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American Morning
Kids Deal With Bullying; Interview with Sara Cwirka
Aired July 30, 2002 - 09:45 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
PAULA ZAHN, CNN ANCHOR: Bullying is the subject right now in a new study by the Families and Work Institute. Kids reveal what they are most afraid of, what hits them where they live. Two thirds say they have been teased or were victims of mean gossip in just the past month. A third reported having been bullied.
In a moment, we are going to meet a teenager who has been there, but first, here's Kathy Slobogin.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
KATHY SLOBOGIN, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): When most of us think of school violence, we think of this. But it turns out, if you ask kids what they think, it's not physical violence they worry about.
These teens are from suburban Maryland. Listen to their war stories.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The entire group began to talk about her behind her back.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And more people started picking on him. So you have the entire grade picking on him.
SLOBOGIN: A new survey of 1,000 kids in 5th through 12th grade found the violence they are most worried about is emotional.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Put downs and exclusions from groups, and just teasing and bullying.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think it's bigger than -- a lot bigger than the physical violence problem.
SLOBOGIN: The survey found many kids feel they are in a culture that is, essentially, mean.
ELLEN GALINSKY, FAMILIES AND WORK INSTITUTE: We're talking about teasing that is cruel. We're not just talking about joking and having fun and kidding around and that sort of thing. We're talking about cruelty.
SLOBOGIN: Twelve percent of the kids surveyed had been bullied five times or more in the past month, and 23 percent admitted they had bullied someone else. GALINSKY: They said, Adults will say to you, you know, words can't really hurt you, or they said, Adults will say, Oh, it's just all part of growing up, kids have always been that way. Well, the kids said, this is a different generation, and they said, Words do hurt, and they said it's the little things that lead to the big blow- ups.
SLOBOGIN: There is no evidence today's youth culture is any meaner than in the past, but to those who say bullying and put-downs have always been around, these kids say that doesn't diminish the problem.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think people who say, What is the big deal, I don't think really they have been through that dramatic experience themselves.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Once it happens to you, it sticks in your head and it just stays with you for the rest of your life.
SLOBOGIN: And, they say, Meanness can make you mean.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And I think some kids do make that big switch around, saying that this is not how I want to be, I want to be the person, basically, dishing out all the emotional damage on the other kids, to make up for all the stuff that happened to me."
SLOBOGIN (on camera): What happens to you if you are not part of the meanness?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Then you're the ones who normally get picked on.
SLOBOGIN (voice-over): The survey authors say the kids are asking for a more civil society.
GALINSKY: They are saying, Help us create a culture where the teasing doesn't get cruel.
SLOBOGIN: And, she says, they are asking for our help.
Kathy Slobogin, CNN, Washington.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
ZAHN: Proof they need our help: 16-year-old Sara Cwirka knows what it is like to be bullied. The soon-to-be high school senior joins us now to talk about her experience, and how she has managed to cope -- good to see you, welcome.
SARA CWIRKA, HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT: Thank you.
ZAHN: How bad did the bullying get for you?
CWIRKA: It wasn't so much direct words that the girl who I had problems with used with me, it was more of a sly sort of bullying that she used against me. It was more with her actions and her body language, the way she used herself to exclude me from the group that really made the impact on me more than using verbal insults.
ZAHN: Because you were on the same athletic team, and what -- she used every way possible, to let you know what she thought of you, which wasn't a lot. She didn't like you.
CWIRKA: No. I could tell. I mean, it is probably hard to imagine, but just by the way she looked at me, I could really tell I was not welcome at all, like wherever she was.
ZAHN: How uncomfortable did it make you feel?
CWIRKA: During school and during practice, or whatnot, I would be doing fine. I was doing great in school, but I was just a wreck on the inside. I was questioning myself every time I went to make a play. I would wonder if I was doing the right thing, constantly questioning my position on the team, and any decisions I would make.
ZAHN: Did you ever think about confronting her, and just say, you know, Lay off me, leave me alone?
CWIRKA: Right.
ZAHN: You are always fearful of doing that because you don't want them to say, Oh, we have a mushy target here, hit her again because she's vulnerable.
CWIRKA: Absolutely. Absolutely. I actually did try to contact her and say, Listen, I think it's a personal problem, but I think we're both too mature to continue with this. And that didn't really work out as well as I had hoped. It seemed like she really almost wanted to keep the tension that was between us. It was -- I really don't know (ph).
ZAHN: Sometimes it is hard for adults to know what is going on inside of you because sometimes you don't tell us a whole lot. I know that from personal experience. But you talked about -- it is driving you nuts inside and on your mind, did it effect the way you slept, did it ultimately affect your school work? Because you were tortured by this.
CWIRKA: Right. Actually, I was fortunate I had such a good relationship with my mother and with my younger sister, so I was able to confide in them. And it was Hard for my mother, because there was nothing that she could do for me. She couldn't, you know, go talk to the coach or go talk to teachers or what not because it was a difficult situation. So it was difficult for her to try to soothe me, but not be able to do anything, really.
ZAHN: Well, you don't have to deal with it this year because she has moved on...
CWIRKA: Yes.
ZAHN: ... but you care enough about this issue to have joined a peer group that confronts this, because there are thousands of kids that deal with this on a daily basis at school. CWIRKA: Right.
ZAHN: What is the one thing you have learned that might help them?
CWIRKA: I think just saying it out loud, saying I have a problem with this and I refuse to accept that this the way that I should be treated. And just to be able to know, your life is valuable. There is no one who can tell you, you are not worthy enough for their time or for their respect.
ZAHN: Guess what? We could all learn from that lesson. Sara Cwirka. Sorry you had to learn it the hard way. Good luck to you, and I hope you are able to keep kids better educated about how they can defend themselves.
CWIRKA: Thank you very much for having me.
ZAHN: Have a good school year, and win lots of games too.
CWIRKA: Thank you.
ZAHN: Field hockey player extraordinaire. Go, Sara, go.
BILL HEMMER, CNN ANCHOR: Tough sport. Thanks for talking to us.
CWIRKA: Thank you very much.
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