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Joy Behar Page
Charlie Sheen Fights Back; Mel`s Career Troubles
Aired November 23, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: The screening methods used by the TSA have come under fire lately but I disagree with naysayers. I think security should be everyone`s number one priority and not just at airports. Are you with security?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW Charlie Sheen says the porn star Capri Anderson tried to extort him to the tune of $1 million and now he is suing her.
Then, growing outrage over new TSA outlines. Joy talks with the airline passenger who turned the expression "don`t touch my junk" into a rallying cry.
Plus, mark your calendars. Prince William and Kate Middleton set a wedding date and book a chapel. Now, who will pick up the tab?
All that and more starting right now.
BEHAR: Charlie Sheen`s one bad night in New York is turning into one bad version of the he said/she said situation. The actor files an extortion suit against his paid dinner date, Capri Anderson, late yesterday after she went to police to lodge a complaint against him.
Joining me to talk about this latest legal move is his criminal defense lawyer, Yale Galanter. Ok Yale. Let`s talk.
In the lawsuit that was filed, Charlie accuses Capri of an attempted shakedown and extortion. Tell me what that`s about.
YALE GALANTER, CHARLIE SHEEN`S CRIMINAL DEFENSE LAWYER: Almost immediately after this incident occurred, Ms. Capri went out and hired a number of lawyers. The first group of lawyers she tried to hire wouldn`t take the case. And they basically tried -- called us and tried to extort us for money, saying that if we didn`t write her a check, she was going to say that Charlie strangled her or verbally abused her, all the things that she didn`t tell the police.
Of course, we`ve known this for weeks. And we`ve been documenting it, knowing that we were going to file the civil suit against them.
BEHAR: Ok. We`re watching some TMZ footage in the background of Capri. What proof does Charlie or do you have of the extortion? Do you have witnesses to that?
GALANTER: Yes. We do have witnesses. They contacted some of Charlie`s other lawyers and some of the other people in the Sheen camp. I was involved in some of it so there are a number of communications, texts, letters, meetings, all having to do with wanting to do be paid off. Otherwise Ms. Capri was going to go to the media with this fabricated story of hers.
BEHAR: I see. So you want us to believe Charlie over Capri because it still is he said/she said at this point?
GALANTER: Well, but it really is, Joy, more than a he said/she said. We now know from her taped interview last night that she definitely did not complain to the police about any physical abuse or verbal abuse.
BEHAR: Right.
GALANTER: We now have that from her own mouth.
BEHAR: All right.
GALANTER: We have her Web site saying she was fine. Wait, hold on -- and additionally we have all of the e-mails that have been released between her and Charlie that are totally of a flirtatious nature. She wants to get together with him again.
So if Charlie was verbally or physically abusive as she claimed, why would she have written things like "sweetie" and "fun" and "let`s get together" and, you know, clearly, not complaining about any of the things she said on "Good Morning America".
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: It doesn`t look good. I`ll admit that. But you know what? This is interesting to me. In the lawsuit it states that Capri stole Charlie`s watch which was worth $165,000. Now, you`ve attacked -- not attacked -- but you`ve let`s say criticized her for not calling the police that night if she had something. Why didn`t Charlie call the police that she had stolen his watch?
GALANTER: Well, we reported the watch stolen to hotel security immediately. I mean, the minute Charlie went to the hospital, we knew that the watch was missing and we did report it missing right away. The other thing I want to say, Joy, and I`m glad I`m finally converting you over to my side.
BEHAR: No, don`t get excited Yale. I know you`re on vacation but I`m not there yet.
GALANTER: The only person who wanted to get out of that room quickly that night was Capri Anderson. You have to ask yourself, why did she want to leave? We believe she had his watch hidden on her somewhere and exited the room with it. I mean that`s what she told friends. So, you know, we`re pretty convinced our lawsuit is on pretty solid ground.
BEHAR: Well, there is a new report that Capri -- I keep calling her Capri -- her real name is Christina Walsh but I like her stage name. She is rethinking her civil lawsuit against Charlie. Why do you think she is doing that? Because of you.
GALANTER: I think she barked up the wrong tree and, you know, I`m very vigilant in my defense of Charlie. You know, Charlie is Charlie. I`ve said to you his bad boy image and everything aside, he really didn`t do anything wrong the night in the room. This didn`t even smell like he did anything wrong.
And we thought it was a shakedown from the beginning and I think they will be rethinking and I wouldn`t be surprised if she goes on "Good Morning America" and recants her whole story.
BEHAR: Ok. All right. Thanks, Yale. Enjoy the holidays. I see that you`re out there in aspen. Have fun.
GALANTER: All right. Can`t wait to see you. Thanks Joy, bye.
BEHAR: Ok. Bye-bye.
Now, Charlie Sheen is not the only celebrity up to his eyeballs in legal drama. Mel Gibson -- another bargain -- was in court yesterday asking a judge to strip his baby mama of custody of their daughter. But even if he cleans up his personal mess he`s got a professional one that`s even dirtier.
Here now to discuss this is celebrity publicist and author of "Where`s My 15 Minutes?" -- I love that title -- Howard Bragman. Hi, Howard.
HOWARD BRAGMAN, CELEBRITY PUBLICIST: Hi, Joy.
BEHAR: Mel wants custody of Lucia saying that Oksana`s public smear campaign is hurting the baby. If he does get custody could that help his image do you think?
BRAGMAN: Absolutely but that`s a big if.
BEHAR: Right.
BRAGMAN: There are a lot of claims on her side and she is really having some of the same issues that Capri does. She didn`t really complain about him until later. She didn`t go to the police.
So this is very sticky legal grounds she`s on. And again, it`s going to be he said/she said unless there is evidence from the doctor`s offices that support her claims.
BEHAR: Well, I don`t know about that but let me just compare the two. Sheen and Gibson both had troubles with their exes as you just pointed out.
BRAGMAN: Right.
BEHAR: But Sheen`s latest involves a paid date whose troubles are more -- which one of them has a worse PR nightmare on their hands?
BRAGMAN: Mel Gibson does. See, Mel Gibson`s always been, not always, but certainly the last decade, has been outside the Hollywood main stream anyway. He doesn`t have anybody on his side. He doesn`t have an agent. He doesn`t have anyone rooting for him except his paid attorneys and his pastor of the church that he owns.
Charlie Sheen as much as -- as much as a rogue as Charlie Sheen is, that`s kind of the Charlie Sheen image and people like that. It`s not very different from the character he plays on "Two and a Half Men".
BEHAR: Well, we have never seen the raging that we saw.
BRAGMAN: No. That`s true.
BEHAR: Howard, let`s go down memory lane for a second and play one of the fabulous recordings allegedly of Mel Gibson from RadarOnline. Let me play it again.
(BEGIN AUDIO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don`t walk -- I don`t walk around in tight clothes. I (EXPLETIVE DELETED) more clothes on.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You go out in public (EXPLETIVE DELETED) embarrassment to me. You look like a (EXPLETIVE DELETED) and if you get raped by a pack of (EXPLETIVE DELETED) it`ll be your fault. All right? Because you provoked it.
You are provocatively dressed all the time with your fake boobs you feel you have to show off.
(END AUDIO CLIP)
BEHAR: Howard, how are you going to -- as a PR agent extraordinaire how would you fix that?
BRAGMAN: Boy, he`s, you know, even the best spin doctor sometimes has terminal patients, Joy. I think this guy is -- this guy has got a lot of trouble. And there is a big difference. If we heard Charlie Sheen`s raging on tape I think it would be a lot worse for him but one thing Charlie Sheen hasn`t done is be racist, be homophobic.
BEHAR: Right.
BRAGMAN: Something that Mel Gibson has been doing for the better part of two decades. So, you know, neither of them has an easy path but Charlie Sheen has a hit TV show, a huge paycheck. He`s got the biggest, most powerful TV network behind him.
BEHAR: Yes.
BRAGMAN: And people want him to succeed. He`s also got some pretty good legal counsel as you just talked to.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: But he`s -- He has ticked off the Jews, the blacks, the homosexual community. I don`t know who else is on the list. The only people he left out are the Asians at this point. So I think that that is the real problem that Mel Gibson has with his career.
As far as the custody situation, I mean I wouldn`t give him custody. I`d be scared to give him custody. He`s a rage-a-holic. He drinks. Why would any judge give him custody of that child?
BRAGMAN: I wouldn`t let him take care of a pet hamster at this point.
BEHAR: Exactly.
BRAGMAN: This guy is, you know, violent. We heard that outburst. Even those of us who heard a lot of these things, Joy, that was scary. It sent chills down all our spines. And he couldn`t even get a bit part in "Hangover 2" without people complaining. He`s got two movies that are unreleasable right now.
BEHAR: Right.
BRAGMAN: This guy has deep trouble while Charlie continues to be on one of the top sitcoms on TV.
BEHAR: Yes. But you can feel sort of for the women in a certain way. I mean, even though they might be gold diggers, who cares if they`re gold diggers? They`re up against these, you know, these men who have big, big issues and they`re powerful and they have a lot of money. I think that`s the real problem.
BRAGMAN: Absolutely.
BEHAR: Howard, always a pleasure to talk to you. Have a very good holiday.
BRAGMAN: Thanks Joy.
BEHAR: All right. More when we come back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up a little later on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, Prince William and Kate Middleton set a wedding date but who will pick up the exorbitant tab?
And Heidi Montag says she wishes she could take back her ten plastic surgeries and go back to the original Heidi.
Now back to Joy.
BEHAR: You know, this week more Americans will be flying than any week of the year, which means more Americans will also be spending a lot of time waiting on line to get scanned, patted down, groped, or God knows what. So at what point do we draw the line and say, enough is enough?
Joining me now to talk about this is Frances Townsend, CNN national security contributor and a member of the homeland security advisory board and Aaron Cohen a former Israeli defense forces counterterrorist commando and author of "Brotherhood of Warriors".
But first I would like to have a word with John Tyner who made headlines after warning a TSA agent not to "touch his junk".
Ok, John, tell us about what happened to you and your junk that day. You`re famous. Go ahead.
JOHN TYNER, WALKED OUT ON TSA SCREENING: Yes. Fortunately nothing happened to my junk. I stopped the officer before he actually laid any hands on me but you can hear on the video that you`ve probably seen --
BEHAR: Well, I`m going to play the video. Shall I play it?
Tyner: Sure, go ahead.
BEHAR: Ok. Let`s listen to what you said to the TSA agent.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And if you would like a private screening, we can make that available for you also.
TYNER: We can do that out here but if you touch my junk I`m going to have you arrested.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Actually, we are going to have a supervisor here because of your statement.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Is there anyone that you did let touch you that day?
TYNER: No, nobody touched me that day.
BEHAR: Nobody did. So by the way, that`s a little -- that phrase has got the life of its own. Have you trademarked it at all?
TYNER: No I have not. I`ve had numerous people suggest it but I think it`s probably a little too late. I`ve seen all kinds of T-shirts and coffee mugs and everything all over the Internet with that phrase on it.
BEHAR: I`m not really up to speed on what happened to you that day. Did you get on a plane or did you not?
TYNER: No. There was some more discussion after that took place and eventually they escorted me out to the ticketing area and told me that I was free to leave.
BEHAR: I see. Now, tomorrow is National Opt Out day where people try to disrupt the TSA by asking for a pat-down instead of being scanned.
TYNER: Right.
BEHAR: Which is very time consuming. Do you support this?
TYNER: You know, I support people`s -- it`s hard for me to say. I support people`s right to go out and, you know, engage in civil disobedience if they think that that`s going to draw attention to this issue. I`m a little concerned that by holding up the lines they`re going to anger passengers at themselves instead of the TSA which is where I think people`s anger rightly belongs.
BEHAR: That`s true. And there could be violence.
Ok, thanks, John. Very much for joining us today. Good to see you.
TYNER: Thank you.
BEHAR: I now want to bring in my panel. Frances, let me ask you a question. Do you think he over reacted, this kid?
FRANCES FRAGOS TOWNSEND, CNN CONTRIBUTOR: Well, look. He has a perfect right to decide he is not going to submit to a pat-down and then he doesn`t get to fly. He gets to make that choice. The answer is, look. The TSA screeners have been given a procedure and told the circumstances in which they can do it.
BEHAR: Right.
TOWNSEND: There are some egregious and outrageous examples that we don`t -- nobody should condone. But if the TSA complies with their own procedures and they`re doing these pat-downs appropriately, I think it`s up to each individual flyer. You can fly and submit to it or you can choose not to submit to it and not fly.
BEHAR: What about the kids?
TOWNSEND: Well, that`s part of the egregious -- look. I think there ought to be an area and an opportunity for people to self-identify that whether it`s for children, people with disabilities, you know, we`ve heard the horror stories with the breast prosthetics woman, the little boy with autism who took his shirt off.
I mean, those families ought to be able to identify themselves, ask for a private area, and get screened privately.
BEHAR: I mean, seven in 10 Americans think fighting terrorism is more important than their own personal privacy. But, still, there are tons of complaints. So, you know.
TOWNSEND: Look, I think what happened here is the government, the administration failed to anticipate, you know, Joy, you and I associate pat-downs with policemen who arrest criminals.
BEHAR: Yes.
TOWNSEND: And it`s a humiliating thing to have done. So it`s unfortunate. I understand from administration officials that they did pilot programs. They pre-briefed Congress. But why didn`t they tell us that? Why didn`t they make this sort of a roll out where they educated people and advocated for their own policies instead of sort of just popping this on people and they were surprised and unhappy and they`re objecting to it.
BEHAR: Right. Aaron, let me ask you a question because I`m very much in awe of the Israeli system. What does Israel do that we don`t do here?
AARON COHEN, FORMER IDF COUNTER TERRORIST COMMANDO: Well, what Israel does, Joy, is they actually deploy what we refer to as a true multi-tiered system, which, unfortunately, has completely been missed, post 9/11. I know that the Israelis were brought to LAX. I personally trained the LAX Police Department SWAT team several years ago when they were putting together their security program. And there is a predicted behavior, a profiling piece missing in this puzzle.
With all due respect to all this money that`s being spent there is a huge gap in the security and it`s --
BEHAR: Well, what do you do? Tell me what you do.
COHEN: Let me give you an example. In Israel our concern, we`re much less concerned about a good guy getting on a plane with a gun as we are a bad guy getting on a plane with no weapons. Here the focus is on weapons where in Israel the focus is on looking for terrorists.
And I want to clear up since I represent the Israeli brand here in the States it`s not an Arab thing, it`s not a black thing, it`s not a Jewish thing. We`re looking for predictive behavioral profiling kind of like at a poker table.
We`re looking for tells way before they ever get to that scanner which is when those passengers are lined up getting ready to buy that ticket and show that identification card all that invested money goes into a highly- trained security agent who begins to ask a series of questions which make those passengers uncomfortable. In those uncomfortable reactions we know if they`re telling the truth or if they`re lying so way before we get to that uncomfortable pat-down and we know Israelis can be aggressive, we`ve already selected who might be a potential red flag.
BEHAR: Ok. Why can`t we do that? Is it possible here?
TOWNSEN: We do some of that. And there had begun -- there was a program begun at DHS during the prior administration of training people to do just that. This is a problem of scale. I mean --
BEHAR: Right.
TOWNSEND: In Israel you`re there two hours before. This is a long process. With the hundreds of thousands, millions of people who fly every year here this is a much bigger undertaking.
(CROSSTALK)
COHEN: Joy, let me cut in for a second. Let me cut in for a second.
BEHAR: Go ahead.
Cohen: I completely disagree. No disrespect to your guest. But we have lost trillions of dollars, Operation Hemorrhage -- which is what these Islamists have referred to 9/11 as -- has put a huge economic dent in our travel which affects our economy right now.
And the fact is if you go to LAX, you go to JFK or LaGuardia you`ll see a hundred TSA security agents standing around twiddling their thumbs as ten of them are patting people down looking for guns and not the real problems. The fact is that money can be used to train these people. It`s not being done.
BEHAR: All right. We`re going to continue this discussion in a minute. Don`t go away.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back talking holiday air travel, security enhanced for your protection.
You know, Frances, Bobby Jindal, LA Governor, he basically said that we should be using information available to us about these people, sort of what Aaron is saying, travel patterns, how the ticket was purchased. Do we do anything like that yet?
TOWNSEND: We do, do some of that.
BEHAR: We do.
TOWNSEND: We don`t do it as much. I mean agree with Aaron. We need to do -- we need to train more people. We need to do more of it because of course if you`re waiting until somebody gets to the screening checkpoint you`ve lost. That is the last point in which you can stop somebody.
And so we do need to share more information, use more information available to us. We`ve got to be careful. Profiling in this country tends to mean racial or ethnic profiling. That`s not terribly effective.
BEHAR: It`s not.
TOWNSEND: Once the bad guys know we do it they move to somebody else.
BEHAR: Also the TSA often telegraphs to everybody what they`re doing next and they usually react to what didn`t work before.
TOWNSEND: That`s right.
BEHAR: So that is an ineffective system I think over there that needs to be re-hauled. What should they do to re-haul? Do they need more money? Do they need more training? I mean are these people in the TSA making enough money? Are they getting the top of the line people? Probably not.
COHEN: Joy, let me tell you what they need --
BEHAR: Go ahead.
COHEN: Joy, let me tell you what I think we can do here. I think it`s pretty simple, it`s no different than the diplomatic department of state out sourcing private security to companies. And I hate to use the term Blackwater but, you know, they were very good until their debacle but the truth is, is that there are a lot of companies and there`s a lot of professionals who are training, virtually trained who can handle that predictive behavior profiling portion.
They need to outsource it because the government --
BEHAR: Do you agree with that Frances -- outsourcing?
TOWNSEND: You can outsource some of it; not all of it.
COHEN: The government is hiding behind that liability card and that`s ok. We understand how those politics work. But the truth is, with the billions of dollars they`re spending right now ultimately at the end we`re going to fail. Everybody in this country knows that the travel isn`t adequate right now. They know these guys are standing around twiddling their thumbs. Until they give that to the professionals and let the professionals handle it there is going to be a problem.
BEHAR: All right. Let me ask you something. What about the threat of terrorists smuggling bombs in body cavities? This is something that`s being talked about right now. Or dogs. I mean, what can you do with that?
The scanners don`t work and the pat-downs won`t work. If somebody is hiding it inside his own body.
TOWNSEND: No, look. We go back in the 1990s the al Qaeda plot called Bojenka (ph) had explosives hidden inside dolls. The answer is, Joy, the frustrating thing is we tend as a country to be protecting against the last attempt.
BEHAR: Yes.
TOWNSEND: I think right now the government is concerned not just by Christmas Day but also the ink cartridges and cartridges in the computers and so the bad guys are clearly moving. So they`re trying to move ahead of them but we`re not very good at it.
BEHAR: Ok. Go ahead Aaron. Last word.
COHEN: I`m going to give you -- Joy, I`m going to give you my Israeli answer. My Israeli answer is if you put somebody with a bomb up their tookus (ph) and he`s standing in front of me I guarantee you I`m going to know that something is wrong with him.
BEHAR: How will you know? How will you know?
COHEN: Because I`m going to ask him a series of questions that are going to make him so uncomfortable and like any other liar he`s going to start to evade and he`s going to start to dodge.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: I would think he would be extremely uncomfortable with something up his tookus.
COHEN: When he gets uncomfortable I`m going to take him and I`m going to take his little tush and I`m going to scan him. And I`m going to screen him with some law enforcement professionals around.
BEHAR: But Aaron you have to admit that -- you know, what do you have -- how many airports are in Israel? How many planes? Two? Ben Gurion and what`s the other one?
COHEN: There`s (INAUDIBLE) and there`s a smaller one near --
BEHAR: I mean really; you`re dealing with a -- on a much smaller scale than the United States. I mean we have so many airports --
(CROSSTALK)
COHEN: But we`re wasting so much money right now.
BEHAR: I know.
COHEN: But Joy, we`re wasting so much money right now. Hey, why not train these guys? The computer`s way better than the machine. The brain is the best computer.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: I know. Ok. It`s a very, very difficult situation. Thank you both for joining me tonight.
We`ll be back in a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: Coming up a little later on the JOY BEHAR SHOW, Heidi Montag says she regrets having undergone ten plastic surgery procedures in one day and now wishes to go back to the original Heidi. And comedian, Pat Cooper, drops by to spread holiday cheer. Now back to Joy.
BEHAR: Mark your calendars. Prince William and Kate Middleton have set a date for their highly anticipated wedding, April 29th of next year, and announced they will wed in Westminster Abbey.
With me now to talk about this and other stories in the news are comedian, Andy Kindler, Galina Espizona, editorial director for Latina magazine, and actor and comedian Hal Sparks.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: So, Westminster Abbey, first of all, don`t they bury people there also? It`s like one-stop shopping.
ANDY KINDLER, COMEDIAN: I got bar mitzvah (ph).
(LAUGHTER)
KINDLER: You know why, because Leonard`s was double-booked.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Now, did you know that April 29th happens to be the date that Hitler married Eva Braun? Just before they killed themselves.
HAL SPARKS, COMEDIAN: Wasn`t he wearing a Hitler outfit a couple of years ago?
GALINA ESPIZONA, EDITORIAL DIRECTOR, LATINA: That was harry.
(CROSSTALK)
KINDLER: That was a joke. I`m Jewish. I would wear a Hitler outfit.
SPARKS: Yes, I agree. But it`s interesting. I think those are probably pivotal days that Hitler was big into the occult and the royal family is well known to like take, you know, seasonal kind of things very seriously. I think that might be that like the 29th is very important. It`s kind of like Chinese New Year or something.
ESPIZONA: I`m going to take a less (INAUDIBLE) of you and just point out that that Monday is a national holiday in Britain, and they wanted to give everyone the four-day weekend. So, it was actually really nice of them to pick that date.
SPARKS: Totally. And the money they`re taking from the taxpayers.
KINDLER: My wife and I got married the day that they tried to assassinate Hitler, on that anniversary. That`s so romantic.
BEHAR: But I`m interested in what you said. You would have put the Hitler uniform on like little Harry because you think it`s funny.
KINDLER: I think, in general, at this point, if I saw Hitler memorabilia at a party, everybody pretends to be Hitler. A lot of Jewish people do.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Don`t you think that the prince of Wales or whatever the hell he is, little Harry, should not be going around with a Hitler uniform?
KINDLER: Not walking around all over town. At the party.
(CROSSTALK)
SPARKS: He wasn`t at Tesco`s, you know, pushing a cart.
KINDLER: I love the royal family.
SPARKS: And again, like everybody is making a big deal because the taxpayers are going to end up paying it. Isn`t that how all royal history is like? I mean, how are they going to have any more future uprisings if they don`t do stupid things like this?
BEHAR: True.
ESPIZONA: And come on, aren`t we all going to watch? I know you`re going to watch.
KINDLER: I`m in love with the family.
BEHAR: But Hitler almost destroyed that country. I can`t get over it. What`s the guy who killed, was in the Oklahoma bombing? What`s his name?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Timothy McVeigh. Would you go to a party dressed as Timothy McVeigh? You know? In Oklahoma? It`s the equivalent to me.
SPARKS: Well, to some degree, except Timothy McVeigh doesn`t have sort of the branding of Hitler and the kind of, you know, unique look. I mean, it`s not really a costume. You just look kind of like a vague bowler or something.
BEHAR: No. Here`s the thing, Mel Brooks gets away with it because he`s Jewish. He can get away with it, but the prince, no.
KINDLER: Yes. You`ve turned me on that one.
(LAUGHTER)
ESPIZONA: He regrets ever saying it.
BEHAR: All right. Let`s see how you deal with this one. In an interview with Fox News last night, Miss Sarah Palin said, she refuses to do another interview with Katie Couric whom she famously accused of "Gotcha Journalism." Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SARAH PALIN, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: A journalist, a reporter who is so biased and will, no doubt, got spin and gin (ph) up whatever it is that I have to say to create controversy, I swear to you, I will not waste my time with her or him.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Andy, is she just afraid of the tough questions like who`s buried in grant`s tomb, something like that?
(LAUGHTER)
KINDLER: No. She`s afraid that she might have to actually read something is what she`s afraid about. And she still has not read, could not name any major publication. So, that`s why she --
BEHAR: She writes books.
KINDLER: I`m looking forward to the second book because the first one was a cliff hanger, wasn`t it?
BEHAR: There`s a new one out.
SPARKS: Here`s the real issues. I don`t know why Katie Couric would need another interview with Sarah Palin because how much deeper into intellectual this curiosity can you go. How incurious do you need to find out she is. You know what I mean? Like dumb only goes so far. Like, I get it. You`re dumb. I don`t need to ask any more questions. We`re through.
BEHAR: I don`t think she`s dumb. I think she`s foxy.
SPARKS: No, no, no. She`s dumb. She`s willfully ignorant. I`m telling you. This is, she`s dumb on purpose.
BEHAR: She`s aggressively dumb.
SPARKS: Yes, exactly.
BEHAR: OK.
SPARKS: She`s from a zone of people who believe that ignorance equals innocence, and the less you know about something, the less you can be guilty of other things. And they just -- like -- this kind of mentality.
BEHAR: Galina, what do you think?
ESPIZONA: She doesn`t read books, but she watches a lot of TV and sees a lot of movies. If you read her new book, every comparison that she makes is to a television show or fictional character which makes sense because she lives in the world of fiction. Bristol Palin is the new Murphy Brown. Interesting comparison.
SPARKS: Really?
ESPIZONA: She goes of on "American Idol" and talks about how untalented the contestants are.
BEHAR: That`s really --
ESPIZONA: Bizarre.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: But, you know, the new book is called "America By Heart" and she compares it to pregnancy film -- "Juneau" is a pregnancy film. She compares -- this is what she says about it. She says the European movie might have had "Juneau" get her abortion in the opening scene. You know, "Juneau" is a movie about the girl who carries the baby to term and has the baby. But, in Europe, they would have given an abortion.
ESPIZONA: I don`t believe Sarah Palin has ever seen a European film.
KINDLER: Every European movie opens with an abortion and closes with an abortion. I was a big fan of the abortion very tame movement that was done.
(LAUGHTER)
KINDLER: She`s never seen a European film. She hasn`t been to Europe. She can`t see Europe from any of her property. She doesn`t know what she`s talking about. She never knows what she`s talking about.
SPARKS: Right. Yes.
KINDLER: She`s an ignoramus.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: OK.
SPARKS: Keep in mind, too --
ESPIZONA: Well, tell us how you really feel.
SPARKS: At the end of "Juneau" she has the baby, gives it up for adoption, hops on her bike and goes for a ride. I don`t know where at what point she`s making this kind of moral equivalency other than -- well, she had it, but then she kind of gave it away and went to the store.
KINDLER: She didn`t see "Juneau" either.
(CROSSTALK)
SPARKS: No. That`s what I mean. She has no idea what she`s talking about.
KINDLER: Her ghost writer saw "Juneau."
BEHAR: She mixes entertainment with morality as what she got.
ESPINOZA: Yes. Everything is fiction.
SPARKS: Yes. Every week on TLC.
BEHAR: OK. Here she says about Bristol is on planned pregnancy. This is in the book. She says - saying, she regrets trusting her daughter that fateful day.
ESPINOZA: That one time.
BEHAR: She says I assumed that Bristol was making only wise decisions while staying with my sister in Anchorage. I kick myself to this day for my selfish assumption. It was a mistake. First of all, I thought all God`s children are a blessing, number one.
KINDLER: Right.
BEHAR: Number two, she throws her sister under the bus.
KINDLER: Yes. Totally.
ESPINOZA: Way to take responsibility, Sarah, for your parenting.
BEHAR: Yes, why is she still kicking herself?
KINDLER: She`s never kicked herself.
SPARKS: No, no. I actually -- I`ve never actually seen a transcript from the "Jerry Springer Show," but I`m guessing that about 80 percent of the book is precisely that. I mean, other than referees and people being hit with, you know, pads and being naked and wrestling, it`s almost exactly like that. It`s just Wasilla nonsense.
KINDLER: But she also says that she assumed that she was making wise decisions. What 17-year-old makes wise decisions? I had my head in the oven as a joke when I was from 14 --
SPARKS: I guess she says -- I guess that`s how she was raised.
BEHAR: And you know, just FYI, she dropped 40 percent of her viewers in her second episode.
KINDLER: Yes, yes, there is a God.
BEHAR: Yes. I mean, how many times can you see a berg in Alaska? I mean, it gets a little boring after a while.
KINDLER: Once. Half of once.
BEHAR: And who wants to go on that cruise either to Alaska? Everyone wants me to go on it. Boring. Where do you shop? I don`t know where to shop.
ESPINOZA: They bring the shopping to you.
BEHAR: Oh, really? I need another --
KINDLER: You dry and brain cure your own pelts.
BEHAR: OK. Finally, Heidi Montag who underwent a whopping ten plastic surgery procedures in one day now says she regrets all the surgeries and wishes she could go back to the original Heidi and live with her grandfather. No.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Now, this girl, a few months ago, she said she had no regrets. Is this a publicity stunt, Galina?
ESPINOZA: Absolutely. I was at "People" magazine, and I did this story with Heidi. She knew exactly what she was getting into. In fact, it was her plastic surgeon who was trying to talk her out of getting --
BEHAR: Who died, by the way.
ESPINOZA: He did die.
BEHAR: He was tweetering or tweeting --
ESPINOZA: While driving.
(CROSSTALK)
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Just saying.
SPARKS: Did he hash tag it? Is it a trending topic?
BEHAR: I don`t know.
ESPINOZA: Let`s get back to this and talk about the fact that Heidi wanted even bigger boobs when she did this the first time around.
SPARKS: Here`s a thing. I have a personal rule. You should only have ten plastic surgeries if your face has been chewed by a monkey. This is the only way to justify ten plastic surgeries.
BEHAR: She says the doctor -- the doctors are responsible for this and he should have told her.
KINDLER: He was tweeting during the operation.
BEHAR: During the boob separation.
KINDLER: I`m sorry because he died. I feel bad now.
BEHAR: Well, yes.
(LAUGHTER)
KINDLER: Have we covered that?
SPARKS: Do we question his judgment?
BEHAR: But you know, these two filed for divorce last August, and now, they`re back together again. Do you smell a reality show brewing here between these two?
ESPINOZA: I think they`re constantly pitching a reality show, and they`re throwing out there anything they think will get them the attention and get them a producer.
BEHAR: Would you watch it?
KINDLER: I would watch it. Maybe the show called "Can We Survive A Huge Jump Off A Thousand Foot Cliff."
BEHAR: Well, Twitter.
SPARKS: Tweetering.
KINDLER: Can we survive that?
SPARKS: A 140 characters of dialogue an episode.
BEHAR: This is evil.
KINDLER: This is getting a little evil. No, I don`t wish bad on them.
BEHAR: No, not at all.
KINDLER: Heidi and Spidey.
BEHAR: But I mean, against the dead doctor.
KINDLER: It`s got to be tough though,. You went there. That`s you. You went there, girlfriend.
BEHAR: I`m sorry. But people should not be texting and driving. That`s all I`m saying.
ESPINOZA: Never.
BEHAR: I mean, they could kill me, never mind themselves.
SPARKS: And clearly, I don`t know what you do if you have nothing else to give the public other than your own kind of purge. You need another reality show. What are they going to do, work it, you know, in bonds now?
BEHAR: That`s it. Looking at bonds. Thank you, guys, very much. Make sure to check out Hal`s stand up DVD "Charmageddon." It`s now available on amazon.com. Coming up next, a comedy legend, Pat Cooper. You, guys, know him. He gives his unique spin on all the TSA pat down drama. You do not want to miss Pat Cooper.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Thanksgiving is a time to pause and to reflect on all of the blessings and good things in our lives. And who better to share those warm, fuzzy feelings with than my old pal, Pat Cooper, comedian and healer? Pat`s new book is "How Dare You Say How Dare Me?" Pat, welcome to my show.
PAT COOPER, COMEDIAN: Well, it`s always nice being here. I`m glad you got another show. One more show and you`ll be paid.
(LAUGHTER)
COOPER: It`s wonderful. You know, I remember you going back a few years and it`s such a nice thing to see how you`ve developed into a nice star. And I love you for that.
BEHAR: Thank you, Pat.
COOPER: And you`re a school teacher and I have had twice the respect. I love school teachers. They`re under paid.
BEHAR: That`s true. So, you were talking about people like hooking you up to the mic and everything.
COOPER: Yes.
BEHAR: You flew here? Did you fly here this week?
COOPER: I flew Sunday to Utica. Nobody flies to Utica on a Sunday.
BEHAR: Utica?
COOPER: Because I volunteered to work. I need the tools (ph) on work.
BEHAR: I know.
COOPER: I fly there -- I don`t mind frisking me but don`t let me wait three hours for an hour flight. Now, to stop the frisking is very simple. Tell the people we`re not going to fly anymore. Now, we`re going to tell the government what are you going to do? You got to stop this nonsense. We`re not going to be held hostage by a bunch of idiots. How dare they do this to us? The dignity of the American people to be patted down and to be told we can touch you here and touch you there.
Everybody in those foreign countries are laughing at us, and we`re sitting (ph) here like a bunch of idiots. Here is what we got to say. A fire cracker you throw in this country, just a fire cracker, you will never have another country. We`re not going to be bullied. I swear you to the public today would say, the man is right. We`re not going to take this. How can you do this?
BEHAR: But I think that that was the approach that George Bush did and invaded the wrong country. So, we have to be a little bit more rational.
COOPER: Don`t bring George Bush in here. I`m talking about -- let`s put -- Abraham Lincoln is dead. Let`s not bring him back. It`s over.
BEHAR: All right. I`m just saying.
COOPER: We are now in a modern world that we are being bullied. You look every day in the paper. Somebody is bullying somebody. Stop it. How do you stop it? The American public says to our leadership, we`re not going to fly. So, it`s up to you --
BEHAR: Well, that would take a lot of organization. I don`t think all these people will get together to say that.
COOPER: You don`t think so?
BEHAR: No. They still want to go to Utica.
COOPER: No, I want to go to Utica.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Well, you`re not the only one, I guess.
COOPER: Yes, I am the only one to go on a Sunday when it was closed.
BEHAR: All right. Now, I have to tell you something. This is a very entertaining book.
COOPER: Thank you.
BEHAR: I really like it. It has the history of showbiz. You got Sinatra in here. You got all the top people in here.
COOPER: Right. I was fortunate to work with all of them.
BEHAR: I know. But, you know, Sarah Palin has a book out today, too.
COOPER: I`m not interested in her. I have my own book to worry about that to go (ph) another programs. Whoopi Goldberg has got a book out. Everybody has got a book out. So man, there was competition. O`Reilly turned me down, went for Whoopi, which is fine. Which is fine. I`m just saying --
BEHAR: But you`re here. Why are you saying O`Reilly turned you down? What do you care? You`re here with me.
COOPER: That`s why I want -- you didn`t give me a chance to say that. I was going to get up and jump.
BEHAR: OK. Don`t jump because you`ll detach yourself from your thing. Now, did you -- do you know who Snooki and The Situation are, Pat?
COOPER: Did I know who?
BEHAR: Do you know who Snooki -- are you deaf? You`re deaf, right?
COOPER: When those people come on television, I go to sleep.
BEHAR: Are you losing your hearing a little?
COOPER: No, no. I read your lips.
BEHAR: Oh, you`re reading my lips. OK.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Do you know - so, The Situation and Snooki, they have a show called "The Jersey Shore."
COOPER: I don`t watch those shows. I`m embarrassed with those shows. They got (INAUDIBLE). There`s a word that would mean -- they are a pain in the butt. All of a sudden, they turn and go round and we make them stars with no talent. I have talent. I`m still doing radio and I got lucky on your show. If he didn`t have the show, I`d be turning fish (ph).
(LAUGHTER)
COOPER: Why is talent turned around being rejected when a bunch of buckle ass (ph) don`t have it and these guys put them on? Why?
BEHAR: Why? Because it`s cheaper than paying a talent.
COOPER: Nobody works cheaper than me. I pay them to go on the show.
BEHAR: That`s true. You will go anywhere, you said, right?
COOPER: That`s why I`m 82 years old. I don`t have time for this nonsense being patted and worried about for girl. I had girls who want to go to bed with me. If I go to bed with you, I sleep. That`s honesty. They don`t want to hear that.
You think I`m not attractive? Listen to me. Bananas I would rather peel than you. They don`t know that. I`m 82. It`s over.
BEHAR: It`s over. Yes.
COOPER: (inaudible). And when I say it`s over, it`s finished, but nobody wants to know it.
BEHAR: What is this?
COOPER: That means it`s dead.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: It`s dead. Now, you`re 82, huh?
COOPER: I`ll be 82 in July. And if I leave the planet, it`s a pleasure. This is why years ago, the Italian people, you say, one day you`re going to die and when you die, there`s no more problems. People are sick to say that. I`m happy to leave.
BEHAR: You are, really?
COOPER: I am so happy to leave. Every day I`m laying in bed, I go and I can say (ph) is it time now? How do I look this way? I want to look presentable. Nobody understands. What are you screwing around for? You`re going to drop dead. Mel Gibson is going like this now. What is that? Got $90 million. Keep going like thumbs up. Sheen is a punk. Not a nice man. He`s a punk.
He has no respect for women. He has no respect for himself, and we give him another 18 million. I`m a nice guy. I came this close to become engaged just to join the crowd. You can`t do that no more. They say be ashamed of yourself. Stay who you are.
BEHAR: Be as sweet as you are.
COOPER: One of my favorite songs.
BEHAR: Now, when you were a kid, were you allowed to speak? Because you are very good with the speaking your mind.
COOPER: Right.
BEHAR: But did they allow you to speak when you were a kid? Because they allowed me to say whatever I wanted. I`m wondering how you were raised.
COOPER: We never were raised "I love you." Come over here.
BEHAR: No one ever said that?
COOPER: Give me a kiss. I love you. My mother never said that.
BEHAR: What did she say?
COOPER: My father never said that. He said how come you`re not working? I said I`m 6 years old.
(LAUGHTER)
COOPER: You know? I said, mom, what do you want? She says -- you know, my father says you have an attitude. Always talked like this with his neck. We never served a soup (ph). Never gave my father soup. I guess, how`s everything. We were raised, there`s no time, we never spoke of sex.
BEHAR: No.
COOPER: But how they taught you, you never realized they were teaching you. They would go around base. Let me explain now. Years ago, years ago you would tell a woman, I want you in my life.
BEHAR: Yes.
COOPER: Please be in my life. I love you, honey. I love you. That`s no more today. Today, sex is numbers. Want to do 37 or 16? We did 16 last week. Let`s go 45 tomorrow. What happened to love?
BEHAR: I don`t know, but let`s find out in the next segment. Stay right there.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
COOPER: Where`s the jacket?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, one of the gypsies took it.
COOPER: Oh, the gypsies took it. Of course, New York has a lot of gypsies. (INAUDIBLE) is a gypsy.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That`s true. I saw --
COOPER: Excuse me. Are you an entertainer? Are you in show business?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, I --
COOPER: Then what am I talking to you for? Jerry --
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was my guest, Pat Cooper, on "Seinfeld." Pat, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?
COOPER: Nothing. I`m going to have lentils.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Do you like them?
COOPER: I`m not a turkey man. I`m not a holiday man. I have a lot of nice friends who invited me over. I`d rather stay by myself, take a nice shower, and lay there and say, it`s over. That`s what it`s all about.
BEHAR: You really believe that it`s over now?
COOPER: Can I tell you something? I swear to you, you have to prepare.
BEHAR: For what?
COOPER: To go.
BEHAR: Where are you going to go after you die?
COOPER: I told my daughter, when I die, cremate me and put me over macaroni. Do not put me over pasta. Pasta is not the name for me. I like macaroni.
BEHAR: Yes, but where do you think you`re going to go when you die?
COOPER: Dust. Nowhere.
BEHAR: You were raised catholic. There`s a heaven. There`s a hell.
COOPER: I was not raised Catholic.
BEHAR: There`s a purgatory.
COOPER: No. Just because you want like this don`t mean you`re a Catholic.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: What were you raised?
COOPER: I was raised to shut up and keep your mouth shut and get out of here and get a job. I`m 12 years old my (INAUDIBLE) when are you going to get your own apartment? Are you people nuts? You have to be on your own. There are no free lunches my father said. You understand? You get nothing for nothing.
BEHAR: It doesn`t sound like he liked you.
COOPER: Who? Nobody liked me. Are you nuts? They thought there was something wrong with me. You aren`t supposed to be funny in an Italian family.
BEHAR: Yes, you are.
COOPER: No. If you sang off key, another Caruso. If you are funny, they say (INAUDIBLE). This is what they said to me. I don`t know what the hell that meant.
BEHAR: So, is this why in the book you are so mad at your family? You`re pretty ticked off --
COOPER: I`m not mad at them. I dislike them.
BEHAR: You hate them, I think.
COOPER: There`s a difference. They don`t understand it. They still don`t understand it. I went on Jackie Gleason, they got mad because they thought I wanted to become successful to hurt their feelings. Who had time to hurt their feelings? I mean, I had problems. All of a sudden, I`m the bad guy. I made a mistake by getting successful.
BEHAR: Weren`t they, at least, proud of you when you told them that you hung out with Sinatra?
COOPER: I never spoke to them. After Jackie Gleason, it was good- bye. That was it. Never saw them. I didn`t see my mother in 40 years, my father 52 years.
BEHAR: Ah.
COOPER: What do you mean, ah? That`s the best thing that happened. I mean, because all they`d do is give me --
BEHAR: But you were like an orphan without dead parents.
COOPER: They passed away. I didn`t go to the funeral because I didn`t see them when they were alive. That`s called common sense. That`s called non-hypocrisy. I don`t want to see them in the coffin. I don`t want to see them when they were walking around because it was (SPEAKING DIFFERENT LANGUATE)
BEHAR: What would you have done if you were not a comedian? What would you have done?
COOPER: I would have killed my mother and father.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: So, you would have been a murderer.
COOPER: That`s probably where I would have wound up. They didn`t get it. They still don`t get it. I got children that don`t get it. It`s all brain washing. I`m the bad guy, but meanwhile, I`m on the JOY BEHAR SHOW. Where are they? they don`t know.
BEHAR: Six feet under. Dead.
COOPER: That`s the difference between me standing up for my dignity, and you read that book, it tells Pat Cooper. You can`t tell him he cannot do this because I do things right and I ask. I say, excuse me. I didn`t mean to --
BEHAR: Because you`re really a good person.
COOPER: What are you the holding book for?
BEHAR: I`m holding we`re going out and I`m pushing the book.
COOPER: This is it?
BEHAR: This is it.
COOPER: You mean, I got on the subway for this?
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Thank you everybody for watching.
COOPER: Thanks, Joy.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Goodnight everybody. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
END
