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Joy Behar Page
The Return of Paula; Betty White Overexposed?; Sex in the New Year; Favre`s Follies
Aired January 07, 2011 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
JOY BEHAR, HLN HOST: 88-year-old Betty White says she is taking some time off. She is concerned that she might be over exposed. Obviously Ryan Seacrest has no such concerns and apparently neither do I.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, from white hot to white out, fearing over exposure Betty White says she is going to go away for a while. Will her legions of fans start another Facebook campaign to get her back?
And Brett Favre is in trouble again. Two former Jets massage therapists are suing the quarterback for sexual harassment.
Plus one NFL coach apparently uses a foot fetish to keep his marriage strong. What other sex tips can couples use to keep things hot in 2011? Sex therapist Ian Kerner has some advice.
That and more starting right now.
BEHAR: Paula Abdul`s new show "Live to Dance" premiered this week and Paula was back to what she does best, lavishing praise on contestants indiscriminately. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PAULA ABDUL, HOST, "LIVE TO DANCE": You have so much joy that comes out of that little face of yours I want to squeeze. I just want to squeeze it.
You are this beautiful, young talent that is going to emerge into the heavens above of greatness.
You two exemplify what it`s like, what dance is like and what it does to your spirit, what it does to your soul, what it does to your mind, what it does to your body, what it does to the entire world.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok. You know, Paula would tell Hitler he was a great speaker and a good organizer. I mean, the woman is Miss Positive.
Ok. Here to discuss this and other juicy stories for the week are Russell Simmons, author of "Super Rich: a guide to having it all"; Rachel Sklar, editor at large for mediaite.com; and Lorna Luft, the lovely Lorna Luft, singer and actress who is appearing at Feinstein`s this week --
LORNA LUFT, SINGER AND ACTRESS: Yes.
BEHAR: -- which I went to see you last night. You were wonderful.
LUFT: Thank you.
BEHAR: Now, Russell, the premiere of Paula`s show scored over 10 million viewers. She can make it without Simon, doesn`t that mean that?
RUSSELL SIMMONS, AUTHOR, "SUPER RICH": It must mean that. But also her performance as we just saw was exciting. It made you feel good. She has that positive spirit and kind of exudes happiness and you like watching her.
BEHAR: Some people say she is ditzy and seems to be drugged on something. What do you think Rachel?
SIMMONS: That could be true, too but we like watching her.
RACHEL SKLAR, MEDIAITE.COM: I think she seems very positive. No, I think it`s so hard to know with Paula Abdul. There is some sort of wacky authenticity about her, so you really -- and it`s the way she expresses it. You feel like it`s coming from someplace, just someplace really big.
BEHAR: What do you think Lorna?
LUFT: You know something, I would rather that, I would rather have somebody be really, really positive and really, really nice than somebody take out, you know, a knife and start stabbing you in the heart. Are those the choices?
BEHAR: Yes.
LUFT: She is a product of Simon Cowell, you know, from the show and she has a whole personality that everybody knows. I love her. I say go for it. I think she`s real.
BEHAR: I was a fan of Simon`s because I am a negative bitch.
LUFT: Really?
BEHAR: Yes.
LUFT: Are you Joy?
BEHAR: I enjoy negativity.
LUFT: I would never know.
SIMMONS: There`s a lot of it on television.
SKLAR: You probably enjoyed it more when contrasted with Paula though.
BEHAR: No. But can I tell you something about comedians which I am a comedian right? Positive is not funny. All right? Let`s just get that straight. Negative is funny. Positive is not funny.
It is good for singers, I think to be positive. Sing out, Louise.
But, you know what? She insists she`s never been drunk. This is something she said this week. And she doesn`t use recreational drugs. But yet she seems like she is drugged sometimes. I have to say it. She slurs and --
LUFT: Joy, if there is a persona, ok, that someone has said, people like to see you say funny, ditzy things and they`re going to pay you a whole bunch of money I will become a ditz and act really strange in front of you in a heartbeat.
SIMMONS: No. But you take on a persona. You have so many characters. We all have everything in us. We have down sides, we have up sides and positive and negative and when people applaud you for being positive, it`s really nice. Then you can take that persona with you and kind of embrace it and I think she has. It comes from her heart.
(CROSSTALK)
SKLAR: You know, dance, it`s big and exciting and you know.
BEHAR: I`m so bored with the whole subject because the woman is annoyingly positive and so are a lot of people on television lately. This is all I`m saying.
SIMMONS: Joy, you`ll love my new book.
BEHAR: Your book is so positive. I read a little of it, the spiritual thing. I could take Deepak Chopra right now and strangle him. That`s how I feel.
(CROSSTALK)
SIMMONS: I`m telling him that.
BEHAR: No, I`m kidding about all this. I enjoy positive, too, once in a while.
Anyway, speaking of that, Oprah Winfrey, another Professor Positive, her new cable network is about to mark one week on the air but some critics are calling the feel good line up a no cynicism zone. That`s the theme of this conversation. Oprah is all about the positive. You know?
SIMMONS: I love that.
BEHAR: Yes. What do you think about her? I guess you`re just going to say the same thing. Let`s move on.
SIMMONS: No, no. I`m going to say -- in reality, I`ve produced my brother`s show and it was so exciting, "Sweet 16". Ok. Here`s what we`ll do. We`ll give her nothing and teach her to be happy and love her family at 16. And we did that and it was a big hit and it was the only show of its kind.
BEHAR: Yes.
SIMMONS: I think that`s really inspiring. You can -- it takes maybe a little more creativity. The fight that I had on my own show, you know, I mean we did all this philanthropic and social and political stuff but the fights to get it in there and people are inspired because it`s a big white thing, inspiration.
BEHAR: There`s a lot of --
SIMMONS: There`s a whole in the market.
BEHAR: Let`s take "Jersey Shore" for example.
LUFT: No, you take "Jersey Shore".
BEHAR: Just saying. I don`t love the show but it`s a very popular show. Jerry Springer has been on for how many years, 30, 40 years?
LUFT: Yes.
BEHAR: All that stuff stays on the air. Can the goody-goody show make it?
LUFT: I think both things can make it. I really, really do because I think that you -- when you come in from work, all right, and you`ve had a really, really, really bad day. And you want to watch someone have a worse day than you`ve had. Then you`re going to want shows that you go, really? Maybe I don`t have it so bad because look at them.
Or you`re going to watch --
BEHAR: That must be my secret.
LUFT: Or you`re going to watch Oprah and she`s positive.
SIMMONS: But the thing is the cheap seats, the cheap seats, very easy, I`m sorry to cut you off. The cheap seats. You can play to them and you turn the channel and you watch somebody get shot in the face. Ok.
And you stand there for a minute but to have something inspiring maybe takes a little more creativity, a little more work but it lasts longer, it`s bigger, it`s more fulfilling and it`s --
BEHAR: Yes. That is why Oprah is such a big star for so many years. She is positive.
LUFT: You know I have watched her show every single day for 26 years. I did. I watched it every single day.
SKLAR: And there you go. This is a business decision.
LUFT: I am a fan. I think that she -- I mean she has a network. She has a network. It`s fantastic.
BEHAR: She is very powerful.
LUFT: She is fantastic.
SKLAR: And the reason she has that is because there is a market for it. It`s not an accident. There was a TV show then they extended it to a magazine, then they extended it to a book club. It is a product that sells.
LUFT: Yes. She`s right.
SIMMONS: She has changed America so much. I call her the queen of consciousness. All of the books that she sold, (INAUDIBLE), 35 million downloaded. It changed the way people think.
LUFT: Absolutely.
SIMMONS: And it affected this country in such a positive way. She helped put the President in office.
BEHAR: I know.
SIMMONS: And you know, -- and she really because of that inspiration she is a hero to me and I think that we need more people on television --
BEHAR: Negative people --
LUFT: But Russell, don`t you --
BEHAR: -- can get people out of office.
LUFT: Well, Russell, don`t you also agree she did one thing that is just extraordinary. She got people to read.
SIMMONS: Oh, yes.
LUFT: With her book club. That was extraordinary.
SIMMONS: I have a new book. She sold my last book. My last book was a best seller the day she mentioned it.
(CROSSTALK)
LUFT: You can`t say anything negative about Oprah. I love her.
SIMMONS: Now, she`s missing.
BEHAR: How about Betty White.
LUFT: We love Betty White also. Right?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Betty White is as hot as can be. She`s 88 years old. She`s as much in demand as Kim Kardashian but she has decided to dial it back in 2011 because unlike Miss Kardashian, Miss White fears over exposure. Do you think she is over exposed? Is there such a thing?
SIMMONS: I`ve been here since dirt. I`m still here. I can`t say anything. I`ve been here for many, many years.
BEHAR: What do you think about over exposure? Does it exist?
SIMMONS: Give me something new and exciting and fun and interesting and (INAUDIBLE). It will stay the same thing again. It`s like you`re not ringing any new bells. You got to go. I don`t think that she is over exposed. I think she is a great actress.
BEHAR: Ok. Lorna, what do you think? Let me ask you a question. Joan Rivers says, never says no to a gig. She always says yes. Will Betty be jeopardizing her career for a comeback if she checks out?
LUFT: There is a big difference between Betty and Joan. Joan is a comedian and I think her documentary was one of the greatest things I`ve ever seen.
BEHAR: Better than Oprah?
LUFT: Of course. But there is a -- there is a desperation because of work drying up for comics. Ok? And there is a desperate thing that comics need to go out and they have to work. Betty has been working steadily since she started. It`s not like --
BEHAR: She is funny, too.
LUFT: Yes. But she is an actor.
SKLAR: She`s amazing.
LUFT: She`s an actor and she`s --
BEHAR: There`s much less work for actors than comedians.
LUFT: But she has worked -- knock on wood -- steadily so I don`t think she could ever be over exposed. I think I go like this. I knock on wood and say thank God she is still working and everybody wants her.
SKLAR: I want her. I want to see as much of her as possible.
SIMMONS: That`s right. Yes.
LUFT: And she`s had an amazing career.
SIMMONS: We all agree on that.
BEHAR: But doesn`t staying out of the spotlight, like Barbara Streisand is not in the spotlight a lot and when she is on television I want to watch her. I keep begging her to come on the show.
SIMMONS: She won`t do it.
BEHAR: She won`t come on this show because it`s not a big enough show I guess. But, I do love her and I would like for her to come on.
I also have been begging Sarah Palin but that`s another story.
SKLAR: Two very different women.
BEHAR: So maybe under exposure, you want more, right?
SIMMONS: She won`t go on your show, Sarah Palin.
BEHAR: Are you kidding?
SIMMONS: I thought she would go anywhere.
BEHAR: I told her I`ll go hunting with her in Central Park, anything, but nothing.
LUFT: Nothing happens.
BEHAR: She won`t come.
All right. I have to go and wrap. Thank you very much, guys.
If you`re in New York catch Lorna Luft performing "Songs My Mother Taught Me" at Feinstein`s through Sunday. She is Judy Garland`s daughter. Those are the songs.
We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Remember this video posted last month by DeadSpin.com? The star of this foot fetish video looks a lot like the wife of New York Jets coach Rex Ryan. So have the coach and the wife found the answer to keeping their 23-year marriage alive? Maybe we should all be looking at our spouse`s feet in a whole new light.
Joining me now with some New Year`s resolutions for keeping our sex lives popping in 2011: sex therapist, relationship counselor and CNN Health`s sex expert blogger, Ian Kerner -- welcome, Ian.
IAN KERNER, SEX THERAPIST: Thank you.
BEHAR: You were on last night.
KERNER: Yes.
BEHAR: And I said I have to have you back because it`s a New Year and a lot of people are complaining about their sex lives.
KERNER: I appreciate that. People really, you know, they don`t put too much energy into their sex life and then, you know, they go off and cheat or something like that.
BEHAR: Well, you know, the thing about it is that in the beginning when you`re really meeting each other and there is a chemistry, you know, better loving through chemistry.
KERNER: Yes.
BEHAR: And then you`re hot for each other and sex is so effortless.
KERNER: Exactly.
BEHAR: You just fall into each other`s arms, you fall into bed and it`s great.
KERNER: Exactly.
BEHAR: And then after a few years of that it`s like what`s for dinner? Where`s the pizza?
KERNER: Yes.
BEHAR: So, what do you think people should do about that?
KERNER: Well, I mean we started off showing this video, you know.
BEHAR: The foot fetish.
KERNER: Yes. Now listen, everybody has fantasies. Everybody has things that they`re into. I mean, when I see this couple I mean -- I think the mistake they made was posting it on YouTube which is very exhibitionistic but it seems like this couple they really enjoy the whole foot worship thing as part of their relationship.
BEHAR: Do you think they enjoy the foot worship or the exhibitionism?
KERNER: I actually think -- I think it`s both. I`m not convinced that he is a foot worshiper per se but I think the exhibitionism if you`re going to do this and then put that on YouTube and exhibitionism is one of the main fantasies that people have. So in some ways they`re just starting -- this couple is just acting out a very, very common fantasy.
BEHAR: What do you mean it`s one of the main fantasies?
KERNER: Well, there are a few very, very common fantasies that both men and women share: exhibitionism, voyeurism, domination, submission, sex with somebody else.
BEHAR: Stop it. You`re turning me on.
But I mean voyeurism I can understand. When you`re driving along and people have their windows and you can see through their window.
KERNER: Sure, the High Line.
BEHAR: Yes. Yes.
KERNER: Wasn`t that a problem over at the High Line Hotel.
BEHAR: Right. People like that and reading magazines and looking at dirty pictures, I guess, is a turn on.
KERNER: People have, you know, people have -- it`s called a love map and it is your unique sexual fingerprint of your desires, your turn ons, your turn offs. And everybody`s different. I think the point is as a couple what keeps you going for the long term is sharing that because you`re right. In the beginning you`re like under the influence. It`s a neuro chemical cocktail.
BEHAR: Yes.
KERNER: It sort of hijacks you. But then after that it`s just the two of us.
BEHAR: Yes.
KERNER: And if you`re not willing to talk and share and fantasize together what`s left?
BEHAR: Wow. But that`s hard for people to do.
KERNER: Well, you know, it is really hard. I have a little secret. I tell somebody. I always say tell your partner when you wake up, say, you know, I had a really sexy dream about you last night. I don`t know what my unconscious was up to but it was hot. When you sort of blame it on your unconscious or you blame it on your dream you`re not going to be so easily judged by your partner. Then you just fill in a fantasy.
BEHAR: That`s a good idea.
KERNER: But you know the brain --
BEHAR: So, you don`t say like I had a really sexy dream about you. We were out for dinner. You don`t say that.
KERNER: No, you go for --
BEHAR: You say you were doing this to me and that to me. I was doing this to you.
KERNER: Yes. Yesterday when we were talking, everybody makes a whole thing about how you have to have a great relationship and you do have to have a great relationship and holding hands and kissing and hugging. All of that is really important but that doesn`t in the end really make sex hot.
BEHAR: No.
KERNER: If you really want to make sex hot -- it`s not about acting out your fantasies -- it`s about the brain being the biggest sex organ and starting to talk. Opening their mouths and starting to really share stuff.
BEHAR: But if you`re shy, you`re not the type of person to do that I think that`s really difficult to do.
KERNER: That`s when you have that really sexy dream last night.
BEHAR: I would start laughing.
KERNER: You know what? The nice thing is too once you start talking a little bit, an also --
BEHAR: How about alcohol?
KERNER: Sure. Sure.
BEHAR: Let`s say you have a couple martinis. Then maybe the lips could get loose.
KERNER: Too many can lead to, you know -- then you need some -- the guys need some Viagra, some Levitra --
BEHAR: I`m not saying he has to drink it.
KERNER: Right. But alcohol -- yes alcohol lowers your inhibitions. Have a drink. Also the thing that lowers your inhibitions is foreplay so the more you actually like fool around with your partner and engage in foreplay the more those hormones and that neuro chemical cocktail kicks in the more your inhibitions lower so you can also incorporate sort of the --
BEHAR: What do you suggest as a good foreplay thing?
KERNER: As a good --
BEHAR: What`s a good foreplay thing?
KERNER: I think these days what is amazing is in our whole post "Sex in the City" world, you can walk into -- I went to buy mouth wash the other day and right across there are vibrators from Trojan and Toys, there are arousal gels.
BEHAR: You went to buy what?
KERNER: Mouth wash. Mouth wash at -- where was it?
BEHAR: Dwayne Reed.
KERNER: Dwayne Reed --
BEHAR: Really.
KERNER: Right across from the mouth wash. Arousal gels from KY, sex toys from Trojan. So you really just have to go out and buy some mouth wash and there is some inspiration right across the aisle to you.
BEHAR: So it`s just shopping. It`s more shopping. That`s a turn on. That part of this conversation.
KERNER: Well, then there are some high end places too.
BEHAR: What about these fetishes? Is there any fetish that -- what if he likes one fetish you like another fetish?
KERNER: Well, you know, fetishes are not a problem as long as you`re not affected by it and your partner is not affected by it. There are plenty of, you know, foot fetishes for example -- it`s actually called foot partialism because you`re partial to a certain body part.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: No, really, is that what it is?
KERNER: People are partial to a certain body part and feet happen to be the most common. And it might have a lot to do with, you know, men tend to suffer from fetishes more than women. It probably has a lot to do with their first sexual experiences or their first erotic memorable experiences. Somebody could have a foot fetish because he was watching his mom putting on panty hose when he was very young and it created a sexual imprint.
BEHAR: So, should you bring booties into the bed?
KERNER: What do you mean?
BEHAR: Like baby booties to remind him. Hey this is -- no.
KERNER: I think, you know, go for a foot massage.
BEHAR: A foot massage.
KERNER: A foot massage with some pressure points and -- you know, I mean my wife might be very happy if I was a foot fetishist because then she`d get a great foot massage out of it.
BEHAR: Every woman would like a foot fetishist for a husband. I think so. Don`t you? We`re going to talk about this just a little bit more when we come back.
Put down those vibrators. We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with sex therapist Ian Kerner and we`re talking sex resolutions for the New Year. What are you top three resolutions?
KERNER: I think try to have sex once a week. You know, I think, you know, too many couples complain that they`re too tired for sex, you know, it falls to the bottom of the to-do list. But when you stop having sex, your relationship really becomes vulnerable. When the sex goes, you know, you become roommates and a lot of couples end up cheating.
I think it`s like just the way you go to the gym or make sure you have time to have breakfast with your kids you have to make time for intimacy.
BEHAR: Even if you`re not in the mood. All right.
What is the number two?
KERNER: The number two I think is have a positive relationship. You know, I think the difference between couples who succeed and fail both in the bedroom and out of the bedroom is the ability to have positive interactions to each other.
BEHAR: Don`t call each other names and say you`re stupid and you`re an idiot.
KERNER: Don`t call each other names and you know, try to don`t come home and just talk about the bills and your stress.
This is an interesting one for this economy. One of my resolutions would be in 2010 I saw so many couples cutting back on vacations, movies, dinners, hiring babysitters. I would say invest a little in your relationship. Go on that date night. Go on that vacation. Because you know what is much more expensive? A divorce.
BEHAR: That`s true.
KERNER: And you know what? If you don`t invest in your relationships -- I would say this tough economy, it`s going to be here. It`s not going away but your relationship has to survive.
BEHAR: Ok. Number three?
KERNER: Number three I would say the intimacy outside of the bedroom. There was a study done that showed that if you hug your partner for 30 seconds or more especially in women it raises oxytocin levels which is the cuddle hormone. So just taking time for a 30-second hug with your partner could help to get you in the mood and get you more connected.
BEHAR: Just 30 seconds?
KERNER: Thirty seconds raises oxytocin levels in women. In men it takes closer to a minute.
BEHAR: Should you time it?
KERNER: Well, no. You shouldn`t be like hugging and --
BEHAR: Ok. Here is a Twitter question for you. "How can I help to make my husband last longer in bed? Signed, Mrs. Hefner." No, kidding. How can I help my husband?
KERNER: I want to say it`s almost a whole segment in itself because premature ejaculation is the number one sex issue facing men much more so than erectile disorder. It`s not just a question about what can he do to last longer. We`re going into an age where this issue might become medicalized just as there is Viagra for erectile disorder, we might be looking pretty soon at a pill for premature ejaculation.
BEHAR: It`s interesting that they can come up with medication for men, but nothing for women. Why is that?
KERNER: Yes, women -- you know --
BEHAR: Is it because men push it?
KERNER: I think that`s one thing. There`s a lot more research that`s done into male sexuality. But you know, Pfizer spent millions, hundreds of millions of dollars trying to come up with a female Viagra and I think in men desire and arousal is a little more interlinked. So you know, you pump some blood to a guy`s genitals, he sees something sexy and bang he`s starting --
BEHAR: Bang, he`s there.
KERNER: -- he is ready to go.
BEHAR: And with a woman.
KERNER: You know, with a woman I think they found that much more comes down to the relationship components, how she feels about a person, whether or not she likes the person she is about to sleep with, whether she is secure and comfortable.
BEHAR: Do you suggest -- do you suggest that women watch pornography? It`s mostly male kind of pornography.
KERNER: I think it`s something that`s worth exploring as a couple together or on your own.
BEHAR: Or just a romantic movie can do it.
KERNER: What`s that?
BEHAR: A romantic movie can do it. You ever see "Ryan`s Daughter"? That is a hot movie, or the sailor who came in from something with Kris Kristofferson. Sarah Miles -- she was a hot number. Netflix those.
KERNER: I will. I will.
BEHAR: Those will probably do.
KERNER: I will, tonight, with my wife when we make time.
BEHAR: And like, you don`t want to watch "I Love You, Man" if you want to have sex.
KERNER: No.
BEHAR: You know what I mean? Watch some of these hot movies.
KERNER: You`re right. Too much of the porn is male-oriented and not female-oriented.
BEHAR: That`s right.
Ok. Thanks very much, Ian.
KERNER: You`re welcome, Joy.
BEHAR: We`ll be back after a quick break.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Quarterback Brett Favre`s football career may be ending, but his legal troubles just beginning. Two female massage therapists for the Jets are suing Favre and his former team claiming he sexually harassed one of them in 2008 and that both lost their jobs as a result. The Jets say the case is completely without merit.
Here to discuss these new allegations and why celebrity athletes seem to have this pattern of bad behavior are Bethany Marshall, psychoanalyst, Lisa Guerrero, chief investigative correspondent for "Inside Edition," and Elizabeth Eilender, attorney and who represents the massage therapists, Christine Scavo and Shannon O`Toole. Welcome to the show. Elizabeth, let me start with you. Now, your clients claim that Favre sexually harassed them with these alleged texts.
ELIZABETH EILENDER, ATTORNEY TO THERAPISTS FILING SUIT AGAINST BRETT FAVRE: That`s correct.
BEHAR: OK. The texts were these. Brett here. You and Crissy want to get together? I`m all alone. And, kinda lonely tonight. I guess, I have bad intentions. Now, since when are e-mails sexual harassment and maybe he`s just looking for a date?
EILENDER: You know what, Joy, the reality is this is more than just a mere flirtation. The flirtation in the workplace goes on between people, and we`re all adults. But what happened here constitutes harassment because of the retaliation that my clients suffered as a result of this in that the Jets no longer called them for work after the husband of Ms. Scavo called Brett Favre to complain and call him on it.
BEHAR: I see.
EILENDER: So, when you lose your job, that`s retaliation and adverse job action. It`s more than just --
BEHAR: What does the Jets say the reason they dismissed the girls?
EILENDER: The Jets didn`t give a reason.
BEHAR: They didn`t give a reason.
EILENDER: The massage therapists come when they`re called or when the training camp or when the players needs massages. And so, what happens was after this blow-up with Favre, they weren`t called again. And so, what happen was this gall when all these issues arose with the Jets, the representative on behalf of the Jets is Lisa Ripi, woman --
BEHAR: Right.
EILENDER: Who we`ve also sued --
BEHAR: Her job is to coordinate the massage program.
EILENDER: That`s my understanding.
BEHAR: because I find it very interesting. I mean, he had these big burly football players, why don`t they have big burly massage therapists, guys?
EILENDER: I can`t speak for them. Maybe, they want women to massage them. I don`t know. But what she did was she worked -- my understanding is she coordinated with the trainers. And she had the massage therapists and made arrangements for the women to come in.
BEHAR: OK. Now, the Jets say that your clients never reported the allegations at the time, and that the suit has no merit now because it happened in 2008. Why file now?
EILENDER: First of all, they did complain. They complained to Brett Favre to stop the harassment, but it wasn`t until this past fall when they realized that they had been retaliated against and why they weren`t getting work.
BEHAR: Why, they were working since 2008?
EILENDER: Not for the Jets. Not for the Jets.
BEHAR: Oh. So, what do you mean they realized it? How did they realize it?
EILENDER: When Lisa Ripi who worked and coordinated for the Jets was calling them and texting them and saying keep your mouth shut. You`ll never work for the Jets again. My clients put two and two together and realized they had been harassed.
BEHAR: OK. All right. Now, Lisa, let me ask you something. You know Favre. Why do celebrity athletes supposedly behave like this? What is this about? I mean, I`m not saying they all do. Someone just pointed out to me that somebody like Peyton Manning -- well, I don`t even know who these people are but someone told me. Peyton Manning is a football player who has a pristine record. So, not all football players act like this. Is this a Jets problem?
LISA GUERRERO, CHIEF INVESTIGATIVE CORRESPONDENT, INSIDE EDITION: First of all, you point out somebody like Peyton Manning who`s very different than Brett Favre. Peyton Manning is a golden boy. Brett Favre is a good ole boy. So, these kinds of allegations in the long term aren`t going to hurt somebody like Brett Favre who`s a rough and tumble kind of guy you`d go have a beer with not a martini.
So, for women to allege that he has sexted them or texted them inappropriately, believe me, joy, in 50 years, when sports historians write about Brett Favre, there will be no mention of a Jets hostess nor two masseuses. They`re just going to say he is one of the greatest NFL quarterbacks that ever played the game. It won`t hurt his image at all. Yes, not in a long run.
BEHAR: Will you agree with that?
EILENDER: I totally disagree. And in fact, I think it`s going to compromise his first round of being inducted into the hall of fame. I think it`s appalling that Brett Favre as well as other professional athletes get away with this type of conduct. This is not limited to the Jets, Joy. I think it`s pervasive throughout the league and all men`s professional sports.
BEHAR: Well, it is the Jets. I mean, the foot fetishes we spoke of earlier. Rex Ryan is in the Jets. This Ines Sainz, I believe her name is, she was harassed in the locker room. That`s the Jets. It`s always the Jets. What`s up with the Jets? When you`re a jet, you`re a jet
(LAUGHTER)
EILENDER: You stole my line. You stole my line. I was going to use that.
BEHAR: I mean, what is it with them?
EILENDER: I can`t speak for them. I think, you know, my husband is a Jet fan.
BEHAR: Yes.
EILENDER: So, we`re house divided at this point.
BEHAR: It`s football. But this is in the locker room. This is off camera. Bethany, you`re a therapist. What do you make of all of this behavior? These just bad boys or what is -- one question, somebody has to answer this. Why do they always ask for female masseuses?
BETHANY MARSHALL, PSYCHOANALYST: Well, we think we need to look at this through the lens of sexual harassment and acting out behavior. What is that? What is that the person who -- the man who harasses a woman usually has endless wish for reassurance. They want to have power over the woman. They want to neutralize feelings of rejection. They want to reassure themselves that they`re at the heart of the woman`s attentions.
We saw this with Tiger Woods. All of those women that he texted and called incessantly, he wanted to know where they were, what they were doing, and were they thinking of him? OK. So, let`s look at the totality of this man`s career. Did he have an insatiable desire for reassurances in other areas? My understanding is that he kept threatening to retire, made his team pursue him, and constantly reassure him that he was wanted.
He`s doing the same thing with these women that he did with his teammates. It`s the exact same thing. And I think, in certain professions, there is a socially based narcissism. Narcissism is when you feel unique, above reproach. You play by your own rules instead of the rules of society. And you want your needs met, expectations without appropriate achievement.
BEHAR: Yes. That`s true, but the Jets hierarchy is looking the other way, in this case. It seems to be like oh, these are just boys will be boys. And so, boys will act whatever they can get away with they`re going to do. I mean, so, it`s not just a psychological issue here.
EILENDER: But also, if it`s a matter of narcissism, then, they need to get into counseling. They shouldn`t be harassing women in the workplace and forcing women to lose their jobs.
BEHAR: Well, nobody is going to put them in counseling, Elizabeth, as long as they`re kicking that ball.
EILENDER: That`s right. That`s right.
BEHAR: Go ahead. I`m sorry.
GUERRERO: That`s OK. Joy, I was just going to say we`ve got to get real for a second. I think that people are -- there`s a big difference between sexual harassment and flirting. I was a sports reporter for 14 years. If I threw out a lawsuit on every guy that flirted with me or asked me out on a date, I could have retired a rich woman. Maybe, I should have done that, but I didn`t. If you`re a female in sports, you`ve got to understand that you`re going to get a certain amount of attention.
Now, you know, I can`t speak about the masseuses. I never met them personally, but I can talk to you about, you know, the game of football in general because I was around it for so long. And I think that, you know, we`ve got to make a real big distinction between sexual harassment and flirtation.
BEHAR: OK.
GUERRERO: Are we, as a society, taking these kinds of things too seriously?
BEHAR: What`s the difference, Bethany?
MARSHALL: OK. The difference is very important. Flirting is when you let someone know they`re wanted. Sexual harassment is when you use, you relate to them on the basis of an inequity of power, all right? So, if these women were afraid of losing their jobs or getting into trouble, that is sexual harassment and you made the point of why don`t these guys go to counseling and that this is not just character logical because the profession sanctions it, but there is such a thing as socially reinforced narcissism.
So, the culture in which you find yourself makes you narcissistic. And look, these guys are paid millions of dollars to play a little kids` game, but we`re turning them into little kids. This is a case of arrested development.
BEHAR: OK. Arrested development.
GUERRERO: Let`s don`t paint them all with one brush.
MARSHALL: No, not at all.
GUERRERO: I married a professional athlete. So, let`s be very careful about what we, how we disparage people.
BEHAR: Remember the Peyton Manning moment --
GUERRERO: There you go.
BEHAR: OK.
GUERRERO: Good man.
BEHAR: St. Peyton we`ll call him from now on. Thanks, guys.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: If your 5-year-old son only wanted to wear dresses would you let him? Cheryl Kilodavis had to ask herself that question after her son, Dyson, decided he`d rather wear a dress than pants, and she said yes. Joining me now are Cheryl Kilodavis, author of "My Princess Boy," a mom`s story about a young boy who loves to dress up and her son, Dyson. Welcome to the show, Dyson and Cheryl.
CHERYL KILODAVIS, AUTHOR "MY PRINCESS BOY": Thank you.
BEHAR: So, Dyson, have you always liked wearing dresses?
DYSON KILODAVIS, LOVES TO WEAR DRESSES: Yes.
BEHAR: You`re 5 years old now. When did you first put a dress on?
DYSON KILODAVIS: At -- I don`t know, it was my birthday.
BEHAR: How old was he?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: About -- a little before two.
BEHAR: Before two?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Yes.
BEHAR: And you just wanted to wear a dress, not pants or shirts like the other boys. Aha. And you didn`t originally want him to do that, right?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: I wasn`t sure. I mean, normal reaction, redirect.
BEHAR: Redirect.
(LAUGHTER)
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Go to the trucks. Right.
BEHAR: Think of another idea.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Right.
BEHAR: Yes. But, you were happy when mommy said it was OK, right?
DYSON KILODAVIS: Mm-hmm.
BEHAR: Yes. Because then you could be yourself. You didn`t have to pretend to be what you didn`t want to be, right?
DYSON KILODAVIS: Mm-hmm.
BEHAR: Are you sleepy?
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: OK. So, now when you decided, Cheryl, to let him wear the dresses when he was 2 or 3 years old, what did your husband think of that?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: You know, his reaction was fantastic. We have an older son, Dacobi (ph), who`s 8 now. So, they`re about 3 1/2 years apart, and Dean, when I called him, when it initially happened being in a public display of things, he was fantastic about it. He just thought, this is great. He`s got a passion. He`s interested in fashion.
BEHAR: Wow.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: And I thought, that wasn`t what I was expecting to hear, but --
BEHAR: That must have been a relief.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: It was a relief. I felt -- when I first made the call, I thought, you know, not only am I kind of thinking about it, but what`s he going to think?
(LAUGHTER)
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Dyson is really excited.
BEHAR: He`s excited. He`s just smiling and smiling and smiling. I think that`s really great that your husband was onboard with it because it could have been a little bit of a problem with you and your husband.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Yes, absolutely. And, you know, my husband and I talk about everything, and we actually have a lot of family meetings as the family, so --
BEHAR: Aha. Let me ask you something, Dyson. I mean, do you want to be a boy or a girl? What do you want to be?
DYSON KILODAVIS: Ahm, a boy.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: A princess boy is what he said.
BEHAR: A princess boy?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Yes.
BEHAR: OK. So --
CHERYL KILODAVIS: So, he is, you know, we went to doctors and did a lot of, you know, we went originally because I wanted to make sure that he wasn`t unhappy. And so, we did, you know, pediatrician and psychologist and psychiatrist.
BEHAR: What did they tell you?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Verdict is he`s a happy and healthy child.
BEHAR: Yes.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: And so, you don`t need to over support, you don`t need to over be negative about it.
BEHAR: What about school?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: School has been fantastic. The part of that is because I`ve been talking about it. So, I`m really -- this book is very important because the conversation is what`s going to help us move to a place of acceptance.
BEHAR: But I mean, when he goes to another -- what about the kids in the school? Do they tease him?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: You know, he`s had some laughing and some, you know, looking or saying like at the park somebody might say, you can`t wear pink. You`re a boy. And Dyson`s response, remember your response to people?
BEHAR: What do you say when somebody says that?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: They say something like that, if they say I don`t like you in a dress, what do you say?
DYSON KILODAVIS: You`re not my friend.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: You`re not my friend.
BEHAR: You`re not my friend.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: So, until you like him as he is, then, he says we can be friends.
BEHAR: Right.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: And so --
BEHAR: So, you`re not concerned about any kind of bullying that could happen in years to come, let`s say?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: You know, absolutely. We`re all concerned about that. But I don`t think that our job as parents are to constantly sit up, you know and control our children. We`re guys. And, you know, when you get to a point where you`re vocal enough to say what you like and what colors you like and what you`re interested in, then, you know, I think it`s our job to help them.
BEHAR: I don`t know if it`s the colors or the dresses that could cause the bullying.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: It`s probably a little bit of both, but quite honestly, anybody that is expressing themselves differently chooses to be different, stands out a little, or feels different --
BEHAR: That`s true.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Is going to get some sort of piece of that. So, Dyson likes to draw. Are we going to stop that because he has a creative end?
BEHAR: Of course not.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Of course not. So, again, this is a book about acceptance and the point of me coming forward, it took us a year as a family to decide to go public.
BEHAR: Yes. Why did you decide to go public?
CHERYL KILODAVIS: You know, it was my older son really kind of -- he was the one who turned me around. We were shopping for Halloween costumes and Dacobi wanted to be a ninja turtle. Dyson wanted to be Cinderella in a blue dress. And I was calling my husband and trying to figure out how to address this, how to make it into a lady bug or butterfly and Dacobi looks at me and he says why can`t you just let him be happy?
BEHAR: I see.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: And really, when your, you know, 6-year-old at the time says that, you`re kind of like, you know? You`re right. Why can`t I let him be happy?
BEHAR: Yes. Oh, I think you`re right. I just think that you have to be concerned about other kids being, you know, abusive about it.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Absolutely.
BEHAR: That would be my only concern in your position.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Absolutely. I mean, we`re all concerned about that, and Dyson is, you know, very strong within what he likes and what he sees.
BEHAR: I see that. He likes his tea cups and his pink and is sticking with it.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Yes. And if he`s at daycare camp or school with other friends or other teachers and they are telling him not to be who he is --
BEHAR: Yes.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: What kind of world are we living in?
BEHAR: Yes.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: If he`s saying I actually would like the pink thing instead of the blue thing, why is that such a problem?
BEHAR: What will you do if someone pushes you around because you`re wearing a dress, Dyson?
DYSON KILODAVIS: Make me feel sad.
BEHAR: They`ll make you feel sad. Yes.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: We talk a lot about --
BEHAR: That can happen. You know, sometimes, kids are not as nice as they should be.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: It`s true. It`s very true.
BEHAR: But maybe they won`t because you`re such a strong boy.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: I have to tell you, 95 percent of all of the feedback is that it`s positive. Everybody either has a princess boy, knows of a princess boy. Princess boys stand for difference and expressing themselves differently. And so --
BEHAR: I think you`re a very interesting family. That you have so much support from your husband, from your father who`s here.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Yes.
BEHAR: And from your son, your older son.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Yes.
BEHAR: And it`s a great thing. I congratulate you.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Thank you.
BEHAR: Thank you very much for coming on the show.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Thanks for having us.
BEHAR: Thanks for coming on the show, Dyson.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: You want to give her some more tea?
BEHAR: Can I have some more tea before we go? OK. We`ll be right back while I drink my tea. Thank you very much.
CHERYL KILODAVIS: Thank you.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: My next guest calls herself a foodologist and her popular Hungry Girl newsletter reaches 1 million subscribers a day. Now, her fans will be able to the girl, Lisa Lillien, on TV. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LISA LILLIEN, "HUNGRY GIRL": OK. You had the sausage and onion pizza. That is 500 calories. You had two slices of the meaty supreme pizza at 600 calories each, that`s 1,200 calories. Have a nice day.
As you can see, pizza slices can really add up. So, what do you do if you find yourself at a pizzeria? Starve, panic? No way.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: OK. We`ll find out because Lisa Lillien whose new show "Hungry Girl" premieres Saturday on the Cooking Channel is here right now. Lisa, what do you do when you find yourself at a pizzeria? Because that`s a red light food for me.
LILLIEN: Yes.
BEHAR: I could eat apple pie, yes.
LILLIEN: I could apple pie, too.
BEHAR: Right.
LILLIEN: I mean, the key there is if you`re going to get pizza, get thin crust pizza, stick with whole wheat pizza, blotted. Do you do the blotting the oil trick with a napkin?
BEHAR: I use a makeup sponge.
(LAUGHTER)
LILLIEN: Now, let me try to think about the order. Do you put the makeup on first and then blot the pizza? I don`t know. But yes. If that`s all you have, if that`s all you have, as long as it`s clean. I mean, do what you have to do to get the oil off the pizza and then don`t have vegetables that soak up oil like eggplant really soaks up oil.
BEHAR: I know. A sponge.
LILLIEN: It is. And it`s fritted (ph). I mean, people --
BEHAR: So, what about eating just the top of the pizza?
LILLIEN: The cheese, go really easy on the cheese. I mean, the bread also gets you. It`s tough at a pizzeria, though, thin crust, blot the oil.
BEHAR: You have to stay away from pizza if you want to lose weight, in my opinion.
LILLIEN: No. You can make it at home. I mean, you can absolutely --
BEHAR: Fine. On an English muffin.
LILLIEN: That`s a little bit 1988. There are new fangled crust that you can use.
BEHAR: Really?
LILLIEN: Tortillas and flat breads. And I use vegetables as crust. Green peppers great crust. Chicken, egg whites. You can make pizza crust out of anything.
BEHAR: Really? OK. But what`s the advice you have really, the overall advice for people because it`s the New Year, and they want to lose some weight. Tell us.
LILLIEN: Overall, it`s about finding foods that you like that you can swap for other foods. Don`t deprive yourself. Embrace food. And small changes can make big differences. Don`t set goals that are unachievable like goals that are just too extreme.
BEHAR: Everybody says that. But you know, they also have done a study which I read that if you don`t lose weight fast enough, you really lose interest and you go back to your old habits. If you lose too slowly, you will not stay on it.
LILLIEN: That`s true. But if you lose too quickly, you`re going to get it back faster.
BEHAR: Right.
LILLIEN: It`s just not realistic.
BEHAR: All right. Well, so, what about binging? That`s a lot of problems. A lot of women have the problem of binging. We sort of go into like a few state of binging, binging, binging, binging.
LILLIEN: I think binging comes from deprivation. Like, you`re so used to saying I can`t have this at all, and then, when you finally crack, you like eat an entire sleeve of Oreos. That`s not the way to do it. I believe, everything in moderation. I live by the 80/20 rule, 80 percent of time and eating what I should be eating and 20 percent of the time having a little fun.
BEHAR: OK. So, tell me about the new TV show before we go.
LILLIEN: New TV show is really fun. It`s on Saturdays at 4:00 eastern on Cooking Channel. It`s a little bit of comedy and a lot of cooking, a lot of real world survival tips.
BEHAR: So, it`s a new thing for you?
LILLIEN: It totally is. Yes.
BEHAR: Got the newsletter, the books, and now, the TV show. You`re on a roll.
LILLIEN: I`m very excited.
BEHAR: See, that would make me eat.
(LAUGHTER)
LILLIEN: I think we should go celebrate with an ice cream sundae, Joy. What do you think?
BEHAR: All right. Anyway, thanks, Lisa.
LILLIEN: Thank you.
BEHAR: And thank you all for watching. Goodnight everybody.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
END
