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American Morning
Interview With Brian Krinbring, Jeff Bakeman
Aired October 03, 2003 - 09:41 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
SOLEDAD O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: Here are two self-proclaimed professors of matrimony. Two guys way message for other men that goes something like this -- be careful of what you wish for. Brian Krinbring and Jeffrey Bakeman have written a book that paints an unflattering picture of what happens to some women when they become wives. It's called "Married to Mommy?: A Survival Guide for Married Guys."
The authors are with us now. Good morning, guys. Nice to see you.
(CROSSTALK)
O'BRIEN: Give me a definition of what's a -- when you say married to mommy, what's a mommy? Because I assumed it was like a woman who wanted to have kids. But I am so wrong on that.
BRIAN KRINBRING, CO-AUTHOR, "MARRIED TO MOMMY?": A mommy is formerly fun-loving girlfriend who after marriage somehow morphs into a kind of overly controlling, perpetually practical mommy.
JEFF BAKEMAN, CO-AUTHOR, "MARRIED TO MOMMY?": The kind of woman who starts treating here husband or even boyfriend, don't even have to be married, like a child, more like a child.
O'BRIEN: I thought it was interesting, probably in your best interests, to both admit early on neither of you are married to mommies?
BAKEMAN: Amazingly.
O'BRIEN: So then What makes you an expert on this syndrome? Can I call it that?
KRINBRING: Years of empirical research.
BAKEMAN: In bars and the restaurants throughout the west.
O'BRIEN: Anyone who's doing the research in a bar I'm a little suspect of.
BAKEMAN: A lot of notes on cocktail napkins. We've gotten together with a group people over the years, and the conversations would revolved around relationships. And we ended up finding out that men have the same question, the perennial question: what happened? When they always said...
O'BRIEN: What happened to the woman I married?
BAKEMAN: That's right.
(CROSSTALK)
O'BRIEN: ... some women are on the mommy track. And again when I read this, I thought, the mommy track. The women who hit the glass ceiling because they want children. No. Totally different mommy track.
KRINBRING: No. Not at all. Girlfriends can be like this. But the other thing that out research has shown is not every woman, not every wife, is a mommy. But we've also found there's a little mom in everyone.
O'BRIEN: Really? We'll skip past that question. What's women's reaction been to that?
BAKEMAN: Oh it's been fantastic. At our Web site, MarriedToMommy.com, we get all kinds of activities and e-mails from women as much as men.
O'BRIEN: What do they say? I'm curious to know because you say they're controlling, conniving...
BAKEMAN: A lot of them say, I don't want to be as much of a mommy as I am. And my husband is -- if he would just grow up, then we could not be as much of a mommy.
O'BRIEN: Interesting answer. Right?
KRINBRING: Yes, but one of the things we found is that most guys find -- when a woman's telling it you to grow up, it's because you're not doing what she wants you to do right then.
O'BRIEN: Yes? And? What's the problem with that?
KRINBRING: Well, that's a symptom of a mommy.
O'BRIEN: I know you give advice in this book. Do you advise these guys, Listen, if you grew's up and acted like a responsible guy, and did all the things you were supposed to, no problem.
KRINBRING: No, no. Because with a mommy, she has a "honey-do" list there's a universal rule of the honey-do list. No matter how many chores you do the list never gets shorter.
O'BRIEN: So then don't do any?
BAKEMAN: Pick and choose your list that matches your list. Wash the car, go to the liquor store, hit bucket of balls. Oh, that wasn't on your list.
O'BRIEN: Wait a minuet. That's not on the list at all.
(LAUGHTER) KRINBRING: One of the things we found is with a mommy, the best you can do is break even. And that's because mommies are smarter than us, they're quicker than us, they can endure more pain, and most...
O'BRIEN: Well, duh!
KRINBRING: ... and most importantly, they can remember everything.
BAKEMAN: Everything.
O'BRIEN: You show a map of men who marry mommies across the United States. And it's a very -- there it is -- a complicated, bizarre map where there's major mommies, green, which really takes -- is, I think, the bulk of the map and all across the country.
You say men marry women who tend to be like their mother. Why is that a bad thing? A guy likes his mother, appreciates his mother. Wouldn't that be a...
BAKEMAN: It's a good thing to a point. It's when it boils over that it becomes a problem.
KRINBRING: What can happen is a guy thinks he's got his girlfriend wrapped up, and suddenly she's taking care of his every whim and he's going, This is great! But that can soon expand into this cold, damp cloistering blanket of controlling overattention and the guy is just slammed and he's going, What happened?
O'BRIEN: Oh, you're making me feel so sorry for the guys.
(LAUGHTER)
O'BRIEN: We don't have a ton of time but you end your book with a plea that marriages should only last three years...
BAKEMAN: That's the Three-Year Plan.
O'BRIEN: ... because all the men would work out and be -- because they know that they got to look cute when that marriage is over and they're moving into the next one.
BAKEMAN: They might be on the market in three years. But you can re-up, of course. You go into neutral corners for six months and you can re-up. And we're pushing Congress for that.
KRINBRING: And one of the thing about the three-year plans is it does keeps your eye on what's important and that is...
BAKEMAN: The relationship.
KRINBRING: And keeping it young and fresh.
BAKEMAN: And having fun.
O'BRIEN: Well, the book is very fun. KRINBRING: And one of the things we found is that women love it, too. It gives them insight into what guys are thinking.
O'BRIEN: I'm not sure that I'd give this to my husband. Not that I'm a mommy, but I'm not sure I would.
Brian and Jeff, thank you. "Married to Mommy?: A Survival Guide for Married Guys." Thanks. Nice talking to you. It's a cute book. It's funny.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
Aired October 3, 2003 - 09:41 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
SOLEDAD O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: Here are two self-proclaimed professors of matrimony. Two guys way message for other men that goes something like this -- be careful of what you wish for. Brian Krinbring and Jeffrey Bakeman have written a book that paints an unflattering picture of what happens to some women when they become wives. It's called "Married to Mommy?: A Survival Guide for Married Guys."
The authors are with us now. Good morning, guys. Nice to see you.
(CROSSTALK)
O'BRIEN: Give me a definition of what's a -- when you say married to mommy, what's a mommy? Because I assumed it was like a woman who wanted to have kids. But I am so wrong on that.
BRIAN KRINBRING, CO-AUTHOR, "MARRIED TO MOMMY?": A mommy is formerly fun-loving girlfriend who after marriage somehow morphs into a kind of overly controlling, perpetually practical mommy.
JEFF BAKEMAN, CO-AUTHOR, "MARRIED TO MOMMY?": The kind of woman who starts treating here husband or even boyfriend, don't even have to be married, like a child, more like a child.
O'BRIEN: I thought it was interesting, probably in your best interests, to both admit early on neither of you are married to mommies?
BAKEMAN: Amazingly.
O'BRIEN: So then What makes you an expert on this syndrome? Can I call it that?
KRINBRING: Years of empirical research.
BAKEMAN: In bars and the restaurants throughout the west.
O'BRIEN: Anyone who's doing the research in a bar I'm a little suspect of.
BAKEMAN: A lot of notes on cocktail napkins. We've gotten together with a group people over the years, and the conversations would revolved around relationships. And we ended up finding out that men have the same question, the perennial question: what happened? When they always said...
O'BRIEN: What happened to the woman I married?
BAKEMAN: That's right.
(CROSSTALK)
O'BRIEN: ... some women are on the mommy track. And again when I read this, I thought, the mommy track. The women who hit the glass ceiling because they want children. No. Totally different mommy track.
KRINBRING: No. Not at all. Girlfriends can be like this. But the other thing that out research has shown is not every woman, not every wife, is a mommy. But we've also found there's a little mom in everyone.
O'BRIEN: Really? We'll skip past that question. What's women's reaction been to that?
BAKEMAN: Oh it's been fantastic. At our Web site, MarriedToMommy.com, we get all kinds of activities and e-mails from women as much as men.
O'BRIEN: What do they say? I'm curious to know because you say they're controlling, conniving...
BAKEMAN: A lot of them say, I don't want to be as much of a mommy as I am. And my husband is -- if he would just grow up, then we could not be as much of a mommy.
O'BRIEN: Interesting answer. Right?
KRINBRING: Yes, but one of the things we found is that most guys find -- when a woman's telling it you to grow up, it's because you're not doing what she wants you to do right then.
O'BRIEN: Yes? And? What's the problem with that?
KRINBRING: Well, that's a symptom of a mommy.
O'BRIEN: I know you give advice in this book. Do you advise these guys, Listen, if you grew's up and acted like a responsible guy, and did all the things you were supposed to, no problem.
KRINBRING: No, no. Because with a mommy, she has a "honey-do" list there's a universal rule of the honey-do list. No matter how many chores you do the list never gets shorter.
O'BRIEN: So then don't do any?
BAKEMAN: Pick and choose your list that matches your list. Wash the car, go to the liquor store, hit bucket of balls. Oh, that wasn't on your list.
O'BRIEN: Wait a minuet. That's not on the list at all.
(LAUGHTER) KRINBRING: One of the things we found is with a mommy, the best you can do is break even. And that's because mommies are smarter than us, they're quicker than us, they can endure more pain, and most...
O'BRIEN: Well, duh!
KRINBRING: ... and most importantly, they can remember everything.
BAKEMAN: Everything.
O'BRIEN: You show a map of men who marry mommies across the United States. And it's a very -- there it is -- a complicated, bizarre map where there's major mommies, green, which really takes -- is, I think, the bulk of the map and all across the country.
You say men marry women who tend to be like their mother. Why is that a bad thing? A guy likes his mother, appreciates his mother. Wouldn't that be a...
BAKEMAN: It's a good thing to a point. It's when it boils over that it becomes a problem.
KRINBRING: What can happen is a guy thinks he's got his girlfriend wrapped up, and suddenly she's taking care of his every whim and he's going, This is great! But that can soon expand into this cold, damp cloistering blanket of controlling overattention and the guy is just slammed and he's going, What happened?
O'BRIEN: Oh, you're making me feel so sorry for the guys.
(LAUGHTER)
O'BRIEN: We don't have a ton of time but you end your book with a plea that marriages should only last three years...
BAKEMAN: That's the Three-Year Plan.
O'BRIEN: ... because all the men would work out and be -- because they know that they got to look cute when that marriage is over and they're moving into the next one.
BAKEMAN: They might be on the market in three years. But you can re-up, of course. You go into neutral corners for six months and you can re-up. And we're pushing Congress for that.
KRINBRING: And one of the thing about the three-year plans is it does keeps your eye on what's important and that is...
BAKEMAN: The relationship.
KRINBRING: And keeping it young and fresh.
BAKEMAN: And having fun.
O'BRIEN: Well, the book is very fun. KRINBRING: And one of the things we found is that women love it, too. It gives them insight into what guys are thinking.
O'BRIEN: I'm not sure that I'd give this to my husband. Not that I'm a mommy, but I'm not sure I would.
Brian and Jeff, thank you. "Married to Mommy?: A Survival Guide for Married Guys." Thanks. Nice talking to you. It's a cute book. It's funny.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
