Return to Transcripts main page
Joy Behar Page
Sarah Smiles; The Unpredictable Andy Dick
Aired March 11, 2011 - 22:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, Sarah Silverman tells Joy about her comedy tour, upcoming movie nude scene, and the pressures of having Charlie Sheen follow her on Twitter.
Then as Charlie Sheen spirals downward, a person who`s hit rock bottom weighs in. Comedian Andy Dick tells Joy about his own struggle with addiction and offers his advice to other troubled Hollywood stars.
And Hollywood icon Joan Rivers joins joy to talk about Donald Trump`s presidential aspirations and her own reality show with daughter, Melissa.
That and more starting right now.
JOY BEHAR, HLN HOST: Comedian Sarah Silverman has starred on stage, film, and was even nominated for best actress Emmy for her work on the Sarah Silverman program. Her memoir "The Bedwetter: Stories of courage, redemption and pee" will be out in paperback on March 22nd.
Welcome back to the program, the lovely and talented miss Sarah Silverman.
I`m very giddy now.
SARAH SILVERMAN, ACTRESS: I know.
BEHAR: All right.
SILVERMAN: I am too.
BEHAR: So you wrote this book. And last time you were here, you talked about bedwetting, stabbing Al Franken in the eye or something --
SILVERMAN: Yes, in the temple. That was an accident.
BEHAR: In a temple or in his temple?
SILVERMAN: Well, he had a huge ju-fro, and in my mind, I was just going to just like stab the pencil through his hair, but what people saw was just me like stabbing him in the temple and he screamed and was like, "Why?" And then I couldn`t explain myself because I was laughing too hard and tears were pouring down my eyes. And it looked crazy.
BEHAR: You know, you`re speaking about a United States senator.
SILVERMAN: I know, it`s exciting.
BEHAR: Can you imagine, a comedian became a senator. That`s hilarious.
SILVERMAN: I know, let`s get some ideas going.
BEHAR: I know. But also about your shrink killing himself.
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: That was also a downer fun topic, I liked about it.
SILVERMAN: Yes, when I was 13, my shrink killed himself.
BEHAR: I had a shrink in my group therapy who got Alzheimer`s. She did. She got Alzheimer`s like in the middle of the whole -- the ongoing things. Yes. And like she`d say, like, Joy -- my mother had passed away two months previous there were people in this group who had been talking about their mothers for ten years. And I talked about mine. And she said, you`re always talking about your mother. I said, she just died, bitch.
Annoying.
SILVERMAN: I remember I had a therapist and I loved this therapist, and I think this is probably a mistake people make, but I was like, she`s my best friend. I mean she really is like my best friend. And then I realized like three years into seeing her. I go, do you have any kids, and she said, yes, I have five children.
And I`m like, I guess I`m not a very good friend. If we`re best friends I would know if you had five kids. I`m just her client.
BEHAR: You should know that. There is separation between, you know, separation of shrink and client.
SILVERMAN: Yes. She didn`t love me.
BEHAR: You are one of 31 people that Charlie Sheen follows on Twitter. Did you know that?
SILVERMAN: I`m honored.
BEHAR: What made him follow you, do you think?
SILVERMAN: I have no idea.
BEHAR: Because you`re funny. He`s a fan. But then you start twittering back and forth with the guy, right?
SILVERMAN: No. I tweeted a couple of Charlie Sheen things in, you know, what I would say was the -- right before the plateau of Charlie Sheen-ness.
BEHAR: Was there a plateau? I haven`t seen the plateau yet?
SILVERMAN: Well, there`s really good news, actually, and this is going to be an exclusive. He won. Charlie Sheen won. Winning.
BEHAR: He won.
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: But you tweeted back, "Whining", which I thought was very funny.
SILVERMAN: Yes, I thought that was cute. And then I said like, my heart -- my thoughts and prayers are with Charlie Sheen, who was recently diagnosed with full-blown Busey.
BEHAR: All right. That`s funny. Do you have any interest in becoming one of his goddesses? You know, he has the goddesses. They`re all blond, though, maybe you`re not his goddess type.
SILVERMAN: I`m probably not his type. And I`m not saying -- I know he`s totally sober, but whether he is or not, I don`t like that cokey- energy.
BEHAR: I don`t like it either.
SILVERMAN: Yes. I`m a stoner, I like slow and chill and let`s watch TV.
BEHAR: Right. Are you on that medicated marijuana? Medical marijuana?
SILVERMAN: I do have a prescription.
BEHAR: You do.
You know, everybody has a prescription and nobody needs it. Do you have glaucoma? Why do you have to have a prescription.
SILVERMAN: I was honest. I just said, when I`m shooting and I need to go asleep right away, you know, real early for the next day, I would rather smoke a little indica than take a sleeping pill.
BEHAR: Really.
SILVERMAN: And when I`m menstruating, it alleviates the pain. And also, I like it. But I`m a lightweight. Just like a puff or two. Just make it a treat at the end of the day. It`s not a whole thing. It`s not my identity.
And I also, when I smoke with people, I always remind them, don`t forget to stop smoking. Because you can`t go back if you take that one puff too many.
BEHAR: Really? Oh, I hate marijuana.
SILVERMAN: Yes, it`s not for you.
BEHAR: It just makes me hungry. Just what I need, a drug to make me eat more.
SILVERMAN: I know. That is a caveat.
BEHAR: And even cocaine, I remember in the old day --
SILVERMAN: It makes you hungry?
BEHAR: No, I never do coke. But people would get thin for a while and then they blow up into these big fat things on coke. These drugs are not good.
SILVERMAN: But it makes people so charming.
BEHAR: No, it does not. It makes them sweat.
SILVERMAN: It`s so gross.
BEHAR: I remember being at "Saturday Night Live when John Belushi was there, being around there, and he stunk to high heaven because he was all drugged up.
Yes, it`s disgusting.
What do you think Charlie`s on, by the way? What was he on?
SILVERMAN: He looks cokey to me, but I mean I don`t know -- I don`t do. I only do that one drug. But it`s that cokey vibe that`s so off- putting to me.
And some people don`t -- aren`t even on drugs and it`s -- I`m not accusing you, Charlie, of it, but it`s just you have that vibe. that like, really, fast, kind of like, thinking that you`re really saying profound things -- although, he is a sound bite genius.
BEHAR: Yes, I know. He`s very funny.
SILVERMAN: I mean, everything he says is a perfect-sized, printable, quote.
BEHAR: Right. He should run for office.
SILVERMAN: What office?
BEHAR: Senate. Why not be in the senate? That`s all about sound bites when you`re running for office these days in politics.
SILVERMAN: And they probably have the best coke.
BEHAR: I think they`re on uppers.
Ok. You`re in a few film, "Take This Waltz", where you are doing a nude scene. Now, everybody`s interested in this, the whole crew. A couple of guys -- camera guys were like, make sure you discuss the full frontal nudity with Sarah Silverman.
I will --
SILVERMAN: Can I just say that the movie I`m here to promote is "Peep World".
BEHAR: Yes, we know. We`ll get to that.
SILVERMAN: All right. All right.
So this movie will come out, this other movie comes out in like September or something.
BEHAR: It will be here before you know it.
SILVERMAN: Oh, god.
BEHAR: So tell us about the full frontalness of yourself.
SILVERMAN: I`m totally naked.
BEHAR: Like total?
SILVERMAN: Like bottom, front -- top, front, top, bottom, side.
BEHAR: Side?
SILVERMAN: Yes, and side. It`s -- I`m -- it`s -- you know, I don`t know. It`s not going to be like, you know, Megan Fox in a movie. It will be a little bit more like, say, Kathy Bates in "About Schmidt" or something.
BEHAR: No, it won`t. No.
SILVERMAN: I like to keep people`s expectations low. But I also just -- I want to be comfortable with my body. I definitely said yes when the director Sarah Pauly asked me, because I felt like I was lucky to be a part of this movie, and I just said, screw it, you know. I mean it`s a body. You know, I look at it and I get grossed out, but then I think, if I imagine that this body in the mirror is somebody else`s, I would be like, it`s beautiful, it`s like a real body. So it`s like, I`d like to have that -- I`d like to feel that way about myself. I`d like to be as comfortable with my body as I would like young women to think that I am.
BEHAR: I see. Even if it`s not true.
SILVERMAN: So that`s what I`m working towards.
BEHAR: We`re talking about -- did you get a bikini wax for it?
SILVERMAN: So that morning, I get up extra early to get a really good shave, and then it`s like, it`s like, oh, I`ll get this corner, oh, I`ll just get this corner. You know, let me make it even from the top. That`s a mistake. Never do anything from the top.
And I gave myself a terrible haircut and it was awful. And Michelle Williams, who`s also naked in the scene, I get there and she`s got this perfect triangular bush, and I just wanted to kick myself.
BEHAR: All right. Stay right there. We`ll have more with Sarah Palin -- I almost said it again. Sarah Silverman, when we come back. You could play Sarah Palin, though. I could see you doing that. Glasses.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with Sarah Silverman.
First of all, I hear you`re starting a comedy tour March -- March 23rd. Are you flirting with my floor manager?
SARAH SILVERMAN, COMEDIAN: I`m not, I just suddenly like saw myself in the camera, and I -- I instantly smiled, because I`m a show pony.
BEHAR: That`s true. Ok so March 23rd, you`re starting a comedy tour. You still actually want to go on the road, huh?
SILVERMAN: You now, I haven`t been on tour in like three years and I, you know, I`m a comedian. I want to tour.
BEHAR: So tell me what the show`s going to be like.
SILVERMAN: I`ve been working on new stuff and so I`m just going to do - I`ll do like half stand-up, new stuff --
(CROSS TALK)
BEHAR: Half an hour, how long?
SILVERMAN: Yes, I`d say 30 or 40 minutes of that.
BEHAR: Ok.
SILVERMAN: And then I want to do half like just talking to the audience --
(CROSS TALK)
BEHAR: Right.
SILVERMAN: -- about anything. You know, they can ask me about me or they can ask me about, oh, my girlfriend this or my dynamic with this or just any stupid question. It`s fun to -- you ever just talk to the audience?
BEHAR: I do. I do that.
SILVERMAN: I like that. Lots of great stuff can come up and my opening act will -- I have three different people opening for me on different dates and they`re all hilarious. So if they`re out there with the microphone, they`ll keep it funny. You know what I mean? It -- I think it will be a really fun show.
BEHAR: It is --
SILVERMAN: But that`s what it is.
BEHAR: It`s a lot of fun. Very good. So where`s your first city?
SILVERMAN: I`m doing University of Minnesota. I`m going to Indiana, Detroit, Chicago and someplace else.
BEHAR: See, now, you --
(CROSS TALK)
SILVERMAN: And then down the West Coast after that.
BEHAR: Ok. Now, you were talking on another show I saw you on, "The View" --
SILVERMAN: What a great show.
BEHAR: Thank you.
But you were talking about how you were turning 40, Barbara asked you if you were turning 40. Do you mind people asking your age? You don`t care now because you`re only 40, wait until you`re my age. You`ll smack everyone.
SILVERMAN: Really?
BEHAR: Oh hot --
SILVERMAN: But don`t you feel like when tell people your age, they go, oh good for you.
BEHAR: Yes you survived.
SILVERMAN: Yes. It`s like that I don`t know. See what 40 looks like.
BEHAR: But you see this -- if you get married and have children now, which is really you, this clock is ticking.
SILVERMAN: I don`t want to get married.
BEHAR: Do you want to have kids?
SILVERMAN: I don`t want any -- I don`t want to have bio kids.
BEHAR: Oh no, you want to adopt.
Yes, that`s right, well, even if you adopt, you can`t really go on the road that much or do your career as easily -- so how are you end up --
(CROSS TALK)
SILVERMAN: That`s why I want to wait until it`s all I want. I want to wait to have kids until all I want to do is raise kids you know.
BEHAR: Well, that won`t be until you`re 60. Ok --
SILVERMAN: So I`d be like fun grandma.
BEHAR: You`ll be the grandma, right. So you should adopt --
SILVERMAN: Parents screw up their kids, grandparents have endless energy and will do anything for their grandkids.
BEHAR: That`s true.
SILVERMAN: So I`m just going to skip right to grandma.
BEHAR: I think that`s a good idea.
SILVERMAN: Yes. And I`ll have them call me grandma, and then I`ll be like a young, fun grandma instead of like an old mom.
BEHAR: Ok, you know, I just had a grandson.
SILVERMAN: Eww. Is he cute?
BEHAR: He`s gorgeous. What do you mean is he cute? He`s gorgeous --
SILVERMAN: How old?
BEHAR: He`s about a week and a half.
SILVERMAN: Oh, you can`t even tell at that point. They`re just like amoebas.
BEHAR: Yes. They are -- no he`s not, he`s not an amoeba. He`s in Mensa already ok.
SILVERMAN: He is.
BEHAR: What should he call me?
SILVERMAN: Nana?
BEHAR: No, it`s to old lady. Nana.
SILVERMAN: How about, hey, Nana. How about Nana, like the Rihanna son? How about Rihanna?
BEHAR: I said skinny bitch. I thought skinny bitch.
SILVERMAN: That`s good.
BEHAR: Yes.
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: Now you know the other thing I wanted to ask you about is the Oscars.
SILVERMAN: Wouldn`t it be funny if you had your grandkid call you gorgeous, like that`s what he thought grandma was.
BEHAR: Hey gorgeous.
SILVERMAN: Gorgeous can I --
BEHAR: That`s good, yes I like that.
SILVERMAN: Yey.
BEHAR: All right, now, what about the Oscars because I think that you and your ex-boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel, would be great hosts of the Oscars. What do you think? You`re in movies now. You`re a movie star.
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: Yes, I mean, he`s not but you are.
SILVERMAN: Well, I mean, I don`t think the host of the Oscars should need to be a movie star. I think they should need to be a comedian personally. When Steve Martin and Alex Baldwin hosted, it was so awesome.
BEHAR: Yes but -- they are both movie stars and they happen to be funny. They like it if in you`re in the movies in that group.
SILVERMAN: All right.
BEHAR: That`s why Billy Crystal is accepted.
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: They don`t like outsiders. David Letterman had a problem.
SILVERMAN: I know. And I thought he was great.
BEHAR: He was great, but he never made a movie.
SILVERMAN: He was in "Cabin Boy".
BEHAR: He was?
So, all right, now another thing. The great schlep -- that video you did with Obama -- about going down to Florida and getting the vote for Obama, I think it helped Obama. Did you meet him? Did he say anything to you about it?
SILVERMAN: I meet -- I -- I meet him -- I met him very briefly and it`s one of those things where you think you`re going to go -- hold on, mine too. Ok. You know, I was like, I`m going to meet the President, oh, I`m going to talk about Darfur, I`m going tell him this man, man then you go there and you`re like, hi thank you.
BEHAR: I know.
SILVERMAN: But he was very nice and he was like, oh, I should thank you for Florida, ha-ha. And I`m like, "ha-ha?"
BEHAR: He should thank you. That was a good one.
SILVERMAN: But no, he was very nice and I was so excited to meet him. It was all a blur.
BEHAR: Ok, let`s talk about your movie, "Peep World."
SILVERMAN: Ok.
BEHAR: Ok, I believe we`re showing some clips from it as we`re speaking. So people can see some of the clips. There you are with the -- that beautiful mother of yours --
SILVERMAN: Leslie Ann Moore.
BEHAR: And who played Cinderella back in the days.
SILVERMAN: Yes, she did.
BEHAR: Yes, yes. And look at you, little actress.
SILVERMAN: I gained weight for that role.
BEHAR: How much weight?
SILVERMAN: I don`t know. I just like to say that because I was little heavier.
BEHAR: You can see it over there too, so we can see your face while you`re watching yourself. You can`t get enough of yourself. Look at you. Look at that.
SILVERMAN: I like to say I gained weight -- for -- for you know, if I`m like a little heavier, I say, I gained weight for that role, because I`m a professional.
BEHAR: Well, that`s how you win an Oscar. You have to gain -- like you know, look at -- what`s her name the Australian girl, what`s her name?
SILVERMAN: Fatty --
BEHAR: Who?
BEHAR: Charlize Theron.
SILVERMAN: Fatty Theron.
BEHAR: Didn`t she win, she won an award, because she put on weight because she`s so beautiful. She`s really a beautiful girl.
SILVERMAN: Oh, that perfume commercial that she does --
(CROSS TALK)
BEHAR: Yes.
SILVERMAN: -- is the most beautiful perfume commercial I`ve ever seen. It`s so sexy. I love it. Anyway.
BEHAR: Do you want to do a perfume? Maybe you do want a perfume --
SILVERMAN: You know what, I did think, if I ever had a perfume, which I won`t, it would be Laundromat.
BEHAR: That`s a good one.
SILVERMAN: I love the smell of the Laundromat. Clean laundry. I guess, it`s basically Tide.
BEHAR: But you`re very Jewish, so about --
SILVERMAN: Oh, I`m very Jewish --
(CROSS TALK)
BEHAR: Yes you`re --
SILVERMAN: -- what does that mean, very Jewish? It`s cheap?
BEHAR: No, no, you`re Jewish in your act, you talk about being Jewish, your movie, "Peep Show," is about being Jewish. So maybe you need a Jewish perfume.
SILVERMAN: I could call it "Oi."
BEHAR: "Oi".
SILVERMAN: I could call it, "Ripped, you`re not going to wear the blue one?"
BEHAR: So tell me, before we go, tell me a little bit about the movie, because I only have 30 seconds left.
Silverman: "Peep World", Rainn Wilson from "The Office", Michael C. Hall from "Dexter", myself, and this incredible young actor name Ben Schwartz. We play -- boy, he should change his name -- we play siblings.
BEHAR: To what, Bernstein? Ron Rifkin is in it also with you.
(CROSSTALK)
SILVERMAN: He`s amazing. And Stephen Tobolowsky, you know Ned Riderson, (INAUDIBLE) it`s an awesome cast. The four of us play siblings and the youngest one writes a tell-all book which is not this.
BEHAR: And disrupts the whole family. I saw it. It`s very funny.
SILVERMAN: You did?
BEHAR: You can catch Sarah`s new film "Peep World" on demand right now or in theaters March 25th. We`ll be right back.
SILVERMAN: Look at this rack.
BEHAR: Yes, baby.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: While Charlie Sheen continues his very public meltdown in front of an audience of millions the often-troubled actor Andy Dick is quietly trying his best to stay sober and out of trouble. And he`s here with me now.
Welcome to the show Andy. Good to have you back here.
ANDY DICK, ACTOR: I love being here. Thank you so much. How are you?
BEHAR: I`m just fine, thank you.
So let me talk to you about Charlie Sheen a little bit only because you -- you know, you know where he`s at.
DICK: Yes, yes. Exactly. Exactly. Let me tell you something.
I tried to call in to Howard Stern the other day when he was calling in because I wanted to thank him because I was on a show called "Less than Perfect". And I was having a really hard time. And I think it was -- it always - - by the way, to backtrack, I never blame by parents. I never blamed my social -- my upbringing. It`s always me. I know it`s me, it`s me, it`s me, it`s me.
But the thing is, doing another office comedy, I did news radio for five years and now, here I am playing the mentally challenged office homosexual again for another five years. I felt confined and trapped.
I wonder if Charlie feels that way. He`s on a show. It`s been -- I don`t know how many years. He feels he`s pigeon holed and now, he`s just this guy. And he wants to break out and show everybody that he`s a bad ass. I know that I had that.
BEHAR: Yes.
DICK: But the thing is here`s my point. That might be it. He came to me when I was in one of my darkest hours of that show and he helped me get sober. So I was calling him reaching out saying, I`m supporting you. If you need anything, I`m right here.
I was one of the ones like Tom Arnold, saying, here I`m here to help because I`m sober. But then, you know, he shuns that right now. He`s not in that --
BEHAR: A lot of people are saying that it`s not drugs anymore. Now, it seems like mental illness. What`s your diagnosis?
DICK: Well, I know that when I drink a lot, in the past when I drink a lot there is a recovery time. There is a period, but for me, it`s only like one to three days of deep, dark depression. But I`m talking about like sometimes, it can be suicidal. I think that there`s something is a little bit off, a little bit off kilter, a little tweaked.
BEHAR: Yes.
DICK: And it`s just -- it`s going to take -- because you know, he doesn`t just drink beer. He admits it. Seven grams of crack-cocaine, smoking it? Are you kidding me? If I did -- if I smoked one puff, I`d be out. I`d be dead. Gone. Dead gone dead.
BEHAR: Different constitution but you know -- just one more question then I have to go. People are talking about these enablers that he has. That he has this team --
DICK: That`s what I`m talking about. I`m talking about he shuns -- to me, he`s like, oh, how you doing, and then nothing. He doesn`t reach back. You know, I gave up.
BEHAR: Do you think that people because they`re making a lot of money off of him, have any responsibility in prolonging this craziness?
DICK: That`s exactly it. He`s paying people to be his friend. I think that, yes.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: That`s a little sad. It`s sad. I think you can get out of this, so I really want to thank you for doing this again. I`m glad we could spend a little more time.
DICK: Me too.
BEHAR: Ok. Bye-bye, Andy. Thanks.
We`ll be back in a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: She appears on Bravo`s "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." He appeared naked on the very first season of "Survivor", which by the way, he won. Both of them are trying to outdo the competition and each other on this season of Donald Trump`s "Celebrity Apprentice."
I`m happy to welcome to my show, Nene Leakes, and the fully-clothed, Richard Hatch. Hello, Richard, how are you?
RICHARD HATCH, "CELEBRITY APPRENTICE": How do you know, Joy? How do you know I`m fully clothed?
BEHAR: I see you. I can see you. Maybe the bottom is naked, I don`t know.
But you know, I hear there`s a lot of drama this season. First of all, do you and Nene get along, Richard?
HATCH: I love Nene. How are you doing, sweetheart?
NENE LEAKES, "CELEBRITY APPRENTICE": Hi, Richard. I`m doing good, how are you Richard? You look good.
BEHAR: So Nene, does Trump tell you to ratchet up the fighting and everything or not?
LEAKES: Absolutely not.
BEHAR: He does not.
LEAKES: No.
BEHAR: So you`re just naturally high-strung, all of you?
LEAKES: I think that there`s a whole lot -- you`re ready to bust out laughing -- there`s a whole lot of different personalities in the group. But he`s never said that to us.
BEHAR: Really.
LEAKES: Yes.
BEHAR: Because you know what to do when you go there.
LEAKES: You know, to be honest with you, when I went, I had no preconceived notions about anybody. And I will tell you this about me, I am not strategic, and I`m not a backstabber. I don`t form alliances. I`m really your home-girl and I`m very loyal.
BEHAR: OK.
LEAKES: So that game was tough for me to play because I`m a loyal girl.
BEHAR: All right. Now, Richard, you were the men`s project manager on the first task, and you butted heads with David Cassidy. So let`s take a look at that clip.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HATCH: We`re going to price at a reasonable price. We`re going to talk to you about --
DAVID CASSIDY, "CELEBRITY APPRENTICE": How about this?
HATCH: David, please. Hold on.
If you`re going to get something done, you`ve got to focus on what`s important.
Price points.
CASSIDY: I think you should have a minimum --
HATCH: David, be quiet for one second and let me tell you what they are --
$5 bucks a slice; $500 delivery charge.
CASSIDY: You want to get $500 to $1,000 --
HATCH: Could you get over there, please?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok. You did push him. You know, in the real world, which is like in a business, you know, in a bank or something, you would be brought up on charges for something like that. Seriously. But this is television.
HATCH: You know, Joy, Joy -- Joy, you and I have met several times. I`ve pushed you harder than I pushed him.
BEHAR: Maybe I`m stronger than he is.
HATCH: I didn`t push him. You know, this was just a guiding him or trying to emphasize to move. And there was a lot of exaggerated drama from him. And I feel some compassion for the man. I mean, he`s obviously dealing with some issues that are beyond the show.
BEHAR: Oh. Well, I`ll have to interview him and find out what those are.
So what did you think of the way he treated him. Is it OK with you too? You don`t think he pushed him and bullied him at all?
LEAKES: That`s the first time I saw that. Because we don`t get to see what the guys are doing. Just as a viewer watching it, it did seem like Richard was being, you know, mean to him.
BEHAR: He was being mean. See.
LEAKES: I mean, it came off that way. I`m not saying that`s actually the way it was. But as a viewer watching the show, it appeared that Richard was being mean. Did I see Richard hit him or shove him really hard? No, I didn`t see that.
BEHAR: Well, I mean you know, the guy did get kicked off the show.
LEAKES: Yes.
BEHAR: So maybe it didn`t help him. But anyway. So Richard now, you know --
HATCH: Well, he --
BEHAR: Yes. Go ahead.
HATCH: Keep watching, you`ll see, the guys get to express what really happened and what they really feel, and who I am a little bit better. Very, very tough position to be the first project manager when you don`t know one another.
BEHAR: Right. Well, then, just to go back on your past, you were very conniving on the "Survivor" show, you know. And you won --
HATCH: Yes.
BEHAR: You won that. I mean, so it worked.
HATCH: I heard Nene say that she was not strategic. And I thought, ooh. I`m not going to say that. I`m very strategic.
LEAKES: You think that --
HATCH: No, I -- I believe you, darling. I`m sure. I`m saying I was, I was very strategic. I am when I go into these and you know what you`re doing. And we were all there for our charities. We respect one another`s charities, but I was there -- I was there to win money for my charity.
LEAKES: I would have to say, although we`re fighting for charity, I personally felt it didn`t have to be as backstabbing, because you are fighting for charity. So I mean, what kind of person are you to fight for charity and be such a backstabber?
BEHAR: Well, because you have to win.
LEAKES: Yes, you have to win. But you`re fighting for charity.
BEHAR: OK. Now, you had your own share of drama with Star Jones because --
LEAKES: Yes.
BEHAR: -- what went -- on Wendy Williams, you said something a little bit nasty against her.
LEAKES: You think so?
BEHAR: You said I wouldn`t spit on Star if she was on fire.
LEAKES: OK. All right. All right.
BEHAR: That`s not -- there`s no love there exactly.
LEAKES: You know, I would sprinkle a little water on, I guess.
BEHAR: A little water -- so, you`re backtracking a little off of that one?
LEAKES: No, no, no. I`m not. I`m standing to what I said.
Star was very bossy on the show. It`s just really -- it`s the truth. She was very bossy. She was strategic. And she did form alliances, and she manipulated. She manipulated people along the way. And I didn`t like that.
BEHAR: OK.
LEAKES: The reason I didn`t like it was because she was saying one thing to me, and doing another. And I didn`t like it. So I called her on it.
BEHAR: Ok. Now, La Toya Jackson, who is another contestant on the show, she was on my show last week, and she said that -- exactly what you said. But she said that you allowed Star to manipulate you. Watch, watch, watch.
LEAKES: OK.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LA TOYA JACKSON, "CELEBRITY APPRENTICE": I didn`t realize it at the moment. And I hope she`s not offended by this, but she allowed Star to control her.
BEHAR: She did?
JACKSON: Well, not realizing it. Star used her as her mouthpiece. So she was back pulling the strings.
BEHAR: Star was the puppeteer and Nene was the puppet.
JACKSON: That`s how I viewed it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: OK. So what`s your response to that, Nene?
LEAKES: You know, that`s cool. That`s how she saw it. But I would have to say she did do some manipulating. She did. I would have to be -- I would have to side with La Toya.
BEHAR: For some reason I can`t picture it, because you seem a very, you know, strong girl. I don`t see how you could be manipulated.
LEAKES: I am very strong. I`m very strong, but we were trying to form a relationship outside of "The Apprentice," so I would go to dinner with her and I`d go to lunch with her. She met my husband, my children. I double dated with her and her fiance Herb (ph) or whatever.
I just learned that she -- look, I just really believe -- I try and give everybody a chance. That`s what I was trying to do. And when she showed me her true colors, I lost it. I really had to straighten her out on it. Because I just think that anybody that has ever worked with Star would side with me. That means you`re on my side.
BEHAR: Well, maybe Star will come on the show and she`ll give her side of this.
LEAKES: Maybe she will.
BEHAR: Yes, because, you know, we like to be -- we`re fair and balanced over here at HLN.
LEAKES: I want you to be fair. I`m just -- I`m just being honest with you, though. She can come off very uppity or very -- just not likable by the things that she says. She says things like all of my friends are A- list stars and actors and lawyers and doctors, and I live on the Upper West Side of New York, and I went to school for 100 years, and I have all these degrees.
BEHAR: Well, she is a lawyer, you know?
LEAKES: So? I mean that`s -- I mean, who really cares at the end of the day. I`m not walking around going, everybody, Star is a lawyer. I mean, that`s what she`s supposed to do for herself. Me, I mean, I really don`t care, and I think her problem is, you know, that we`re on the same show.
BEHAR: Yes.
LEAKES: And we`re given the same check. And I only went to school for two years. I could have save that 98 years, she went to school for 106.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Well, you know, she is -- she did go to school.
LEAKES: For 100 years.
BEHAR: She was an assistant D.A. in Brooklyn.
LEAKES: That`s nice.
BEHAR: She does live on the Upper East Side.
LEAKES: Well, good.
BEHAR: She does like champagne. I know that about her.
LEAKES: I live in the country club in Atlanta, which is secured and very luxury homes. Do I need to walk around and say, oh you guys, I`m one of the country club wives of Atlanta? Oh! And my car is fabulous, and I eat at all the luxury restaurants and I wear nothing but Louis Vuitton. And oh, I get my hair done three times a week.
I mean, I don`t have to say all of that. That is so stupid.
BEHAR: OK.
LEAKES: And it sounds like insecurity.
BEHAR: OK.
LEAKES: It really does, don`t you think?
BEHAR: Well, I -- I`m not saying --
(CROSSTALK)
LEAKES: Do you walk around and talk about you get your hair done how many times a day?
BEHAR: I -- I get it done every day, twice.
LEAKES: Yes, but do you have to walk around and say that?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: One is for "The View" and then again here.
LEAKES: Yes, but do you walk around and tell everybody on the street, excuse me, I get my hair done twice a day?
BEHAR: Hey Richard, which team are you on? Nene or team Star?
HATCH: Well, you know, I do respect intelligence, and I think Nene was just making a few comments about kind of how education -- you know, I don`t brag about education.
BEHAR: Right.
HATCH: But I think intelligence is an important thing. And being able to communicate rationally is important. I don`t appreciate bragging, but I didn`t see Star bragging.
So --
(CROSS TALK)
LEAKES: Oh right.
HATCH: -- so I really -- I can`t, you know --
BEHAR: How did she get along with other people? How did she get along with Lisa Rinna?
LEAKES: Oh, she had a disagreement with Lisa Rinna. I think you`ll see that coming up next week. She has a disagreement with La Toya and she also has a disagreement with me. And I believe she has a disagreement with Meatloaf.
So it wasn`t like --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Meatloaf? Again?
LEAKES: Yes.
So it wasn`t like she was a walk in the park. She`s not easy. I mean, she`s --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: But isn`t that for show -- I mean, I remember when Joan Rivers did the show, she had a big fight with somebody, and the ratings went up. I mean, isn`t that what we want?
LEAKES: Oh, not from the Upper East Side.
BEHAR: OK, I`ve got to go.
LEAKES: And not with all these degrees. Now, you wouldn`t dare be caught arguing, would you?
BEHAR: All right, now Star can come on this show and we can get her point of view.
LEAKES: Invite her for me.
BEHAR: OK, the new season of "Celebrity Apprentice" --
LEAKES: Hi, Star.
BEHAR: -- airs Sundays at 9:00 p.m. on NBC.
We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Joan and Melissa Rivers are the co-stars of "Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best?" And this week, I had a chance to ask these former "Celebrity Apprentice" contestants what they thought of the idea of a President Donald Trump. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
JOAN RIVERS: I worked with him, and (inaudible) on "Celebrity Apprentice." I think he could straighten the whole damn world.
(CROSS TALK)
BEHAR: You do?
MELISSA RIVERS: Oh yes.
J. RIVERS: I think Donald would say, we`re doing it and that`s it.
BEHAR: Wow.
J. RIVERS: And I think he`s smart as a whip.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Well, at first, at first on "The View," I mentioned, I thought it was a joke.
J. RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: I said, he`s trying to promote his show. And I got a call from his office saying, no, no, no, no, no. He means it.
M. RIVERS: Oh yes. (INAUDIBLE) walk in and be like, really? OK, we`re not doing this deal, goodbye.
BEHAR: Yes, yes. Well, I don`t know, I mean, I don`t know. I mean, I --
J. RIVERS: I don`t want to hear about Egypt because I own this.
M. RIVERS: Yes. Yes, yes.
BEHAR: Well, he was unhappy with Bush. He called him -- he called him a disaster. He doesn`t like Obama for whatever reasons. So let`s see what he can do.
M. RIVERS: I think this country needs a CEO.
BEHAR: You do?
M. RIVERS: Yes, or at least a CFO.
BEHAR: Well, he doesn`t have any foreign policy. All right, never mind, let`s not go into this.
J. RIVERS: Never mind.
BEHAR: Let him come on my show and tell me why he wants to run.
M. RIVERS: Exactly. Let him balance the books.
BEHAR: I`d love to hear from him.
All right now, the show that you`re doing, the -- the reality show, let`s look at a clip.
J. RIVERS: Yes.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
J. RIVERS: Melissa, this is great. Trampy, but not skanky. Look at this. Look at this. Oh Melissa --
M. RIVERS: What?
J. RIVERS: Viagra on a hanger.
M. RIVERS: Mom.
J. RIVERS: This and the motorcycle jacket.
M. RIVERS: Oh, my God, I`m going to throw up.
J. RIVERS: And this is heaven (ph), I`m glad to pay for. We will share the MTV Awards.
M. RIVERS: Oh.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Why are you commenting on her underwear?
J. RIVERS: Because she`s living with a very nice young man, and from my vantage point, you have to keep on looking sexy --
BEHAR: Yes.
J. RIVERS: -- and looking hot.
BEHAR: At least for five years.
J. RIVERS: And -- exactly -- and -- they`ve all moved in and they`re all comfy and cozy. And we`ve got Cooper there.
BEHAR: Yes.
J. RIVERS: And it`s -- I think it`s a little too much of a family.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Well, yes --
M. RIVERS: But what I`m wearing under my clothes isn`t your business. Oh, my God, I was -- show us?
J. RIVERS: Yes, and you should be wearing hot stuff. Birdies, chickies, peek-a-boosies (ph).
BEHAR: You know, you`re like (INAUDIBLE) with great gardens have favorable -- a burlesque duo.
J. RIVERS: Yes.
M. RIVERS: Yes. It is a little --
BEHAR: She`s like big and little Edie.
J. RIVERS: Isn`t that --
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: -- or Addams Family, I`m not quite sure.
BEHAR: OK, so now what`s it like living together? Because you are in the house together. Do you like it?
J. RIVERS: No, we don`t.
M. RIVERS: No.
BEHAR: No. You don`t want to be with them, no?
J. RIVERS: I`m -- I`m thrilled to be near her, I`m thrilled to be near Cooper, but I live in this ugly little guest room. I lie down and I think I`m taking an MRI.
BEHAR: I think I saw that guest room and it`s gorgeous.
M. RIVERS: Thank you, and let`s go back, it`s a guest room.
J. RIVERS: Look at you, look at you, she gets so excited.
M. RIVERS: I do, because it`s a guest room.
J. RIVERS: Chair (ph) of your own.
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: OK, it`s a guest room, it is not meant to be a residence for a guest.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Maybe you should get a guest house. Can`t you build on the property?
M. RIVERS: You know, no.
J. RIVERS: Maybe --
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: No. No, I couldn`t build on my property. There is no property left to build on. It`s not like you know -- like a man.
BEHAR: Houses are -- houses are cheap now. Move to the valley.
M. RIVERS: Oh, yes, houses are cheap. Now if we lived in OK, (inaudible).
J. RIVERS: But it`s been fine, the only thing is I`ve learned I cannot treat her like a child. My mother to the day she died treated me like a child. I was 52 years old, she would make me sit in her lap.
BEHAR: This is too much.
J. RIVERS: We go shopping, she`ll say buy it large, you`re going to grow next year. I at least -- I at least have respect for your boundaries.
M. RIVERS: Oh really? You have no respect for my boundaries.
J. RIVERS: To a point, to a point.
BEHAR: I think that the arguing that you do is what makes the show fun.
J. RIVERS: Yes.
M. RIVERS: It is. It`s mothers and daughters.
BEHAR: Yes, I know.
M. RIVERS: And congratulations, you`re now --
BEHAR: I am.
M. RIVERS: A grandmother.
BEHAR: I`m a grandparent and you have an adorable child.
M. RIVERS: Yes I do.
BEHAR: I mean, do we have a picture of the baby, Cooper?
M. RIVERS: No, I don`t think we --
BEHAR: How old is he now, Cooper?
M. RIVERS: He`s 10.
J. RIVERS: But allegedly he`s your child.
M. RIVERS: Allegedly he`s my child.
BEHAR: I thought you have -- what happened?
J. RIVERS: Somebody is -- some moron gave me a $5,000 reward.
BEHAR: Yes. Really.
J. RIVERS: To find out --
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: We got a phone call from what was it called? Vulture, that they have two very reliable sources who are running around claiming that Cooper is an actor and not actually the real Cooper.
BEHAR: Oh, anybody could make up anything.
M. RIVERS: Right, I`d like to know if they are already calling and they`ve reached out to a lot of personal people in my life and friends in my life, and I would like to know -- they said two extremely reliable, close sources. I`d love to know who they are.
J. RIVERS: You know, all you have to do is get a picture of me before plastic surgery. And after seeing that --
BEHAR: You could see he looks like you.
J. RIVERS: Yes, I can see where it came from.
BEHAR: Yes, I see.
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: You are operating $5,000 because it`s absurd.
BEHAR: But what -- what`s the $5,000 going to really do?
J. RIVERS: I want to know, find out who did this.
BEHAR: You need to find out who did this?
M. RIVERS: Who these sources are that -- that have caused such a -- a drama.
BEHAR: So I mean, are you going to be forced to do a DNA test or something? That`s crazy.
M. RIVERS: No, it`s my son.
J. RIVERS: I am going to change the will, who have I allegedly been taking to Disneyland.
M. RIVERS: For the last ten years.
J. RIVERS: I`m going nuts.
M. RIVERS: Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
J. RIVERS: And a little rotten kid I don`t know.
M. RIVERS: Yes, apparently.
BEHAR: Exactly. I mean, really. You`d have to pay the kid, this kid does it for free.
M. RIVERS: I mean, you have to admit that`s absurd. And it`s just -- and again, it`s just the ridiculousness of it.
BEHAR: So how old did you say he was?
M. RIVERS: Ten.
J. RIVERS: Ten.
BEHAR: He`s 10 years old already?
M. RIVERS: He turned 10 in December.
BEHAR: My little baby is -- my little Luca Joseph, he`s only eight days old.
M. RIVERS: Oh.
BEHAR: Do you want to see his picture?
M. RIVERS: Yes, yes.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: No, not yet.
J. RIVERS: Go ahead.
BEHAR: Look, look at him. Look at that baby, is that cute?
(CROSSTALK)
J. RIVERS: That was adorable.
M. RIVERS: But you know what, every baby, no matter what race, gender, anything, they all look like angry little old Jewish men for the first couple of days. It doesn`t matter, you know they would say, where`s my soup?
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: Yes.
J. RIVERS: Were you there at the -- at the birth?
BEHAR: No, she didn`t want me in the room. I told her, that a friend of mine, I didn`t say who it was, who was your mother, at dinner she said tell your daughter you have to be in the room. So I went home that night and I said, you know, a friend of mine told me I should be in the room. What friend? Who told you that? So I wasn`t in the room.
M. RIVERS: Oh, I`m sorry.
J. RIVERS: It was great.
M. RIVERS: It was great.
J. RIVERS: It was great.
BEHAR: She didn`t want me there because her husband was there. There were two gynecologists, an anesthesiologist and the nurse, and the room was the size of this table.
J. RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: So no.
J. RIVERS: Yes, it was great because you really see them come out.
BEHAR: Yes.
J. RIVERS: And you know, and there`s the cord and they cut that cord, I -- I went -- I was so excited.
BEHAR: Yes.
J. RIVERS: My mother never cut the cord with me; for two years I was following her around.
BEHAR: That has got to hurt.
But I mean, do you have any parenting advice I can relay to my daughter for the infant?
M. RIVERS: Yes. Even though I know you`re going to claim you`re not going to get involved, just remember when you`re dealing with your mother and she`s telling you how to raise your child, that this too shall pass.
BEHAR: So, I shouldn`t give her any advice.
M. RIVERS: No, just --
BEHAR: Even though I know better. You`re diapering the wrong end?
J. RIVERS: You have to say --
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: Wait until your advice is solicited. And then offer it gently.
BEHAR: All right. I will wait to be asked. Look, I stayed out of the birthing room; I took your advice on that.
OK, sit tight, we`ll have more with these two fabulous, fabulous females when we come right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I am back with Joan and Melissa Rivers, the stars of We`s reality show, "Joan and Melissa, Joan Knows Best?"
Now, I understand, Melissa, that you would like your mother to stop with the cutting of the face.
M. RIVERS: Yes, I would.
BEHAR: And she won`t do it.
M. RIVERS: No, she won`t. But it`s nice because now I`m getting backed up by different doctors saying they won`t do it. So I just feel like at one point, why are you going to take these unnecessary health risks?
J. RIVERS: I`ll go to Mexico for help.
M. RIVERS: That`s a really smart thing to do.
BEHAR: Brazil is better than Mexico.
M. RIVERS: That`s a really good idea.
BEHAR: There`s drug wars in Mexico. Why would you go there?
J. RIVERS: I`ll go somewhere to find a doctor--
M. RIVERS: Who says yes.
J. RIVERS: Charlie Sheen. He has a machete.
BEHAR: But you`re not going to do it anymore.
J. RIVERS: If I need it, I will.
BEHAR: You don`t need it. You look perfectly fine.
J. RIVERS: And I`m not doing anything because -- but at one point, you know this, you look and you go, oh, my god, this looks terrible, and then I`ll go find someone that went two years to medical school and two years to Tijuana. I`ll find somebody.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Another thing I heard about you is that you wanted to do "Dancing with the Stars" as a couple. Mother and daughter?
M. RIVERS: No. My mother wanted --
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: Let`s just do a moment here -- my mother wants us to do "Dancing with the Stars" as a couple.
BEHAR: Why?
M. RIVERS: I do not want to do "Dancing with the Stars".
BEHAR: What is this about?
J. RIVERS: I think it would be so much fun. We can wear matching outfits, and every time we had to do like a big dip, she could just take over.
BEHAR: It`s crazy.
J. RIVERS: I think it would work great, I think it would pick that show up.
M. RIVERS: I`m trying to move away from that whole great gardens thing, because I actually do have a grip on reality. It might be a loose one, but it`s a grip.
BEHAR: What about this -- speaking about a grip on reality -- what about this thing I read that you think the house is haunted? Is that Melissa`s house?
M. RIVERS: My mom`s house.
BEHAR: The one here. The palace of Versailles? I`ve been there.
J. RIVERS: Yes, absolutely haunted.
BEHAR: By Louis the XV?
J. RIVERS: No, by the woman that lived there, who was JPMorgan`s daughter, Mrs. Spencer.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: And why? What makes you think it`s haunted?
J. RIVERS: We had ghost busters come in from NYU for three months.
BEHAR: Oh, sure. NYU.
J. RIVERS: And they did all kinds of tests and then they cleared it out.
M. RIVERS: Apparently, when my mom first moved in, all the neighbors one by one, everyone started telling these stories. Like, oh, don`t be alarmed if you hear this. Don`t be alarmed if this happens. Oh, that`s just so and so. You called the parapsychology peeps.
BEHAR: What were you hearing?
J. RIVERS: You hear noises. Doors are closing. Cold. The dogs wouldn`t go in -- everything. But I`m very superstitious.
BEHAR: Don`t you have a lot of help? Maybe they were slamming the doors.
(CROSSTALK)
M. RIVERS: They are trying to scare her out. And that`s going to (INAUDIBLE).
J. RIVERS: I`m -- I mean, I have certain things I just won`t do. I will never -- it`s bad luck to spit in a fan. I`ll never do. But -- to walk under a black cat -- there`s certain things.
BEHAR: Under a ladder.
(CROSSTALK)
J. RIVERS: If Kirstie Alley is sitting on it.
BEHAR: She`ll go after you for that. The woman does not take a joke on herself. Only likes to spew it out, so be careful.
J. RIVERS: I`m really worried.
BEHAR: I know.
All right. Thanks for coming and doing this.
J. RIVERS: I love you.
BEHAR: I love you too, Joan.
The season finale of "Joan and Melissa, Joan Knows Best?", airs Tuesday night March 15th at 9:00 p.m. on We.
Good night, everybody.
END
