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CNN Live At Daybreak

College Week

Aired August 27, 2001 - 08:31   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
VINCE CELLINI, CNN ANCHOR: Guess where we are? On the "TALKBACK LIVE" set.

CAROL LIN, CNN ANCHOR: This is new to me, but you've done this before.

CELLINI: I have, so just speak into this microphone and everyone will hear you. Everything will be OK.

LIN: Yes, and it's going to be OK because all this week we are doing "College Week." We're going to be talking about the college experience what your kids can look forward, and what you as parents can look forward to. We've got some terrific parents and students with us today here at the "TALKBACK LIVE" set. We are also going to be talking to Miss Teen USA.

Big emphasis on school safety and education. But, she actually has to miss her first semester because she's going to be so busy with what's coming up for her. But we're going to be talking to her live.

CELLINI: She has those responsibilities. Earlier this morning we had a father speak with his daughter at Ball State University. And we're going to talk to another family dealing with college for the very first time, we have someone on set here, a mom and dad. And we're also going to talk to a daughter who's away at college during her freshman year.

LIN: And ask us anything, because we've got an expert coming up who's going to be answering your questions about college sex, college drinking, what your kids can expect, what you, the kids can expect and should watch out for. But if you've got those questions, email us at carolandcolleen@cnn.com.

We do have somebody very special, close to the ground, to the college experience, our CNN's Jason Bellini who is going to be with us all week long, talking about a lot of these different college segments. Good morning, Jason.

JASON BELLINI, CNN CORRESPONDENT: Right. Good morning, Carol. Well, to kick off of the week, I went just before the weekend to Duke University where I met the incoming freshman just as they arrived, and observed the first 24 hours or so of their life on campus.

LIN: Oh boy. BELLINI: So, throughout the week I'm going to bring you various segments about different issues that college students are facing right when they arrive.

Starting today with a story about something you probably remember well, which is when you arrived on campus and you said good-bye to your parents and hello to college.

LIN: Scary.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

BELLINI (voice-over): A new chapter. A huge step. The start of a journey. The cliches heard on freshman moving day don't change from year to year. The event is one of those unofficial rights of passage.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I've been looking forward to this life for a month.

BELLINI: Leonna and Kay, assigned by Duke University to be roommates, spent time on the phone this summer arranging how they'd do up their room.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We have the same hangers. See? Color coordinated.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It took me about three months to pack.

BELLINI (on camera): How did you decide what to bring with you here?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Anything I didn't want my parents to find while I was gone.

BELLINI (voice-over): What to take with them from their previous life, and what to leave behind are serious decisions.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: There is a lot of shoes in that.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My four girls and one boy, he'll come in two suitcases, and all of my girls will travel with this much junk. But, we're happy to get it out of our house.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: An old Thundercat. It's from my childhood.

BELLINI: What's your role in all of this?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm just a pack mule for my daughter.

BELLINI: Different perceptions of this day for parents and the students to be.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm not ready for her to leave, just hate to see the oldest child move out. Haven't done this before.

BELLINI: For parents, the emotions hinge on departure. For the freshmen: Arrival.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think he'll be glad to be on his own -- maybe for a week, and then he'll be very -- then he'll miss his mother.

BELLINI: Duke, like many universities, offers parents the ceremony and photo opportunities they desire to mark the occasion. But after the good-byes are finally said, it's all about hellos.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It seems more like summer camp right now, actually. Just because everyone is trying to get everyone to meet each other, and they get all these, like, silly, like bonding games and stuff. But it's starting to quiet down and, like, get real.

BELLINI: The reality of the cafeteria.

This place is crazy.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It is nuts.

BELLINI: The reality of book prices. The reality that you're on your own.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's really nice settling in.

BELLINI: Does it feel like college yet?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Almost, almost. I think when I start class it will be closer to that right, but right now it's just freedom.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

LIN: Freedom. Who was more nervous, Jason, the parents or the kids?

BELLINI: I think the kids were more excited. Parents were a little more nervous and a little more reluctant. A lot of the kids just wanted to get their parents out of the way so they could get started, and they could start meeting people. They especially wanted to get rid of their parents before the upper-classmen arrived, it's not cool to have your parents there when you're around upper-classmen, apparently.

LIN: All right, give the dirt. You're close to the college experience. How much do the kids change after their parents walk out the door? Did you see a personality transformation?

BELLINI: It's party. Well, a little bit of a transformation. I think that -- I think that's, as they were saying, reality kicks in that we're here. We're college students now. We're not going to be eating mom's home cooked meals anymore. We're going to have to be going to this cafeteria and waiting in line. So, they realize some of the drawbacks as well as some of the excitement of being free.

LIN: Yes, being free. We are going to be talking all about that, and what they have to look forward to in their college experience coming up all week long.

BELLINI: Right. And at Duke University classes start today.

LIN: Good luck! All right, Vince, that's the word for the parents: Party.

CELLINI: I think I'd like to see Jason go really deep undercover into one of these parties. Maybe that's something we can work on for later this week.

Parties on at Duke University, and Kate Hansen is a freshman there. She joins us from Raleigh, North Carolina. And it may not be cool to have your parents visit, but it's cool to have your parent on a live satellite hook-up. And Betsy Hansen is with us, right here in our studio.

But, Kate, I'll start with you. How is it going now for you? Are you getting adjusted? What makes you nervous? What do you like so far?

KATE HANSEN, COLLEGE STUDENT: I really like everyone I've met so far. That's got to be the first thing on my mind. There are so many wonderful people here. It's just -- it's really been a great experience the first couple of days. Not really too nervous yet. Well, I guess a little, actually I start class in about three hours. So, we'll see how that goes.

CELLINI: What is that big change -- or, tell us about that big change in really being self-responsible. Having that self- responsibility and self-reliance once you go away to college?

HANSEN: It's funny, you notice the little things. Grocery shopping all of a sudden is a big deal, and laundry, which I haven't actually done any yet. So we're going to see how that turns out too.

CELLINI: That's great. Mom is so proud, aren't you?

BETSY HANSEN, MOTHER: I am proud. She a wonderful, wonderful girl.

CELLINI: We spoke with a father earlier who sent one of his daughters away for the first time to college. What has the adjustment been like for you, Betsy Hansen?

B. HANSEN: I don't think I've felt it yet. She was in this wonderful comforting environment that Duke provided for the freshman. This is just the first week. I'm expecting a breakdown, imminently.

CELLINI: How is the roommates situation for you, Kate?

HANSEN: It's wonderful. Leonna and I were talking quite frequently before we actually moved in, and just -- and a lot of people get to be acquaintances with their roomates, but I really think she's just awesome. We've already had a lot of fun together. So, that's really, really going well.

CELLINI: Is a lot of this just budgeting your time? Making sure you have time for everything?

HANSEN: I think it probably is. The first couple of days especially, there have been a ton of activities and a ton of things to do. So you're trying to make sure you don't concentrate too much on one thing. You've got to set up the computer, and do the laundry, find your classes, do all of this stuff. So yes, I'm trying to be really careful with that.

CELLINI: Well Betsy, tell us, and maybe you can give some other parents advice, as to how to prepare for this and maybe kind of ease some of -- any problems you think you might encounter.

B. HANSEN: One of the things that I found very helpful was talking to other parents whose children have already gone off. Things to watch out for, how to prepare. Over the holidays we did a book exchange, and somebody kindly gave me a book called "Letting Go," and a book for Kate called "The Everything Survival Book." And they had helpful hints, things to expect. So, getting a preview into it. Sort of a recipe for what's going to be going on. It was very helpful.

CELLINI: You know what, Kate, I think you should take your mom to a Duke basketball game.

HANSEN: I think so, too.

CELLINI: Get the face painted and do the whole camera and crazy thing. That would be fun.

HANSEN: Absolutely!

CELLINI: Well you can look forward to that and many other enjoyable things on campus. That you so much, Kate Hansen and mother Betsy Hansen. Thank you very much.

HANSEN: You're welcome.

LIN: Well, mother Betsy can ask anything she wants of our relationship editor who's coming up. She is with TeenPeople.com. She's ready to talk about what actually happens on campus. The kinds of things that parents really want to know.

CELLINI: These are some of the tougher questions. We talk about alcohol use, and maybe not putting yourself into a difficult situation whether you're a young lady or a young man. Something that you should really think through.

LIN: Yes, maybe how to deal with that separation anxiety. Email us...

CELLINI: A lot of temptations at school.

LIN: Yes. Email us your question at carolandcolleen@cnn.com. It is "College Week" right here on CNN LIVE AT DAYBREAK.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK) LIN: And she's ready to talk about what actually happens on campus, the kinds of things that parents really want to know.

CELLINI: These are some of the tougher questions. We talk about alcohol use and maybe not putting yourself into a difficult situation, whether you're a young lady or a young man, something that you should really think through.

LIN: Yes, maybe how to deal with the that separation anxiety. E-mail us your questions at questions at carolandcolleen@cnn.com here at CNN.com. It is "College Week" right here on CNN LIVE AT DAYBREAK.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

LIN: What a way to start the first week of college, Marissa Whitley, Miss Teen USA 2001. She was crowned just last week, but she's going to delay starting college until spring. She has a lot to do before she actually officially begins at St. Louis University.

Good morning, Marissa.

MARISSA WHITLEY, MISS TEEN USA 2001: Good morning.

LIN: Hey, and congratulations.

WHITLEY: Thank you very much.

LIN: You know, your story is triply amazing, because of so much you went through at such a young age. But tell me, why is it you of all people were so surprised when you won?

WHITLEY: Well, I don't really know, because whenever I won the state pageant, it was huge. I mean, I got to prove myself. And the national level was just icing on the cake. We were there for two weeks, working really, really hard, meeting so many people, and I think I didn't really see myself winning. And to do that, and to be on stage with, you know, 50 girls from across the country that become really close friends, it was great.

LIN: Fifty amazing girls. I would like to go back in time. You're 18 years old now. But would love to go back to time when you were just a little toddler, just a little girl. You were 3 years old when lost mother to a brain aneurysm. You were five years old when your father was killed -- was it in a drive-by shooting?

WHITLEY: Yes.

LIN: Your family was torn apart. You were separated from your siblings. What do you think someone, an adult at that time, would have predicted for you?

WHITLEY: Well, fortunately, I got to live with my aunt Cynthia, who became my inspiration, and someone who was not only a wonderful mother figure for me, but she was also a really good role model for me. She worked very hard and gave me unconditional love that a 3- year-old needs, and because of that, I think that I've gotten every opportunity from her, and I'm just here as Miss Teen USA to not only prove to teens and kids everywhere that no matter what happens to you, you can overcome the odds, to be successful and to be someone.

LIN: You are living proof of that. You're getting ready at some point to go off to college, but first you've got a few things that you need to do.

What do you think by missing out, though, on first semester? Are you going to miss it?

WHITLEY: Well, I actually decided to take the semester off before I even went to nationals. And this was because I knew that nationals would be a very strenuous, stressful pageant. And I knew that leaving the day after I got back to go to college would be something that was really, I guess, impossible for me to do.

And I decided to take the fall semester off so I could rest and just reprioritize and get my thoughts together and then go off to St. Louis University. So I decided prior to winning the pageant.

LIN: And then you're looking forward. You're going to be emphasizing public safety, school safety. But in the meantime, I think you've got some pretty valuable, let's say, life lessons to share with some incoming freshmen. It just so happens that you room with Miss USA or Miss Universe. Is that right?

WHITLEY: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

WHITLEY: I actually feel like I'm in college, because I'm in a new apartment with two girls with all their makeup and their clothes. But they do appearances throughout the country. So we are on different schedules. So I kind of feel like I'm in college already.

LIN: Well, I asked Vince: "What do you think it would be like to room with Miss USA and Miss Universe?" And he gave me this look like: "Are you insane?"

(LAUGHTER)

LIN: Yes, no problem, Vince.

WHITLEY: Yes. I woke up and Kandace, Miss USA, was in our bathroom putting on her makeup. And it was just -- it was incredible.

LIN: Hello -- something to look forward to. Thank you so much, Marissa.

WHITLEY: Thank you very much.

LIN: And good luck with your year ahead and school, when you start in the spring.

WHITLEY: Thank you.

CELLINI: Carol, I was thinking of more of a journalistic standpoint when you asked me that question.

LIN: Absolutely -- from a research standpoint, I'm sure.

CELLINI: Just going over in my mind what my reply would be. OK.

It is back-to-school time. It's our "College Week." And we want to hear from you. Now is the time to get online and fire off an e- mail, because we're going to answer your questions about going away from home for the very first time. We will answer those e-mails and dish the dirt on the college experience.

CNN LIVE AT DAYBREAK continues after this.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

LIN: Yes.

CELLINI: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

LIN: This is the segment we've been waiting for.

CELLINI: Yes, it is.

You know, Sari Locker is a sex and relationship educator, TV personality, author, advice columnist and lecturer. She is the author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex," among others.

LIN: Oh, yes -- also "Mindblowing Sex in the Real World." Locker's next book, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being Sexy," is due out next January.

And Sari Locker joins us now from New York to talk about college, dating and relationships.

Boy, Sari, when we told the...

SARI LOCKER, SEX AND RELATIONSHIP EDUCATOR: Hi.

LIN: Good morning.

When we told the parents behind us that we were going to have an expert on set to talk about their child's college experience, I don't think we had the full set of book titles there.

LOCKER: You know what? Tell them not to worry, because the newest book, which will be out in October, the one that you just showed, "Sari Says," that actually covers topics ranging from school, parents, fashion, as well as dating and sex. So tell them I know a little more than just the sex stuff.

CELLINI: Well, sex is a very important part.

LOCKER: It definitely is. CELLINI: You mentioned that many times, young ladies, young women go to college, they are virgins. But what are the chances of staying a virgin in college? That's kind of a leading question, but I think it bears asking.

LOCKER: It's a very small chance, actually. When someone begins college, if that person is a virgin, the chances that he or she will lose virginity by graduation, it's a tremendous percent. The statistic is that 88 percent of 21-year-olds have lost their virginity.

CELLINI: What is advice you can give to these people who are thinking about having sex for the first time?

LOCKER: The most important thing is that throughout the course of college, people have to get to know themselves better. So when it comes to the issue of sex, they have to be able to choose their partner, choose the time when they want to have sex, the type of relationship they want to have sex in, based on own identity.

You see, when people are starting college, the students are experiencing some role confusion. On the one hand, they feel like they're adults, because for the first time ever, they're independent from their parents. But on the other hand, the fact is they're still teenagers, and teenagers need to be able to sort out their own identity and figure out what they want out of every aspect of their lives, including their relationships.

LIN: As you talk, showing some folks in our audience, and I think some concerned parents, some really worried dads and some maybe nervous kids.

Coming up stay right there, we will be taking some e-mail questions. Please e-mail us at carolandcolleen@cnn.com. What are your back to school issues? Parents, anything you want to know, Sarah is the one the to answer. Kids, anything you want to look forward to, write in. We will see you in a bit.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

LIN: All right, we're taking e-mail questions with our guest Sari Locker. She is with teenpeople.com, and the author of several really interesting books that you're going to want to check into.

But in the meantime, Sari, we're hearing from some folks. I'm going to take this question here from Vicki Turman. She's in Amory, Massachusetts. She says that her "18-year-old daughter is a freshman. She's making the adjustment just fine, since she are her roommate seem to have been matched perfectly. We're not very far away, so we're seeing her on the weekends, but her empty room is hard to take sometimes when I walk by and look in."

I think we are looking at some serious separation anxiety. What's the advice that you've got for her?

LOCKER: First advice I have the for the college students. I know it's difficult. But the one thing you should really not bring with you to college is your parents. It's very important that you try to break connection that you have with your parents just enough that you do start to feel independent and get to know who you are, not in relationship to your parents. So I don't advice seeing your parents every weekend.

LIN: That's going to be bad news for Vicky, because it's her daughter she's talking about.

LOCKER: I know, I'm sorry.

But then the advice I have for the parent is she really needs to start to understand, the best thing she can do as a parent is watch her daughter grow and flourish independently, so she needs to back off a bit. She needs to shut the door to he daughter's bedroom so when she walks by, she knows her daughter is safe in college and will be home for Thanksgiving or fall break, but maybe not every weekend.

CELLINI: Betsy Hansen, let's go. I think she has a question for you. Your daughter Kate a freshman at Duke University. Go ahead.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: If problems arise with the roommate, and I'm not anticipating this, because everything seems to be working. What sort of advice would you video for parents? How much hold back, or become involved in a situation that we seem to think is becoming very unpleasant for our kids?

LOCKER: I think you should try to let your teenager handle it independently, but do talk about the resources in their school. If not their aware, there's usually an RA, a resident adviser in the dorm who can help, or they can call the office of student life themselves. So you should try to remove yourself and tell your teenager, I think you can handle this on your own, because most universities do have something set up to help if the roommates really don't get along.

CELLINI: Sari Locker, thank you very much for all the advice, and we want thank the parents for showing up today. Don't worry, it's going to be OK.

LIN: Very quiet set.

CELLINI: It's going to be OK.

LIN: In the meantime, all this week at "College Week" and tomorrow, we're going to be dealing with education issues, including safety on campus, and we'll also look at "quarter life crisis," the discrepancy between the college major and what a student wants to do in life. That and Education Secretary Rod Paige answering questions tomorrow on CNN's "College Week."

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