Return to Transcripts main page

American Morning

Handling Holiday Stress

Aired December 23, 2003 - 08:53   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


SOLEDAD O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: When the family gets together for Christmas this year, will it be joy to the world and peace toward all men, or will it be more like a gathering of the Hatfields and the McCoys? Iris Krasnow is the author of "Surrendering to Yourself." She joins us this morning with some tips on how to handle holiday stress.
This is the third book in your series.

IRIS KRASNOW, AUTHOR, "SURRENDERING TO YOURSELF": Yes, "Surrendering to Motherhood" was first, "Surrendering to Marriage" was Surrendering to Yourself" completes the trilogy.

O'BRIEN: Surrender is a strange word because it has, I don't know, is it synonymous with giving up, giving in?

KRASNOW: Well, you know, people say that a lot. It's a great question. They say I would never surrender to anything, as if it was defeat. But to me, surrendering is yielding to the higher power of something, and in this case, your family. And there's no greater victory than that.

O'BRIEN: Let's talk a little bit some of the tips that you have. The first one, you say, love them even though you hate them. Is that the theory of these people are related to you and they will be?

KRASNOW: For better or worse.

O'BRIEN: Forever?

KRASNOW: Well, yes. And in order to become a whole and happy person, which I think is all of our goal, we need to resolve relationships with the people who bore us, our siblings and,, you know, we can't control the uncertain world. But we can control the solidity of the relationships around us. And what an opportunity to rebuild shattered relationships and to sit down at your holiday dinners with open hearts and forgiveness.

O'BRIEN: But that's sounds like you're saying use holidays to cover past ground of dispute and things like that.

KRASNOW: Well, you know, I think that really what I'm saying is that, you know, what an incredible opportunity especially in this world today to love rather than hate. You know, you carry hate around with you, and it's just a residual baggage that weighs you down. You know, when you let go of that, you can actually discover that some of these relatives that you think you hate that you love, you love, and you go on to new newfound relationships.

O'BRIEN: Somebody can be a pain you and you can still love them.

KRASNOW: Well, I love that. But the truth about the holidays is, anyone who bugs you is going to bug you this year, and you can't change anyone's behavior but your own. So maybe one of the tips to surrender to your family this holiday season is to just know that the only behavior you can change is your own. So when your mother annoys you, be grateful that you have her. Be grateful these 82, or 83 or 79, and that she's at your table.

O'BRIEN: Just expectations, I think a lot of people think that the holidays are going to be this fun, relaxing time with family and then it ends up being this -- not in my family, because my family's perfect -- but other people's families, hypothetically speaking, that it's going to be perfect, and it's not. It's stressful, arguments, people drink, it's unpleasant at times.

KRASNOW: It is. And relax, because everyone's family is dysfunctional. If you think there's a Norman Rockwell scene going on with a steaming turkey, and children sitting perfectly in their velvet dresses, and pipes smoking and camaraderie, you're wrong. There could be a plate flying next door. Nobody has it any better than you, and many people have it worse. And again, when you look at hour holiday table this holiday season, and you see the usual players around that table, just be in the moment, savor them, don't resent them, because you never know if the same players are going to show up next year.

O'BRIEN: Focus on what's important. I think that's sort of a nice thought, too, as we close out this year, head into next year.

KRASNOW: And nobody's perfect. You know, you were talking about adjusting expectations. Expect imperfection, and then you won't be frustrated, Uncle Bernie's going to get drunk, your dad's going to bug you, your kids are going to be wild. They will have their little velvet dress -- not yours.

O'BRIEN: I was going to say mine, definitely.

Iris Krasnow, nice to have you. We've talked about your other books.

KRASNOW: I know, years ago, before you had kids.

O'BRIEN: Exactly, "Surrendering to Yourself," I've got to read this one, too. I'm sure it's great.

KRASNOW: Thank you.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com







Aired December 23, 2003 - 08:53   ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
SOLEDAD O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: When the family gets together for Christmas this year, will it be joy to the world and peace toward all men, or will it be more like a gathering of the Hatfields and the McCoys? Iris Krasnow is the author of "Surrendering to Yourself." She joins us this morning with some tips on how to handle holiday stress.
This is the third book in your series.

IRIS KRASNOW, AUTHOR, "SURRENDERING TO YOURSELF": Yes, "Surrendering to Motherhood" was first, "Surrendering to Marriage" was Surrendering to Yourself" completes the trilogy.

O'BRIEN: Surrender is a strange word because it has, I don't know, is it synonymous with giving up, giving in?

KRASNOW: Well, you know, people say that a lot. It's a great question. They say I would never surrender to anything, as if it was defeat. But to me, surrendering is yielding to the higher power of something, and in this case, your family. And there's no greater victory than that.

O'BRIEN: Let's talk a little bit some of the tips that you have. The first one, you say, love them even though you hate them. Is that the theory of these people are related to you and they will be?

KRASNOW: For better or worse.

O'BRIEN: Forever?

KRASNOW: Well, yes. And in order to become a whole and happy person, which I think is all of our goal, we need to resolve relationships with the people who bore us, our siblings and,, you know, we can't control the uncertain world. But we can control the solidity of the relationships around us. And what an opportunity to rebuild shattered relationships and to sit down at your holiday dinners with open hearts and forgiveness.

O'BRIEN: But that's sounds like you're saying use holidays to cover past ground of dispute and things like that.

KRASNOW: Well, you know, I think that really what I'm saying is that, you know, what an incredible opportunity especially in this world today to love rather than hate. You know, you carry hate around with you, and it's just a residual baggage that weighs you down. You know, when you let go of that, you can actually discover that some of these relatives that you think you hate that you love, you love, and you go on to new newfound relationships.

O'BRIEN: Somebody can be a pain you and you can still love them.

KRASNOW: Well, I love that. But the truth about the holidays is, anyone who bugs you is going to bug you this year, and you can't change anyone's behavior but your own. So maybe one of the tips to surrender to your family this holiday season is to just know that the only behavior you can change is your own. So when your mother annoys you, be grateful that you have her. Be grateful these 82, or 83 or 79, and that she's at your table.

O'BRIEN: Just expectations, I think a lot of people think that the holidays are going to be this fun, relaxing time with family and then it ends up being this -- not in my family, because my family's perfect -- but other people's families, hypothetically speaking, that it's going to be perfect, and it's not. It's stressful, arguments, people drink, it's unpleasant at times.

KRASNOW: It is. And relax, because everyone's family is dysfunctional. If you think there's a Norman Rockwell scene going on with a steaming turkey, and children sitting perfectly in their velvet dresses, and pipes smoking and camaraderie, you're wrong. There could be a plate flying next door. Nobody has it any better than you, and many people have it worse. And again, when you look at hour holiday table this holiday season, and you see the usual players around that table, just be in the moment, savor them, don't resent them, because you never know if the same players are going to show up next year.

O'BRIEN: Focus on what's important. I think that's sort of a nice thought, too, as we close out this year, head into next year.

KRASNOW: And nobody's perfect. You know, you were talking about adjusting expectations. Expect imperfection, and then you won't be frustrated, Uncle Bernie's going to get drunk, your dad's going to bug you, your kids are going to be wild. They will have their little velvet dress -- not yours.

O'BRIEN: I was going to say mine, definitely.

Iris Krasnow, nice to have you. We've talked about your other books.

KRASNOW: I know, years ago, before you had kids.

O'BRIEN: Exactly, "Surrendering to Yourself," I've got to read this one, too. I'm sure it's great.

KRASNOW: Thank you.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com