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American Morning
Moms & Teen Daughters
Aired May 09, 2003 - 09:49 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
HEIDI COLLINS, CNN ANCHOR: With Mother's Day coming this Sunday, we want to contemplate how difficult being a mom is these days. Psychologists often say the two worst times in a woman's life are when she is 13 and when her daughter is 13. Susan Borowitz knows that very feeling. She's a writer, producer and author of a new book on mothers and teenage daughters, and she's sitting beside me. It's titled "When We're in Public, Pretend You Don't Know Me."
Susan Borowitz joins us now, and yes, in case you were wondering, she is married to our "Gimme a Minute" regular Andy Borowitz, who we saw a little bit earlier on the show.
Thanks for being here, Susan.
You know, I love the very, very beginning of this book where it says "the best of times, the worst of times." You told your daughter that you were going to be writing this book, and she said, you know, mom, you are hardly the perfect mother. So why did you write?
SUSAN BOROWITZ, AUTHOR: When she says that periodically just keep me in check.
Why did I write it? Well, I wrote it because I saw that what was going on in communities, especially my community, was that mothers were having a very difficult time making that transition from being your little girl's best friend, and little pal, and having tea parties and doing these things together to then becoming an authority figure.
And, as a result, what was happening is that that a lot of kids weren't getting the guidance that they needed, and there were some, I'd say some odd occurrences that my daughter would tell me about when she came home from school.
COLLINS: I bet, in fact, you talk about three different kinds of moms. What are they?
BOROWITZ: The first one, is I'll call her clueless mom, and clueless mom deals with this change in her daughter's life by sticking her head in the sand, by being completely overprotective and denying that this is changing, that these changes are happening.
The best bud mom tries to be her daughter's best friend and is rather permissive.
And the moderate path to go is the uncool mom, and the uncool mom is the mom who is there and is loving and supportive, but really can draw the line when she needs to. COLLINS: You get some great examples of that. You talk about what kind of clothes these different moms would wear. You say if you're the clueless mom, half of a mother/daughter matching Laura Ashley set is what you'd wear, the uncool mom wears the Gap jeans and a shirt, and the best bud picks out a lovely ensemble from the Christina Aguilera section?
BOROWITZ: That's right.
COLLINS: What kind of mother. I mean, you need to be the uncool mother.
BOROWITZ: Right, and that's the mom that I try to be, but we all have lapses. I think there are elements of each of those moms in all of us, but you have to try to continue in the uncool path as much as possible.
COLLINS: What is the most challenging thing that you deal with your daughter?
BOROWITZ: Right now, it's dating. But there are all sorts of things. For a while, it was shopping. How much makeup, and when she can wear the makeup, garden variety things like that, that every mother is dealing with. And you just, you know, what I deal with, do with her is I set guidelines.
I don't say, no, you're not allowed to do this, period. I say, OK, this is right, like, for instance, her makeup choices. She's allowed to wear makeup to school, but a certain amount. If she wants to wear a little bit more, she's going to have to earn it.
COLLINS: I see.
BOROWITZ: If she keeps her room clean, she can wear a little bit more. Every privilege in my mind, every single privilege is an opportunity to get them to show responsibility.
COLLINS: So dating is the thing right now. And in this book, "When my daughter was in seventh grade and brought her home her first boyfriend, I gave her run rule, which was keep your door open at all times, and she gave me six, do not make jokes about Nickelodeon cartoon or anything else juvenile. Do not speak in the voice that you use when you pretend that the dog can talk. Do not dress up or wear anything embarrassing. Do not hang around us. Stay away. And a couple of other here. Do not curse, and do not tell dirty jokes.
BOROWITZ: But I don't do either of those things, so it is always a complete shock for me.
COLLINS: Susan Borowitz, your book, "When We're in Public Places, Pretend You Don't Know Me." Very good. Appreciate your advice today, and happy Mother's Day as well.
BOROWITZ: Thank you.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
Aired May 9, 2003 - 09:49 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
HEIDI COLLINS, CNN ANCHOR: With Mother's Day coming this Sunday, we want to contemplate how difficult being a mom is these days. Psychologists often say the two worst times in a woman's life are when she is 13 and when her daughter is 13. Susan Borowitz knows that very feeling. She's a writer, producer and author of a new book on mothers and teenage daughters, and she's sitting beside me. It's titled "When We're in Public, Pretend You Don't Know Me."
Susan Borowitz joins us now, and yes, in case you were wondering, she is married to our "Gimme a Minute" regular Andy Borowitz, who we saw a little bit earlier on the show.
Thanks for being here, Susan.
You know, I love the very, very beginning of this book where it says "the best of times, the worst of times." You told your daughter that you were going to be writing this book, and she said, you know, mom, you are hardly the perfect mother. So why did you write?
SUSAN BOROWITZ, AUTHOR: When she says that periodically just keep me in check.
Why did I write it? Well, I wrote it because I saw that what was going on in communities, especially my community, was that mothers were having a very difficult time making that transition from being your little girl's best friend, and little pal, and having tea parties and doing these things together to then becoming an authority figure.
And, as a result, what was happening is that that a lot of kids weren't getting the guidance that they needed, and there were some, I'd say some odd occurrences that my daughter would tell me about when she came home from school.
COLLINS: I bet, in fact, you talk about three different kinds of moms. What are they?
BOROWITZ: The first one, is I'll call her clueless mom, and clueless mom deals with this change in her daughter's life by sticking her head in the sand, by being completely overprotective and denying that this is changing, that these changes are happening.
The best bud mom tries to be her daughter's best friend and is rather permissive.
And the moderate path to go is the uncool mom, and the uncool mom is the mom who is there and is loving and supportive, but really can draw the line when she needs to. COLLINS: You get some great examples of that. You talk about what kind of clothes these different moms would wear. You say if you're the clueless mom, half of a mother/daughter matching Laura Ashley set is what you'd wear, the uncool mom wears the Gap jeans and a shirt, and the best bud picks out a lovely ensemble from the Christina Aguilera section?
BOROWITZ: That's right.
COLLINS: What kind of mother. I mean, you need to be the uncool mother.
BOROWITZ: Right, and that's the mom that I try to be, but we all have lapses. I think there are elements of each of those moms in all of us, but you have to try to continue in the uncool path as much as possible.
COLLINS: What is the most challenging thing that you deal with your daughter?
BOROWITZ: Right now, it's dating. But there are all sorts of things. For a while, it was shopping. How much makeup, and when she can wear the makeup, garden variety things like that, that every mother is dealing with. And you just, you know, what I deal with, do with her is I set guidelines.
I don't say, no, you're not allowed to do this, period. I say, OK, this is right, like, for instance, her makeup choices. She's allowed to wear makeup to school, but a certain amount. If she wants to wear a little bit more, she's going to have to earn it.
COLLINS: I see.
BOROWITZ: If she keeps her room clean, she can wear a little bit more. Every privilege in my mind, every single privilege is an opportunity to get them to show responsibility.
COLLINS: So dating is the thing right now. And in this book, "When my daughter was in seventh grade and brought her home her first boyfriend, I gave her run rule, which was keep your door open at all times, and she gave me six, do not make jokes about Nickelodeon cartoon or anything else juvenile. Do not speak in the voice that you use when you pretend that the dog can talk. Do not dress up or wear anything embarrassing. Do not hang around us. Stay away. And a couple of other here. Do not curse, and do not tell dirty jokes.
BOROWITZ: But I don't do either of those things, so it is always a complete shock for me.
COLLINS: Susan Borowitz, your book, "When We're in Public Places, Pretend You Don't Know Me." Very good. Appreciate your advice today, and happy Mother's Day as well.
BOROWITZ: Thank you.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
