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American Morning

Interview with Dr. Helen Fisher, Vic Pelton, Jean Lovetang

Aired August 05, 2002 - 09:30   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

BILL HEMMER, CNN ANCHOR: "Living in sin" apparently no longer a situation reserved for the young, we are told. More and more elderly couples sharing their hearts and homes without sharing the "I do's." Recently, I talked to a couple living together in California. Also, an anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, to talk about this current trend.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

HEMMER (on camera): Doctor Helen Fisher, good morning to you. Great to have you here.

The numbers going up, is that related to the population growth or is there something more to that?

DR. HELEN FISHER, ANTHROPOLOGIST: There's a lot of things to it. First of all, you know, they are now saying that middle age is up to age 85, so we have a huge number of people who are older people who are now single and have an opportunity to find a mate, and -- I mean, they can get on the Internet and meet people, and there is all kinds of senior citizens groups, and they're single, and they are available and they are in good health, so they can find a mate.

HEMMER: I take it that you're a bit of an advocate for this because you say there are specific benefits to this.

FISHER: I'm not an advocate of anything. I'm an anthropologist just looking at it, but I certainly know that attachment, that brain circuitry for attachment is very old. It probably evolved in people about 4 million years ago, and marriage is very new. I mean, it's sort of a symbolic act that people have been doing for, I don't know, a few thousand centuries...

HEMMER: I would say so.

FISHER: ... just to raise babies. And, of course, these older people aren't going to have children. The main purpose is not there any more.

HEMMER: That's right, that's right. Do you think there's a different approach to this when a person is 65 and older as opposed to, say, a 20-year-old?

FISHER: Absolutely.

HEMMER: And the standards applied are what then?

FISHER: Well, when you're 20, you are going to raise babies, and when you are going to raise babies, you have got to have -- I mean, it is good to have the same last name, and it is good to have people who are socially responsible for the child, and the child needs to be hooked into some sort of kinship network. And so, you marry in order to make a large network and to find the responsibilities for raising babies. But when you are 65, that has been done. And now the problem is, whether your children are going to feel you've been disloyal if you do marry. So, there is often, I would think, pressure on people to stay single rather than to marry, because then inheritance is complicated, and children's feelings can get hurt, and so I think there is pressure to stay single almost.

HEMMER: Listen, all good points, and let's talk about it with one couple of love. From Sacramento today -- you like that, Vic?

VIC PELTON, UNMARRIED MAN: Yes.

HEMMER: Vic Pelton is 73 years old, Jean Lovetang is 64 years young, his partner -- good morning to both of you. Good to have you here.

PELTON: Good morning.

JEAN LOVETANG, UNMARRIED WOMAN: Good morning.

HEMMER: Hey Vic, why did you decide to move in?

PELTON: You mean move together?

HEMMER: Move together, that's right.

PELTON: Well, we had been spending more and more time together, and one of these days we said, Gee, we're keeping up two condos, paying maintenance and insurance on two condos. We are spending every spare moment together. Let's consolidate, cut expenses, cut commuting, and share.

HEMMER: Hey Jean, what about the children on both sides here. How did they react to this?

LOVETANG: Actually, they're very much in favor of it. They have been very supportive. In fact, I think they rather like it.

HEMMER: Ever consider getting married though, Vic? Why not go that way?

PELTON: We've considered it and we don't see where it offers us any advantages. We've worked everything out. We are quite comfortable with the way things are right now, and why rock the boat?

HEMMER: Yes, I don't know if either of you could have listened to the doctor and her responses here. But I am curious to get your reaction when she talks about the benefits in such an arrangement like this. Do you go along with them, do you agree with them, Jean, to you?

LOVETANG: Yes, especially the financial, because we have two families. Therefore, we have two different inheritances, and we share what we share, but we keep the other stuff separate.

HEMMER: Curious to know about the generational interpretation for this. You heard my question to the doctor. You guys are 65 and older. There is a apparently different label -- not that much, Vic -- a different label that goes on your relationship as opposed to when you were perhaps 20 or 25 years younger. Given that, Vic, how do you respond to that?

PELTON: I don't know -- there was a pejorative connotation at one time, but I think it is fading away very much right now, and people aren't as shocked to find that two unwed people are living together. Doesn't shake them up.

HEMMER: Dr. Fisher is shaking her head here. You agree with that?

FISHER: Oh, absolutely. I mean, you know, attachment is very ancient, and this drive to find a sweetheart and be together and work as a team is very old, and marriage is very recent. And it has specific social purposes, and if you're older, you don't really need those social benefits, but you're looking for companionship, and -- Margaret Mead once said, the first relationship is for sex, the second one is for children, and the third one is for companionship. We are going to see more and more of these.

HEMMER: Hey Jean, by the way, I love your name. It is so appropriate. Lovetang. Quickly, tell us how you guys met.

LOVETANG: We went on a singles club to Mexico, Mazatlan, and we met there 19 years ago.

HEMMER: Wow. Vic, you have 15 seconds. What advice would you give to people watching this who might be in a similar situation?

PELTON: Well, it's worked very well for us and I just hope it works as well for them.

HEMMER: All right. Good luck. Vic Pelton, 73. Jean Lovetang -- Jean, what are you, 24?

LOVETANG: I am 65, actually.

HEMMER: All right. Hey, thanks guys, out in Sacramento, and of course Dr. Ellen Fisher here in New York. Many thanks, good to see you.

FISHER: Thank you.

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