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Paula Zahn Now

Rosie O'Donnell's Family Cruise; Decades-Old Rape Case Set For Trial

Aired July 03, 2006 - 20:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

PAULA ZAHN, CNN ANCHOR: Hi, everyone. Thanks so much for joining us.
Tonight, we have an incredible hour for you with unforgettable people who got us talking.

But, first, here is what's happening at this moment.

TONY HARRIS, CNN CORRESPONDENT: And good evening, everyone. Here is what is happening right now.

NASA managers are still meeting at this hour, discussing whether or not it's safe to try launching the space shuttle Discovery tomorrow. We may get a decision some time during this hour. A routine inspection found a pencil-size crack in the foam insulation that covers Discovery's fuel tanks. The launch has already been delayed twice this weekend because of bad weather at the Kennedy Space Center. The launch of Discovery will be only the second shuttle flight since the Columbia disaster in 2003.

Palestinian security forces say Israel has launched an airstrike into northern Gaza, killing at least one person and wounding three others. The Israel army said the strike targeted a militant cell that it suspected was building explosive devices. Palestinian militant groups who kidnapped an Israeli soldier have set a deadline for 11:00 p.m. Eastern time for Israel to start releasing Palestinian prisoners.

The Israeli government has rejected the ultimatum. At least 34 people have died in a subway train crash in Valencia on Spain's east coast. Early reports suggest that a damaged wheel was responsible and that the train may have been going too fast. Two cars overturned in the accident, which also injured about 12 people. Officials said there was no indication that terrorism was responsible.

But the accident is getting lots of attention, because Pope Benedict is visiting Valencia this coming weekend, and pilgrims have already started arriving.

I'm Tony Harris at the CNN Center in Atlanta.

Let's go back now to PAULA ZAHN NOW.

ZAHN: Welcome back.

Tonight, a special hour with people who got us talking. We start off with a remarkable story. What would you do if you opened your mailbox and found a letter from a man who allegedly raped you 20 years ago, who was never prosecuted, who now says he's sorry? Could you forgive or should you? Or would you go to the police?

We're going to meet a woman who says that's exactly what happened to her.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN (voice-over): In October 1984, then-17-year-old Liz Seccuro was a few weeks into her freshman year at the University of Virginia, a sheltered young girl from suburb of New York City, away from home for the very first time. Fraternity and sorority parties were a big part of the social scene.

LIZ SECCURO, ALLEGED RAPE VICTIM: We felt safe. You know, we went with friends. And we felt safe. And there was never any sort of -- you know, we got dressed up. It was just one of those things. It was the culture. It was very Southern. It was very genteel. It was very charming, in a way.

ZAHN: One night began like many others that fall, when a male friend asked Liz to go to a fraternity rush party.

SECCURO: I was in sweats. I was studying. I didn't want to go out that night. And he said: Please. You know, if you bring a girl, you know, it just looks better for you.

I understand that completely. I remember having one-and-a-half beers. I mean, I remember the color of the cup. I remember how big they were. I was playing fooseball.

ZAHN (voice-over): Liz says she got separated from her friend, that she wanted to leave but was afraid to walk home alone. Then she was given a drink that she says made her feel numb. And she met a young man who she says read poetry to her and tried to kiss her.

She says, she rejected him, and that's when things turned ugly. She was forced into an empty room, she says. The young man was fellow UVA student William Beebe. And Liz says what happened next forever changed her life.

SECCURO: The door closed. He shut the lights, ripped my clothes off, threw me on the bed. It was that fast. It was just so -- it was like it was planned.

ZAHN (on camera): What is the last thing you remember happening at this frat house party?

SECCURO: I was in the middle -- in the middle of the rape itself and my brain -- I think the brain protects you from things that are too horrible to possibly absorb.

And I remember saying to myself, you know, it's OK to go to sleep now. This was about -- you know, I -- I can't even put a time on it, a few minutes into it.

And I looked out the window, and I saw a street light. And I remember thinking that I was going to die, and that my mom and dad weren't going to find me, that I'd be in this room, and I just said, you know, it's OK to just go to sleep. And that's what I did. That's the last thing I remember.

ZAHN (voice-over): Liz says she woke up the next morning naked and bruised, wrapped in a bloody sheet. She reported the rape to the university and says she was told that the local police didn't have authority on campus.

The University of Virginia says they, at the time, offered to help Liz navigate the legal system. They also say that they explained the incident could also be handled internally by campus authorities. But, before anything official could be done, William Beebe dropped out of school and Liz didn't pursue the matter.

She graduated from UVA, but struggled in her adulthood with constant fear, self-doubt and bad relationships. To this day, she says, the nightmare plays over and over again in her head.

SECCURO: I'm seeing my hands in front of my face. I'm seeing -- I'm seeing so many different -- I'm just seeing the house that night. I'm seeing the friend that I went with. I'm seeing the person's face, you know?

And that's the other thing. The -- the thing that also happens, which is really quite frightening, now that this is back in the forefront, five times a day, I see someone on the street who I am convinced is that guy.

ZAHN: But Liz did go on. Two decades later, she's happily married with a successful career as an event planner.

(on camera): So, some 21 years later, Liz, you have moved on as much as you could.

SECCURO: Right.

ZAHN: You got married. You started a successful career.

SECCURO: Right.

ZAHN: You had a beautiful child.

SECCURO: Right.

ZAHN: Then, one day you go to the mailbox...

SECCURO: Yes.

ZAHN: And you receive an odd-looking envelope with a vanilla scent on it.

SECCURO: Well, who writes letters anymore, you know? And I put it in my lap, and I saw the postmark first. And it said Las Vegas. And I -- honestly, I don't know anyone who lives there. I was like, this is odd. And then I saw the return address sticker.

ZAHN: And you knew immediately.

SECCURO: I knew immediately what was -- my planet just -- my whole world just cracked in half. I didn't even have to open it. I knew what it was.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN: So, what was in that letter? The man's name on the return address, William Beebe, the man Liz says raped her. What could he have to say to her after all these years?

The story continues in just a moment.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ZAHN: And now back to the story of Liz Seccuro.

She was a 17-year-old college freshman when she claims she was raped at a party. Her attacker was never prosecuted. And she says it devastated her life. After two decades, she had managed to build a good life. And, then one day, she says she got a letter from the man who had attacked her.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN (voice-over): A simple trip to the mailbox, a seemingly innocuous letter, it dramatically changed Liz Seccuro's life. It was a letter from the man she says had raped her when she was just 17 and still a virgin.

After 21 years, it was a letter of apology from William Beebe.

(on camera): I'm going to read an excerpt from that letter -- quote -- "In October, 1984, I harmed you. My prayer is that you be free and happy in your life."

When you saw those written words, what was your reaction?

SECCURO: On the one hand, it was validating. And, on the other hand, I have been anything but free and happy in my life. And how dare you? How dare you write to me? I just felt like I was grieving at that time.

ZAHN: Are you sorry you ever opened up that letter and read it?

SECCURO: The personal me, there are days. But, no, I'm not, because I know that, no matter what the outcome, I mean, this torture has to end at some point.

ZAHN (voice-over): But why, after so long, would this man reach out? William Beebe would reveal later that, after struggling with alcohol for years, he had turned to A.A.'s 12-step program. Step number eight: Make a list of all the persons we had harmed. And step number nine: Make direct amends to such people.

Beebe also invited Liz to contact him anywhere, any time, with anyone, and so began a very unusual correspondence.

(on camera): So, Liz, as tormented as you were by the phrases in this first letter, you decided to start e-mail communication with William Beebe?

SECCURO: I had to.

ZAHN: Why?

SECCURO: I wanted to know why. I wanted to know who he was, what led him to this behavior, why -- you know, what led him to that night to be that person.

ZAHN (voice-over): Beebe wrote about his tumultuous life after leaving UVA.

An excerpt from one of his e-mails dated September 22, 2005: "I always felt a tremendous guilt for the way in which I imagined my conduct had damaged you. I did not know how I was going to set about repairing the wrongs I believed I could never fully right, most especially in the situation with you, which haunted me most of all."

And, in an e-mail dated November 30, 2005, what appears to be an admission: "I want to make clear that I'm not intentionally minimizing the fact of having raped you. I did."

Liz says the e-mail relationship began to frighten her. There is no statute of limitations on rape in Virginia. And she says there was no other choice. It was time to come forward and finally tell her story to the police.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Mr. Beebe, did you think the statute was up?

ZAHN: The result, on January 4, 2006, William Beebe was arrested at his home in Las Vegas.

TIM LONGO, CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA, POLICE CHIEF: Our most recent arrest for a serious sexual assault that occurred some 22 years ago.

ZAHN: This is William Beebe today.

SECCURO: He's had 20 years of freedom, and I've had 20 years of being imprisoned in my mind. I've had 20 years of, you know, bad relationships, bad decisions, lack of self-esteem. I've had 20 years of questioning who I am.

ZAHN: But this tale, with all of its twists and turns, still isn't over. William Beebe now denies that he raped Liz.

We tried to contact Mr. Beebe through his attorney to get his side of the story and received this statement: "Regrettably, Mr. Beebe cannot provide details about a pending case. At the appropriate time, Mr. Beebe's innocence will be established in a court of law, and any misunderstanding about the events in question will be put to rest. Mr. Beebe did not rape Ms. Seccuro. He treated her thoughtlessly in a college sex encounter, for which he is sorry."

But remember the e-mail in which William Beebe admitted to the rape? Why would he confess to a crime he didn't commit?

More from his attorney: "In their e-mail correspondence, when Ms. Seccuro first described the encounter as a rape, Mr. Beebe did not challenge her recollection. Under the circumstances, he considered that response inappropriate. In his reply to Ms. Seccuro's e-mails, Mr. Beebe sought only to avoid conflict, not to answer for a crime he didn't commit."

(on camera): Your reaction?

(LAUGHTER)

SECCURO: My reaction is, that is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Mr. Beebe, can we get a comment from you?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Keep walking.

ZAHN (voice-over): Last March, Liz faced William Beebe...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: She is emotional.

ZAHN: ... at a preliminary hearing in a Charlottesville court. He will be tried in November on rape charges. William Beebe could spend the rest of his life in prison. Liz Seccuro says, this is about justice, not revenge.

(on camera): So, even if this trial ends in acquittal, you will have thought you accomplished a great deal?

SECCURO: Yes.

ZAHN (voice-over): Liz knows what a jury trial might mean. She says that testifying at the preliminary hearing was devastating. She fears the trial will be even worse.

(on camera): Is there just a little part of yourself that ever says to yourself, "You know what, Liz, it was enough that he admitted to me in an e-mail that he raped me?"

SECCURO: You know what? The trauma of what I will face in the courtroom is nothing compared to the trauma of that night. I'm fine with it. You know, bring it. You can't break me, because he already did.

So, whatever they try and do to me on the stand, I've already lived through 10 times worse. So, no -- in answer to your question, no. There's no little piece of me. The only part of me that's left is the part that fights for this. And I have to honor that part. I have a responsibility to that 17-year-old who didn't get justice to take it through. And it's not stubbornness or anger or resentment. It's just -- it's just who I am. It is what I have to do.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN: In September, William Beebe's lawyers plan to ask a judge to dismiss those charges. They say the case is too old.

And Liz Seccuro has started a group called STARS, Sisters Together Assisting Rape Survivors, to encourage other women to seek justice.

Coming up next: more people who got us talking, including a revealing look at a popular and controversial celebrity.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN (voice-over): So, you think you know the real Rosie O'Donnell. Take a candid look at the life of one of America's most successful stars, her private life, her family, and her quest to help other families just like hers.

And Janice Dickinson, would you believe being in your 50s could ever look like this? Sexy, outrageous, and dishing out the fashion world's dirty little secrets -- all that and more of the people who got us talking when we come back.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ZAHN: Tonight, a special hour on some of the people who got us talking.

And one of them certainly is Rosie O'Donnell. She will take over as a co-host of "The View" this fall. But, four years ago, she walked away from her own talk show and then suffered a couple of setbacks, including a lawsuit over her magazine.

Well, since then, she's been mostly out of the public eye, but now she's revealing a side we haven't seen before, opening up about life as a gay parent and her new venture to help parents like her.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

PAULA ZAHN, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): It's vacation O'Donnell style.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ALL ABOARD: ROSIE'S FAMILY CRUISE")

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hi, Peanut.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

ZAHN: But this family vacation created by Rosie and Kelli O'Donnell is anything but typical...

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ALL ABOARD: ROSIE'S FAMILY CRUISE")

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We refer to ourselves as a bunch of misfits, you know.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

ZAHN: ... a safe haven for gay families and those who love them, a week captured by HBO for a documentary, "All Aboard: Rosie's Family Cruise."

(on camera): How do you think straight viewers will react to what unfolds on the screen?

ROSIE O'DONNELL, COMEDIAN: I hope it will educate them. I hope it will, you know, replace fear, ignorance with information. I mean, people are afraid of what they don't understand. You know, the normalcy of the day, I think, is what shocks people most.

ZAHN: One of the more amazing things about this documentary is the rawness of emotions that you capture. And, then, there is a scene where there is a straight mother of an adult gay daughter who, while expresses love for her daughter, makes it very clear she does not support her lifestyle.

R. O'DONNELL: Yes.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ALL ABOARD: ROSIE'S FAMILY CRUISE")

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: When my daughter became lesbian, I was assuming something. We were not happy. We were very hurt. My husband is still very hurt. But what more can I do? She is still my daughter. We love her.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

R. O'DONNELL: Yet, she was on the cruise. So, I think that the connection of a parent and child is bigger than any kind of internal bigotry that we might have as humans. You know, the love and the bond between a parent and child is almost indestructible.

ZAHN (voice-over): That indestructible bond is obvious in Rosie's own family. And we get a rare glimpse into her life in the film.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ALL ABOARD: ROSIE'S FAMILY CRUISE")

R. O'DONNELL: Kelli, you all right with her with this much lipstick on? Chelsea, can we blot the lipstick a little bit?

Yes. Your shoes are on. You have to keep them on, because we're going outside. Yes. Want me to fix them? Yes.

ZAHN (on camera): What do you think are some of the misconceptions straight people have about the values you're trying to impart to your children and whether that involves imposing your sexuality...

R. O'DONNELL: Well, I don't think you...

ZAHN: ... on them?

R. O'DONNELL: I don't think you can impose sexuality, because, you know, if you could, there would be no gay people, because it takes two straight people to make a gay person. You know, I mean, even Dick Cheney, the most Republican Republican and his very Republican wife, they made a gay child. You know, one out of every 10 people is gay.

ZAHN (voice-over): While most of the cruise was downright fun, there was some very unexpected conflict. When the boat docked in Nassau, families were met by a large angry group of protesters.

(on camera): You didn't really see the protest unfold until you watched the documentary for the first time, because you didn't get off the boat.

R. O'DONNELL: Right.

ZAHN: What was your reaction?

R. O'DONNELL: I felt a visceral response in my body. There was one man in particular, and he had very sad eyes, big, sad eyes. And he's holding a Bible, and he turns right into the camera and he screams, "No."

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ALL ABOARD: ROSIE'S FAMILY CRUISE")

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No! No!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

R. O'DONNELL: And the rage in this man and the hatred in his heart, I felt it physically. It was frightening most -- to think that, you know -- Parker said to me, "What are they protesting?"

And I was like, "Well, they're protesting that we are."

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ALL ABOARD: ROSIE'S FAMILY CRUISE")

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He just was scared of the people, but he didn't understand anything.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

R. O'DONNELL: They don't want us to exist. It's like, well, I think that is crazy. That's like World War II.

ZAHN (voice-over): And while the protest was painful, it was a reminder of what gay families face every day. It was Kelli who advised Rosie to stay on the boat that day, because they both knew that Rosie would sound off.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ALL ABOARD: ROSIE'S FAMILY CRUISE") UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So, tell Rosie O'Donnell, take her madness, take her filth elsewhere.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No, I just think it is good Rosie didn't get off.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, no.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: She would be up there fighting for the microphone.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

ZAHN: Rosie told me, if it weren't for Kelli, her life would be total chaos.

We caught up with Kelli, who barely gives interviews, at the premiere of the documentary.

(on-camera): Do you expect to make some people angry with this documentary?

KELLI O'DONNELL, ROSIE'S PARTNER: I think you can't do anything where it involves gay people or gay families where you are not going to make some people angry, but I also think that it is a different way to look at us.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ALL ABOARD: ROSIE'S FAMILY CRUISE")

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's new. I never needed to put him stretched out. It is amazing.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ... work.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ... works.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know, keep up with it. Yes?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

K. O'DONNELL: In the movie, you just look at all these families just as families. And I think that's the most touching thing about it, that all of a sudden, you know, whether it is two men or two women or, you know, a single parent or whatever it is that is raising the child, all of a sudden, it doesn't matter. You see a connection that happened on. You see how beautiful these families are.

ZAHN (voice over): "All Aboard" was a labor of love for the O'Donnells. But, for Rosie, it was more. For Rosie, it was life- changing.

R. O'DONNELL: I was asked at one of the press screenings, are you going to raise your children to be gay? And I thought no more than I can raise them to be tall. You can't raise someone to be gay. You know, you can't raise someone to have blue eyes.

Now, you can wear contacts your whole life if you have brown eyes, if you desire for blue eyes is that big. But, at some point, you are going to have to take them out and let your eyes rest and be who you are. And the fact that you have brown eyes has to one day be all right. And it became all right for me through this cruise, in a way that I hadn't anticipated.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN: And Rosie's documentary, which premiered this year on our sister network, HBO, is now available on DVD.

Coming up next: an astonishing teenager -- she can't see, can barely talk, but, if she hears a piece of music just once, she can play it. How does she do it?

And, a little bit later on, what secrets did this woman learn after spending 18 months disguised as a man?

Those stories and more people who got us talking still ahead.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ZAHN: We are spending the hour tonight with fascinating and controversial people who got us talking. Still ahead, a woman who spent 18 months disguised as a man. You're not going to believe the secrets she uncovered about what men are really like.

Plus my interview with the always outspoken supermodel Janice Dickinson. After facelifts, botox, and a whole lot more, why does she say she is a wreck?

From time to time now we hear stories that you almost have to see for yourself to believe, and the one coming up happens to be one of them. I heard about an amazingly gifted musician named Brittany Maier, who can compose music but can't see.

She plays piano with only three fingers on each hand, and she can play anything from Barry Manilow to Bach brilliantly yet, she doesn't speak. In fact, so many things about her fascinated me I headed out to a suburb of New York City to meet Brittany Maier and her family.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN (voice-over): It was a happy time for Tammy and Chuck Maier, newly married and expected their first child. It all changed on April 9, 1989. Tammy was rushed to the hospital for a potentially deadly liver disorder and gave birth to her daughter four months early.

TAMMY MAIER, MOTHER: She was very, very tiny. They told us that there was really only about a five percent chance that she was going to live. ZAHN: For three months, little Brittany Maier was hooked up to oxygen and other life support machines. Somehow she survived.

(on camera): Then you were confronted with some really bad news, confirmation that she, in fact, was blind.

MAIER: Yes.

ZAHN: How did you handle that news on top of everything you had dealt with up until that point?

MAIER: It was a surprise, but, you know, she was just this beautiful, little baby that we loved.

ZAHN (voice-over): When Brittany came home from the hospital, she developed more slowly than other children.

(on camera): The doctors finally then gave you a more definitive description of these developmental delays and they told you she was autistic. How did you handle that news?

MAIER: The autism was a little bit harder because it was something that dealt with the mind and what she understood.

ZAHN (voice-over): But then, incredible as it seems, at the age of 5 the girl who didn't speak started to sing. Suspecting Brittany might be able to communicate through music, her parents bought her a keyboard. A few months later Brittany heard "Ave Maria" in the car. Just a knew days after that, she astounded everyone by playing the song on her keyboard.

MAIER: Of all songs that she could have aspired to on her own, no one showed her how to play "Ave Maria." She just felt this song's impact.

ZAHN: Before long, Brittany could hear any song, classical, jazz, or rock 'n' roll and play it right back. At the age of 8, she graduated to a piano and was playing everything from Beethoven and Bach to Bon Jovi.

(on camera): At what point did someone tell you that she was a prodigious savant?

MAIER: I had heard people refer to her as a prodigy, as a child prodigy. And I didn't know what savant meant so I went and looked it up in the dictionary.

ZAHN (voice-over): Psychiatrist Dr. Darold Treffert has studied more than 30 savants.

DR. DAROLD TREFFERT, UNIV. OF WISCONSIN MEDICAL SCHOOL: Brittany falls within what I call the prodigious category of savants, which means her skill would be spectacular, even if it were to be seen in a nondisabled person, and there are fewer than perhaps a hundred such people living at worldwide at the present time. ZAHN: Still, how is it that a girl who can't read music, can't do simple addition, or even write her own name, plays thousands of songs from memory?

TREFFERT: Music is her language. The alphabet isn't her language. That's how she communicates to us. When she's playing her songs, she's speaking in her way through music instead of through words.

ZAHN: Tammy understood that this gift could enrich the lives of other people. Brittany began performing in public.

(on camera): How do audiences respond to Brittany when they hear her play?

MAIER: I've seen everything from crying and sobbing to people who have to leave the room because they're so overwhelmed. A lot of people just see the power of God and feel like there are angels in the room with Brittany, and it's wonderful as a mother, it's wonderful. I'm so glad that she's able to bring people so much joy.

ZAHN: Well, it's got to be. How has Brittany changed your life?

MAIER: She's made my life. I don't see a change, I just see that that was life. That's what was intended, that's what is supposed to be. It's been a fabulous life.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN: What a gift she has. Brittany Maier has a CD out which you can find online and two more are due to be released coming up in the fall.

Up next, more stories about people you'll be talking about. Meet a woman who spent 18 months disguised as a man. What did she learn on the other side of the gender divide?

Plus she's one of the most beautiful women in the world, but wait until you hear what supermodel Janice Dickinson told me about her experience with plastic surgery.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ZAHN: So, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex, to know what they say and do especially when the other sex isn't around?

Well, one of the people who got us talking is a woman who spent a year and a half pretending to be a man.

Norah Vincent turned her experience into a book called "Self-Made Man," and what she discovered changed her assumptions not only about men but women too.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE) ZAHN (voice-over): Men and women. We live together. Work together. Interacting on a daily basis. But how much do we really know about how the other half lives, thinks and feels?

Journalist Norah Vincent decided to find out. She put on a disguise, becoming Ned, infiltrating a world totally unknown to most women. In the process, Vincent's assumptions about men and women are turned on their head. She writes about her experience in her book, "Self-Made Man."

(on camera): What was the most surprising thing you learned about men by being a man for 18 months?

NORAH VINCENT, AUTHOR: That there's a secret life going on there. That is, I talk about it as if I was hearing sounds that only dogs can hear. You know, it was like I switched the channel, and suddenly there was this entirely other world going on that you couldn't tune into or you didn't understand the language as a woman, and they wouldn't let you understand it. But once you were a man, suddenly you were privy to it.

ZAHN (voice-over): Vincent knew in order to pull this off, Ned would have to be believable. To make herself appear more masculine, she got expert advice.

VINCENT: I went to Juilliard and I had a voice coach talk to me about how to use the lower portions of my register, and to stay there. To project an attitude of maleness. And the way that I walked, to really kind of work on that, and just the pose of a man.

ZAHN: She went to the gym to bulk up her body, and created a beard by attaching pieces of crape hair to her face. It took her up to two hours in the morning just to get dressed.

(on camera): How long did it take you to nail Ned?

VINCENT: I would say it took me a couple of months. The first few months, I made a lot of mistakes.

I had to learn to just stop reacting as spontaneously as I might as a woman to what might be going on around me, because my voice would rise in excitement. And guys have sort of had that bred out of them. And so what you see is that there's a lot of silence, there are many fewer words, and yet there's so much being said in those silences.

ZAHN: You talk about how empowering it was to simply wear a square shouldered suit.

VINCENT: It really is a signifier of maleness, and interestingly people in restaurants and so on they treat you more deferentially when you're wearing a suit as a man. You'll say things that coming from a woman would sound really impolite, to say the least. You know, you just say, yes, give me that. You know, when you're ordering something, yes, I'll have the steak, thanks. Not even say thanks. That's just expected, that's how guys talk. Whereas a woman I would say, I'm really sorry, would you mind getting us some water when you have a chance? You know, something like that.

ZAHN: Vincent as Ned worked as a door-to-door salesman, went to strip clubs, spent time with monks in a monastery, and for eight months played on an all-male bowling team, where she got a lesson in male bonding.

VINCENT: They didn't know me from Adam. I walked in the door and they welcomed me like an old friend.

ZAHN: Why were you so successful at being part of their game?

VINCENT: One of them had a son who was about I think 12 at the time, and I remember thinking that I was learning things about the same pace that he was. Manhood is something you emulate by watching. I learned what was acceptable to say and do, and I just started to mimic them.

ZAHN: You actually developed some pretty nice friendships with a couple of the men, and one man in particular whose wife had suffered from cancer.

VINCENT: These guys talked about it. He said a few words, OK, I had to go to the hospital, she's not doing well, I'm feeling pretty bad. And that was it. And there wasn't much that we could really do, that wasn't acceptable for us to jump in. I wanted to, of course, as a woman. I wanted to put my arms around him and so on. It's not OK to reach over, and sometimes men, what I learned is, they don't want that. It's smothering to them.

ZAHN: Ned's next stop was more provocative.

You spent some time in strip clubs with men.

VINCENT: In my opinion, I don't think it's pleasurable. You know, there's a lot of bluster about, well, you know, I can get a woman or I want to see a woman for her parts and disembody her. And I don't think that deep down, it feels very good.

I saw a lot of pain in those places, and I didn't expect that. I thought that they would be sort of, you know, a lot of jeering going on or a lot of laughing. I didn't see very much laughing. I saw a lot of pain.

ZAHN: Surprising to Vincent, some of her most revealing insights about men she gained when Ned went on dates with women.

VINCENT: I just felt as if they always assumed that I was a cad until I proved otherwise.

ZAHN: And you describe one woman in particular as being bitter and being angry, and that you actually felt like you were being attacked. How surreal was that for you? VINCENT: Well, in a way, it was funny, because some of the things she said, I just thought, you know, if you only knew who you were talking to. She was giving me this sort of feminist rant, and I thought, you know, honey, I've been there, you know, I'm past that, you know.

ZAHN: Even more surprising to Vincent is what happened when she eventually revealed her true identity to some of these women.

VINCENT: I had a rule that there were three dates and then I would tell them. But interestingly, several of the women wanted to keep seeing me, even romantically, even after they knew I was a woman. And these were heterosexual women. Whereas, you know, if you did it the other way around, you can imagine you would have gotten beaten up if you had been a man in a woman's disguise, and then told the guy that you were actually a guy. Forget it.

ZAHN: What is it that you think that women don't get about men?

VINCENT: I think women don't understand maybe how much power we have over them. I mean, they need us and they -- not just sexually, but just they need our esteem. Their definition of their manhood is part of being admired by women.

ZAHN: Norah, in the book you're very candid about the fact that you're a lesbian. Do you come out of this process with less respect for women?

VINCENT: Yes. Oddly enough, in a way, I do. Or less...

ZAHN: Is that troubling to you?

VINCENT: No, because I think I went into it prejudicially, thinking -- expecting more of women. I had that sort of we're more evolved kind of prejudice.

ZAHN: As much as Vincent learned about men by being Ned, eventually the deception took its tool. She had a nervous breakdown.

VINCENT: It was extremely hard. It was a very heavy burden. I'm just not a very good liar, and I felt extremely guilty about the continued deception.

ZAHN: Vincent recovered. Most of the men she encountered eventually learned Ned was in fact a woman and were accepting of her.

(on camera): Norah, how much of Ned has rubbed off on you?

VINCENT: The best part, which I think is the part that's thinking makes it so, that if I'm afraid of something, I just buck myself up and I say do it. Believe it, do it now. And then it just -- it's an amazingly powerful thing, that projection of confidence, the denial of fear. I'm going to do it, and you do sort of miraculously do it.

(END VIDEOTAPE) ZAHN: And oddly enough, Norah Vincent says she never felt grateful for her size 11 feet until it was time to dress as a man.

We move on now to tonight's "Biz Break."

HARRIS: We have a story that's just in. CNN has learned that NASA officials have decided to go ahead with tomorrow's scheduled launch of the Space Shuttle Discovery despite a small crack in the foam around the fuel tanks. CNN's John Zarrella is standing by live at the Kennedy Space Center. John?

JOHN ZARRELLA, CNN CORRESPONDENT: That's right, Tony. Just a couple minutes ago, NASA spokeswoman Lisa Malone announced that in fact NASA's mission management team, which has been meeting here for about the past two hours has decided that the issue with the foam on the external tank, the crack in that foam, not an issue serious enough to warrant them standing down from tomorrow's July Fourth liftoff of the shuttle.

You can see the shuttle there, the sun setting to the west, beautiful night here at the Kennedy Space Center, hoping that weather holds, again for tomorrow's launch. Now at issue of course was a crack that engineers and inspection teams found in the overnight hours. It's a five-inch long by 1/8 inch deep crack they found at -- pretty close to the top of the external tank in a bracket that connects to one of the liquid oxygen pipes there.

The engineering teams were sent off today to analyze the situation, to see if they needed to fix it or to take a closer look at it which would have meant they'd have to stand down tomorrow, and that decision was made, Tony, that in fact that would not be necessary, and they are clear to go ahead and fly tomorrow, the Fourth of July. Tony?

HARRIS: OK, John Zarrella reporting live for us from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. John, we appreciate it, thank you. Now back to PAULA ZAHN NOW.

ZAHN: And still ahead, my surprising conversation with the world's first supermodel, Janice Dickinson. What does she mean when she talks about Hollywood's dirty little secrets? Stay with us and find out.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN: Welcome back. Wild, outspoken, and controversial, that's how Janice Dickinson has lived in front of the camera. But the self proclaimed world's first supermodel also happens to be a complex woman who is full of contradictions. And now you're about to see a side of her that may surprise you.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN (voice-over): This is the ugly side of plastic surgery on the face of a beautiful supermodel.

JANICE DICKINSON, SUPERMODEL: There is a moment where I did have a panic attack so I had to like hyperventilate and start breathing.

ZAHN (on-camera): Were you afraid he could ruin your face?

DICKINSON: A little bit, yes. The answer is yes.

ZAHN (voice-over): A big risk. Janice Dickinson's face has made her millions posing for pictures. But these pictures are not about her glamour and beauty. Instead, Dickinson says they're her way to reveal the reality and popularity of what she calls Hollywood's dirty little secret, plastic surgery.

DICKINSON: I'm just here to admit that I had a little bit of work and so far, so good. You know, it's worked perfectly for me.

ZAHN: Dickinson has always been very vocal about the deception and smoke and mirrors used in the industry that has made her famous. And now, as a mother of two, she worries even more about the pressures put on young girls to look like those famous faces.

DICKINSON: I've seen celebrities on the covers of magazines that don't talk about it, that are doing young people, men and women alike, a disservice because they are saying, "Oh, I haven't had any work done." when I know that they've had work done. And the doctors know that they've had the work done, but they're walking around saying, "Oh, I would never do that."

ZAHN: Dickinson has never hidden her plastic surgery. She openly discusses the motivation and pressure to look young and perfect.

(on-camera): Remember that woman? Who is that woman?

DICKINSON: That woman is me with, yes, you know, prior to the breast implants and the Botox.

ZAHN: And you didn't have to do much in the early days of your career?

DICKINSON: No, I didn't. Because I was really lucky. That's why I became a model in the first place because I was told I was pretty. I didn't feel pretty but I was told I was pretty.

ZAHN (voice over): In her supermodel heyday, Dickinson was on the cover of almost every fashion magazine, making $2,000 a day when other models made just $75. But underneath the glitz, the glamour and all the makeup, there was a sensitive and insecure young woman who never felt gorgeous.

DICKINSON: Because I was told as a young girl by my father that I should have been a boy, that, you know, I wasn't as pretty as the girl next door. I mean, I got it from my dominant male role model to begin with. So I had in the back of my head this competitive drive to be better and fix things up.

ZAHN: It wasn't until her early 30s that the pressure to be perfect motivated her to go under the knife. In her 40s, Janice turned to collagen and Botox to remove the lines. Then in her 50s, the face lift.

DICKINSON: If I had it to do all over again, I think I would have waited a good while longer, because I'm not sending the right message now out to young people.

ZAHN (on-camera): Right, to accept yourself the way you are.

DICKINSON: Yes.

ZAHN (voice over): A message she wants people, especially young girls like her daughter to hear.

DICKINSON: Daily I tell my daughter that I love her, that she's gorgeous, that she's fabulous, walk straight, be really proud of yourself.

ZAHN: Despite this confidence as a mother, Janice, the woman, says she still struggles every day with feeling insecure and not good enough, a feeling so many women share, feelings she now knows won't go away with surgery, which brings us back to these pictures, the gory images of what she did to try to look young.

(on-camera): And now that you've had the surgery, do you feel perfect?

DICKINSON: No. I'm a wreck, Paula. No, because it just makes you look better. But, you know, my work is a constant job to try to be a better person for, A. my children, B. society, C. myself, because I have to -- I think a lot - most of the work now that I look back in retrospect, it all comes from within. And I wish that I know now what I did when I was a young girl, that I was OK, that I was good enough, because I just didn't feel good enough.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

ZAHN: So, Janice Dickinson told me she's going to take a break from plastic surgery, at least for now. Thanks so much for being with us for this hour of extraordinary people who got us talking. I hope you have a great Fourth of July and "LARRY KING LIVE" starts right now. Again, thanks for dropping by here, have a great night.

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