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Keeping it Real
Aired February 11, 2004 - 13:42 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
MILES O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: Cards, flower, candy, jewelry. Valentine's Day almost here. Hearts and imaginations running wild about what romance should be.
Are you feeling the love, Kyra? Are you feeling it right now?
KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: I'm feeling it. Are you feeling it?
O'BRIEN: Part of the problem is we have inflated expectations. Imagine that, right? Let's talk more about where expectation meets reality and the problems that ensue.
For that, we turn to our advice columnist of international renown, Amy Dickinson, with "The Chicago Tribune" and hundreds of other newspapers all over this globe. She writes a column seven days a week, never rests.
It's good to see you.
AMY DICKINSON, "CHICAGO TRIBUNE": It's amazing.
O'BRIEN: Amy is coming to us today from her love library.
DICKINSON: Because I'm the love doctor.
O'BRIEN: All those books behind her are all the important things which go in to -- they form the graph you're about to see right now.
DICKINSON: It's my research.
O'BRIEN: Your research.
And let's go through it. Let's do a little chalk talk on love, and then we'll get into some rules for expectations on Valentine's Day. Now you've got to explain this. This is rather technical, really in many ways more technical than a "Mars Minute."
So go ahead. What are we looking at here?
DICKINSON: All right, this is about your expectations here. My theory is that Valentine's Day is really kind of a man's fantasy about a woman's fantasy if you can follow that. So the thing is, women get very -- kind of set up for the big moment, and my concern...
O'BRIEN: Wait a minute, visually, the big moment would be the ring.
DICKINSON: There's your big moment, baby.
O'BRIEN: That's the No. 1 moment right up there, right?
DICKINSON: Big moment, that's right.
OK, now, what I feel might be helpful and might prevent a lot of people from writing in to me next week, you know, sobbing about how poorly it went, it might be great if couples actually got together and talked about, like, what they would like to do to celebrate together, because women, we -- you know, we've been fed a diet of Meg Ryan movies, and you know, our imaginations run wild and we think it's going to...
O'BRIEN: Well, this is the problem, the Meg Ryan factor. So if the expectation level is the ring, the champagne, No. 2, the roses. That's also No. 1 -- make that No. 3 -- shouldn't the man just deliver that and so be it, right?
O'BRIEN: Well, the thing is...
O'BRIEN: So follow that line, boys, and you'll be in good shape, right?
DICKINSON: Right, exactly.
Now, draw a line from the flowers down to the dotted line there.
O'BRIEN: All right, this is where it gets to the roller coaster ride, right?
DICKINSON: Right. If you're expecting flowers and don't get them...
O'BRIEN: Yes.
DICKINSON: It's not so good. Not so good.
O'BRIEN: Right.
DICKINSON: If you're expecting...
O'BRIEN: This is not a good place to be right here, we don't like that spot, right?
DICKINSON: We don't like that place.
O'BRIEN: OK.
DICKINSON: OK, No. 2 is your romantic evening together.
DICKINSON: Right.
O'BRIEN: If it doesn't happen...
DICKINSON: Right.
O'BRIEN: You're headed on the road to heartbreak, OK?
Even deeper maybe, right?
DICKINSON: Deeper, deeper.
O'BRIEN: So this is a worst place to be. I'll put more x's there.
And then if the ring doesn't appear?
DICKINSON: Oh, it's broken. That's it.
O'BRIEN: Right there.
DICKINSON: Now, I do know people who just go back and forth between the ring and the broken heart, back and forth, back and forth, and they just never do any of the other steps.
O'BRIEN: So what we're talking about here is a roller coaster of love, right?
DICKINSON: That's it. That is it.
O'BRIEN: Cue the Ohio Players. OK, so there's the graph, expectations meets reality. And with that in mind, Dr. Dickinson, our professor of love, library and all, offers these rules to go by No. 1, no surprises. Explain that one.
DICKINSON: Now, that just doesn't -- it sounds so anti-romantic.
O'BRIEN: Yes.
DICKINSON: But the thing about surprises is, you know, Miles, what's the worst two words a guy can hear right around this time of year? Honey what do you want to do for Valentine's Day? surprise me.
O'BRIEN: Either you decide or surprise me, and then that just gives you a cold sweat.
DICKINSON: It's bad news.
O'BRIEN: It's a no-win situation. The best you can hope for in those situations is a draw, right?
DICKINSON: That's right. That's right.
O'BRIEN: Nine thousand ways to lose, maybe one way to get a draw.
All right, next one.
DICKINSON: Right, and when your best possible case scenario is a draw, that's not a good thing.
O'BRIEN: No, no, no. And so with that in mind, keep things simple. DICKINSON: Right, and that's when you get together. Instead of creating some cinematic fantasy, you kind of get together and do a really, really simple thing that you decide on together. Now, is this an anti-romantic thing? No. I think it's a pro-romance thing. It's good.
O'BRIEN: Yes, where is it written -- we'll go to rule three as I'm talking here. Where is it written it has to be fancy and elaborate? Sometimes the most romantic things are the simple things.
All right, rule No. 3, women say they like lingerie, but they don't. Nothing says I love you quite like a guy who does the dishes. Now, come on, nothing to do with dishes is romantic, right?
DICKINSON: No, no, I am telling you, the lingerie thing is all about what men want, in my estimation, and what women want is -- we like a little love every day, you know, and we -- you know, we like a guy who is going to kind of lend a hand, help out, pick up a dish.
O'BRIEN: All right, forget the teddy, guys.
Rule No. 4, would it kill you to come home with flowers once in a while, and not just when you're apologizing?
Guys, boy, flowers are the best investment you can make, right?
DICKINSON: Right. We love flowers. But we don't necessarily -- see, it's a trick. It's a trick. We don't necessarily like flowers when you want to give us flowers, but we want them when we want to get them.
O'BRIEN: Oh, god this is getting really...
DICKINSON: It's a trap.
O'BRIEN: I am in a house of mirrors now.
The final rule, because we are running of out of time, we're having too much fun -- it's time for women to step up to the plate romancewise and do their fair share.
DICKINSON: Step up, girls.
O'BRIEN: And there's a note -- men like lingerie, they loathe carriage rides. All right, this would be my point. Women, you know, they say surprise me, the guy does the best he can in his own cloddish way, never meets the expectation, and this whole cycle perpetuates, because the woman doesn't say, you know, look, this is what is good, right?
DICKINSON: Right, right, exactly. Have to talk, people. Let's talk.
O'BRIEN: There you have it.
DICKINSON: That's my advice. O'BRIEN: The solution to most problems. Amy Dickinson, joining us from Chicago. While we're there, can we show you the full picture of the Library of Love.
DICKINSON: My love library, yes.
O'BRIEN: This is Amy Dickinson's love library.
DICKINSON: Welcome.
O'BRIEN: OK, It's not the most extensive library. All right, thank you very much, Amy Dickinson, always a pleasure.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
Aired February 11, 2004 - 13:42 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
MILES O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: Cards, flower, candy, jewelry. Valentine's Day almost here. Hearts and imaginations running wild about what romance should be.
Are you feeling the love, Kyra? Are you feeling it right now?
KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: I'm feeling it. Are you feeling it?
O'BRIEN: Part of the problem is we have inflated expectations. Imagine that, right? Let's talk more about where expectation meets reality and the problems that ensue.
For that, we turn to our advice columnist of international renown, Amy Dickinson, with "The Chicago Tribune" and hundreds of other newspapers all over this globe. She writes a column seven days a week, never rests.
It's good to see you.
AMY DICKINSON, "CHICAGO TRIBUNE": It's amazing.
O'BRIEN: Amy is coming to us today from her love library.
DICKINSON: Because I'm the love doctor.
O'BRIEN: All those books behind her are all the important things which go in to -- they form the graph you're about to see right now.
DICKINSON: It's my research.
O'BRIEN: Your research.
And let's go through it. Let's do a little chalk talk on love, and then we'll get into some rules for expectations on Valentine's Day. Now you've got to explain this. This is rather technical, really in many ways more technical than a "Mars Minute."
So go ahead. What are we looking at here?
DICKINSON: All right, this is about your expectations here. My theory is that Valentine's Day is really kind of a man's fantasy about a woman's fantasy if you can follow that. So the thing is, women get very -- kind of set up for the big moment, and my concern...
O'BRIEN: Wait a minute, visually, the big moment would be the ring.
DICKINSON: There's your big moment, baby.
O'BRIEN: That's the No. 1 moment right up there, right?
DICKINSON: Big moment, that's right.
OK, now, what I feel might be helpful and might prevent a lot of people from writing in to me next week, you know, sobbing about how poorly it went, it might be great if couples actually got together and talked about, like, what they would like to do to celebrate together, because women, we -- you know, we've been fed a diet of Meg Ryan movies, and you know, our imaginations run wild and we think it's going to...
O'BRIEN: Well, this is the problem, the Meg Ryan factor. So if the expectation level is the ring, the champagne, No. 2, the roses. That's also No. 1 -- make that No. 3 -- shouldn't the man just deliver that and so be it, right?
O'BRIEN: Well, the thing is...
O'BRIEN: So follow that line, boys, and you'll be in good shape, right?
DICKINSON: Right, exactly.
Now, draw a line from the flowers down to the dotted line there.
O'BRIEN: All right, this is where it gets to the roller coaster ride, right?
DICKINSON: Right. If you're expecting flowers and don't get them...
O'BRIEN: Yes.
DICKINSON: It's not so good. Not so good.
O'BRIEN: Right.
DICKINSON: If you're expecting...
O'BRIEN: This is not a good place to be right here, we don't like that spot, right?
DICKINSON: We don't like that place.
O'BRIEN: OK.
DICKINSON: OK, No. 2 is your romantic evening together.
DICKINSON: Right.
O'BRIEN: If it doesn't happen...
DICKINSON: Right.
O'BRIEN: You're headed on the road to heartbreak, OK?
Even deeper maybe, right?
DICKINSON: Deeper, deeper.
O'BRIEN: So this is a worst place to be. I'll put more x's there.
And then if the ring doesn't appear?
DICKINSON: Oh, it's broken. That's it.
O'BRIEN: Right there.
DICKINSON: Now, I do know people who just go back and forth between the ring and the broken heart, back and forth, back and forth, and they just never do any of the other steps.
O'BRIEN: So what we're talking about here is a roller coaster of love, right?
DICKINSON: That's it. That is it.
O'BRIEN: Cue the Ohio Players. OK, so there's the graph, expectations meets reality. And with that in mind, Dr. Dickinson, our professor of love, library and all, offers these rules to go by No. 1, no surprises. Explain that one.
DICKINSON: Now, that just doesn't -- it sounds so anti-romantic.
O'BRIEN: Yes.
DICKINSON: But the thing about surprises is, you know, Miles, what's the worst two words a guy can hear right around this time of year? Honey what do you want to do for Valentine's Day? surprise me.
O'BRIEN: Either you decide or surprise me, and then that just gives you a cold sweat.
DICKINSON: It's bad news.
O'BRIEN: It's a no-win situation. The best you can hope for in those situations is a draw, right?
DICKINSON: That's right. That's right.
O'BRIEN: Nine thousand ways to lose, maybe one way to get a draw.
All right, next one.
DICKINSON: Right, and when your best possible case scenario is a draw, that's not a good thing.
O'BRIEN: No, no, no. And so with that in mind, keep things simple. DICKINSON: Right, and that's when you get together. Instead of creating some cinematic fantasy, you kind of get together and do a really, really simple thing that you decide on together. Now, is this an anti-romantic thing? No. I think it's a pro-romance thing. It's good.
O'BRIEN: Yes, where is it written -- we'll go to rule three as I'm talking here. Where is it written it has to be fancy and elaborate? Sometimes the most romantic things are the simple things.
All right, rule No. 3, women say they like lingerie, but they don't. Nothing says I love you quite like a guy who does the dishes. Now, come on, nothing to do with dishes is romantic, right?
DICKINSON: No, no, I am telling you, the lingerie thing is all about what men want, in my estimation, and what women want is -- we like a little love every day, you know, and we -- you know, we like a guy who is going to kind of lend a hand, help out, pick up a dish.
O'BRIEN: All right, forget the teddy, guys.
Rule No. 4, would it kill you to come home with flowers once in a while, and not just when you're apologizing?
Guys, boy, flowers are the best investment you can make, right?
DICKINSON: Right. We love flowers. But we don't necessarily -- see, it's a trick. It's a trick. We don't necessarily like flowers when you want to give us flowers, but we want them when we want to get them.
O'BRIEN: Oh, god this is getting really...
DICKINSON: It's a trap.
O'BRIEN: I am in a house of mirrors now.
The final rule, because we are running of out of time, we're having too much fun -- it's time for women to step up to the plate romancewise and do their fair share.
DICKINSON: Step up, girls.
O'BRIEN: And there's a note -- men like lingerie, they loathe carriage rides. All right, this would be my point. Women, you know, they say surprise me, the guy does the best he can in his own cloddish way, never meets the expectation, and this whole cycle perpetuates, because the woman doesn't say, you know, look, this is what is good, right?
DICKINSON: Right, right, exactly. Have to talk, people. Let's talk.
O'BRIEN: There you have it.
DICKINSON: That's my advice. O'BRIEN: The solution to most problems. Amy Dickinson, joining us from Chicago. While we're there, can we show you the full picture of the Library of Love.
DICKINSON: My love library, yes.
O'BRIEN: This is Amy Dickinson's love library.
DICKINSON: Welcome.
O'BRIEN: OK, It's not the most extensive library. All right, thank you very much, Amy Dickinson, always a pleasure.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
