Return to Transcripts main page
CNN Larry King Live
Interview with Kathy Griffin
Aired June 19, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
(MUSIC)
LARRY KING, HOST (voice-over): Tonight, D-list diva Kathy Griffin. Always outrageous.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KATHY GRIFFIN, COMEDIAN: What do you think if I dumped Levi Johnston for Eric Menendez?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Still outlandish.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: All right, fine.
KING: All right, fine.
GRIFFIN: Unleash the Bieber army on me.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: And forever outspoken about everything.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: It blows. I'm not going to lie. It blows chunks.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Ninety-year-old mom is here, too.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KING: What's it like to have her as a girl?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, it's --
GRIFFIN: You better lie through your teeth!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Hang on. Look out.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: I don't care anymore. Yes, go ahead, tweet me, Palin freaks.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Kathy Griffin next on LARRY KING LIVE.
(MUSIC)
(END VIDEOTAPE)
KING: Kathy Griffin is the Emmy-winning star of "My Life on the D-List." And her latest Bravo comedy special, "Kathy Griffin Does the Bible Belt" debuted this week. Her "New York Times" best seller is now out in paperback. I have it in my hot hands.
She appears in Vegas, July 10th, Season six of "My Life on the D- List" debuts June 15th. Let's take a sneak peek at that show.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: Hi, everybody!
This season on "My Life on the D List":
I'm going to Alaska to find love. I almost spank just the picture.
I am pulling out all the stops. This season is a --
I'm just doing stuff only a real D-lister can pull off.
Never been done on television. First public pap smear on TV.
Repeal "don't ask, don't tell." Take it!
Oh, I have one thing. A tax from -- Cher.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I smell (INAUDIBLE) here.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Kathy Griffin. Hey, so what distinguishes season six from season five?
GRIFFIN: Here's why. We are really kicking it up a notch, Larry. All right? Now -- oh, here's -- OK, I'm doing something on my show that you'd never done.
KING: What's that?
GRIFFIN: Have you ever gotten, after 25 years of a distinguished career, have you ever gotten a pap smear on this show? In your face, King! Yes, that's got to hurt. Yes, I talked to Obama last week.
(CROSSTALK)
KING: No pap smear.
GRIFFIN: Thank you. Exactly.
KING: I've never worn a dress either on this show.
GRIFFIN: What? You and LeBron James didn't put on matching dresses.
KING: I'm trying -- OK.
GRIFFIN: There's nothing I won't do is the point.
KING: I get that.
GRIFFIN: All right.
KING: How long is this reality show going to go on? Is it reality forever?
GRIFFIN: Until the day I die. Until Oprah kills me, which I think we know is eminent. I think we know that's --
KING: Why does she hate you?
GRIFFIN: You know why? Because I see through her, because I get her. I've lifted the mask off, and I see what's inside. You know what's inside?
KING: What do you see we don't see?
GRIFFIN: First of all, I think Stedman is missing. I think Stedman is missing.
KING: There is no Stedman.
GRIFFIN: Have you ever seen Stedman?
KING: Yes. He's been on the show, sitting in that seat.
GRIFFIN: Was he a hologram or a person?
KING: Person, I think.
GRIFFIN: Are you sure?
(CROSSTALK)
KING: I can't swear.
GRIFFIN: Exactly.
KING: OK, I got it. GRIFFIN: Also I believe -- I also believe that Ryan Seacrest is out to get me.
KING: Why is he mad at you?
GRIFFIN: Because I make fun of her sometimes.
KING: Who did you say? Her?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: You're funny.
GRIFFIN: I'm starting right out the gate, Larry.
KING: You recently did, I'm reading this so I got it right.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: You recently did an Emmy roundtable of reality stars for the "Hollywood Reporter." You said you think your show edits you to be nicer. Explain.
GRIFFIN: I mean, a lot of these reality folks come on talk shows and they say, well, if I was the villain or if I said something ridiculous, they edited that way. I think on my show, they actually edit me very fairly, maybe too fairly. I'm not that nice.
KING: You they make you look nicer than you have?
GRIFFIN: A little bit. Just a hair.
KING: Can't you run your own show?
GRIFFIN: No, I have no authority over it at all.
KING: We're in the same boat.
GRIFFIN: Really? I'm not buying that at all. I think you -- first of all, I -- can I talk to -- is it camera one.
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: America and global audience, you should know Gary -- I just called you Gary King.
KING: It's OK.
GRIFFIN: Am I going to lose an Emmy for that?
(INAUDIBLE)
GRIFFIN: I take it back, Gary.
KING: Emmy voters are watching.
GRIFFIN: Gary, don't interrupt me, Gary.
Anyway, Larry King just fire three people right before the show started.
KING: I did not!
GRIFFIN: And it's made me nervous. And now, I have something in my stomach.
(CROSSTALK)
KING: Griffin, do you want to hear something that kill you, shock you?
GRIFFIN: What?
KING: I've been on the air 53 years.
GRIFFIN: What?
KING: Twenty at CNN. I have never fired a person in my life. Domestic --
GRIFFIN: There are two men crying in the men's room.
KING: I make them cry.
GRIFFIN: All right, all right.
KING: OK. Wait a minute, you recently took out this -- this is the ad of the year.
GRIFFIN: You're not supposed to say that I took it out.
(CROSSTALK)
KING: An Emmy -- you took out an Emmy for your consideration.
GRIFFIN: You're supposed to say the network took it out.
KING: Oh, I'm sorry.
GRIFFIN: But they didn't.
KING: They took out the ad in your underwear. Now, do we have it?
Is this your real body?
GRIFFIN: It's my real body, but I am air brushed almost beyond recognition, which is what I prefer. So I did a photo shoot with Mike Ruiz, who is a great photographer. And he was trying to have me channel Betty Paige.
KING: Do you think this is going to get you an Emmy Award? GRIFFIN: I would just like to buy one if I could. If you recall the Pia Zadora Golden Globe scandal, and I know I'm dating myself a little bit. If I could just buy one, I would.
KING: What did she have to do with the Golden Globes?
GRIFFIN: I think she had to give it back, didn't she? Because she got kind of caught like buying it?
KING: Well, the husband bought it.
GRIFFIN: (INAUDIBLE), right?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: Oh, those were the days when you could just buy one.
KING: All right. Your comedy special "Kathy Griffin does the Bible Belt" debuted this week on Bravo. Let's show an excerpt of this blockbuster.
GRIFFIN: OK.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: So, sure enough, I'm doing a show in Nashville and then I get a call from a local police officer the day of the show. And he says, "Miss Griffin, I just want you to know, I hear that there's going to be a protest at your show tonight." And I thought, "Oh, what time?"
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: So anyway, I get to the show, and I'm all excited about my protest. And the protest in Nashville was two sweet little old ladies with a card table and some kind of sign saying something bad about me.
And then here's the best part. They had baked cookies and were handing them out.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: Now, you know those gays turned on me and took that cookie.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: So fast, you know those gays were like, you're right, I think she's awful. Thank you!
(LAUGHTER)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: You're funny. GRIFFIN: Now, have you ever been protested?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: What? For what?
KING: When I won a -- what was it? I won.
GRIFFIN: You don't even remember your awards and accolades? You have so many that you really can't remember (ph).
KING: I won a Peabody in New York. We won two Pea Bodies, one for radio, one for television.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: And the radio Peabody had a guy protesting saying I'm unfair to listeners.
GRIFFIN: Because?
KING: Walk around with a sign, because I hung up on him once.
GRIFFIN: Once?
KING: He's outside --
GRIFFIN: He should be here today. You should see what happened in the commercial.
KING: Stop with that.
GRIFFIN: Well, I'm just frightened for people.
KING: What are you doing in the Bible Belt?
GRIFFIN: Exactly. You know what, fish out of water. That's the type of story it is, because when I play those markets, you know, I have -
KING: I think it was Nashville, right?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Well, no, that was Knoxville.
KING: That's different.
GRIFFIN: Nashville is like Chelsea in Manhattan compared to Knoxville.
KING: Right.
GRIFFIN: And, you know, I find that the audiences there are even more enthusiastic. So, I said, that's it. I'm doing my next special in the Bible Belt. I'm taking it on.
And let me tell you something. The open-minded people and the people that like a laugh and the gay people made the drive. They made the drive.
KING: Kathy has got some unusual fans. One of them by the way is a convicted killer. You'll see who that is, and what he did for her -- next.
GRIFFIN: That's a cliff-hanger.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: They've really outdone themselves with the casting this season of "Dancing with the Stars." Of course, I missed my favorite contestant, Kate Gosselin. Exactly, yes, come on. To me it was all about the night she did her dance to Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi." So, she comes out, and then they have two mock-ups of tabloids and was dancing like a freakin' linebacker.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: The irrepressible Kathy Griffin --
GRIFFIN: Tank you. Yes.
KING: -- has some unusual fans. Some even send her gifts. You brought an example with you. Give us the back story.
GRIFFIN: All right. I hope you're ready for this.
KING: It's a terrific painting. I saw it coming in. I like it.
GRIFFIN: OK, good. So, here's a deal. And I want to focus in my house, because when you first look at it you think, oh, boy, she's one of those people who has a portrait of herself. But then take a closer look at the artist.
KING: The artist is Eric Menendez.
GRIFFIN: Ring a bell, Larry?
KING: One of the Menendez brothers.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: Convicted for life in prison for killing his parents.
GRIFFIN: Well, you know, I don't know the details of the case.
KING: They shot their parents.
GRIFFIN: I would say -- well, I don't think the reloading helped. But I -- you know, I don't know if it's for life. You never know.
KING: He may get out.
GRIFFIN: That's right.
KING: He's on this show.
GRIFFIN: And he did a very nice portrait.
KING: Very nice. So, were you thrilled at this? How do you react?
GRIFFIN: Of course. As a comedian, it's heaven for me. I mean, when I saw that painting come, I thought, OK, this is a nice painting. What the heck am I going to do with the painting of myself, that's weird. And then when I looked down and saw Eric Menendez, I thought this has to be framed.
KING: That could be big money.
GRIFFIN: What?
KING: A famous convicted killer --
GRIFFIN: What if I -- what do you think if I dumped Levi Johnston for Eric Menendez.
KING: Big money.
GRIFFIN: Big money. And also, maybe a step closer to an Emmy?
KING: Maybe two steps.
GRIFFIN: A Peabody?
KING: Peabody is harder.
GRIFFIN: If I marry Eric Menendez, will you have the two of us on your show together?
KING: Yes. He's married. Eric is married. Beautiful wife. She was on the show.
GRIFFIN: Oh, wait, the best part is that Lyle was married and they got divorced because he was cheating on her through her correspondence. That's a rough gig when you marry a guy in prison for life and you find out --
KING: He cheats on you by mail.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: Let's discuss some other things.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: By the way, in our next segment, we're going to discuss my 25th anniversary week.
GRIFFIN: I didn't miss a minute.
KING: I'm going to ask you questions I asked them.
GRIFFIN: What?
KING: OK. But that's next. Hold it.
Lindsay Lohan fascinates you. Why?
GRIFFIN: OK. First of all, I need one of those ankle bracelets. So, I don't know if you have any hookups or anybody in your Beverly Hills mafia.
KING: Do you drink?
GRIFFIN: I don't drink. But I would start or I would do black tar heroin or crystal meth amphetamines or whatever --
(CROSSTALK)
KING: Try to see if it goes off.
GRIFFIN: -- whatever it would take. I think, and if I could be photographed with one of those ankle bracelets, it could only help propel my career.
KING: It can't hurt.
GRIFFIN: And make me more interesting.
Now, my mother --
KING: Who will be on later.
GRIFFIN: My mother is going to be on later, which makes me almost as nervous as your moods which everyone knows slips away (ph) --
KING: Stop!
GRIFFIN: -- quite dramatically, frankly.
And I think that my mother enjoys the box of wine, which she'll deny. It's a little game we play. You'll see. But my dream is to get my mother on the next cast of "Celebrity Rehab" with Tila Tequila and have her wearing an ankle bracelet and monitoring her.
KING: She's going to be 90.
GRIFFIN: She's fine.
KING: OK. What do you make of the Sandra Bullock breakup?
GRIFFIN: Well, you know, it's interesting because my comedian friends were saying, are you going to go for Sandy Bullock? And I'm -- to me, that's not the comedy. The comedy isn't making fun of Sandra Bullock, the comedy is the mistress with the swastika tattoo whose middle name is "Bombshell," which I don't think is her baptismal name. I think she made that up.
And the Nazi hats, I mean, that's -- that's the comedy.
KING: And he is not the comedy?
GRIFFIN: Oh, he's the comedy, with Hitler picture, with this business. OK. And then when he goes on "Nightline" and says, maybe it was funny at a party. You know what? Bad answer. Maybe you should have been coached better by her attorneys.
KING: Yes. What about Justin Bieber? Why do we care? He is a nice kid. I met him one.
GRIFFIN: Are you a believer?
KING: Am I believer in Bieber?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Dou you have a crush on him?
KING: Name one hit song.
GRIFFIN: Girl you're looking fine today. I don't I --
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: All right, fine.
KING: All right, fine.
GRIFFIN: Unleash the Bieber army on me.
KING: But you know he has like a million -- I think he has more followers than you on Twitter.
KING: I would not be surprised.
GRIFFIN: I'm sure. Will you please follow me at @KathyGriffin?
KING: We do follow you. Do you follow me?
GRIFFIN: No, I'm too big. Yes.
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: That's right.
How -- by the way, how similar is this moment to when you were in the White House talking to Obama and the gardeners were behind you on the ladder? By the way, I thought that was a nice touch. Did you notice that?
KING: No, I didn't.
GRIFFIN: Well, I do. I watch everything about this show.
KING: I was concentrating on the president.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: You're hooked on this "Real Housewives" show.
GRIFFN: I'm hooked on all the housewives of every city.
(CROSSTALK)
KING: New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, Orange County -- what is the appeal of that show?
GRIFFIN: I can't help it. I love, you know, reality shows. I love scripted shows as well.
But I love the reality shows because, you know, people will say and do anything. And I get caught up in the drama. Like for example, who is your favorite person on "The Hills."
KING: On the who?
GRIFFIN: "The Hills." Like do you feel that Kristen this year is fake about her relationship with Brody or do you feel like she's really heartbroken? And what is it like for you do go online and then see he's with Avril Lavigne. I mean, does that blow your mind?
And then when Audrina comes in with Justin, we were supposed to be --
(CROSSTALK)
KING: You're discounting something. The inner feelings of Brody. You left that out. And you should feel a little -- I cried over Brody.
GRIFFIN: I know.
KING: And you didn't when you mentioned him. You just went right by him.
GRIFFIN: I did, and like he was nothing.
KING: He was my favorite person on the show.
GRIFFIN: I know you have a bromance with him.
KING: She'll be in Vegas July 10th. I might be there, too.
GRIFFIN: Please come. Come see me, Lar.
KING: We'll be right back with Kathy Griffin.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: So, I'm thinking it can't get any better and then freakin' Sharon Stone walks up. And by the way, she is dressed up to the nines. She got the hair slick back, the makeup on. She's is wearing a black sequin mini-dress. She has the ridiculous body of death.
And her face looks great. I don't know if she's been to the dentist.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: I know she absolutely hates me and here's why, because whenever I make a joke at her expense, she always goes like this, ha, ha, ha, isn't she great?
(LAUGHTER)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Our guest is Kathy Griffin, the extraordinary Kathy Griffin. I really adore her, despite it looks like fighting and stuff and she kids a lot.
OK. Before she went on, she told my crack crew who I was not mean to -- she told my crack crew that she was upset that I didn't ask her questions like I asked during our anniversary week of the other guests. So I will ask you some of the questions --
GRIFFIN: Well, yes, because I watched every moment of it. I watch the show every night. And, you know, it's such distinguished company that if I'm trying to be on the A-list, I'd like to think that, you know, the next interview --
KING: Now, this question. You wanted this asked of you. It makes no sense, but I'll ask.
GRIFFIN: Well, whoever guest could have?
KING: Lady Gaga.
GRIFFIN: Who I love, of course.
KING: You were on "TIME" magazine's annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world. Were you surprised at that?
GRIFFIN: No.
KING: So, how can you answer that? You weren't on the cover. You wanted me to ask you that question. It's embarrassing to you.
GRIFFIN: Larry --
KING: See what I mean?
GRIFFIN: I was on the cover, and I was so proud to be on the cover of "TIME" magazine promoting "My Life on the D-List" June 15th. And I feel that I influence people with my jokes about naughty parts.
KING: I see. Thank you, lady.
And now we go to Bill Gates. And this question was asked of Bill Gates.
GRIFFIN: I can handle any question Bill Gates can handle.
KING: What is it like knowing you changed the world?
GRIFFIN: Well, it's a thrill. It's a thrill for me knowing that when I started tinkering with computers when I was 4 years old I knew technology would change to the point where you're going to be able to walk into a room and a computer is going to say, "Hi, Larry".
KING: You did watch this show.
GRIFFIN: Every minute of it.
KING: By the way, what do you think of that walk into a room and a computer says hi?
GRIFFIN: It frightens me.
KING: Me too.
GRIFFIN: Because I don't want even walk into a room --
KING: I don't want that.
GRIFFIN: I don't want anyone to say hi to me or even really make eye contact to me.
KING: I don't want that world.
GRIFFIN: No thank you.
KING: Now, we go to president of the United States, Obama.
GRIFFIN: All right. There's no question Obama had that I can't handle.
KING: OK. What are your plans for the oil spill?
GRIFFIN: All right. I'm not a scientist. I never said I was. I would say that if you just started by stuffing the hole just with Anderson Cooper's t-shirts and shirts, it would take about two days, because he's got -- every night, it's a new Prada shirt, and they're all very nicely tailored.
KING: What do you make of that, the t-shirt phenomena for Anderson Cooper?
GRIFFIN: Well, I think he's a phenomenon. First of all, he's hot and gorgeous and has a perfect body that is shaped like a V. He's like a superhero. I don't know that he is real either. I think he might be like Stedman Graham where we think he's real, but he could be a hologram.
KING: You like his hair?
GRIFFIN: I like his hair. He's perfect. Of course, I do.
KING: To LeBron James, the great basketball star.
GRIFFIN: What does she do?
KING: Here's the question I asked LeBron --
GRIFFIN: Baseball?
KING: you wanted asked of you.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: Living the projects, how did you stay out of gangs?
GRIFFIN: Well, I kept it reals. I found that if I found my hommies, Jesus, of course, is my -- Jesus is my homeboy. And then after that, I just kept it reals with the peeps. And then I would -- I would hit -- I would start with my beat box, and I would take to it the bridge.
KING: Gotcha.
And, finally --
GRIFFIN: OK. Sorry.
KING: -- the question I asked of the American idols. Who would you most like to sing a duet with?
GRIFFIN: Well, naturally, I would like to sing a duet with Rosemary Clooney, but she's dead. So --
KING: Well, let's go skip to the next one then who alive.
GRIFFIN: Who alive would like -- I would like to sing a duet with Celine Dion. (INAUDIBLE).
KING: Who?
GRIFFIN: Maybe Celine Dion.
KING: Oh, Celine Dion.
GRIFFIN: And her husband, Rene (INAUDIBLE). No, her husband Rene Angelil in her birthday.
KING: She's going to have twins. What do you make of that?
GRIFFIN: I can't even sleep nights, I'm so excited.
KING: The fun couple, Kathy and Levi Johnston still can't get enough of each other. An update on their relationship, you'll see it first here -- next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: So, I have some news.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What's that?
GRIFFIN: You know how every year we go on exciting trips, right? We've gone to --
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Jamaica.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Bora bora.
GRIFFIN: Yes. Well, we're going on another team trip.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Tropical?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Like Hawaii?
GRIFFIN: Wasilla, Alaska. It's in Alaska.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: We're back. Levi Johnston shows up on the new season of "Life on the D-List." Well, actually, Kathy shows up in Alaska. Let's take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: By the state of Alaska, you guys are married!
GRIFFIN: So, go ahead, tiger. Show me your moves.
LEVI JOHNSTON: Give it a little pop up. Let it down.
GRIFFIN: OK.
I could really get used to this.
After spending the day ice fishing, I actually want to get knocked up. Just out of sheer boredom.
Can we go to the mall?
JOHNSTON: It sounds good.
GRIFFIN: Holding Levi close, feeling my heart beating against him, I realize this is where I'm meant to be, for three days. And they get me the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) out of here.
(END VIDEO CLIP) GRIFFIN: Have you been to Wasilla?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: It blows. I'm not going to lie. It blows chunks, yes.
KING: What is --
GRIFFIN: It's not what we want the country to be like. When Sarah Palin said, you know, I would run the country, you know, you betcha, the way I run Wasilla, that's not what we want. It's a lot of boredom and then some crystal meth.
And go ahead. Write your letters. I don't care anymore. Go ahead. Tweet me about it.
KING: What's your attraction to Levi?
GRIFFIN: I get him in a way that Bristol never did. And also, every time that I'm with Levi and put him in the public eye, I feel it's my very subtle middle finger to Sarah Palin.
Yes. Go ahead. Tweet me Palin freaks. I don't care anymore.
KING: Have you been intimate with Levi?
GRIFFIN: Yes. I have. I've seen his Johnston. Have you?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: It goes on and on, for days.
KING: Do you love him?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: He's younger than you.
GRIFFIN: Like 30 years. Not even that much.
KING: Could you be serious with him?
GRIFFIN: Yes. That's right. I would be very serious in a committed monogamous relationship.
KING: Well, how is it going, then?
GRIFFIN: Well, you know, now that I got a painting from Eric Menendez, I feel that I'm seeing other people. I mean, I'm torn. It's like the thorn birds, you know what I mean? It's like a forbidden love.
KING: Moving on.
What do -- what do you think of MTV's "Jersey Shore" to Snooki and Jay Wowow and the situation. GRIFFIN: OK. You did not say Jay Wowow.
KING: What are you supposed to say?
GRIFFIN: It's Jay Wow.
KING: I said it with two Ws. Wowow.
GRIFFIN: You can't change it.
KING: I can do anything I want.
GRIFFIN: Are you hammered right now?
KING: What?
GRIFFIN: Hammered. You heard me. Are you drunk? Because you're not supposed to do show all drunk, Larry. It's not professional.
KING: You know something? I've never been drunk in my life.
GRIFFIN: Never?
KING: Never.
GRIFFIN: I haven't either!
KING: Never.
GRIFFIN: I've never had a drink in my life.
KING: I've had a drink, but I never been drunk. I don't like it.
GRIFFIN: Interesting. Are you just high on our conversation?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: Me too.
KING: I'm high on this show.
GRIFFIN: Me too. Who needs it? Anyway, (inaudible). What was your favorite episode?
KING: I never saw it.
GRIFFIN: OK, you know what, Larry, you got the play the game. You got to at least lie and say, you caught a few minutes --
KING: No, I won't lie.
GRIFFIN: Well, why - if you should - if you lie -
KING: First of all, what time is it on? GRIFFIN: It's on MTV. They rerun it a million times. I don't know, who knows. The d-list is on Tuesdays on Bravo.
KING: What makes Jersey Shore a special?
GRIFFIN: Snooki.
KING: I know it's popular.
GRIFFIN: On situation. The way the house at the Jersey Shore has a certain smell and a sheen to it from just filth and too many one-nighters. The way they fight and then make up.
KING: Do you think things are really that way on the Jersey Shore? Because the Jersey Shore has some very nice places.
GRIFFIN: It has some very nice places. But, look, don't mess with me. I've played those markets many times. They can be rough. Hey, you're funny, what's next. It's that kind of a crowd. It's like they love you and look at you like you better make me laugh or I'll kill you on the way out to the car.
KING: You took your show to Washington.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: For an episode -- what was that like for you?
GRIFFIN: It was fantastic because I learned a lot about how things work on the Hill. And I'm doing whatever I can to help repeal "Don't Ask Don't Tell." I have many friends in the military after having been to Iraq and Afghanistan and Kuwait and all those places.
KING: I know you're a (inaudible) girl.
GRIFFIN: And I met with Majority Whip James Clyburn and Barney Frank. It was very educational. I did get in a little trouble with a moron named Michele Bachmann. Go ahead. Act like I'm not your guest, but you're acting like you're having an out of body --
KING: Michele Bachmann is a very strong conservative person.
GRIFFIN: Boy, I didn't know I was be kind to Bachmann day because my word for that is idiot. Anyway, and I got into a little couple of words with her.
KING: Tiff?
GRIFFIN: A little tiff with Michele Bachmann. And also I sort of got kicked out of my first Senate hearing because I said something to Saxby Chambliss that he didn't like. And I didn't know these hearings weren't interactive. I thought they were more like a Q&A situation. Not so much.
KING: Well, it is.
GRIFFIN: Well, but not for me.
KING: You now throw fancy dinner parties. I've never been invited by the way. Tell us about -- you have a-listers at your house last weekend. Jackie Collins, Suzanne Summers, Lily Tomlin, Chris Bodey (ph) and Sydney Poitier.
KING: In your face, king. I mean, that's got to hurt. That's got to be like a dagger in your heart right now.
KING: I've had dinner with Sydney many times, but --
GRIFFIN: But come on.
KING: Tell me at -- how did this come about, you, a d-lister, what are you doing with these people?
GRIFFIN: It's a sham. It's a travesty, yet I was determined to make it happen. Here is why. I'm friends with Sue Mangers. Google her. Sue Mangers used to be a big power agent, still gives a lot of advice to a lot of powerful people and she is using incredible dinner parties.
So I thought I would try one. So, you know, there are a lot of people in what I call the Beverly Hills mafia and they run this town. And one of them is Suzanne Summers and Jackie Collins who between them has really so much money it's ridiculous. They might as well eat it for lunch and crap it out. It's an insane amount. So they are beholden to no one, which is why I admire them. They don't really need --
KING: Anyone.
GRIFFIN: No, they really don't.
KING: But they plug their books. They go everywhere.
GRIFFIN: Well, of course, because it's fun. They love it. They have the tiger and the hunger just like you and I do and so -- they're friends with all these types of people I would never get to meet, so I invited them to dinner and they actually came. Guess who came to dinner? Sydney Poitier.
KING: What did you serve?
GRIFFIN: I had a caterer that has cooked for Sydney before so they knew exactly what he wanted. They brought him his room temperature Evian at the right time and there was a dairy cream of asparagus. So here is the worst part.
Suzanne Summers e-mails me and she says what are you going to serve on. I realized I didn't have dishes or cloth napkins or cutlery that matches. So I rented dishes, knives and forks. I've never had a cloth napkin in my life. I'm all paper towels all the time.
KING: Did you do a little routine at the dinner?
GRIFFIN: No, I took credit for it. I got these at a - you know, Saks 5th Avenue. They were a fortune.
KING: Was it a success?
GRIFFIN: It was so fantastic. You know, those are people that fascinate me.
KING: They're nice people.
GRIFFIN: But that's a group that has something to say. I was proud of it. Lily Tomlin was great.
KING: You're going to meet --
GRIFFIN: Oh, boy.
KING: The woman who gave birth to Kathy Griffin.
GRIFFIN: This can't be happening.
KING: She's try to hide it the rest of her life.
GRIFFIN: Take it back.
KING: Kathy's mom, Maggie.
GRIFFIN: Please no.
KING: is next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: Maggie Griffin, Kathy's mother joins us. She is a regular on "My Life on the D-list" and author of the new book "Tip It." Let's take a look at some Maggie Griffin highlights from the new season of "My Life on the D-List." Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You and I are judging a kiddie pageant.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh my God.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm going to sing a song, and I'll forget my pottie mouth. I got to tell you, mom, I just don't give up --
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: They took the bar away. Can't see.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Let's say we're going to do sort of a wearable drinking blanket with arms. That sucked. Look. You had two faces -- or me.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Did you ever fake an orgasm?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't tell things like that.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Doris is kind of her naughty friend. (END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: All right, Maggie, what is it like to have her as a daughter?
K. GRIFFIN: You better lie through your teeth. I mean --
M. GRIFFIN: Well, you're always on your toes, Larry.
KING: Been that way since she was kid?
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, but not as outrageous. I mean, now she -- to me she is outrageous.
K. GRIFFIN: OK, would you stop acting like this is an interview with Queen Noor? Usually there is a box of wine and she can barely stand on her toes.
KING: She should. This is one of the thrills of her life. Let her have her moment, OK.
K. GRIFFIN: Are you trying to fire me from --
KING: No, let her have her moment.
K. GRIFFIN: All right, Larry, he is on one today.
KING: How do you like all the attention you get due to your daughter?
K. GRIFFIN: From gay people.
M. GRIFFIN: I get a lot of attention and everybody is very, very nice.
K. GRIFFIN: What about Oprah? What if you met Oprah, what would you do? You would throw me under the bus.
M. GRIFFIN: I don't know what Oprah would do, but I --
K. GRIFFIN: What if she hit you?
M. GRIFFIN: I don't think she would do that.
K. GRIFFIN: Are you sure?
M. GRIFFIN: I think she is more controlled that than, Kathy.
K. GRIFFIN: He knows her.
M. GRIFFIN: Would she hit me?
KING: No, she wouldn't. We know Kathy is very popular with gay fans. Why do you think you are?
M. GRIFFIN: I think I am because I've kind of come out for a lot of things. And they're all very nice to me.
KING: You stand up for them.
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, yes, I really do.
K. GRIFFIN: She went to an anti-prop 8 rally. She carried a sign.
M. GRIFFIN: That was great.
KING: Support gay marriage?
M. GRIFFIN: Yes. Yes.
K. GRIFFIN: She is like the white Angela Davis. Remember Angela Davis with the fro? She is like that. Militant!
M. GRIFFIN: But no, I really think -- I think the time is right and things are happening for them. And I think it's wonderful. I think it should be.
KING: What kind of mom was she growing up?
K. GRIFFIN: I don't know who this is because she is acts like this is a serious Charlie Rose moment. She is actually taking on the issues. First of all, she is drunk right now, Larry. Let's just be honest.
M. GRIFFIN: OK.
K. GRIFFIN: She has had a little box of wine to take the edge off.
KING: Where do you live, Maggie?
M. GRIFFIN: I live right - now I live in Beverly Hills. Yes.
K. GRIFFIN: Exactly, see? For all the complaining? Exactly.
KING: Your successful daughter move you?
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, yes.
KING: Takes good care of you?
M. GRIFFIN: She 's very good.
KING: Are you a widow?
M. GRIFFIN: Pardon me?
KING: Are you a widow?
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, I am. My husband expired three years ago. It's been very tough.
KING: Was he a good father, Kathy?
K. GRIFFIN: He was the best. He was so funny. They were on the show together. When people come up to me and say, I feel like I knew your dad and I say, well, you did. He was just like that. She is like that except this is a weird party face she is doing for your benefit.
KING: What are you saying?
K. GRIFFIN: She is trying to act sober. It's like when the cops pull you over and have you do that test. Can we have her blow into anything?
KING: I told you I don't drink.
K. GRIFFIN: I meant that for her.
KING: Does your daughter ever embarrass you?
M. GRIFFIN: Well, occasionally she does.
K. GRIFFIN: OK.
M. GRIFFIN: But I'm kind of used to it because --
K. GRIFFIN: We rehearsed this, which was no, Larry, she is a joy.
M. GRIFFIN: I forgot that part. I'm sorry, Kath. I'll get to it. She has been in comedy for a long time now. And at first I used to about die and even my husband would a little bit. But now we're -- you know, it's in kind of one ear and out the other although there are a few times.
K. GRIFFIN: OK, that was great. Next, line. I don't want to keep you, Larry.
KING: Do you go to her concerts?
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, I go to all the shows. We always have and people keep look around at us like when she says something outrageous or against us or whatever. And we're sitting there clapping and laughing.
KING: Did it take a while to get used to her use of the language?
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, it did. It took a while.
KING: Did she curse as a kid?
K. GRIFFIN: Where do you think I learned it? I learned from the master, OK.
M. GRIFFIN: That's not true.
K. GRIFFIN: You can't even say it on the show.
M. GRIFFIN: That's not true.
K. GRIFFIN: Like a sailor would blush.
KING: Where did you grow up?
K. GRIFFIN: In Forest Park, Illinois.
M. GRIFFIN: Right outside of Chicago.
KING: Oprah country.
K. GRIFFIN: It's all Oprah country. Who are we kidding? It's Oprah's world.
KING: Was she a good student?
M. GRIFFIN: She was a good student. She was great -- she was a good student. Great kid, though. People almost don't believe that.
K. GRIFFIN: That means bad student when she gets to the great kid.
KING: Wait a minute, she had good manners?
M. GRIFFIN: She had very good manners. She was very -
K. GRIFFIN: With those pain in the neck nuns? The nuns tried to torture me. They were evil. Evil nuns.
KING: Did she listen to her parents?
M. GRIFFIN: She was a good kid. I never had a problem with her.
KING: Ahuh.
M. GRIFFIN: You know when I started to have problems with her? When she came out here and she started to make it.
KING: In other words, before you made it --
M. GRIFFIN: A great kid.
K. GRIFFIN: That's right and Hollywood turned me bad.
KING: So it wasn't your mother. It was this place.
K. GRIFFIN: That's right. I'm not unlike the Lohans.
KING: Maggie reveals something about Kathy that only a mother would know, next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Kathy Griffin, ladies and gentlemen.
K. GRIFFIN: I have an amazingly hot bikini bod. It's not genetic, if you've seen my mother.
M. GRIFFIN: I saw Kathy walk out on that stage. I was horrified. Shamelessly showing her body, especially all over the place. I thought her body looked pretty good. But I won't mention that to her.
K. GRIFFIN: I had decided that my mother's expression of horror is her way of smiling. And saying I couldn't be prouder.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Kathy Griffin's book is now in paperback. Maggie Griffin's book is just out. "Tip It, the World according to Maggie." Tell us something about her, they and we don't know.
K. GRIFFIN: We didn't discuss this.
KING: No.
M. GRIFFIN: I honestly haven't discussed it.
K. GRIFFIN: I have to put a stop to this right now.
KING: Stop it.
K. GRIFFIN: Larry, what's going to happen?
KING: Stop it. Tell us something about you nobody knows.
M. GRIFFIN: All right. I think one thing she is not going to like this probably. All right, I'll be careful.
K. GRIFFIN: I'm watching you.
M. GRIFFIN: I don't think people know --
K. GRIFFIN: You could be in that state-run home.
KING: Let her finish.
M. GRIFFIN: It's all over. I think people don't know that she is quite vulnerable. I mean, she puts on this tough front.
K. GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: Are you saying, she has an interior that can be hurt?
M. GRIFFIN: She actually does.
K. GRIFFIN: Well, there goes Miami. Thanks, everybody. Congratulations to you two. There goes my career.
KING: There is a soft side?
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, there is. But she doesn't show it as often as I wish she would.
KING: How did she do as a child when she started to date?
M. GRIFFIN: She was great. I really have no --
K. GRIFFIN: Don't act like I ever dated a guy that turned out to be gay. They all turned out to be gay.
M. GRIFFIN: Well, I didn't know that.
K. GRIFFIN: I'm what you call a gay-maker. I can turn anyone gay.
KING: They meet you and become gay? That's impossible.
K. GRIFFIN: Well, I'm a gay-maker. I'm a professional. It used to be a chicken and egg situation, which came first. But I think I actually make them gay.
KING: By doing what?
K. GRIFFIN: I think it's maybe a little too much Liza, a little too much Streisand, a little too much Cher. Eventually it gets to them. I practically made her a lesbian.
KING: Maggie, how did you come to write the book?
M. GRIFFIN: Well, what happened, I believe the company, Hyperion Books called.
K. GRIFFIN: Here is the deal. She drinks a lot of boxed wine and people like that about her. They find it relatable. So a publisher actually said would you like to write about how boxed wine --
KING: You drink boxed wine?
M. GRIFFIN: Well, I do. I drank a little before.
K. GRIFFIN: OK, stammering. You see what I'm saying?
KING: That's wine that comes in a box.
M. GRIFFIN: Yes and we got it because we had had it at a friend's house in their backyard or party. And he's a fellow that has a really nice wine cellar certainly better than ours. We never even had a wine cellar.
K. GRIFFIN: Yawn. Could you wrap this?
M. GRIFFIN: Anyway, he tried this wine, this boxed wine. He brought a big box to a couple of them, and he said try this wine, I think you'll like it. For a big party, it's great. It's cheap. K. GRIFFIN: What if I gave a real answer, which is when you're hammered, not that anyone in this room would imbibe and you drop, it unlike glass.
KING: It doesn't break and typically it's the way you finished it off is that --
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, you get the box and in case it's going out you think it's empty and you say tip it and then it became tip it for kind of everything.
K. GRIFFIN: You have to end your answers at some point. You really do.
M. GRIFFIN: I think that's all right.
KING: Do you have -- by the way, this is June. Are you going with anyone now other than Levi?
K. GRIFFIN: Well, I'm torn between Levi and Eric Menendez.
KING: Eric is going to be hard to get with.
K. GRIFFIN: You know, he's emotionally unavailable.
KING: Yes, and physically.
K. GRIFFIN: I guess I'm going for the wrong man.
KING: So Levi -- you like Levi?
M. GRIFFIN: Not really.
K. GRIFFIN: You don't care. You know what, Larry, this is taking an ugly turn.
M. GRIFFIN: Not really.
KING: What advice, it is June, do you have for graduates? Have you been asked to make a commencement speech?
K. GRIFFIN: No, which would be very a-list. I would love to do one at a nice junior college somewhere, maybe one where I didn't complete my studies. My advice would be to take just as much Adderall as you can get your hands on and also sleep around but with a condom, but the volume is not an issue, as long as you -- go for it.
I would try to reach 100 by your junior year if you're going to play a numbers game, and also would I say pay attention to what you feel like paying attention to and you'll be fine. Isn't that what you taught me?
M. GRIFFIN: Yes. Just exactly.
KING: Would you like to be a mother?
M. GRIFFIN: Exactly.
K. GRIFFIN: I have dogs and I am a mother to my dogs, and also I have a grown child in a way, if you think about it.
KING: You think she would be a good mother?
M. GRIFFIN: I think she would.
K. GRIFFIN: Larry, if I have one egg left I'm going to be pissed, OK. I don't think there are a lot of eggs. There are no omelets happening down there. They are all gone. Don't tell Levi. I told him I was 26.
KING: How often do you see Levi?
K. GRIFFIN: As often as possible.
KING: Does it bother you that he knows that your mother doesn't like him?
K. GRIFFIN: Yes, it tears him up inside.
M. GRIFFIN: I'm sure it would.
K. GRIFFIN: And you know Levi and he talks and talks and talks.
KING: You can't shut him up.
K. GRIFFIN: You can't shut him up. I know, that's Levi.
KING: He goes out dancing until 6:00, 6:30 at night. More with Kathy and her mom. We're going to mark a milestone. Stick around.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: We're winding things up. A special week this is for Maggie griffin, and we want to recognize it. Maggie celebrated her 90th birthday, and to honor her, we have a couple of surprises.
K. GRIFFIN: Oh, boy, a stripper.
KING: Ladies and gentlemen, bring them in.
K. GRIFFIN: Oh, my gosh.
M. GRIFFIN: Wow.
KING: A lovely birthday cake.
K. GRIFFIN: And it looks like a cougar. Don't touch it.
M. GRIFFIN: Oh, God.
K. GRIFFIN: That's the cake.
M. GRIFFIN: I thought it was a box. K. GRIFFIN: OK, she's drunk, Larry.
KING: A box of Chardonnay wine.
M. GRIFFIN: And a box of wine.
K. GRIFFIN: Larry, you broke the bank on this one, baby.
M. GRIFFIN: Oh, my gosh.
KING: And what do we have in here?
M. GRIFFIN: Oh, my goodness.
K. GRIFFIN: Please say it's a moo-moo.
KING: I don't know what it is so you surprise me.
M. GRIFFIN: I don't know, you tell me.
K. GRIFFIN: It's cups. Looks like a drinking party. You'll have to force her.
M. GRIFFIN: But nobody will join me.
KING: I never tried box wine.
K. GRIFFIN: There's a bunch of junk food. There's Twinkies. Will you be honest about your secret to longevity, which she got to be 90 years old, junk food and booze.
M. GRIFFIN: Larry you know this one.
KING: Can you mix that? Can you have Twinkies and liquor?
K. GRIFFIN: Watch her. Watch the pro.
M. GRIFFIN: Yes, that's good.
K. GRIFFIN: We'll do Larry's first.
M. GRIFFIN: I haven't done this in for a while, Larry. You're supposed to keep it here.
K. GRIFFIN: And then what happens.
KING: You pour it on the side, OK now?
K. GRIFFIN: Like that? Look out. It's like Levi taking a pee on the ice machine. Here you go. Here's yours.
KING: Celebrate the birthday. First ever boxed wine.
M. GRIFFIN: Just a little, honey.
K. GRIFFIN: Remember when you and Obama had the box of wine after the interview. It was just like that.
KING: The fragrance.
K. GRIFFIN: All right, tip it. Here, here.
KING: Afraid of this?
K. GRIFFIN: Yes, I don't want to start, Larry. I don't think it's a good idea.
M. GRIFFIN: Larry, thank you very much. Tip it. That's a new thing now. You say let's tip it.
K. GRIFFIN: OK, let him do the show. What if he did the show and you drink.
KING: Let's "Tip It."
K. GRIFFIN: Can you hold up my book, Larry?
KING: Here's Kathy's book.
K. GRIFFIN: Typical. This is great.
M. GRIFFIN: Not too bad, Larry.
K. GRIFFIN: Yes, what did you think Larry's interview with Lady Gaga?
M. GRIFFIN: Well, he's always good.
K. GRIFFIN: Why don't I have that gene?
KING: This taste like a combination of a warm wine with a touch of beer.
K. GRIFFIN: Interesting.
M. GRIFFIN: I never got the beer part of it.
K. GRIFFIN: Well, you got plenty.
KING: Let's sing happy birthday to her.
K. GRIFFIN: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear mom.
KING: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Maggie. Happy birthday to you.
K. GRIFFIN: Happy birthday to you. I love you, mom.
M. GRIFFIN: I love you.
K. GRIFFIN: Don't mess up my makeup.
KING: Can I ask the crew what kind of cake this is? Marble cake with chocolate chip filling.
K. GRIFFIN: Yes, it's marble cake with chocolate chip frosting in the middle and butter cream on the outside. That's my favorite
KING: What's the color?
K. GRIFFIN: It looks like a cougar.
KING: It's look like a pink cougar.
K. GRIFFIN: With Levi. I think that reflects my relationship with Levi.
KING: Thank you all very much for joining us. Thank you, Kathy, thank you, Maggie. The books are out. The show is out. The cake is here. The wine is here. Have a great weekend. Don't forget she's in Vegas July 10th and the new season of "D-list" starts June 15th.
K. GRIFFIN: Yes, come see.
KING: And right now "AC 360" starts.
K. GRIFFIN: Top this, Anderson.
