`re natural?

MCCARTHY: I think they do. I think they really think that if they stick by their story, no one will -- everybody will believe them. The problem is this generation is coming into the botox era. They know can`t get away with it. So it`s the older women like the Nicole Kidmans that - think that is that all right --

BEHAR: Well she`s not that -- Nicole Kidman is not old.

MCCARTHY: But no it`s like the 24-year-olds, the whatever twins, the Olsen twins that are talking about. They are a little bit more open. For some reason, I think the older generation is scared to talk about it, where I`m like, shoot me up.

BEHAR: Well you`re funny but Nicole Kidman is not a funny actress.

MCCARTHY: Right because she doesn`t need to laugh.

BEHAR: Well she does need to laugh. I mean she was married to Tom Cruise, the girl needs to love. I love Tom but come on. But why -- I think the reason they don`t tell sometimes is because they`re afraid of their career. I mean, the men don`t have this issue.

MCCARTHY: No. Men age you know and look better. I think women get a little insecure because their roles disappear.

BEHAR: But do the men really look better? I don`t think so. They lose their hair. I don`t think they look that much better than women. Women can dye their hair, wear makeup, get some shots. We look much better.

MCCARTHY: Yes but the Marlboro man wrinkle thing -

BEHAR: Because they brainwash us into thinking it`s attractive.

MCCARTHY: Yes you`re right.

BEHAR: Anyway -

MCCARTHY: Do you get botox?

BEHAR: Of course.

MCCARTHY: OK.

BEHAR: Yes, I do. I`ve been doing it. I love it.

MCCARTHY: I love it too. You know the key is minimal. Otherwise, it is frozen and you lose -- especially if you`re trying to be funny or comedic. Then you`re like, ha, ha, ha. I talk about one accident in the book it was a botox nightmare where I was doing Megan Mullally`s first episode of her talk show. Remember she had that first talk show?

BEHAR: Megan Mullally?

MCCARTHY: Thank you, I couldn`t remember the name, I`ll be a good talk show host someday. So anyway, I had -- I went to the plastic surgeon and say, do the typical. And by the way, I`m getting this Jay Leno crease in my chin. Oh he said, I could botox it. You are going to botox my chin? He said, let`s give it a try. He shot it up and it froze my whole mouth.

BEHAR: Oh.

MCCARTHY: I was talking like this. So I`m like, oh my god, I have to do the Megan Mullally show. My sister was my makeup artist for 13 years. She said, you are just an embarrassment to the family. I had drool off the side of my face -

BEHAR: It looks like you had a stroke. That`s terrible.

MCCARTHY: It was. It was really embarrassing and I learned a lesson -

BEHAR: What did you have, a cleft in your chin? It was cute.

MCCARTHY: I don`t know. He talked me into it. They`re kind of like drug dealers.

BEHAR: They are.

MCCARTHY: You`re looking a little -- I`m like, what?

BEHAR: The one is higher than the next, you have to watch them.

MCCARTHY: Yes.

BEHAR: OK now, the other thing you said that`s interesting to me is a double dose of HRT gets you horny. First of all, HRT is dangerous.

MCCARTHY: HGH. Human growth hormone.

BEHAR: Oh not HRT. I had HRT down

MCCARTHY: What is HRT?

BEHAR: I guess maybe the mean the IRT or something.

MCCARTHY: Well HGH is a human growth hormone.

BEHAR: HRT, you`re too young for that, anyway?

MCCARTHY: Yes, human growth hormone, I`m not taking. I`m taking progesterone cream. Is that what it`s called?

BEHAR: Oh so it is hormone replace therapy.

MCCARTHY: Yes but I don`t think it`s that one.

BEHAR: HRT is hormone replacement therapy.

MCCARTHY: Oh OK.

BEHAR: So I apologize - I`m going to write that down.

MCCARTHY: But yes, I take a little bit. And my tube was accidentally screwed up. And I talk about it in my book. It made me so incredibly randy, if you will, I was losing my mind.

BEHAR: What is it again?

MCCARTHY: It`s the progesterone. Suzanne Sommers talks about it a lot in her book.

BEHAR: she`s as horny as they come.

MCCARTHY: And you know, I said to myself, my PMS is kind of bad. I like to not get so crazy and swollen. It did help. The problem was the tube was broken and I put too much on and I was seriously humping lamps. And I called my doctor and said, listen, we`ve got a situation here. He`s like, what? I`m like, I can`t walk without going, like, hello.

BEHAR: Really?

MCCARTHY: Yes. He said, well, aren`t you single now? I`m like, that has nothing to do with it. He said, it could be. You are single. I said, I`m not single going, oh my god, look at all these men.

BEHAR: It`s embarrassing.

MCCARTHY: Something happened. We found out I had too much on.

BEHAR: You should bottle this stuff. Call it homage to teddy. You`re a big fan of sex and chocolate.

MCCARTHY: Well eating and sex.

BEHAR: At the same time?

MCCARTHY: Yes. I tried it once. I know. It was Valentine`s Day. I was drunk. But it`s like satisfying two extras at the same time. I don`t know.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: You know this business of "Playboy," you posed naked for playboy. I didn`t even really know that because I don`t read "Playboy."

MCCARTHY: Yes but it was like 20 years ago.

BEHAR: Well tell me about that. Was Hugh Hefner there?

MCCARTHY: Was he it at the shoot, are you asking?

BEHAR: Was he at the shoot?

MCCARTHY: He was not at the shoot. I was working at a Polish grocery store -

BEHAR: A Polish grocery store.

MCCARTHY: Because I`m half polish. We`ll find out why in a minute. But we sold Polish sausage and playboys. I remember sitting there one day going, I can do that.

BEHAR: You could do what, the Polish sausage?

MCCARTHY: I already did the Polish sausage. I dated a few Polish sausages. But the magazine, Anna Nicole Smith was on the cover. I`m like this can`t be that hard. So I went downtown, the Chicago headquarters because they were there.

BEHAR: Yes.

MCCARTHY: And walked in and said how does one go about this. You have to mail in your picture, you can`t just walk in here. Well the executive was walking by and he said, why don`t you come in back and try your bikini - put on a bikini and just take a quick picture because the photographer was doing something. So I said, OK. So I went in, scared to death, took pictures like I was doing a mug shot. And by the time I got home from taking the bus from there, they called me, you`re miss October. So I was like, OK, this is meant to be.

BEHAR: Wow talent meant opportunity. MCCARTHY: The horrific part was though, I didn`t know anything about grooming and everything.

BEHAR: Really?

MCCARTHY: So my the time I went to the shoot, they were horrified by the hairiness that I showed them.

BEHAR: Oh so you needed a - yes.

MCCARTHY: I needed a lawn mower.

BEHAR: Really, that bad? Aren`t you a natural blond?

MCCARTHY: Yes well, it was that, the (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) do not match the (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) but my god, we`re so dirty, what`s going on.

BEHAR: We, we?

MCCARTHY: I guess the book talks about that - you`re pulling it out of me.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: It`s not that hard.

MCCARTHY: I talk about it in the book about how I`m Chicago`s Polish porn star, because I was the hairiest "Playboy" to come through there.

BEHAR: But is that still you, that sexy, funny girl that posed in "Playboy?"

MCCARTHY: You know what, to an extent, I consider to my self - you know I`ve been through so much autism power over time -

BEHAR: Oh yes the autism -

MCCARTHY: You know right now just to talk about this and be kind of cookie and crazy has been such a relief. Because I have been you know, midst of a crusade and fighting for my son and -

BEHAR: You get a lot of criticism though because you keep saying, I think, correct me if I`m wrong, that autism is caused by these shots that kids are getting.

MCCARTHY: I love that you brought it up.

BEHAR: And it`s been disproved.

MCCARTHY: No, it hasn`t.

BEHAR: OK.

MCCARTHY: There has been a case that just happened in London -- you want to go to commercial?

BEHAR: I want to go to commercial, when we come back and then you can tell me everything about it. Stay right there, we`ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: We`re back with Jenny. So continue the autism conversation.

MCCARTHY: Great. Thank you. The whole other side of it likes to say that I am or my side is anti-vaccine. And we`ve said over and over again, even in our March in Washington, greener vaccines. We believe in just a safer schedule and maybe clean out some of the crap ingredients.

BEHAR: Right.

MCCARTHY: But it`s really easy to discount us by saying we are anti- vaccines.

BEHAR: I see, didn`t they say out the Marisol?

MCCARTHY: They take out some of Marisol out.

BEHAR: Really.

MCCARTHY: Yes.

BEHAR: Why do they need it, though?

MCCARTHY: It`s a preservative and I don`t know, we are saying there are tons of other crap - you know aborted fetal tissue is still in there.

BEHAR: Why?

MCCARTHY: I don`t know.

BEHAR: So you are on a crusade to clean it up?

MCCARTHY: Clean it up -

BEHAR: Yes.

MCCARTHY: And space them out a little bit and get off my back saying I`m anti-vaccine when I`m not an idiot. We aren`t mark of parents that know that we need them. I don`t want to see diseases come back, but I also don`t want to see children getting every vaccine that becomes available on the market within a small period of time. Space them out. Let the child develop an immune system.

BEHAR: But a lot of pediatricians are spacing them out.

MCCARTHY: Now they are.

BEHAR: Maybe because you are --

MCCARTHY: Parents are coming in with a voice saying, you know what, my child is my child. Let me have a choice in this and space them out. Does he need hepatitis B in the first day of life--

BEHAR: We didn`t get those. When did this start with all these vaccinations?

MCCARTHY: I don`t know - OK I can tell you in 1983, the shot schedule was ten shots given. Today there are 36 within the first few years of life. So to me, I go geez autism was one in 10,000 in 1983, now it`s one in 60 boys.

BEHAR: Yes, what is that about.

MCCARTHY: That`s huge.

BEHAR: Let`s say it`s not about the inoculation.

MCCARTHY: OK, by the way it`s not about only -- I say -- it`s a big pot, it`s pesticides, it`s the environment, it`s vaccines.

BEHAR: Is it genetic?

MCCARTHY: I call it -- are you genetically vulnerable?

BEHAR: It gets triggered? If you are, uh huh.

MCCARTHY: Yes absolutely. Environment pulls the trigger. What was your question about it?

BEHAR: I was just talking about the different ways that you can explain why autism rates are so high?

MCCARTHY: Oh OK, that`s right, the boys - the boys -

BEHAR: One out of 150 boys.

MCCARTHY: No, it is one out of 60 boys right now.

BEHAR: What?

MCCARTHY: One out of 60 boys will be diagnosed with autism.

BEHAR: Is it real autism full-blown or the Asperger`s continuum?

MCCARTHY: Well, the autism spectrum disorder is, you know Asperger`s autism -- both really hard to have in your life. I mean one isn`t better than the other is what I`m trying to say. But boys seem to be more susceptible. And based on our science, with our doctors and scientist, it`s because boys have testosterone which causes a little bit more binding of toxins. Our estrogen kind of releases it -

BEHAR: Yes.

MCCARTHY: Whereas boys hold on to it a little bit more.

BEHAR: But do they get it after the inoculations or born with it?

MCCARTHY: Well I think the kids that wind up developing autism are coming in genetically vulnerable. So I don`t think they`re coming in with autism. I think they are coming in, you know, like from a scale from one to 10, they are at an eight and they just need two more things to boil the pot over.

BEHAR: That number is astounding, frankly.

MCCARTHY: Isn`t it? I said to myself, I`m going to be sitting here on shows saying, it`s one in 10. Let`s hope I`m a little bit right. If I`m not, I`m screwed. Did you see "Children Of Men" the movie?

BEHAR: No.

MCCARTHY: Well, someone did, too scary.

BEHAR: Too Scary. I love you. You`re adorable.

MCCARTHY: Thank you. Thanks Joy.

BEHAR: The book is called "Love, Lust & Faking It." Good night everybody.

END