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CNN Live At Daybreak

Talk with Author of 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Men'

Aired September 06, 2001 - 08:38   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
VINCE CELLINI, CNN ANCHOR: So the kids need braces, your boss is breathing down your neck, and your stocks have tanked. Sound like a lot to worry about? But maybe not. Author Richard Carlson's book is "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Men," part of the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" series, and he's not sweating right now. He's in our New York bureau this morning.

Good morning, Dr. Carlson.

RICHARD CARLSON, PSYCHOLOGIST: Good morning. It's nice to be here with you. Thanks.

CELLINI: Thank you for being with us.

I think the first step is actually getting the man to admit he needs a self-help book, actually going there and purchasing it. Isn't that step one?

CARLSON: Actually, that's a good lead-in to the first point. That's really important, and that's to learn to differentiate between real stress, real important external stuff that happens to you, and some of the stress which is hard to admit we create, like blowing things out of proportion, making things a bigger deal out things than they are, not understanding a lot of the stuff we get upset about isn't that big a deal in the scheme of things. And so once you can admit that, and have the humility to admit that of course, that's the first step in seeking any kind of help, whether it's a book, or a class, or a seminar or a counselor, or whatever.

CELLINI: But don't men in some twisted way enjoy stress? It's almost like they wear it as a badge of courage.

CARLSON: Yes, a badge of honor, you're right. I mean, people brag about how little time they have to go to bathroom the last time they went on a vacation. But ultimately stress is sort of a nonsexy thing, if you think about it. I mean,who wants to be around someone who has no time to listen, who's a very poor listener, who's always distracted, looking at his watch, always wishing he were somewhere else. It's gotten a lot of good play, and I think for bad reasons. I don't think it's a really good thing at all.

CELLINI: In your book you point out that some things men do annoy women, but it's unintentional. So do they project some of these things in their relationship, that dynamic with women. CARLSON: Yes, exactly. Some of the things that men do poorly sort of in a genetic way. We've always bee poor listeners, for example, which creates an enormous amount of unnecessary stress for ourselves, but that, ironically, is probably the thing that more women gripe about than anything else. So it sort of feeds on itself and becomes a self-perpetuating cycle, because women hate it, men do it, and it creates stress for both men and women in that sense.

CELLINI: You already mentioned the stress, seeing it as nonsexy. But there's also a part about finding a place to park. I wonder if you can elaborate on that, finding a place to park, what that might be metaphor for.

CARLSON: It is a metaphor. I heard Wayne Dyer talking about that once. It's kind of a funny thing to think about. People drive around, they're looking for a place to a park, but they're really not looking for a place to park. They're noticing all the hundreds of places there aren't to park, and so they're driving around angry, noticing all the lack of parking. And they spending their lives not looking for parking spaces that way, but life and opportunities same way. They say there's no parking spots, no opportunities. No one will give you a break, and that's not true. There's breaks out there, there's parking spots outs there, there's a lot of advantages to life, but you have to look for them instead of looking for their absence.

CELLINI: Dr. Carlson, I have in my hand here a Yonex driver, and that's because we're going to talk about golf, but using golf as an acronym, why is that important?" Can you explain?

CARLSON: Golf is, probably more than any other sport, it's a very present-moment oriented sport. and what I mean by that, is when you play golf, whether you hit a perfect drive or you a blow a putt completely, the idea is that you're doing that shot, and then you totally let go of it and get on to the next one. If you hold on to your successes or your failures, it's going to affect the rest of your game. And in life, it's the same thing. If you're doing something well, that's great, or if you're doing something poorly, that's too bad, but the idea is to let go of that and move on, and not hang on to things so long.

CELLINI: Dr. Carlson, one last thing. Am I OK?

CARLSON: Are you OK? Of course you're OK. You are doing fine.

CELLINI: Thank you very much. Dr. Richard Carlson. The book is "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." Thank you for your time.

CARLSON: Nice to be here.

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