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Infidelity in a Happy Marriage?

Aired December 12, 2003 - 15:14   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: Well, we all know this. We see it all the time, right? Attraction between men and women is a very powerful thing. And it can lead to romance and marriage, but also to heartbreak when a partner strays.
Kathy Slobogin is taking an in-depth look at infidelity this week.

Here's one couple's story.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

KATHY SLOBOGIN, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): Janet and Tim had it all, love, sex, even rock 'n' roll. They met 22 years ago playing in a rock band.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Our song was a song called "Magic Man." So we have a little inside joke. I call him my magic man. He still is. What can I say, you know? He still is.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So I get to hang around another day or two?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think I'll keep you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Or a year or two.

SLOBOGIN: Married for 19 years, they seem like the ideal couple.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Everything was perfect in our marriage. We weren't fighting. Sex was great. I was happy.

SLOBOGIN: Until the unthinkable happened, until Tim had an affair.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Your whole life turns upside down. And you do literally feel like you're dying.

SLOBOGIN: This wasn't supposed to happen. They were happy, in love, an affair-proof marriage, right?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No one is immune. Everyone is vulnerable.

SLOBOGIN: Peggy Vaughn (ph) runs a support network for couples who have been hit by an affair, couples like Janet and Tim.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Unfortunately, it's extremely typical. They were a good couple. They never thought anything like this could happen to them. And it was a total surprise to both of them that it happened.

SLOBOGIN (on camera): When the affair was going on, did you ever let yourself stop and think about how it would affect Janet, if she found out?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I really never did. So, you tell yourself, well, I can get away with it. It's exciting,. I can do it.

SLOBOGIN (voice-over): After three months of suspicions, Janet confronted Tim on their anniversary.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So I confessed.

SLOBOGIN: How did she react?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: She was hurt.

SLOBOGIN: Did you ever have any idea it would be like that?

(END VIDEOTAPE)

SLOBOGIN: Tim is not that unusual. In a survey conducted by prominent infidelity expert, Dr. Shirley Glass, more than half the men who are adulterers describe themselves as happily married -- Kyra.

PHILLIPS: What's the motivation, Kathy, for someone, then, who is happily married and still has an affair?

SLOBOGIN: Well, surprisingly, the experts told me that, usually, it's not that the other woman or the other man is so attractive. What's attractive is, the other person finds you attractive. What's attractive is seeing yourself in the other person's eyes.

If you've been married to someone a long time, even in a good marriage, your spouse may not be impressed with how wonderful you are on a daily basis. But someone new who is infatuated with you gives you a very attractive image of yourself. And that's hard to resist.

PHILLIPS: Well, obviously, couples can survive infidelity, we saw in your piece.

SLOBOGIN: Yes, they can. And many people think, if I ever found out that my spouse is cheating on me, that's it. I'm out of here.

In fact, the experts tell us that a marriage can survive infidelity. It takes time, work, often therapy. And some of the couples we talked to who made it say their marriages were stronger after the affair than before.

PHILLIPS: Kathy, I've got to tell you, you've had some awesome reports this week. Thank you so much.

SLOBOGIN: Thank you. It's been very interesting.

PHILLIPS: Yes, for all of us, I think. And you can be sure to tune in to Kathy's special report. It's this weekend. You'll see a whole hour of everything that she's covered. "CNN PRESENTS: Infidelity" on Sunday at 8:00 p.m. Eastern, 5:00 Pacific.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com






Aired December 12, 2003 - 15:14   ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: Well, we all know this. We see it all the time, right? Attraction between men and women is a very powerful thing. And it can lead to romance and marriage, but also to heartbreak when a partner strays.
Kathy Slobogin is taking an in-depth look at infidelity this week.

Here's one couple's story.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

KATHY SLOBOGIN, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): Janet and Tim had it all, love, sex, even rock 'n' roll. They met 22 years ago playing in a rock band.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Our song was a song called "Magic Man." So we have a little inside joke. I call him my magic man. He still is. What can I say, you know? He still is.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So I get to hang around another day or two?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think I'll keep you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Or a year or two.

SLOBOGIN: Married for 19 years, they seem like the ideal couple.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Everything was perfect in our marriage. We weren't fighting. Sex was great. I was happy.

SLOBOGIN: Until the unthinkable happened, until Tim had an affair.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Your whole life turns upside down. And you do literally feel like you're dying.

SLOBOGIN: This wasn't supposed to happen. They were happy, in love, an affair-proof marriage, right?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No one is immune. Everyone is vulnerable.

SLOBOGIN: Peggy Vaughn (ph) runs a support network for couples who have been hit by an affair, couples like Janet and Tim.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Unfortunately, it's extremely typical. They were a good couple. They never thought anything like this could happen to them. And it was a total surprise to both of them that it happened.

SLOBOGIN (on camera): When the affair was going on, did you ever let yourself stop and think about how it would affect Janet, if she found out?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I really never did. So, you tell yourself, well, I can get away with it. It's exciting,. I can do it.

SLOBOGIN (voice-over): After three months of suspicions, Janet confronted Tim on their anniversary.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So I confessed.

SLOBOGIN: How did she react?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: She was hurt.

SLOBOGIN: Did you ever have any idea it would be like that?

(END VIDEOTAPE)

SLOBOGIN: Tim is not that unusual. In a survey conducted by prominent infidelity expert, Dr. Shirley Glass, more than half the men who are adulterers describe themselves as happily married -- Kyra.

PHILLIPS: What's the motivation, Kathy, for someone, then, who is happily married and still has an affair?

SLOBOGIN: Well, surprisingly, the experts told me that, usually, it's not that the other woman or the other man is so attractive. What's attractive is, the other person finds you attractive. What's attractive is seeing yourself in the other person's eyes.

If you've been married to someone a long time, even in a good marriage, your spouse may not be impressed with how wonderful you are on a daily basis. But someone new who is infatuated with you gives you a very attractive image of yourself. And that's hard to resist.

PHILLIPS: Well, obviously, couples can survive infidelity, we saw in your piece.

SLOBOGIN: Yes, they can. And many people think, if I ever found out that my spouse is cheating on me, that's it. I'm out of here.

In fact, the experts tell us that a marriage can survive infidelity. It takes time, work, often therapy. And some of the couples we talked to who made it say their marriages were stronger after the affair than before.

PHILLIPS: Kathy, I've got to tell you, you've had some awesome reports this week. Thank you so much.

SLOBOGIN: Thank you. It's been very interesting.

PHILLIPS: Yes, for all of us, I think. And you can be sure to tune in to Kathy's special report. It's this weekend. You'll see a whole hour of everything that she's covered. "CNN PRESENTS: Infidelity" on Sunday at 8:00 p.m. Eastern, 5:00 Pacific.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com