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American Morning

How Differently Are Men and Women Reacting to Condit

Aired August 24, 2001 - 10:31   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
DARYN KAGAN, CNN ANCHOR: Millions of people watched the Condit interview last night, but not everyone heard the same thing. That's because men and women tend to hear things differently.

STEPHEN FRAZIER, CNN ANCHOR: That's to say, different perceptions of the same kind of message. So, we're turning now to author John Gray to examine the disparities. He also did that in his best-selling book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.,"

And he's joining us now from San Francisco to talk about why different genders might react differently.

KAGAN: And John, good morning. Good to see you.

JOHN GRAY, AUTHOR, "MEN ARE FROM MARS": Good morning.

KAGAN: We mean that the same way, both the man and women. A simple good morning.

(LAUGHTER)

We've pulled a couple of sound bites from the interview. We want to play them and talk about maybe the different ways that men and women might see it. So, the first one dealing with whether or not he had an affair with Chandra Levy. Let's listen in.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. GARY CONDIT (D), CALIFORNIA: I had several conversations with Dr. and Mrs. Levy during that week, when he contacted me about the disappearance and his concern about the metropolitan police department not acting quickly enough. There were a lot of things said, but I never lied to Mrs. Levy about anything. I mean, anything that she asked me, I tried to answer forthright.

So, I'm sorry if she was misled or there was a misunderstanding. But I never lied to Mrs. Levy about any of the questions.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

KAGAN: John, throughout the interview with KOVR, and also with Connie Chung, he did make reference to, well I'm sorry if Mrs. Levy understood differently, but I wasn't lying. He also talked about in reference to did he have an affair with Chandra Levy. "I'm not a perfect man," in terms of his marriage as well.

Would men hear that as an admission but women would not?

GRAY: I believe both men and women clearly hear that he's had an affair to some extent. I think it was a very impressive presentation to both men and women. Women heard that he wanted to respect his wife's privacy. I think women also heard he was going to respect the family. Women particularly are impressed by respect, when respecting others.

I think men will be impressed by his ability to stay on track, to be not flustered, to be calm, cool, and collected and stick with the facts.

So he was well-prepped to impress and reassure people, both gender.

KAGAN: I've got to -- I just have to --

GRAY: It was a good...

KAGAN: On the woman thing there, I would say, speaking as the only member of the woman tribe up here right now...

(LAUGHTER)

I've got to say, I think women go on actions as much as they do on words. And it's one thing to say you respect your wife, it's another to have different actions.

GRAY: To have what? I didn't hear. Actions?

KAGAN: It's one thing -- your actions versus your words. He has to use the words, I respect my wife, I respect my family; and yet, the actions that we're thinking that he probably carried out, that is not very respectful of your family.

GRAY: Absolutely. And, I am just talking about the interview. And women are divided on this, of course. There is a lot of women that support him, a lot of women that were impressed by what he said. I've actually talked to some since I was going to be on this interview, and they were very impressed by it. And they knew that he had had some indiscretions, and because he stayed on track there wasn't a dig defensiveness about it. So it didn't exaggerate that issue.

But clearly, women do respond to the whole subject differently since it's more often that men do have affairs, women are often more the victims of affairs, and secrecy, and lies, and deceit, and betrayal. Women will have much stronger reactions to the whole thing, whereas men do tend to compartmentalize their lives, and sexuality, and romance as a separate part of it.

So often men can be more detached from the whole process. And we're also talking about a man, so men will tend to be more accepting of it. If it was a woman we were talking about, I think men would be more reactive to it.

FRAZIER: You mentioned being detached, and it was interesting as we watched the interview to see just how specific and precise the congressman was in response to some questions. Especially that point that Daryn was making earlier, about Mrs. Levy possibly misunderstanding the conversation.

He was being almost so precise that men might admire the precision, but women could see him as splitting hairs and evading the general meaning of the question, and the whole idea of truth seeking.

GRAY: Clearly, you are right there, but he did use some of the golden words, which is: I'm really sorry; there was confusion, I wish there hadn't been. Those messages are somewhat empathetic, caring. That's what women are looking for from someone.

But he clearly isn't going to impress all of the women, without a doubt. But it was impressive for many.

KAGAN: Let's get one more sound bite in here. Let's listen in. He's talking about admitting mistakes.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CONDIT: I have been married 34 years. I have not been a perfect man. I have made mistakes. But out of respect for my family, and out of a specific request from the Levy families, I am not going to go share the details of my relationship with Chandra.

And you know what? People understand that. They understand that we're entitled to a little bit of privacy here, and the Levys are entitled to a little bit of privacy here as well.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

KAGAN: Let's talk about that privacy issue, John. Do men and women tend to see that differently?

GRAY: Well I think, yes. No, I think the whole society will -- it was golden words from my perspective. If he wrote it, or whoever wrote it, was great, because it's often a reaction to the whole Clinton situation where many people were grumbling that we put too much attention on his private life. We shouldn't be prying into the public lives of people.

So, he went in the other direction. Said, I'm not going there. I respect my family too much. You're not going to drag us out in the public like this. I'm respecting the other family. Let's stick to the facts, let's stick to the crime, let's stick to the compassion for the other family.

So he kept putting it into perspective without putting his private life for display of everybody. And I am sure his wife does appreciate that very much.

FRAZIER: Final question, John. Almost a one-word answer as we get ready to say good-bye. Which men or women do you think would be more impressed, or more favorably impressed, by the interview?

GRAY: I think men would be.

KAGAN: I think I agree with that.

KAGAN: John Gray, author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Thanks for joining us with those insights today.

KAGAN: Good to see you, John. Thank you.

GRAY: Thank you.

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