Return to Transcripts main page
Live From...
Interview With Military Families
Aired July 15, 2003 - 15:42 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: Being a military spouse can be a lot like riding on a roller coaster with the highs of reunions followed by the lows of long separations. Well our next guests know all about it. Kaycee Martin was pregnant when her husband, Sergeant Craig Martin, was doing war duty in Iraq. They had a brief TV reunion, thanks to CNN.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KAYCEE MARTIN, MILITARY WIFE: I love you very much, I miss you very much. Everyone is praying for you. And I just want you to come home safe and soon so you could see our new baby.
SGT. CRAIG MARTIN, SERVED IN IRAQ: One more thing, you look really beautiful right now.
K. MARTIN: Thanks.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PHILLIPS: We can tell you that new baby, his name is Colin (ph). And we're happy to tell you that the Martins are back together again stateside. They join me live from Irvine, California. And also joining me is Meredith Leyva. And she has written a new book. She's the wife of a Navy diver and the author of "Married to Military: A Survival Guide to For Military Wives, Girlfriends and Women in Uniform".
It's great to have all of you with us. I think I'm going to start with you, Casey, and just ask you, your son (sic) has been overseas five times. How the heck do you deal with this?
K. MARTIN: It's rough. But I stay busy. That is what keeps me going. And then plus all the contact. He is good at keeping me informed and calling and letters. That is what pretty much gets me through it.
PHILLIPS: Craig, I've got to ask you, how do you keep the love life together during the long deployments?
C. MARTIN: You've got to surprise her. Always keep her guessing. Send little messages in a bottle, stuff like that. Let her know what's going on at all times.
PHILLIPS: Meredith, you've written a book on how to survive situations like this. How do you advise couples on how to survive long deployments while at the same time strengthening their marriage?
MEREDITH LEYVA, "MARRIED TO THE MILITARY": You know the Martins are doing it absolutely right. That daily communication, if possible, is just so critical to getting the couple through deployments and keeping each other integrated in the day-to-day lives.
And, Good for Scott (sic), because he is keeping up the romance alive. When he comes home or now that he's home, that much easier to be reunited and get back into day-to-day life.
PHILLIPS: All right, so, Kaycee, we talk about you and Craig and your relationship. Now, let's bring the kids into the mix. And you were like, hey, I'm in the military for the long haul. I'm very proud of my husband. He's a decorated Marine. But then Kaylee started crying every night. Tell me how she reacted. I know this really touches both of you. But kind of us give us a feel for what Kaylee was going through and what she did every night when daddy would leave.
K. MARTIN: The first few deployments it wasn't as bad. She didn't understand as well. But now that she -- she does understand time, she's 4. Every night she would cry. I want Daddy. Or any time discipline or anything like that, it was always, I needed Daddy.
But for her it was just difficult because even she goes to the preschool on base, she would continue to see all these daddies and all these kids, very upset week after week because guys were getting sent overseas.
So it was tough. She would draw him pictures. We'd send him pictures, anything like that. He would send her stuffed animals or anything too in the mail so she would be excited and realize that he still loved her and cared and things like that.
PHILLIPS: So, Craig, how do you find the balance? Obviously, we know how amazing it is to be a Marine and how important it is to be a Marine and yet you have your little girl crying on a regular basis. Where do you make peace? Where do you find the balance?
C. MARTIN: To be honest with you don't find that balance until you come home. That's the biggest thing.
PHILLIPS: How do you do that, Craig?
C. MARTIN: I'm here.
PHILLIPS: How do you do that?
C. MARTIN: The biggest thing is you have to stick through it. You're out there and you have to keep your head in the game because if you don't keep your head in the game you might not come home to see to that little girl. So you do what you got to do and you just keep contact with her and try to comfort her the best you can.
PHILLIPS: Taking that into account, Meredith, how can husbands in the military make life easier for their wives and their children? LEYVA: That daily communication. One thing you can do with kids, for example, is write e-mails to them, as well, that Mommy can read so Daddy feels integrated into their day-to-day life.
It's also a good thing to talk to kids, particularly younger kids, talking about an angel guarding over their parent as they're out there, as they're out fighting the bad guys. Talking in terms of bad guys versus good guys is very helpful for kids and it helps justify the sacrifice for them.
PHILLIPS: Craig, I always hear this expression, compartmentalization when you're overseas. You you've got to compartmentalize everything. Do you believe in that philosophy? Does that work?
C. MARTIN: I think I got my own little philosophy. Each person has to deal with it in their own ways. I talk to a lot my Marines who are away from their families and each one has their own unique way dealing with their being gone out there. Not one person does it the same.
PHILLIPS: Craig would you want Colin or Kaycee (sic) or both of them to join the military?
C. MARTIN: No.
PHILLIPS: Why not?
C. MARTIN: Because what we do is very difficult and it's very, very difficult and I would rather him do something different to where he could be with his family and not have to separate for such long periods of time.
PHILLIPS: Kaycee, what do you think? Are you guys going to stick with the military for the long haul?
K. MARTIN: The military has done a lot of good things for us. If he could get a job that he deploy all the time, then yes, we would definitely stick it out. But leaving every year, is just not going to work. He missed two of her birthdays already and now having a son, I don't think -- they don't deserve for him to be gone so much.
PHILLIPS: Now, Meredith, in your book you talk about in the survival guide the human aspect of things, keeping the marriage together, the love life. But you also address relocating your family across the globe, personal finance, military style, understanding your husband's career trek yet maintaining your own, knowing what parties and event you need to attend, how to dress for them. My goodness. How did you learn how to master this?
LEYVA: Well, "Married to the Military" the book is really an amalgamation of experience and advice from the nearly 900,000 military wives and women in uniform at CinCHouse.com. And we are the Web's largest community of our group.
And this is just great advice. It was important for me to know as I was a new military wife trying to figure my way around, trying to figure out what his paycheck was going to be every month because it varies all the time and particularly as we were entering this very hectic pace of deployment, I was plain scared.
Keep in mind that the folks out in Iraq right now have been gone almost two years now. First to Afghanistan for 9 to 11-month deployments and now to Iraq for another 9 to 11-month deployment. So it's been a long two years for families and this book is intended to help military wives get through that.
PHILLIPS: Meredith Leyva, it's called "Married to the Military." That's the book. "A Survival Guide for Military Wives, Girlfriends and Women in Uniform."
Craig, I got to ask you before I let you go, is it true behind every strong man there's an even stronger woman?
C. MARTIN: Yes. By her being strong keeps me going. As long as I know she's OK, then it keeps me going. I can keep my head in the game.
I made a couple phone calls from Iraq, I don't know how I did that, but I got it done. And sometimes when you get a hold of them it gets pretty bad, they have bad news to tell you or upset about this or that. But they're still happy to hear from you and know you're OK. That's the biggest thing.
PHILLIPS: Kaycee, you got a pretty amazing man sitting next to you, don't you?
K. MARTIN: Yes, I do. I'm very lucky. There's a lot of military wives that don't -- their husband, they don't hear from them hardly the whole time, they don't get very many letters. And he's very good at keeping us informed and he's a great husband.
PHILLIPS: Kaycee, Craig, you're a wonderful example. Meredith, interesting book. All three of you, thank you so much.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
Aired July 15, 2003 - 15:42 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: Being a military spouse can be a lot like riding on a roller coaster with the highs of reunions followed by the lows of long separations. Well our next guests know all about it. Kaycee Martin was pregnant when her husband, Sergeant Craig Martin, was doing war duty in Iraq. They had a brief TV reunion, thanks to CNN.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KAYCEE MARTIN, MILITARY WIFE: I love you very much, I miss you very much. Everyone is praying for you. And I just want you to come home safe and soon so you could see our new baby.
SGT. CRAIG MARTIN, SERVED IN IRAQ: One more thing, you look really beautiful right now.
K. MARTIN: Thanks.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PHILLIPS: We can tell you that new baby, his name is Colin (ph). And we're happy to tell you that the Martins are back together again stateside. They join me live from Irvine, California. And also joining me is Meredith Leyva. And she has written a new book. She's the wife of a Navy diver and the author of "Married to Military: A Survival Guide to For Military Wives, Girlfriends and Women in Uniform".
It's great to have all of you with us. I think I'm going to start with you, Casey, and just ask you, your son (sic) has been overseas five times. How the heck do you deal with this?
K. MARTIN: It's rough. But I stay busy. That is what keeps me going. And then plus all the contact. He is good at keeping me informed and calling and letters. That is what pretty much gets me through it.
PHILLIPS: Craig, I've got to ask you, how do you keep the love life together during the long deployments?
C. MARTIN: You've got to surprise her. Always keep her guessing. Send little messages in a bottle, stuff like that. Let her know what's going on at all times.
PHILLIPS: Meredith, you've written a book on how to survive situations like this. How do you advise couples on how to survive long deployments while at the same time strengthening their marriage?
MEREDITH LEYVA, "MARRIED TO THE MILITARY": You know the Martins are doing it absolutely right. That daily communication, if possible, is just so critical to getting the couple through deployments and keeping each other integrated in the day-to-day lives.
And, Good for Scott (sic), because he is keeping up the romance alive. When he comes home or now that he's home, that much easier to be reunited and get back into day-to-day life.
PHILLIPS: All right, so, Kaycee, we talk about you and Craig and your relationship. Now, let's bring the kids into the mix. And you were like, hey, I'm in the military for the long haul. I'm very proud of my husband. He's a decorated Marine. But then Kaylee started crying every night. Tell me how she reacted. I know this really touches both of you. But kind of us give us a feel for what Kaylee was going through and what she did every night when daddy would leave.
K. MARTIN: The first few deployments it wasn't as bad. She didn't understand as well. But now that she -- she does understand time, she's 4. Every night she would cry. I want Daddy. Or any time discipline or anything like that, it was always, I needed Daddy.
But for her it was just difficult because even she goes to the preschool on base, she would continue to see all these daddies and all these kids, very upset week after week because guys were getting sent overseas.
So it was tough. She would draw him pictures. We'd send him pictures, anything like that. He would send her stuffed animals or anything too in the mail so she would be excited and realize that he still loved her and cared and things like that.
PHILLIPS: So, Craig, how do you find the balance? Obviously, we know how amazing it is to be a Marine and how important it is to be a Marine and yet you have your little girl crying on a regular basis. Where do you make peace? Where do you find the balance?
C. MARTIN: To be honest with you don't find that balance until you come home. That's the biggest thing.
PHILLIPS: How do you do that, Craig?
C. MARTIN: I'm here.
PHILLIPS: How do you do that?
C. MARTIN: The biggest thing is you have to stick through it. You're out there and you have to keep your head in the game because if you don't keep your head in the game you might not come home to see to that little girl. So you do what you got to do and you just keep contact with her and try to comfort her the best you can.
PHILLIPS: Taking that into account, Meredith, how can husbands in the military make life easier for their wives and their children? LEYVA: That daily communication. One thing you can do with kids, for example, is write e-mails to them, as well, that Mommy can read so Daddy feels integrated into their day-to-day life.
It's also a good thing to talk to kids, particularly younger kids, talking about an angel guarding over their parent as they're out there, as they're out fighting the bad guys. Talking in terms of bad guys versus good guys is very helpful for kids and it helps justify the sacrifice for them.
PHILLIPS: Craig, I always hear this expression, compartmentalization when you're overseas. You you've got to compartmentalize everything. Do you believe in that philosophy? Does that work?
C. MARTIN: I think I got my own little philosophy. Each person has to deal with it in their own ways. I talk to a lot my Marines who are away from their families and each one has their own unique way dealing with their being gone out there. Not one person does it the same.
PHILLIPS: Craig would you want Colin or Kaycee (sic) or both of them to join the military?
C. MARTIN: No.
PHILLIPS: Why not?
C. MARTIN: Because what we do is very difficult and it's very, very difficult and I would rather him do something different to where he could be with his family and not have to separate for such long periods of time.
PHILLIPS: Kaycee, what do you think? Are you guys going to stick with the military for the long haul?
K. MARTIN: The military has done a lot of good things for us. If he could get a job that he deploy all the time, then yes, we would definitely stick it out. But leaving every year, is just not going to work. He missed two of her birthdays already and now having a son, I don't think -- they don't deserve for him to be gone so much.
PHILLIPS: Now, Meredith, in your book you talk about in the survival guide the human aspect of things, keeping the marriage together, the love life. But you also address relocating your family across the globe, personal finance, military style, understanding your husband's career trek yet maintaining your own, knowing what parties and event you need to attend, how to dress for them. My goodness. How did you learn how to master this?
LEYVA: Well, "Married to the Military" the book is really an amalgamation of experience and advice from the nearly 900,000 military wives and women in uniform at CinCHouse.com. And we are the Web's largest community of our group.
And this is just great advice. It was important for me to know as I was a new military wife trying to figure my way around, trying to figure out what his paycheck was going to be every month because it varies all the time and particularly as we were entering this very hectic pace of deployment, I was plain scared.
Keep in mind that the folks out in Iraq right now have been gone almost two years now. First to Afghanistan for 9 to 11-month deployments and now to Iraq for another 9 to 11-month deployment. So it's been a long two years for families and this book is intended to help military wives get through that.
PHILLIPS: Meredith Leyva, it's called "Married to the Military." That's the book. "A Survival Guide for Military Wives, Girlfriends and Women in Uniform."
Craig, I got to ask you before I let you go, is it true behind every strong man there's an even stronger woman?
C. MARTIN: Yes. By her being strong keeps me going. As long as I know she's OK, then it keeps me going. I can keep my head in the game.
I made a couple phone calls from Iraq, I don't know how I did that, but I got it done. And sometimes when you get a hold of them it gets pretty bad, they have bad news to tell you or upset about this or that. But they're still happy to hear from you and know you're OK. That's the biggest thing.
PHILLIPS: Kaycee, you got a pretty amazing man sitting next to you, don't you?
K. MARTIN: Yes, I do. I'm very lucky. There's a lot of military wives that don't -- their husband, they don't hear from them hardly the whole time, they don't get very many letters. And he's very good at keeping us informed and he's a great husband.
PHILLIPS: Kaycee, Craig, you're a wonderful example. Meredith, interesting book. All three of you, thank you so much.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
