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CNN Live Event/Special
CNN Premiers Political Comedy Special "America Laughs With Matt Friend." Aired 11p-12a ET
Aired April 24, 2026 - 23:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
[23:00:00]
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ABBY PHILLIP, CNN ANCHOR AND SENIOR POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: Catch our Saturday morning "Table for Five" show at 10 a.m. Eastern. A CNN political comedy special starts right now.
WOLF BLITZER, CNN ANCHOR: I'm Wolf Blitzer. You're in "The Situation Room."
MATT FRIEND, IMPRESSIONIST, STAND-UP COMEDIAN: Wow.
BLITZER: Tonight, there's breaking news --
FRIEND: Wow.
BLITZER: -- breaking -- wait a minute.
FRIEND: Wow.
BLITZER: What are you doing?
FRIEND: Nothing. I mean, you're crushing it, Wolf. No, keep going. I didn't mean to interrupt. And can I just say, you are stunning in person. That beard has not changed since the Clinton administration.
BLITZER: I know you're -- you're a comedian.
FRIEND: Well, I am. But my parents, Bill and Linda, are huge fans. Can you say hi to them?
BLITZER: Let me look into the camera and say, to Bill and Linda, hi. I'm Wolf. It's good to have your little boy here with me in "The Situation Room."
FRIEND: Little boy. Wolf --
BLITZER: For them, you're a little boy.
FRIEND: Right. But it doesn't matter because laughter is the best medicine, and we got to heal America. Can we make people laugh?
BLITZER: And you think if in the middle of a global crisis like this, if people are laughing, it's going to help? FRIEND: Yes, I do. It's time for "America Laughs." Let's go.
Oh, hello! Whoa! Welcome, everybody to "America Laughs" on the eve of the White House Correspondents' Dinner. I'm Matt Friend, apparently my parents' little boy, and I am beyond thrilled and grateful to OAN -- I mean, CNN, for having me. This was actually originally supposed to air on Only Fans and Pornhub. So, thank you so much, CNN, for stepping up.
So, I know you're wondering, like, what is this? Well, in 2024, I had the opportunity to get up in the middle of the White House Correspondents' Dinner and performed for President Biden. I'm not sure he was alive when I was performing, but it was a real thrill, nonetheless.
For decades, going back to Sid Caesar and Johnny Carson to Norm Macdonald and Bill Maher, comedy has been one of the things that makes America truly great. The philosopher Aristophanes once said that comedy is allied to justice.
And to me, the idea that a comedian can openly mock or impersonate the leaders of his country in front of them with no repercussion is what makes America not North Korea.
(LAUGHTER)
So, tonight, I say we bring comedy back to D.C. What do you say, people? Come on!
(APPLAUSE)
And I know, I know all you in the comments are going to say, it's a different time, we're so polarized. But I've had the opportunity personally to appear on Fox News, MS, and now CNN. And I found there's a discourse in America over the bias of late-night T.V. and its role in today's world. I'm very mindful of the fact that fewer than 300 people are watching this on CNN. Well, hopefully, millions watch it like this, while taking a massive Swalwell because of the scandal. Got it.
I really do believe, though, that comedy is a through line for all of us. But how can one even begin to write a comedy show when the news itself already is one? I mean, what is the joke when Pete Hegseth is already quoting pulp fiction as gospel or Donald Trump is flirting with a UFC fighter or Clavicular opens a nightclub after (INAUDIBLE)? Why do they even just say the word clavicular? What is that?
What's so amazing about the news right now is I can literally just repeat what politicians are actually saying and people think that is the joke. To prove it, since many of you at home are thinking, do the voices, monkey boy, that's why we tuned in, here are the top news stories of the day as delivered by the people they are about. In fun drinking game, Kash Patel will take a shot each time I do a new impression.
(LAUGHTER) Buckle up, Kash. Well, look, I was actually supposed to be the pope. OK? I was supposed to be the pope. And the pope is a beauty. I would say that. The pope wouldn't have liked Biden, I'll tell you that much. The Strait of Hormuz, oh, it's a beautiful strait, not as beautiful as the thighs of that UFC fighter from last week. I am Jesus. Quiet piggy Kaitlan Collins, why don't you just smile a little bit more?
(LAUGHTER)
Let me begin by saying what an honor it is to be here tonight on CNN. This is show for Americans and African Americans. And I am deeply --
(LAUGHTER)
Hello, everybody. This is Barack Obama. And a few days ago, Joe Biden saw a Black man behind him. And he thought it was me. Dementia is not just for red politicians or blue politicians.
[23:05:02]
Dementia is for all of America. Yes, we can forget. OK. Come on, man. That black guy looked exactly like you. What are you talking about? He beat Medicare.
(LAUGHTER)
You know what? New rule. OK? Lip smack Bill Maher, you're all wrong. The left is wrong, lip clack. The right is wrong, lip clack. I had dinner with the president. And let me tell you, nothing says end of democracy like trying to stop my Mark Twain Prize. I'm getting it, anyway. Thank you very much.
According to this graph (ph), Melania Trump did know Jeffrey Epstein. I mean, what the fuck is going on?
OK, so let me just say it's amazing to be on CNN, not on New Year's. I miss you so much, Anderson. Hey, sweetie. Hi. I want to take some shots with Kash Patel. He's cute. Yes. Amazing.
Robin, I'm watching this kid do 15 impressions in a row, and I want to know this: Can you be himself for two seconds? It's driving me crazy.
(LAUGHTER)
I did not know Jeffrey Epstein. I mean, I knew him, but I didn't know him. But I love a good time.
(LAUGHTER)
I knew you. Oh, really? Let me be very clear. This is a show not just for the top tenth of one percent of America, but for the entire world.
I'm so deeply filled in honors --
(LAUGHTER)
-- to address the United States Congress on Monday. My dear mommy would have been so proud. Andrew is not coming. That's a (INAUDIBLE).
(LAUGHTER)
(INAUDIBLE).
Let me just say, I stand for freedom, liberty, and Cancun in times of crisis. And that's what I believe.
Yes, it's true. I do have a new podcast. Our sponsor is a bear that I met in the woods who now handles all my legal affairs. Also, an appetite (ph) vaccine moose head and decomposing elk skull. Promo code immunity. Cheryl (ph), I have to go to the bathroom.
I think I just pooped my pants on national television. We are building the future of America in California. It's bold, it's inclusive, and I still don't know if Black people can read. And again, that's a real Newsom quote. Google it. OK?
(LAUGHTER)
Look, I just think the pope can learn a lot from senators. I mean, my mema and my pepa, they don't agree. Back up. You don't know about religion just because you wear a white hat.
I'd like to thank the voters of Georgia for trusting my ability to be a white Jewish Barack Obama. Another mutant of Josh Shapiro.
Good morning!
(LAUGHTER)
I did just retire. And I am so deeply thrilled to be here on CNN announcing the new ICEO. And based on the data, this monologue should have ended two impressions ago. Wear a mask.
Donald Trump is a demagogue. And this is a show about democracy over demagogues, maturity over Mar-a-Lago.
Hello, my name is Mike Johnson, and I would like to share with you this book.
Good evening, I'm Jake Tapper. This is CNN. It's a lovely audience.
Who's ready to laugh, America? Thank you very much.
(APPLAUSE)
OK, that was intense. OK. But tonight, I am not just an impressionist, I am also your host and your comedic guide, Matt Friend. And before we get into it, I want this show's ratings to be bigger than Kristi Noem's husband's tatas. OK? Can you say that? I actually don't know.
It is a very big week for Iran. The strait is open, an open strait. The opposite of Lindsey Graham. OK?
(LAUGHTER) Yes, Lady Lindsey was at Disneyland two weeks ago holding a bubble wine, going on rides. Thank you to TMZ for capturing this important reporting.
Seriously, like, what is happening, America? I just don't understand. Please allow me a Howard Beale network moment. You've got to get mad! I mean, what's going on? As a Gen Z'er, I am very concerned for the future of America. And I say this in a totally bipartisan manner.
Last week, President Trump announced that all American men aged 18 to 25 are going to be drafted. I'm 27. But still, there's going to be a Gen Z army draft? Like, are we going to put Clavicular on the front lines, our soldiers looksmaxxing? What?
Like, look at me, America. I'm Gen Z. We cannot go to war. I look like if pickleball was a person. OK? I look like the youngest Kushner brother. It just doesn't work. I look like I'm in a business club with Baron Trump at NYU. I am not equipped for battle. Like, I had an anaphylactic food allergy as a kid. Am I going to fight with my EpiPen? Is that what's happening? Not afraid of a grenade. I'm afraid of cross contamination. OK? Gluten-free. We have no iconic Americans to send either in Gen Z, like previous generations sent Elvis and Clint Eastwood. Who are we going to send?
[23:10:00]
Timothee Chalamet and Benson Boone backflipping in Iran? In my generation, everything is about content, like we would do a fit check at the battle. You know, get in there. Hey guys, just got to Iran. Custom camo pants, Zara. Bulletproof vests, thrifted. Boots from Shein. It's giving dystopian sleigh. Hello! Wonderful. And then Trump would address the Gen Z army in a way we've never heard before. Our new secretary of defense, Mr. Beast, would you like to say a few words?
And the way we would find out we're drafted really scares me. Like I would be finding out I'm drafted through an Instagram reel or a TikTok, just doom scrolling. Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday. You're going to Iran next week. What is happening?
All right, on top of that, America is now basically an old age home. I mean, not too old to watch CNN, but too old to run the government. I actually just saw a line of succession for the U.S. presidency. This is real. Fourth in line, the Senate pro tempore, 94-year-old Chuck Grassley. And who was president when he was born? Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Yes, congressional hearings are all you need to know for why these guys are so old. Like each time Congress invites a tech CEO to testify, it feels like they're excused to get tech support. Like I saw Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos getting grilled by a bunch of old congressmen who really wanted to know if heated rivalry was on Netflix and how to watch it. I love those boys kissing. I really do. Rossenhoff (ph), I'm a big Rossenhoff (ph) guy. Is it on there?
And then I saw Chuck Grassley interviewing the CEO of TikTok, questioning this guy like he was at the Genius Bar getting help for a cracked iPhone. He's at Mr. P.F. Chang. Senator Leahy, is that -- I understand that China is stealing our data, but how do I turn the brightness up on my iPhone?
Speaking of technology, the president has held several roundtable events with tech CEOs at the White House, Tim Cook, Sam Altman, Bill Gates. The autism level at these events are so high it could give RFK, Jr. a heart attack on the spot. It really could. Bill Gates was at the roundtable.
And let me just say, I never went to Epstein's Island. I wasn't invited. And I'm 27. I'm 27. If I did go, hypothetically, if I did go, I would have been one of the kids. But, anyways, too much? OK, good. Right now, the Epstein stuff is like in "The Hunger Games" when they shoot a tribute into the sky. You know, Katniss Everdeen, Stephen Hawking.
Bill Gates was in the files. But, to me, I can't imagine him doing anything sexual at all because I think he sounds exactly like Kermit the Frog. And I feel like he's going to break it into Rainbow Connection at any second. Well, no, I didn't know Jeffrey in any connotation that was inappropriate. It was about fundraising and educating kids.
And why are there so many people without vaccines? What's on the other side? Hi, Melinda.
Twenty, twenty-eight is right around the corner as well. Tucker Carlson may be in for 2028. And Tucker, if you're watching -- this was very interesting. Tucker recently said he regrets misleading people into voting for Trump. I've never received a prostate exam or been pegged. I'll see you at the Grindr party tonight. But if it happens, I will make the same noise that Tucker Carlson makes when he laughs. Good evening and welcome to Tucker Carlson. Is Russell Brand innocent? Is Joe Biden a lizard? Somewhere, Lindsey Graham is watching thinking, I'll have what he's having.
(LAUGHTER)
Another Lindsey joke, Kamala Harris is going to run again. Ever notice that each time a woman has run with a Tim, they lost? Sorry, it's what happened. I only impersonate winners. OK? By the way, every day, my head swirls. These are just some random thoughts. Is this the Florida governor's race or the sequel to get out?
(LAUGHTER)
Ghislaine Maxwell's stunt double declined our request for an interview. Hi, Ghislaine. How hot is Victor Orban? And how about the price of eggs? Do what my sister did in Frisian. I am so in for this new politician, Ray Charles's fashion. Emanuel (ph), you dog. This looks slaps like your wife on the plane.
This has been my spiel on the very first "America Laughs" Come on!
(APPLAUSE) We've got a truly phenomenal bipartisan and, at times, bisexual show for you. Tonight, I am joined by former ambassador to Japan, a man who is definitely not running for president in 2028, Rahm Emanuel. Plus, she's the fierce congresswoman from Texas, viral sensation, and the only person who can cross examine you and go viral doing it, Jasmine Crockett.
[23:15:00]
Then, deep breath, I had a chance to sit down with Brazilian drag performer, Jewish icon, Broadway musical performer, athlete, Wall Street wizard, mass shooting victim and, of course, former GOP congressman, George Santos. Then, CNN commentator and your Republican uncle at Thanksgiving, Scott Jennings.
But first, we have two previous headliners of the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOEL MCHALE, ACTOR, COMEDIAN: Hillary Clinton has a lot going for her as a candidate. She has experience. She's a natural leader. And as our first female president, we could pay her 30 percent less.
(LAUGHTER)
That's the saving this country could use.
ROY WOOD, JR., ACTOR, COMEDIAN: Donald Trump got locked up for years. All Republicans, you all been saying for years, we got to get tough on crime. Trump got arrested. We meant black crime.
(LAUGHTER)
Same thing with the liberals, too. Liberals all confused after Trump got arrested. We got to abolish prison. Trump got arrested. Bring back Rikers.
(LAUGHTER)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
FRIEND: I am now joined by the 2014 White House Correspondents' Dinner headliner and the 2023 Correspondents' Dinner headliner, Joel McHale and Roy Wood, Jr. Oh my God. This is so cool, to have you both. Thank you for being here.
MCHALE: Absolutely.
FRIEND: It's like a make a wish for me. First off, Joel.
MCHALE: Thank you so much, Wolf.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: OK. So, first off, Joel, so, you headlined the dinner in 2013 under Obama, and then, Roy, you in 2023 under Biden. What is it like to roast the president to his face?
WOOD: Oh, I'll let Joel go first. He had the cooler of the two presidents.
(LAUGHTER)
MCHALE: I will say it is the -- it is the strangest, most wonderful, terrifying show I've ever been a part of because when you get up there, you forget that there's an entire dinner before you get to the jokes. And you sit next to super famous people like Michelle Obama, who is one of loveliest, smartest people around. Then you look out on the audience and there's like Robert De Niro and half the Philadelphia Eagles, a bunch of -- so, it looks like you're looking out into a wax museum. And after four hours, then, they're like, hey, it's time for some jokes. But before you tell your jokes, the most powerful person on the planet is going to tell jokes and kill --
FRIEND: Yes.
MCHALE: -- and name you a number of times. And then you are the one thing keeping them away from all their parties at all the consulates. So --
WOOD: And --
MCHALE: Yes, go ahead.
WOOD: And the most powerful person in the world is going to go up before you and kill at least three or four of the premises of jokes that you had in your act.
(LAUGHTER)
I was going to do the Biden is older than Rupert Murdoch. He just caught himself. So, I'm like slashing the whole time, and I'm like you're trying to make these changes, Matt. And Joel is right, the first lady, God bless the first lady, God bless Joe Biden, she's trying to talk to me about Alabama and fishing. Quiet, I'm trying to fix these jokes right now. You're texting with your writers in real time?
FRIEND: It got to be like drooling adrenaline because I performed that two years ago, I got up in the middle of the room, and it's just the toughest room imaginable, I think, because nobody wants to be caught on camera laughing. Do you think audiences these days want truth from comedians or confirmation of their opinion? We're in such a divided country now. A lot of people say comedians, you know, in late night, it's left or whatever. What do you think? What is the role of comedy today because it's not the 60s or 70s anymore when Carson was on.
WOOD: To me, the role of comedy is laughs, and it's laughs from the perspective that you hold as the performer. You can't keep bending to what people want because people want one thing, and then they don't want it anymore. So, you can't -- you'll never be truthful as a performer. So, I just -- I just hope that whatever they do going forward, when we eventually get comedians back in there -- we never know. The mentalist they have, he might crack some crazy jokes.
FRIEND: I love him.
WOOD: I'm hoping so. But I think if we're talking about comedy, to me, the responsibility is jokes first and the rest of that falls second.
FRIEND: Joel?
MCHALE: Yes. As long as someone is paying me, I don't care.
MCHALE: That's a great answer. So, obviously --
MCHALE: I'm kidding. No. I think -- I think everyone got to be made fun of, especially at that dinner. It's when -- you know, it's -- satire is flying all over the place in Washington, D.C. But then, this is the time when everybody should be able to be made fun of and people need to be able to take a joke. And I think it shows why our country can be and is the most powerful country that our leaders can actually take a joke because in other countries, you get thrown into a work prison.
[23:20:05]
FRIEND: That's true. There's obviously so much to make fun of now. And I'm sure you guys have this experience with your fans or people online asking you, is it easier to make jokes because of the circus of the news today? If you were both headlining the dinner this year, what would be the first topic that comes to mind? Kash Patel? What would it be?
WOOD: Oh, I think the dinner is interesting in that it is literally a report. To me, it's the hardest gig in comedy because you're literally reporting on the world as we see it this week. These are jokes that, next week, would not be good. And two weeks before, the joke didn't even exist. So, I think you got to go to top of the news cycle. So, you got to go to Strait of Hormuz --
(LAUGHTER)
-- you got to go a little bit of Kash Patel, the DOJ with the KKK stuff that just happened recently, sprinkling a little bit of racism. I don't know. Joel, would you go KKK to start? What's your move?
MCHALE: Oh, I would go right after Matt. I would go right after Matt and how he looks like a boy that never grew up.
(LAUGHTER)
And that probably has something to do with his makeup artist.
FRIEND: Thank you.
MCHALE: My deep jealousy of how young and successful he is. Everything -- yes, everything you said. Take -- you should take no prisoners with you, especially now.
FRIEND: Joel, you look like you were there on January 6th based on this makeup right now, if I'm being honest with you. OK?
(LAUGHTER)
Thank you, Joel.
MCHALE: How dare you? I have a very lucrative fish sticks campaign coming up. I'm trying to look like a Seattle -- a Seattle mariner that just -- was in a time capsule from 20 years ago.
FRIEND: You both look amazing. And, obviously, you're both legends. I mean, "The Soup," "The Daily Show," obviously, you are each known for those things largely. I'm curious, Roy, did you ever kill a joke for the dinner or when you were on "The Daily Show" or even now in your standup and other work because it felt too real or do you ever go through that process?
WOOD: Not because it felt too real, but because you don't know necessarily how to nail it in a way that does it justice from both sides. Like I had a Don -- Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson both got fired from their respective networks the week of my dinner. That joke needed one more day to be done properly in a way that I felt would have been fair, more fair to Don.
But like outside of that, no, not really because what happens is that you'll do a joke that you feel is right. And then you just look up in the room and you're just, like, ah.
There's always one person that hated a joke, they rolled their eyes, and you just never -- I don't know who yours was, Joel, but mine is Caitlyn Jenner. I did a joke. I don't remember what the joke was. Caitlyn didn't like it, rolled her eyes. And then I look over, and Lester Holt is looking at me and he goes.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: Joel, how about you?
MCHALE: Oh, I -- we -- I don't think I got in trouble. But we -- Chris Christie was there for his kind of coming out party after the whole bridge thing. And we said, Chris, we're going after you, so buckle up. Excuse me, extender buckle up, my friend. And there was a bunch of people that didn't like that. But at the same time, it really -- I was -- heard this years ago where it's just like if you're not offending 10, 20, 30, 90 percent of your audience at all times, then you're doing something wrong.
WOOD: Correct.
MCHALE: And our -- I knew when I would tell a joke about the Democrats, you'd hear this laughter and then, ooh, from the other side, then it would flip when I would tell a Republican joke, and they were all being very careful as to not laugh too hard or give too much ooh-ing as they're offended. So, it's -- so, when you watch things back, you're like, all right, that hit, that hit. I know that bothered them. Good. Good. FRIEND: Well, all I want to say is, as a young comedian, all I can do is look up to both of you. I've idolized you both for a long time. I have such a respect for what you both do. Thank you so much for coming on this show. It's important to keep laughing, and you are two of the best at it in this country and the world. So, thank you both so much.
MCHALE: Thank you, Jake. Thank you, Jake, so much.
FRIEND: Thank you back to you. Thank you. Thank you, Roy.
(APPLAUSE)
Yes! Coming up next, we have Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett and a roast of George Santos. You really do not want to miss this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
[23:25:00]
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
FRIEND: Welcome back to "America Laughs." I am here now with the amazing Texas congresswoman, Jasmine Crockett, everybody. Jasmine Crockett joins me.
(APPLAUSE)
Jasmine --
REP. JASMINE CROCKETT (D-TX): Yes.
FRIEND: You have become one of the most viral Democrats in Congress. Do you ever like write lines ahead of time knowing it's going to go viral on TikTok or is it just instinct?
CROCKETT: No, it's instinct, honey.
(LAUGHTER)
It is. I mean, who knows what my colleagues are going to say on the other -- on the other side of the aisle? And so, you got to be ready. Stay ready so you don't have to get ready.
FRIEND: I -- I asked you this off the air, but now I'm curious for all of America. Are there any colleagues that just do not have a good sense of humor about these quick Jasmine quips?
CROCKETT: I would say the entire Senate. You know, they're just a little different over there. But, actually, the other week, actually, I guess maybe this week, my weeks kind of go together now, I did have a Republican colleague that tried to get fly with me. Yes, he tried it.
FRIEND: Pretty get fly with you?
CROCKETT: He did. FRIEND: That's an interesting term.
(LAUGHTER)
CROCKETT: He did. Also known as just being rude.
FRIEND: Who -- who was getting fly with you?
CROCKETT: I'm not going to say his name because nobody knows him, and he wants to get known.
FRIEND: What did he -- what did he -- what did he say, though? What did -- what did he say?
CROCKETT: He basically was like --
FRIEND: Nobody knows him, and he wants to get --
CROCKETT: No -- no one knows this guy. I promise you. No one would be like, oh yeah. Like no one knows him. But what he did was he was like, you Democrats, you're all just nasty or something crazy.
FRIEND: Oh my God, it was Matt Gaetz. Anyway --
(LAUGHTER)
So, Jasmine, I do want to know this. If you could subpoena one group chat in Washington --
CROCKETT: Oh.
FRIEND: -- whose what do you want to read?
CROCKETT: I -- anywhere in Washington?
FRIEND: Any -- any group chat.
CROCKETT: Oh. Whichever one includes the president. For sure. For sure.
FRIEND: Yes.
CROCKETT: I mean, because like you saw when he like accidentally like Truth Social Pam Bondi, I'm like, OK, so, what's happening in like the background?
FRIEND: Right.
CROCKETT: So, like yes, anything that includes him. So, the one with him and MAGA Mike --
FRIEND: Oh my God.
CROCKETT: -- because I know Mike is in it because Mike just takes his orders from him. You know, Trump is like, I am the real speaker.
FRIEND: Yes.
CROCKETT: So, yes.
FRIEND: I'm curious. What do you think because, obviously, 2028 is not that far away.
CROCKETT: Yes.
FRIEND: What an alert. Democrats did not win the last election.
CROCKETT: We noticed.
FRIEND: Yes.
CROCKETT: The world noticed.
FRIEND: What do you think about like the kind of Gavin Newsom approach of like copying what the president does and memes and kind of going back at them, the opposite of when they go low, we go high? You know, it's kind of like do we have -- do Democrats have to do the same thing or what -- what is the main difference in strategy because --
CROCKETT: I don't -- I don't know that we have to do the same thing, but we have to make sure that people know what we're doing, right?
FRIEND: Yes.
CROCKETT: And so, it's not good enough just to say, oh, we've done great work because like, you know, everything hasn't fallen apart. Unfortunately, that doesn't get you votes right in it, right about now. You've got to show them like why it's not falling apart. And what it takes to get the attention sometimes is different, but I don't think we necessarily need to go about like tweeting in all caps and sounding like we're like in kindergarten. I don't think that that's --
FRIEND: How beautiful is Jasmine Crockett by the way she --
(APPLAUSE)
We love Jasmine Crockett. Look, look, Jasmine, look, you know, you've said a lot of nasty things about me, Jasmine.
[23:30:01]
I'll say this: If you want to say it, why don't you just say it to my face? OK?
(LAUGHTER)
Why don't you just say it to my face?
CROCKETT: You have dementia.
FRIEND: Oh, that's good.
(LAUGHTER) It's not too nice. Thank you very much.
CROCKETT: And -- and -- and you're not qualified to be the president.
FRIEND: Don't --
(LAUGHTER)
This is -- this therapy right now.
(LAUGHTER)
Don't you think that like a lot of Congress kind of has dementia, like we do have like an age problem? I just talked about in the monologue. You're very young. Like you look --
CROCKETT: I am not young.
FRIEND: Yes, you are.
CROCKETT: I am young and congressional like years, but I am not young.
FRIEND: It's congressional years. It's like dog years --
CROCKETT: Yes.
FRIEND: -- aging.
CROCKETT: Yes. Exactly.
FRIEND: But don't you -- but don't you feel like Congress is like -- like a little geriatric? Like what do we do about that?
CROCKETT: It is. It is. I don't know how many 80 something year olds we have. And -- and that's not -- like I'm not throwing shade because Nancy Pelosi, she wears more stiletto heels than I do in her 80s, as well as Maxine. Like they -- they get it done. But yes --
FRIEND: And George Santos, by the way, who joins us.
(LAUGHTER)
He is a big stiletto heel guy.
CROCKETT: He is. He is.
(LAUGHTER)
Yes. So -- so, no, I do think that it's a real conversation, especially as we go into these elections. While I was waiting to come in and talk to you --
FRIEND: Yes.
CROCKETT: -- I had a candidate calling me in Georgia because one of the members of the House just passed away. He was running for re- election --
FRIEND: Who was the candidate?
CROCKETT: -- just this week. I'm not going to tell you.
FRIEND: I see. I see.
CROCKETT: You know?
FRIEND: You see, we try to grill ---
(LAUGHTER)
We grill, baby, grill. That's what I'm saying. Grill, baby, grill.
CROCKETT: But I do think that there is a reckoning. I was speaking to another older member who was saying, hey, I've got to go home, I've got a campaign, I've got --
FRIEND: Yes.
CROCKETT: -- 26-year-old and a 30-year-old. And he's like, basically, they're coming after me because I'm older.
FRIEND: Wow. So, you're Texan.
CROCKETT: Yes.
FRIEND: Well, I want to know this. OK? What is it like to represent your state knowing that a guy who sounds like this also represents your state? Texas Senator Ted Cruz. Is that strange for you? Are you getting freaked out sitting next to this right now, Jasmine?
CROCKETT: Listen. -- I -- listen. He and I, we don't get along.
FRIEND: I know that. That's true.
CROCKETT: No, we don't get along, honey.
FRIEND: What is it about my voice that -- that you don't like?
CROCKETT: I don't like anything about him. So, associating the voice with him is a lot. And here's the thing. It's not even personal. Like I just don't like you because of how you treat my people in the state of Texas. And, frankly, he doesn't care anything about Texans, as you know, but it's his nickname. Come on now. Come on.
FRIEND: What's the nickname?
CROCKETT: You don't know the nickname?
FRIEND: Lion Ted? I don't know. There's a lot of nicknames.
CROCKETT: Cancun Cruz.
FRIEND: Oh, Cancun Cruz. Yes. CROCKETT: Yes. That's his nickname, you know? So, this isn't a guy who ever should have really been in elected office, if I'm being perfectly honest. And when you look at his accolades, well, they are lacking. They are not there because when Texans need him the most, he tends to run.
FRIEND: OK. Well, you heard it from Jasmine Crockett. Jasmine, thank you for taking a chance on our new show. I think we need more of this in America, just taking chances and talking to people.
CROCKETT: Yes, because I didn't know what I was going to do to you all.
FRIEND: She's amazing. Jasmine Crockett, thank you very much.
Coming up next, this is very different. Does anybody know who this guy really is? The fake LinkedIn resume himself. George Santos is next.
(LAUGHTER)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
[23:35:00]
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
FRIEND: Welcome back, everybody. I had a chance to sit down with the man, actually the myth, George Santos. I'm going to Santos (ph) to it now.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
FRIEND: This is historic. George Santos, welcome to "America Laughs."
GEORGE SANTOS, FORMER NEW YORK REPRESENTATIVE: Oh. Hi.
FRIEND: George, you are the perfect guest for my show because we both made a living pretending to be other people.
SANTOS: That's so true.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: And George, let me just say, the fyre fest of Congress, George Santos, is here tonight.
SANTOS: Fyre fest. Come on. I'm still more talented than you are.
FRIEND: But can I just say, in all honesty, this is the perfect warm up for me, for my interviews later today with the ghost of Bernie made of (ph) Sam Bankman Fried, Anna Delvey, and Elizabeth Holmes. Thank you for joining us.
George, you didn't just fake a resume, you created a multiverse. Marvel has fewer origin stories.
(LAUGHTER)
George, you are the only politician whose fact checkers need a series recap. Previously, I'm George Santos. George, before we dive in, I'd love your expert take on how we should tackle inflation. Are we looking at monetary tightening or fiscal stimulus? I'm kidding, George. Talk to me about your cameo.
(LAUGHTER)
George, in all seriousness, you will get a chance to talk.
SANTOS: Oh, sure.
FRIEND: I am Jewish.
SANTOS: OK.
FRIEND: You pretended to be Jewish. What was your fake bar mitzvah like? Was there a theme? Was it about becoming a man or becoming several men?
SANTOS: Jesus Christ.
FRIEND: Listen, George --
(LAUGHTER)
George, is there any part of the story, because you are out now, it's got to be kind of mind blowing. You are not, you know, in jail now. You're free. So, what is it like to be a free man now?
SANTOS: Oh, it's great being free. I'm free. I'm free to -- I'm free to do these gigs.
FRIEND: Yes. What were you dreaming of when you were in prison, like, to experience again?
SANTOS: My bed.
FRIEND: Your bed?
SANTOS: My bed. Seriously, my bed. Oh, and shit posting on Twitter.
FRIEND: There are so many biopics today like there's a new Michael Jackson film premiering now. I do want to know because, you know, many would say that George Santos is an American icon. Who will play George Santos in the biopic, Rami Malek, Freddie Mercury, Austin Butler, Elvis Presley? Who wins the Academy Award for George Santos?
SANTOS: There's only one actor that can play George Santos. The same guy who has played every single consequential figure of my genre. Let's just put it out there. People who did stupid shit and got in trouble for it. From the Gold Coast, Leonardo DiCaprio.
FRIEND: Leo?
SANTOS: He did "Catch Me If You Can." He did "The Wolf of Wall Street." And then he has to do George Santos.
FRIEND: Very good.
SANTOS: Yes. It would make sense for him. It's like right up his alley.
FRIEND: It totally actually is up his alley.
SANTOS: Yes.
FRIEND: That's interesting. Are you happy, though, that, in some ways, because your scandal took place earlier, so, are you happy now that the scandal is kind of years old and now we can move on to fresher scandals like Eric Swalwell?
SANTOS: Yes. I mean, oh my God, you know what's crazy about all the scandals? I went through it by myself and gave cover to all these assholes that are out there. It gives me the opportunity to sit here and watch because I went through it all by myself.
FRIEND: Yes.
SANTOS: Every single finger pointed at me. But all these people pointing fingers at me had four fingers pointing back at them, and look at all their crap. Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick, when she was on yesterday, puts out this enormous letter saying, oh, this process was unfair, but you found no issue in coming after me. It wasn't a fair process.
FRIEND: So, do you feel kind of free in a certain sense?
SANTOS: Yes. It's so good.
FRIEND: Because you're a scandal and all these things are already out there. And now, there's a lot of people that are maybe kind of worried.
SANTOS: I have no secrets. All my garbage is out there.
FRIEND: You have no secrets?
SANTOS: I have no secrets. My garbage is all out there. I mean, dude -- I mean, dressing in Dragon Carnival is out there. Like, literally, my criminal activity is out there. Stuff that I did that were wrong since are all out there. I owned up to it. And I get to live like this pretty free -- nothing is a secret. If you ask me anything, I'll just answer it at this point. Like, I don't care. Like, what do you do for a living? I don't care.
FRIEND: Right.
SANTOS: Like, I have no reason --
FRIEND: You just don't care. You're free.
SANTOS: I don't care. FRIEND: You're free.
SANTOS: I'm free. I say whatever comes to my mind.
FRIEND: George, I want to know the hot topics. Alex Cooper or Alix Earle?
SANTOS: Oh, God. Neither. Like --
FRIEND: George, Clavicular. Are you into looksmaxxing?
SANTOS: The gays invented looksmaxxing. Clavicular did not invent looksmaxxing. If he thinks because he puts a little filler on his lips and he does a little whatever he has in his face --
FRIEND: Right.
SANTOS: -- that he's onto something, have you gone to West Hollywood?
[23:40:02]
FRIEND: Hello! The comedian, George Santos.
SANTOS: Like no.
FRIEND: Now, George, you grew up a Catholic. I do want to know, what are your thoughts on J.D. Vance and Trump's criticism of the pope?
SANTOS: I disagree. I disagree with like going so hard at the pope. I think also the pope should stay in his lane and do pope stuff, which is calling for peace.
FRIEND: What does it mean for the pope to stay in his lane?
SANTOS: Call for peace. Don't talk about politics. You know, like, if you disagree with the political -- if you disagree with the political stance of the president of the United States, that's fine, you're entitled to that. Be a pope. Talk about --
FRIEND: Be a pope.
SANTOS: Talk about the church. Talk about expanding membership to the church. Talk about --
FRIEND: Yes.
SANTOS: -- eradicating the church from, you know, priests who are pedophiles, all of that stuff. That's what you should focus on. I love that he's on a peace tour.
FRIEND: This is your favorite president.
SANTOS: Oh, good.
FRIEND: And I will say this. George, look, I commuted this guy like a dog. I commuted you like you wouldn't -- SANTOS: I'm not a dog!
FRIEND: Excuse me. George, be quiet. OK?
SANTOS: OK.
FRIEND: Just shut your mouth for a second.
(LAUGHTER)
George had the courage, conviction, and intelligence to vote Republican. And look, it's a shame what happened to you. It's a shame. Ivanka is a Jew. She doesn't care too much, right? But I like George. He's a tough cookie. Are you going to thank me for what I did? Because if Kamala had won, you wouldn't be in this chair. You know that, right?
SANTOS: I've already thanked the president.
FRIEND: Come here, please. Shake my hand. You're a beauty.
SANTOS: Oh, you're so sweet.
FRIEND: I have two more questions for you.
SANTOS: That's actually really good.
FRIEND: Thank you very much. George, you were the sixth member of the House to be expelled. Can you name the other five and what they were expelled for?
SANTOS: I just know three confederates. I know their names. I know James Traficant who was -- who doesn't know what James Traficant -- well, you probably don't because you're too young.
FRIEND: That's correct.
SANTOS: But James Traficant was a member from Ohio --
FRIEND: (INAUDIBLE).
(LAUGHTER)
Now, George, we are short for time here. But before we go, I do want to know this. George, as a man who knows the real ins and outs of Congress and the world, I want George Santos's perspective. So, George, I'm going to show you a face and you will say the first word that comes to mind. OK. Kristi Noem.
SANTOS: Friend.
FRIEND: Bryon Noem.
(LAUGHTER)
That's all I needed. Mitch McConnell. SANTOS: I see dead people.
FRIEND: Well, I'm deeply offended by that. But moving on now to the next question. Eric Swalwell. Eric Trump.
SANTOS: Eric is a great guy, actually. Very fun guy.
FRIEND: We'll go to Ruben Gallego. Is that OK? Can we go to Ruben Gallego?
SANTOS: Ruben Gallego is such a douche. We were neighbors.
FRIEND: OK. Gavin Newsom.
SANTOS: Gracey.
FRIEND: Kamala Harris.
SANTOS: I don't want to say it. The hand, really. I don't know. It's like --
FRIEND: Kash Patel.
SANTOS: He's funny. He's fun. Crazy, fun. Give him a beer and a hockey game ticket. Like, come on.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: You're getting sued now.
SANTOS: Well, he had fun at the Olympics. I would, too.
FRIEND: Pete Hegseth. Joe Rogan.
SANTOS: I'm not a fan.
FRIEND: Dr. Oz.
SANTOS: Oh, I love Dr. Oz. Skinny pills and all.
FRIEND: RFK, Jr.
SANTOS: Inaudible.
FRIEND: Thank you very much.
(LAUGHTER)
And finally, Matt Gaetz.
SANTOS: Matt Gaetz is my friend. I mean -- but that's awful makeup. It's shit makeup.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: Listen, I do want to -- I do want to credit you, George, because you've been through a lot, you have a lot of critics, and you have people that are fans, and I think it takes a lot of guts to come on a show and be able to laugh at yourself.
SANTOS: Of course.
FRIEND: Thank you for being here. Welcome to "America Laughs." I think you're working on a new book. Is that correct?
SANTOS: Yes.
FRIEND: OK.
SANTOS: Working on it, not talking about it.
FRIEND: OK. When it comes up, hopefully, you come back and --
SANTOS: We'll do it again. You bet.
FRIEND: Even though this is a one-off special, but we'll see --
SANTOS: We'll do another special.
FRIEND: America, George Santos. Thank you for being here, George.
SANTOS: Thank you.
FRIEND: Lovely to chat with you.
SANTOS: Thank you.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
(APPLAUSE)
FRIEND: All right, coming up, a man who is definitely not running for president and your Republican uncle. Rahm Emanuel and Scott Jennings are next.
(APPLAUSE)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
[23:45:00]
FRIEND: Welcome back to "America Laughs." Guess what? It's only 928 days away from the next presidential election. And despite that, here in D.C., people are seeming to talk about almost nothing else.
I am now joined by the former mayor of my city, Chicago, ambassador to Japan, and the most handsome of the Emanuel brothers, Rahm Emanuel. Thank you for being here. Rahm, hello.
(APPLAUSE)
RAHM EMANUEL, CNN SENIOR POLITICAL AND GLOBAL AFFAIRS COMMENTATOR: How are you? FRIEND: So, what do you think about the tactic? I'm asking guests on the show. I mean, Gavin Newsom, yourself, too, it seems kind of a little more like -- you're kind of going a little to the center a little bit because I think in 2024, the Democrat tactics evidently didn't work. I mean, Ram, look at me. I'm the president. You know who's that? People you worked with. OK? If I'm being honest with you. So, what do you think needs to change from like Democrat messaging, if at all?
EMANUEL: Well, you may be a little young, but I did work for two different presidents --
FRIEND: Hey, well, look, I remember. And, by the way, I hired you. So, thank you so much for working for me.
EMANUEL: First of all, let me give you a Clinton imitation.
FRIEND: Let's hear it.
EMANUEL: I love Matt. I love Matt. He's a real good friend of mine. I remember when he was in diapers in Chicago. In fact, I helped him with his first homework assignment. So, you get yelled at for eight years. You can do a Bill Clinton invitation.
FRIEND: Do you do a Trump impression, Rahm?
EMANUEL: I do not.
FRIEND: Rahm, I want to know this because you've got very interesting opinions. What is the first word that comes to mind with these possible fellow 2028ers? Gavin Newsom.
EMANUEL: Good looking.
FRIEND: Pete Buttigieg.
EMANUEL: Too young.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: He's not running, right? Kamala Harris.
EMANUEL: (INAUDIBLE).
FRIEND: Donald Trump, Jr.
EMANUEL: Get a job.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: J.D. Vance.
EMANUEL: Get a job.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: JB Pritzker.
EMANUEL: Has many jobs.
FRIEND: Josh Shapiro.
EMANUEL: Well, looks like he's yelling at you right now.
FRIEND: Tucker Carlson.
EMANUEL: You can learn from your mistakes, but your mistakes are costly for everybody else.
FRIEND: These are great one-word answers. Marco Rubio.
(LAUGHTER)
EMANUEL: Little Marco.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: RFK, Jr.
(LAUGHTER)
EMANUEL: Your family is embarrassed.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: I thought you are talking to me for a second. And finally --
EMANUEL: I decided to project it on to him.
FRIEND: And finally, The Rock.
EMANUEL: The Rock? I know -- based on my own survival, I'm just going leave that one alone.
(LAUGHTER)
[23:50:00]
FRIEND: Rahm, listen, thank you so much for doing the show. I think laughter matters. It's very cool that you're willing to take a chance on it. Thank you for being with us. (INAUDIBLE).
EMANUEL: The only reason I agreed to do this -- the only reason I agreed to do this is because you are right accurately. I think 300 people will be watching this. So, congratulations.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: Well, listen, that's exactly how many people, trying to think of a good joke, attended a Jeb Bush campaign rally. I don't know. That was off the top of my head. Rahm, thank you for being here.
EMANUEL: See you later. Good luck on this endeavor. FRIEND: Thank you. Rahm Emanuel, everybody.
(APPLAUSE)
All right, now, I want to bring in CNN's conservative lion who frequently goes into the den, Scott Jennings. Hello, Scott. Well, give it up for Scott.
SCOTT JENNINGS, CNN SENIOR POLITICAL COMMENTATOR, FORMER SPECIAL ASSISTANT TO PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, SALEM RADIO HOST: Hey.
(APPLAUSE)
FRIEND: So, Scott, first, I want to know this. You interned for Kamala Harris, right?
JENNINGS: I did, yes. It was a formative experience.
FRIEND: OK. Got it.
JENNINGS: Yes.
FRIEND: Yes. Terrific.
(LAUGHTER)
So, Scott, would you get drunk with Kash Patel?
(LAUGHTER)
JENNINGS: I don't get drunk with anybody.
FRIEND: Really?
JENNINGS: Rarely drink. Even though I'm from Kentucky and that's sort of our thing, I don't --
FRIEND: And Scott, because you cued me up here, I just have to say this. You were a senior advisor to me.
JENNINGS: Yes.
FRIEND: I'm grateful for everything you've done. And I hear you can do an impression of the Kentucky senator as well. And let me just say, Scott is a wonderful man.
(LAUGHTER)
You are one of the whitest people I've ever seen in my entire life.
(LAUGHTER)
Can you do Mitch or no?
JENNINGS: I can. I'm going to be candid with you. I like you, but it needs a little work. (LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: You know, as we've seen many times, Scott just sometimes gets it a little bit wrong.
(LAUGHTER)
FRIEND: Scott gets it a little bit --
JENNINGS: That's better.
FRIEND: Thank you.
JENNINGS: That's better.
FRIEND: So, Scott, do you believe everything you say when you debate people on CNN or is some of it for the screen? There's a regular camaraderie that you have with a lot of these people.
JENNINGS: Yes. Two different questions there. Yes, we do have a good camaraderie. A lot of people are surprised to learn that my two best friends here are actually David Axelrod and Van Jones.
FRIEND: Yes.
JENNINGS: And we have a great camaraderie. But yes, you know, I take debating positions that are informed by my experience and my values. I do think that CNN embracing the debates is a good thing.
FRIEND: Yes.
JENNINGS: There's not that much debating content on television right now. I mean, nobody debates anymore.
FRIEND: What's television? I'm just kidding.
(LAUGHTER)
JENNINGS: Well, allegedly, it's what we do here.
FRIEND: Exactly.
(LAUGHTER)
So, if you had to advise Democrats on how to beat Republicans, what would you tell them, in theory?
JENNINGS: Well, let's see. Stop raising our taxes. Stop putting boys in girls' locker rooms. You know, stop taking the 20 of every 80-20 issue in America. I mean, it's not rocket science, but that's what I'd do.
FRIEND: Interesting. All right. Pretty succinct answer there.
(LAUGHTER)
Trump and Epstein, care to comment?
JENNINGS: Well, I mean, it sounds like -- it sounds like he's the one who turned him in. I don't know -- I don't know why -- I don't know why everybody fails to understand.
FRIEND: It's highly possible. I heard you do a Trump impression. Is that accurate?
JENNINGS: I do. Well, I'll just tell you quick story. I didn't know him before last year. I'd never met him. And I wrote a book about him last year. I went to pitch him on it.
FRIEND: That's a way to get him to love you.
JENNINGS: Yes.
FRIEND: Write a whole book about him.
JENNINGS: And I did. When -- I went into the Oval Office --
FRIEND: You pitched him in the Oval Office?
JENNINGS: Yes. In front of the whole cabinet and some of the staff --
FRIEND: What?
JENNINGS: Yes.
FRIEND: You pitched your book in front of the president and his cabinet in the Oval Office?
JENNINGS: Yes. And he said, does everybody here know Scott? He is like our best guy. He knows how to defend me on CNN without getting fired, which is no small talent.
(LAUGHTER)
It was a -- we had a meeting, I pitched him on it, we had a great relationship about, and I wrote the book. It made in "The New York Times" bestseller list. But it was -- it was a fun experience.
FRIEND: One thing that is great about you is that you do go in different situations.
JENNINGS: Yes.
FRIEND: You took a chance in a new show like this. You obviously differ politically from a lot of the people that you talk with --
JENNINGS: Of course.
FRIEND: -- channel necessarily. Why do you think that matters and why do we need more of that? And also, second question is, why does comedy matter in a world like this?
JENNINGS: Well, I think we've gotten away from debates. And I we also have gotten away from being able to understand each other even though we might have different political beliefs because I think, right now, in America, one of our biggest problems is we don't have a shared reality. And a lot of it is algorithm-driven. A lot of it is just driven by the bubbles that we find ourselves in.
But the way to break those things and pop those bubbles is to have debates, understand that we can do it, and exit those debates still as Americans and still as friends. I think that's why the debating content matters. I think a lot of cable news, frankly, and a lot of political content is built to confirm your priors or to make you feel happy about what you already believe. And I think we need a little bit of political content that caused you to say, I hadn't thought about that or this helps me understand how people who vote differently than me approach issues. And so, I actually CNN deserves a lot of credit for putting it on the air.
FRIEND: Yes, they do.
[23:54:59]
JENNINGS: Even though, frankly, it sometimes agitates people and causes some controversy, I don't think it's a bad thing.
FRIEND: Scott, you know how to work that algorithm, baby.
(LAUGHTER)
You got that section going. We need to have more conversations like this. And thank you for being here. And, yes, appreciate you. Thank you so much.
JENNINGS: I'm really glad you had me on here, Matt.
FRIEND: By the way, you look --
(LAUGHTER)
-- between the two of us, you look like the entire cast of "Succession" in two people.
(LAUGHTER)
Scott Jennings, everybody. Thank you, Scott.
(APPLAUSE)
Before we go, when crafting tonight's show, I turned to comedy's past for advice. Johnny Carson, perhaps my biggest comedic inspiration, once said in an interview with Barbara Walters, I think one of the dangers, if you're a comedian, if you start to take yourself too seriously and start to comment on social issues, your sense of humor suffers somewhere.
Yet in 1981, Carson hosted the Oscars just one day after Ronald Reagan was shot in an assassination attempt. The country was shaken. Nobody quite knew how to talk about it. Carson walked out at the Oscars and said, Reagan was in good spirits that after being shot and lying in the hospital, he wrote a note, joking, all things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. And even after being shot, Reagan had humor. It was dark, but it was delicate, but it worked because it acknowledged the moment without letting it consume us. And I think that's the job.
Tonight, I'm trying to follow in Carson's footsteps because there is a lot to laugh at on both sides of the aisle. And I have enormous respect for American journalism, but I also have enormous respect for laughter and comedians to make sense of this insane world that we live in because sometimes, the only way to make sense of the world is to laugh at it. The show does go on. And my hope for tonight is that whether you're a Republican or a Democrat, there was something revolting for everybody.
Come see me on the road. Get tickets at mattfriend.com. Good night, America. Thank you so much.
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you.
(LAUGHTER)
Thank you so much for doing this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
[00:00:00]
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
