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Showbiz Tonight

Who Should Star in Petraeus Movie?; Kevin Clash Accuser Backpedals; Movement Calls for Banning Trump from Macy`s Ad; Is Channing Tatum Sexiest Man Alive?; Top Five Stories That Make You Say, "Are You Kidding Me?"; Biber and Gomez Split

Aired November 14, 2012 - 23:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

A.J. HAMMER, HOST: Tonight on the SHOWBIZ Countdown, "SHOWBIZ Law and Order." The voice of Elmo has been cleared of a sex abuse claim, but are his and Elmo`s reputations wrecked forever now?

Plus, SHOWBIZ casts a movie about the General Petraeus affair scandal, but which shocking legal drama will top tonight`s SHOWBIZ Countdown?

Hello, I`m A.J. Hammer. Thank you for watching.

We have two big SHOWBIZ Countdowns tonight, including the five stories that made us say today, "Are You Kidding Me?" Like the wild news that comedian Janeane Garofalo has revealed she just found out she`s been married for the past 20 years, and she had no idea. "Are You Kidding Me?"

Or how about Taylor Swift whining that she can`t wear the same dress more than once?

And did you hear about the new Pepsi? It can help you poop, yes poop. And lose weight. Yes.

The big reveal of what`s No. 1 coming up, but we begin with our first SHOWBIZ Countdown of the night, the top three "Law and Order" stories breaking today, or perhaps I should be saying disorder.

Let`s kick it off at No. 3. "General Misbehavior," it`s the whacky story of former CIA chief general David Petraeus having an affair with his biographer, who allegedly made threats to a possibly competing love interest, who also may have gotten flirtatious e-mails from the general leading the war in Afghanistan, who also, you know, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. You know this thing is going to be made into a movie. Right? So why wait to cast it, I say?

Let`s get right to the "SHOWBIZ Casting" right now. With me from Hollywood, it`s the great Kate Flannery. I`m such a huge fan of Kate. She stars in the hit NBC comedy "The Office" as Meredith Palmer, of course. Kate`s also the host of TV Guide Network`s female stand-up series, "Stand- Up in Stilettos." It airs Saturdays on the TV Guide Network.

Also with me in New York, comedian Zane Lamprey, who hosts "Drinking Ain`t Easy" on the Axis Television Network.

I want to get right to casting this movie, guys. Here we go. Working title of our film, "How Petraeus Betrayed Us." It`s pretty good, right? First up, we`ve got to cast General David Petraeus. And for this, we pick Steve Carell. Look at this. I think it`s perfect. Kate, what do you think? Your former "Office" co-star as the general?

KATE FLANNERY, ACTRESS: Steve -- Steve is a great actor. I think it would be great, but it would have to be a comedy.

HAMMER: Yes.

FLANNERY: And Tina Fey would have to play Paula Broadwell.

HAMMER: Can you imagine?

FLANNERY: Yes, and then I think Bethenny Frankel would be Jill Kelley.

HAMMER: That`s actually pretty good. All right. We have our picks for them coming up in just a moment. But I need to know, just in case Steve was too busy, what do you think of this runner-up. It`s "30 Rock" star Jack McBrayer? Who do you think would make a better general, Jack or Steve?

ZANE LAMPREY, COMEDIAN: You know what? That`s not a bad one. But I say - - I say Matthew McConaughey, juts you know, so people would go see the movie.

HAMMER: Yes, just run around shirtless and all that. OK. Fair enough.

Let us move on to our casting pick for biographer Paula Broadwell, the woman who had the affair with Petraeus. What do you think of this, Kate? We think another "Office" alum, Rashida Jones, a dead ringer for Paula. What do you think?

FLANNERY: Wow. I don`t know if she`ll give up the bangs but, sure, why not?

HAMMER: OK. Good enough. OK, so what about unpaid social liaison Jill Kelley, who Paula Broadwell allegedly threatened, saying stay away from her man Petraeus? We cast "Revenge" star Madeleine Stowe as Kelly, because think about it. Jill has such a juicy part in the scandal, kind of like Madeleine does in "Revenge."

And who should play General John Allen, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, who allegedly sent Jill Kelley e-mails? Well, here`s our pick. We love Bruce Willis for this as General Allen. Remember, it was Bruce who played John McLane in the "Die Hard" movies. What do you think, Zane?

LAMPREY: You know, that would be a good movie. I`d go see it. But I think maybe Peter Skarsgaard, although he`s a little younger, for it.

HAMMER: That`s not a bad pick. All right. Fair enough.

LAMPREY: Thank you.

HAMMER: From one ongoing sex scandal to the end of another alleged one now. Coming in at No. 2 of the top three "Law and Order" stories breaking today, the man who accused Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash of having sex with him when he was a teenage boy now says they had a relationship as adults, and it was consensual.

With me in New York, Jane Velez-Mitchell, who is the host of "JANE VELEZ- MITCHELL" right here on HLN.

So Jane, as you know, Kevin Clash took this leave of absence so he could deal with the allegations that were made by this unidentified man. And the guy claimed that the relationship began eight years ago when the accuser was just 16 years old, and now thankfully, he`s admitting they were consenting adults. I cannot begin to tell you how outrageous I think this is.

JANE VELEZ-MITCHELL, HLN ANCHOR: This is an absolute outrage. I accuse you of something illegal that could destroy your career and your life and all your relationships. And then I turn around after it hit the news media, saying, "Never mind. Oh, it was all a lie. It was consenting adults." How dare this individual?

I would say, Kevin Clash, turn the tables, sue him. Take him to the cleaners. Of course, if he doesn`t have any assets, a lot of good that will do.

Let me tell you something. I did a little research. Kevin is a very, very wealthy man, and that often makes you a target. Follow the money in this case. I think this was somebody who hoped for a settlement.

HAMMER: It sure does seem that way. And I`m happy to see it going away. I personally don`t think he should belabor it any further. But do you think that it is possible for him and for the Elmo character to just move on as if nothing happened at this point?

VELEZ-MITCHELL: I think it`s very possible. I say get back to work as soon as you possibly can. High five everybody in the room where you work and then just get back to doing the art that you do. And don`t give this any attention, any more than it deserves. It`s trash. It`s garbage. How dare this individual?

HAMMER: I agree 100 percent. And there are fewer nice people, nicer people on the planet than Kevin Clash.

All right. Thanks, Jane.

So, out of all of the "Law and Order" stories breaking today, of course, only one can be No. 1 on our SHOWBIZ Countdown. It is the absolute bizarre story involving John McAfee.

You recognize that name? He is the man that founded the antivirus software company that still bears his name.

He has been missing since his neighbor`s death in the central American country of Belize, but he just reached out to an editor from "Wired" magazine from his secret location there.

SHOWBIZ TONIGHT`s Nischelle Turner is joining me from Hollywood tonight with the brand-new details about this wild, wild story. Nischelle, explain what the heck is going on here.

NISCHELLE TURNER, HLN CORRESPONDENT: Yes. Wild and bizarre indeed, A.J.

Sixty-seven-year-old John McAfee has been missing since Sunday morning after his next-door neighbor, his 52-year-old next-door neighbor, was found dead in a pool of blood. And police in Belize want to question McAfee about the death, but they can`t find him. But McAfee contacted an editor from "Wired" magazine to say that he`s terrified and that he`s innocent. Listen to this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: As to your speculations of what might have happened to him?

JOHN MCAFEE, SOFTWARE MOGUL (via phone): I do not have a clue. The only information I have about him is what you have told me. I had no idea that he was -- he was shot execution style. I heard some things were missing. As you were the one that told me, it was a 9 millimeter shell.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.

MCAFEE: All I know about that. I have no speculation other than the first thing I thought about was, "Oh, my God, he`s a white man and I`m a white man. Someone, you know, the government has finally decided to off me. They got the wrong white man since we almost live next door." And that actually went through my mind and actually scared me for quite a while.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HAMMER: This is crazy. So yes, it sounds like McAfee actually believes someone was trying to kill him and they killed his neighbor instead. Really?

TURNER: Yes. That`s -- that`s what he believes. You know, McAfee reportedly told the editor from "Wire" magazine that he believes the prime minister of Belize doesn`t like him.

He also revealed to the editor that -- and stay with me here, he hid in the sand with a cardboard box over his head when the police raided his home after his neighbor`s death on Sunday. And he revealed even more bizarre detail to the "Wired" magazine editor, basically saying that he now feels trapped. Listen to this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What`s the end game at this point?

MCAFEE: Well, you know, I don`t have a clue, sir. I am, you know, I am unable to move. That`s clear. And my face is plastered -- all the police, all the BDF have my photo. I`m -- you know, it`s a small country. I am a white man with unique features. If I leave this house, I would be identified instantly and nabbed. So for the -- for the foreseeable future this is my home.

The end game is, obviously, given enough time, they will track me down. I have to eat. I have to have supplies. I`m using a telephone. They will eventually figure out which phone and triangulate it. You know, it`s just a matter of time.

In the meantime, I`d like to get out as much information as I can about the wrongs in this country.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

TURNER: OK. So obviously, he`s paranoid about the police in Belize, A.J. He doesn`t trust them. And he thinks whoever killed his neighbor may have been after him, too.

HAMMER: Well, this is a movie waiting to happen. Unbelievable story.

TURNER: Yes.

HAMMER: Nischelle Turner, thanks for that. Amazing.

And you know, one countdown, never enough for us. Coming up, the SHOWBIZ Countdown, "Are You Kidding Me?"

How is this for wacky? Pepsi poop. Yes, it`s a new Japanese version of the drink that claims to take the diet soda to a whole new level. But is that more jaw-dropping than Janeane Garofalo`s drunken Las Vegas marriage that lasted for 20 years without her knowing about it? You can`t miss the next SHOWBIZ Countdown, "Are You Kidding Me?"

And Channing Tatum`s day. Named the Sexiest Man Alive, but SHOWBIZ TONIGHT dares to ask, did "People" magazine get it right? Stick with us to find out.

This is SBT, SHOWBIZ TONIGHT, on HLN.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Everybody, this is Kris Kringle. He`ll be helping out today.

EDMUND GWENN, ACTOR: I made an appointment with Mr. Macy.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is there a Mr. Macy?

TAYLOR SWIFT, SINGER: Not since before I was born.

DONALD TRUMP, REAL ESTATE MOGUL: What`s with your get-up, Kringle?

GWENN: I`m Santa Claus.

TRUMP: Let me see for myself.

GWENN: Go ahead, pull it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HAMMER: The massive online push to dump Donald Trump from the Macy`s holiday ad campaign is bigger than ever tonight. Listen to this: Nearly 600,000 people have actually signed a petition to ditch The Donald because of his non-stop over-the-top slamming of President Obama.

So is the king of firing about to get fired himself? Well, tonight we have a comedy queen in the SHOWBIZ house who knows just how tough it is to be fired by the Donald. It`s the great Lisa Lampanelli. Now, she didn`t win, but she did absolutely great on "Celebrity Apprentice" earlier this year.

Right now, Lisa is performing this Friday at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center. Lisa is also here to tell us if she thinks it`s about time that Trump got a taste of his own medicine or at least I`ll try to get that out of her. Let`s get to our "SHOWBIZ Newsmaker" interview with the fantastic and always funny Lisa Lampanelli.

Thanks. It`s great to have you here.

LISA LAMPANELLI, COMEDIEN: So good to see you.

HAMMER: We all know that Trump has made a lot of people angry over the years. I particularly thought that his tweets on election eve were completely unpatriotic, but this campaign now to fire him from the Macy`s ad is gaining real steam. Do you think that Macy`s should tell Trump, "You`re fired"?

LAMPANELLI: You know what? I don`t know. Because Mr. Trump, honestly, I will not lie to you. I can`t help it.

HAMMER: You still call him Mr. Trump?

LAMPANELLI: He was very good to me. He kept me on almost the whole season. I was out of control. I was menopausal, screaming at everybody. Yet he kept keeping me there. So it`s really hard for me to be mean to him.

I say if you like his tie, buy his damn tie. Who cares?

And I also have to say they should fire that Taylor Swift for saying she`s so young. I don`t need it thrown up in my face that she`s younger than me. All right?

HAMMER: What? What do you mean?

LAMPANELLI: Did you see at the beginning of the commercial, she was like, "Oh, Kris Kringle, I never heard of you." I`m like shut up. So young, she`s got to be a big shot now?

HAMMER: All right. So fire her.

LAMPANELLI: Fire her and keep Trump. Who cares?

HAMMER: You could start a whole new petition, Lisa.

So people are shouting for Trump to just shut up, but nobody is telling the group One Direction to keep quiet.

Listen to this. A record crowd just showed up to catch the boy band performing on "The Today Show." Just how big is One Direction? Well, none other than Mick Jagger himself just told SHOWBIZ TONIGHT that One Direction actually reminds him of the Stones when they were starting out in the `60s. You`ve got to watch this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICK JAGGER, MUSICIAN: I caught One Direction on TV the other night. But you know, just to check out. And they were like hovering over and they reminded me very much of our very early concerts when we were pushed around by the (UNINTELLIGIBLE) float. And they were like floating above the audience, and they looked, like, really distinctly uncomfortable. And I remember feeling that same uncomfortable feeling, being pushed around in this really weird place, like about 50 years ago. And it was like very funny, so very similar to the things that we went through.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HAMMER: That is a pretty unbelievable comparison, One Direction like the Rolling Stones. Are you with Mick Jagger on this?

LAMPANELLI: Well, I don`t know. I think he`s giving them some unearned credibility right now. I mean, come on. I do love that he is embracing the youth. Clearly, he`s 875 years old. Look at him. But they all have the same haircut as he does. It`s scary. At least they don`t look like that Crypt Keeper, Keith Richards. That`s truly creepy.

HAMMER: Even the Stones had start out somewhere. Right?

LAMPANELLI: We all did.

HAMMER: Well, One Direction and Mick Jagger not the only ones making big headlines. Lisa Lampanelli, look at you. It`s hard to see you. You`re barely here.

LAMPANELLI: I`m a svelte, skinny bi-otch.

HAMMER: What a remarkable transformation you`ve made. We`re going to take a little look. Look at this. Lisa had this gastric sleeve surgery to make all this happen. What is it like now for you living this skinnier life?

LAMPANELLI: It`s great. Because first of all, we have tons more energy. I lost 93 pounds. My husband lost 80. And you just have a better outlook on life. You don`t hate yourself from the neck down anymore. But don`t worry: we still hate ourselves from the neck up.

HAMMER: But let me ask you this. Do you get tired of people coming up to you and saying, "Oh, my God, look at you"? Or is it great?

LAMPANELLI: I love it. Are you kidding me?

HAMMER: OK.

LAMPANELLI: The best part is, we don`t get recognized. I never get recognized anymore, because I look so different than when I was on TV last. So it`s great. I don`t have to tip anybody. I don`t have to treat anybody nicely.

HAMMER: Perfect.

LAMPANELLI: It`s great.

HAMMER: Well, you are certainly now -- I thought you always were one of America`s sexiest women.

LAMPANELLI: Oh, yes.

HAMMER: But who is the sexiest man alive, according to "People Magazine"? Did you hear about this?

LAMPANELLI: Yes, I did.

HAMMER: Channing Tatum.

LAMPANELLI: Adorable.

HAMMER: I`ve got to find out if you agree with what "People" Magazine decided this year? Please stay right where you are. We`re going to hear from you about that, coming up next.

And speaking of weight loss tonight, drink Pepsi, lose weight. Sounds like a dieter`s dream. Right? Well, not so fast. You have got to hear this wacky way that it apparently flushes your system of the fats.

And Taylor`s wardrobe confession. We know what Lisa thinks about Taylor Swift. You`ve got to hear what Taylor Swift just said about why her wardrobe is never going to shrink in size. But which revelation is going to top our SHOWBIZ Countdown, "Are You Kidding Me?"

This is SBT, SHOWBIZ TONIGHT, on HLN.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

HAMMER: Well, America met its new Sexiest Man Alive today. It is Channing Tatum. And I`m going to take a wild guess here. Maybe his moves and lack of clothing in "Magic Mike" helped him snag the title. But SHOWBIZ TONIGHT dares to ask: Did "People" magazine get it right?

I`m back, with the lovely, the very funny, the very talented Lisa Lampanelli.

So Channing Tatum, "People" magazine`s 27th Sexiest Man Alive, and he`s in pretty good company when you think about it, along with the likes of, you know, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon and Denzel Washington. From where you sit, Lisa Lampanelli, did "People" get it right?

LAMPANELLI: Well, you know what? I think they should have changed it. I do love him. He`s fantastic. But you know, Governor Cuomo to me, sexiest man alive. When that hurricane happened...

HAMMER: Yes.

LAMPANELLI: ... did you see how he took control, yelling at Con Ed? I mean, that guy was hot. I say we need an Italian, Cuomo, sexiest man alive next year.

HAMMER: It did seem like you don`t want to cross this guy.

LAMPANELLI: No, I`m scared of him. He seemed mobbed up, even though he`s not. Sexy.

HAMMER: Rather seemed that way.

LAMPANELLI: Hell yes.

HAMMER: Well, SHOWBIZ TONIGHT had predicted that perhaps Paul Rudd might be sexiest man alive. I am happy to say that he did make the cut as an honorary sexiest man, but don`t you think it is about time that they named a funny man? You don`t see comedians.

LAMPANELLI: You`re not going to see Zach Galifianakis there.

HAMMER: Why?

LAMPANELLI: You know? To me it`s funny is so sexy. You know? That`s why I married my husband, Jimmy Big Balls. He`s funny, so he`s sexy. That`s what it is.

HAMMER: With a middle and last name like that how can you go wrong?

LAMPANELLI: It writes itself.

HAMMER: CNN`s Anderson Cooper actually was in the magazine this year. He made the list of their "50 Shades of Grey." Anderson may not be flattered, though. I want to play for you Anderson receiving the news on his daytime talk show today. Roll it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: Wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no, this is not good. First of all, OK, this is a scale of gray-haired people. And I am at the very bottom as the grayest of gray. I don`t want to be the grayest of gray. In my mind, I have salt and pepper.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Like he`s 90.

COOPER: I`m next to Ted Danson, John Slattery, Jorge Ramos, Ron Perlman from "Sons of Anarchy," Bill Clinton -- Bill Clinton, Morgan Freeman, Harrison Ford. Everybody is really old.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The silver fox is pissed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HAMMER: OK. I mean, he sounds like he`s whining there about it. I`m guessing that he`s just kidding. Don`t you think that Anderson should actually be flattered...

LAMPANELLI: Of course.

HAMMER: ... to be in the company of Clinton and all of these others?

LAMPANELLI: Exactly. To be put on any list like that is great. Whenever I hear "50 Shades of Grey," though, all I can think of is Susan Boyle`s private parts. That`s all I can think of.

HAMMER: Why is that?

LAMPANELLI: I don`t know. Think about it.

HAMMER: No, don`t, don`t. Don`t take me down that road.

All right. So Channing Tatum. You seemed happy with the selection.

LAMPANELLI: It`s all right.

HAMMER: But the question is, is he now going to get a big career boost? I think they usually do.

LAMPANELLI: Sure.

HAMMER: His career is on fire right now. But the bigger question, will he perhaps become a repeat sexiest man? You know, we had that on for Johnny Depp, George Clooney and Brad Pitt. They were all two timers.

LAMPANELLI: But also, those guys are really accomplished actors. He`s going to have to prove himself.

Channing, if you`re listening to me, do the right thing. Do a make-out scene with me. That would be acting.

HAMMER: And your boyfriend, whose name I won`t repeat.

LAMPANELLI: Husband.

HAMMER: I`m sorry.

LAMPANELLI: That`s OK.

HAMMER: Would he be OK with that?

LAMPANELLI: Yes.

HAMMER: Lisa, it`s always great to have you here.

LAMPANELLI: I love you.

HAMMER: Thanks so much. Happy holidays to you.

And if you are in the New York City area, do yourself a huge favor. Catch Lisa`s stand-up performance at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center in Newark on Friday.

As we move on, you know, sometimes what happens in Vegas can last for two decades apparently. Have you heard about this? Janeane Garofalo just found out she`s been married for 20 years after she had a drunken night in Vegas.

But is that more outrageous than former NFL star Tiki Barber charging nearly $2,000 so you can hang with him? It`s not an auction or contest. It just goes in Tiki`s pocket.

But which ridiculous revelation is going to top our SHOWBIZ Countdown, "Are You Kidding Me?"

We`re playing matchmaker for Justin Bieber tonight. Who should he serenade after Selena? It`s a great "SHOWBIZ Debate."

This is SHOWBIZ TONIGHT on HLN.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

HAMMER: Right now, the SHOWBIZ Countdown, Pepsi poop? Yes, it`s the soda that promises to help you fight the fat. "Are You Kidding Me?"

Comedian Janeane Garofalo`s marriage amnesia. She married a guy two decades ago and completely forgot. "Are You Kidding Me?"

Taylor Swift`s dress dilemma. She says she can never, ever wear the same dress twice. Oh, the humanity.

Which of these stories will top the SHOWBIZ Countdown of the most ridiculous, incredulous, head-shaking stories that made us say "Are You Kidding Me?"

SHOWBIZ TONIGHT continues right now.

(MUSIC)

HAMMER: Welcome back to SHOWBIZ TONIGHT. Thank you for watching. I am A.J. Hammer.

Tonight, it is the SHOWBIZ Countdown with the story tonight that is have us asking, "Are You Kidding Me?"

Let us get the party started with number five. Tonight, oops! We`re married. A stunning revelation tonight from Janeane Garofalo. She just revealed apparently she has been married for 20 years -- married for 20 years -- and she had no idea. Are you kidding me?

Well, here is the story. Garofalo says she and Rob Cohen, who is the producer of her in CBS megahit sitcom "The Big Bang Theory", discovered the marriage quite by accident. Here is what Garofalo told "The New York Post" about how it happened. She says, "We got married drunk in Vegas. We dated for a year and we got married at a drive-thru chapel in a cab. We thought you had to go to the courthouse and sign papers and stuff, so, who knew? Apparently now that Rob is getting married for real his lawyer dug up something."

Can you imagine that? Can`t wait to get our guests to weigh in on this one. With me now from Hollywood, the great Kate Flannery who we all know and love as Meredith Palmer on the NBC hit comedy "The Office", "The Saturday Night." Kate is set to host the TV Guide Network`s female stand- up series, "Stand-Up in Stilettos". Also in New York, comedian Zane Lamprey who hosts "Drinking Made Easy" on the Active Television Network.

Great to have you both here.

And Kate, I want to start with you because this whole drunken marriage adventure with Janeane Garofalo, sounds kind like something your character Meredith would do on the office. I mean, seriously, can you imagine that being married for 20 years and having no clue, you were married?

FLANNERY: I cannot imagine, although it is finally -- we need to finally address the issue of drinking and drive-thru chapels do not mix. That is clear. I mean, this is just like the show I didn`t know I was pregnant, right?

HAMMER: Yes. Exactly right. I didn`t know I was married. Maybe you are onto something and you should fire up a whole new reality series. And to her credit Janeane says she is done with the drinking and has been for some time. But in this case, apparently, what happened in Vegas did actually stay in Vegas and nobody one knew about it.

Zane, I am thinking --

FLANNERY: That is unbelievable.

HAMMER: I`m thinking here and, Zane, I want your feedback on this. We may have just found the secret to a happy, long-lasting Hollywood marriage. You get hitched and forget you did it. What do you think?

LAMPREY: I try to decide how many trips I have been to Vegas and how many wives I might have because her character drinks but I actually drink, so I might actually have issues.

HAMMER: Maybe the name of the reality show that Meredith wants to start up is going or that Kate wants to start up should not accidental polygamists, I think. We could very well be onto something here.

But let us move now from Garofalo`s marriage ending to a former football star`s new beginning. This takes us to number four in SHOWBIZ Countdown, "Are You Kidding Me?" Former New York Giants player Tiki Barber trying so desperately to reconnect with the sports and the fans that he loves so much after of course the sudden fall from grace. Now, Tiki has been trying to get his personal and professional life back on track since his nasty public divorce that was followed by a quickie marriage to his former intern and mistress.

But here`s the deal. Now for $1950, Tiki is offering himself up to be all yours for an afternoon of flag football fun. I want to give you a peek from (INAUDIBLE) of exactly what that money will buy you.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How are you?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Don`t forget, Steven Baker, touchdown maker.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HAMMER: You know, for $1500, Kate, that`s what you`re getting. Do you think you will be dishing out the big bucks to sign up for an afternoon with Tiki any time soon?

FLANNERY: Well, it sort of feels like a bromance escort service. You know what I mean? I mean, it is sort of like I don`t know. I mean, actually, instead of the number, you know, $1950, it really should be 1970, which is the year "Midnight Cowboy" came out, kind of a male prostitution thing, I mean, a cleaner version but kind of similar vibe, right? I mean, can you really be bought for $1950? That`s crazy.

HAMMER: Well, I guess apparently when you`re Tiki Barber it is possible.

Now Zane, I want to get your perspective on this, you know, because for a lot of guys this was as Meredith put it a Kate, I`m sorry. I am going to keep doing that.

FLANNERY: It is OK. I drink for the part. It happens a lot.

HAMMER: Just don`t call me O.J. and we`ll be fine. The deal is, Zane, a lot of guys have this fantasy, this romance fantasy to hang out with a guy like Tiki Barber for an afternoon. What do you think? Seriously, is this worth it?

LAMPREY: Well, I did it. I got it for 1950, and you don`t have to play football. You can actually cuddle which is what we did for like about three hours. We watched football on TV. It was nice.

HAMMER: Sounds splendid.

FLANNERY: I am jealous.

HAMMER: Did you hold hands and cuddle, the whole deal.

LAMPREY: No, just cuddling. I can do with my three hours anything I want to. And he actually cleaned my gutters, too. So, it is a good deal?

HAMMER: Well, there you there. You got the service out of it as well.

All right, Tiki Barber, by the way -- go ahead, Kate.

FLANNERY: I was just saying, why doesn`t he go on "Dancing with the Stars" like everybody else? What`s the hold up?

HAMMER: I`m not sure.

LAMPREY: It is not a lot of money by the way, 1950, I mean, to hang out with an ex-NFL star, they got paid millions. I mean, is he having money problems?

HAMMER: I - you know, whatever it is, he wants to make himself accessible. I think we can rest on that. But he is not the only former superstar who is struggling to get back on the right track.

At number three tonight, we have Lindsay Lohan. She is on our SHOWBIZ Countdown "Are You Kidding Me?"

Now, Lindsay is starring in the new film, "The Canyons." This is set to hit theaters next year and playing opposite a porn star named James Dean.

All right. We go this in today. I have been wanting to show it to you day long. So, I`m going to play it for you right now. It is the trailer just released done in the style of those cheap old trailers from the 1950s and do me a favor. As you`re watching this thing, try not to laugh. I dare you to not laugh. But here now your SHOWBIZ First Look.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Kick starter productions presents the year`s most anticipated film from the twitter obsessed Bret Easton Ellis by the never nominated director Paul Schrader.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I guess I would like to keep some parts of my life private.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Nobody has a private life anymore, Tara.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Leave him. Get out of there.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I am with him now. I am with him.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If you ever see him again, I will kill him.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He is not going to let the movie happen.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don`t care how much I have to degrade myself. I will beg him to keep the movie going.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I need something from you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What do you want? Huh?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You don`t.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I trusted you and you lied to me.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "The Canyons", in cinema-scope and technicolor, starring Lindsay Lohan as Tara, a sensuous torn between two loves and introducing James Deen as Christian. Los Angeles as you have never seen it before. "The Canyons", coming soon to an Internet server of your choice.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HAMMER: What just happened? Kate, some people are actually asking us if the studio is kidding us with this sneak peek. That was about two minutes of the film right there. I still have no idea what it is about.

FLANNERY: It is a disaster movie, right?

HAMMER: I guess.

FLANNERY: Am I right? Like a train wreck?

HAMMER: I guess. I am thoroughly confused.

FLANNERY: How can you use a porn star and not have it be a porn film with someone who -- I mean, this is tragic.

HAMMER: You`re confusing it as well.

Zane, first I should point out I am a huge Brett Easton Ellis fan and I get what they`re trying to do but, Zane, do you have any understanding of what just happened?

LAMPREY: You lose the fact the director also directed less than zero and did some good films. This looks like - it looks like crap. It really does. And it kind throws you, the acting is for. It looks like a black and white porn film and so it is funny. He put on the Twitter, he said, could not have dreamed of a better cast for this movie. Lindsay nailed it.

HAMMER: I guess that says it.

LAMPREY: Does a guy not dream? Like the only guy, this porn star and Lindsay. If they`re available --

FLANNERY: Does he have a concussion?

LAMPREY: Film of my dreams.

HAMMER: Dream in big. All right. So, if Lindsey is whacky trailer and Janeane Garofalo`s marriage amnesia are not number one on our SHOWBIZ Countdown, what is? Well, I can tell you, it is a showdown tonight between a pop star and a pop that can make you poop.

Which story will top the SHOWBIZ Countdown, "Are You Kidding Me?" I have the big reveal next.

Well sadly, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are no more as a couple. But never fear. SBT`s matchmaking service is right here. We have searched high and low and we think we found three eligible bachelorettes for the newly single Biebs. This is SBT.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

HAMMER: Tonight, we are we`re counting down the top five stories that have us asking, "Are You Kidding Me?"

At number five, a bombshell revelation from comedian Janeane Garofalo. This is wild to me. She revealed she has been married for 20 years and didn`t know it, the truth.

At number four, Tiki Barber for hire, the former football star wants you to hire him for $1950 so you can play a little flag football and maybe cuddle.

At number three, oh, Lindsay. An over the top all new trailer for Lindsey Lohan`s latest flick, it is called "The Canyons", and it is done in the style of the 1950s cheap trailer and we can`t just figure it out.

And here we are at number two on our SHOWBIZ Countdown with stories that have us saying "Are You Kidding Me?" Oh, it is tough being a celebrity, just ask Taylor Swift. Look how lovely she looks in everything she wears.

Well, in a brand new interview just out today with partner`s bizarre magazine, Taylor is kind of whining and she needs to own hundreds and hundreds of dresses just to keep up with the tabloids. Here is why, she says. "I am in a predicament where I can`t wear a dress twice or else it is pointed out in magazines. So unfortunately I have to shop for dresses all the time."

Shall we cue the tiny violins here? All of that shopping has to be exhausting for poor Taylor.

I want to bring back Kate Flannery who of course stars in NBC`s hit comedy, "The Office" and comedian Zane Lamprey who hosts "Drinking Made Easy" on the Access Television Network. Thank you for making that easy for us, by the way.

Now, Taylor can`t repeat a dress but here is what I don`t get. She can`t, but Michelle Obama can. Here is the First Lady on election night and she is wearing a dress the same dress back in 2010. She is not the only high profile repeater. Kate Middletown repeats. She wore this beautiful pink dress twice in just 11 days back in May and they both say they don`t want to have to buy new dresses all the time and people better deal with it.

So Kate, I have to ask, are you kidding me with this? Does anybody really care if Taylor Swift repeats a dress?

FLANNERY: No, they don`t. This is a cry for help. She is a hoarder. She is a Hollywood hoarder. That`s all there is. I mean, there is no other explanation. Nobody cares. It is really true. Nobody cares. Mentioned in a magazine? Don`t you want to be mentioned in a magazine? Who cares what they say. I mean --

HAMMER: God forbid they say, oh, Taylor wore the same dress again. And I hope she is not hoarding them all because if she is not going to wear them again then, they`re just kind of piling up in the closet, I imagine.

Taylor is the highest paid entertainer under 30, Zane. She, obviously, could hire somebody. She could hire several somebody to go out and do all the shopping for her. Are you thumbs up or thumbs down on the repeats for Taylor Swift?

LAMPREY: It is not a predicament. A predicament is when you can`t do something like. A predicament would if you can`t afford to get more dresses. I wore this jacket since college. Are you wearing the same jacket? And I will wear this for the next 20 years. I don`t care.

FLANNERY: Good for you.

HAMMER: This jacket last worn on SHOWBIZ TONIGHT. I believe it was September 5th if I am doing my math correctly. So, I guess all we can do is collectively say poor Taylor. But you know, there can only be one number one on our SHOWBIZ Countdown of the stories today that made us say, "Are You Kidding Me?"

And really, nothing can possibly beat this. It is Pepsi`s all new soft drink. It is called the Pepsi Special. Now, it is already earned the nickname the Pepsi Poop, OK? The drink was just released in Japan.

Your SHOWBIZ First Look is happening now. I want to show you exactly how Pepsi is pushing this drink. And while I don`t speak Japanese, fortunately, SHOWBIZ staff, the great Sara Moon, does and it allows me to walk you through it.

Let`s roll is now, Charles. I will keep you informed.

(VIDEO CLIP PLAYING)

HAMMER: So, this guy here loves pizza as you see and he also loves hamburgers. And he wants them both. But the guy is torn. What he is saying is he doesn`t want to be fat. Enter the Pepsi Special. Apparently the Pepsi Special much like perhaps your favorite bran flakes, it is full of fiber. So now, this dude can relax and have his Pepsi. He can have his pizza. He can have his hamburger and this is why it achieved the name Pepsi Poop.

Now Zane, the drink only available in Japan at the moment and I can`t comment on this. I am not a soda drinker. So I must ask you. If you could, are you running out to buy and take a sip of this Pepsi Poop or Pepsi Special?

LAMPREY: Is this guy -- what`s fat about this guy? I have been to Japan. There is not a lot of overweight people in Japan, you know. There are -- they`re called sumo wrestlers and they want to stay that way. I don`t understand what - this guy is complaining about being fat or he drinks the Pepsi and he poops it out? I will try it. I will try it.

HAMMER: OK. I like the fact that he is napping with a slice of pizza.

Zane Lamprey. Kate Flannery. Thank you both so much.

Make sure you catch Kate on Saturday night. She is hosting the TV Guide Network Female Stand-Up series, "Stand-Up in Stilettos". So great to have you both here.

So, as we move on tonight, you know, Justin Bieber might be feeling like poop after being dumped by Selena Gomez. But don`t worry, Justin. We are on your side here. And SHOWBIZ matchmakers have found you the most eligible bachelorettes in Hollywood. SBT launches the search for Bieber`s new girlfriend next.

This is SBT. SHOWBIZ TONIGHT on HLN.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

HAMMER: Well, certainly hope you`re ready, because tonight SHOWBIZ TONIGHT is playing matchmaker for the Biebs as we help in the search for Justin Bieber`s new girlfriend.

Now, we all heard the collective heartbreak around the world when the news broke that Bieber and his girlfriend Selena Gomez just broke up after two years. But look at it this way, the Biebs is a bachelor again, right?

So tonight, SHOWBIZ TONIGHT is doing the little match making for the ultimate boyfriend. With me now, from Hollywood, Stuart Brazell, co- founder of dirtyand30.com. Good to have you here, Stuart.

And let us begin with our first match for the Biebs. We are thinking he should call Carly Rae Jepsen maybe. She is 26-years-old. He is 18. A little bit of age difference there. But Selena is older by just two years. What do you think of the match, Stuart?

STUART BRAZELL, CO-FOUNDER, DIRTYAND30.COM: You know, A.J., I really like this match. They`re both from Canada. And I feel like Justin, he has been so supportive of her that he has more of this mentor-type relationship where even though he is younger, they seem very much like equals. I think this could be a great match and someone who can really support him and let his star shine and also be great arm candy.

HAMMER: Yes. Well, for sure on that. And I think the only problem here is if things don`t work out because they have the same manager and then there is a question of, you know, allegiance and all of that. But we won`t go down that road until we have them together first.

The SHOWBIZ matchmaker has another idea for the Bieber if it is not Carly Rae, how about this? The Biebs and a Kardashian. I believe that Kim`s younger sister, 17-year-old, Kendall Jenner, is free.

Stuart, what do you make of this?

BRAZELL: You know, I think she is absolutely stunning. She is such a gorgeous girl. Very much his type, has the Selena Gomez, you know, incredible body, brunette thing. But she is always been the most shy of all the Kardashians and I don`t think she could handle the magnitude that comes with dating and being Justin Bieber`s girlfriend. I give this a thumbs down.

HAMMER: All right, that`s fair enough, although she is sister to Kim Kardashian so, I don`t know, she is used to being around the spotlight and all that comes with being a Kardashian.

But stay with me on this next one. This is going out on a limb here. SHOWBIZ TONIGHT`s matchmaker was thinking about Bieber and Taylor Swift. We have a superstar power couple. You know, if Kendall Jenner couldn`t handle all of it, you know that Taylor could handle this, Stuart.

BRAZELL: Oh my goodness. You know, this would be so much fun. This of course would never last because you have two mega pop stars with world tours and they are constantly busy. But would you know love for them to date simply so that we could finally hear someone else sing a song about dating Taylor Swift and their break up song. I would love this.

HAMMER: It would be perfect.

All right, Stuart Brazell. Thank you so much. Appreciate you being here.

Well, as we move on, Miley Cyrus has found her match in Liam Hemsworth but has she found a dress for her upcoming wedding? You`re not going to believe who got her to dish some brand new details about that. That is coming up next.

This is SHOWBIZ TONIGHT on HLN.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

HAMMER: Are you ready? The final film in the twilight series is set to hope in theaters tomorrow and I can tell you the fans aren`t the only ones fired up. Check out Kellan Lutz at twilight premiere. He is so excited about something. But what could he possibly be thinking right here in this moment? I would love for you to fill in the thought bubble. Go to hlnTV.com/SHOWBIZ TONIGHT and tell me what you think he is thinking.

So, we have all tried and tried to get Miley Cyrus to spill the beans on her upcoming wedding with her fiance Liam Hemsworth. She has been tight- lipped about this thing, but leave it to the hard hitting interview skills of Sophia Grace and Rosie on the Ellen DeGeneres show to get Miley to dish the dirt on her dress.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MILEY CYRUS, SINGER: Thank you.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Can we see your engagement ring?

CYRUS: Yes, you can. It is very sparkly. I just got it cleaned.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We love it so much.

CYRUS: It is so fun and sparkly.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I forgot it was gold.

CYRUS: I do love gold. I love gold. It is my favorite color. I love it.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What will your wedding dress look like?

CYRUS: I will guess something much like yours like have you on now, a little frill, maybe no color, probably just white but something, you know, poofy. We have to have the poof so you look small here.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I would love to be bridesmaids for your wedding.

CYRUS: You would? You look like the perfect attire to throw the flowers in front, the most magical day ever.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HAMMER: When they ask so sweetly you have to tell the truth. Nice going.

Well tonight, a 40-year-old man who married a doll, a guy who calls himself Dave Cat (ph) actually refers to a female doll as his wife. So, why can`t you fall in love with the real woman? "DR. DREW" finds our tight now.

END