Return to Transcripts main page

CNN Sunday Morning

Fatherly Advice on Good Parenting

Aired June 17, 2001 - 09:40   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
BRIAN NELSON, CNN ANCHOR: On this Father's Day, some advice on parenting from Bob Kamm and his son, Ben, who can tell us what kind of parent his father was. Bob Kamm is the author of "The Superman Syndrome" and he's currently writing another book, "Real Fatherhood." The Kamms -- father and son -- join us this morning from San Francisco.

And good morning to both of you. Thank you for being here.

ROBERT KAMM, AUTHOR, "THE SUPERMAN SYNDROME": Good morning to you, Brian, and happy Father's Day.

NELSON: Thank you, Ben (sic). Thank you -- thank you very much. Listen, I was intrigued by this book of yours -- "The Superman Syndrome." What are you referring to -- this -- when you use that as a title?

R. KAMM: The superman syndrome as I define it, Brian, is the glorification and imitation of the mental, emotional and physical toughness that we generally associate with a warrior and most recognizably embodied in the figure of Superman/Clark Kent.

NELSON: So you men a father -- many probably think on the belief that they have to be a Superman to their son and daughter, right?

R. KAMM: Well, not only to their son and daughter but also in the workplace. Yes, and it makes it very difficult to be fully present to our children when we are in warrior mode because warriors are much more about conquest and fatherhood calls for connection.

NELSON: OK, so let me stop you there. There are many fathers who are watching this morning who say, "Well, I'm a good father, I work hard, I put in a lot of time in the office but I race home for my kid's soccer game and then I'll race back to work. And I do what is needed to be done in this day and age. You would disagree that that's necessarily the description of a good father, is that right?

R. KAMM: Well, what I would say is, that certainly the provider, protector, example-setter, teacher of the rules of the game -- that those things are certainly part of the role of a good father. But that concept as being the exclusive definition of a good father, I think, is off the mark. And I think, frankly, our children need a lot more of our just genuine rich companionship than many of us have wanted to acknowledge. NELSON: Let me pin this down just a little more before I get to you son. You say that upper middle-class families are particularly guilty of this. They get involved in technology gadgets, computers and there's also this pursuit of professional success and so the kids are left feeling disconnected and the victims of a sad trade off in a family.

R. KAMM: Yes.

NELSON: You have said this is a broad brush criticism of American society, if I may say so?

R. KAMM: Well, I think that in my book, "The Superman Syndrome," I make it quite specific -- at least I attempt to and attempt to explain what I think the causes are. And more than half of the book is devoted to solutions.

But the reality is I think we don't necessarily need studies to tell us that there are powerful forces at work in our culture which are both tearing and luring parents away from each other. So this is not about blame -- I want to make that very clear -- but it is about describing a situation that is of concern to me. And a lot of the people that I work with because I am a consultant and leadership coach, have the same concern. And my work evolves around trying to help them find a better way.

NELSON: Ben, you grew up in a family with a single dad. What was it like and how did your father go to extra measures to make up for the absence of mom?

BEN KAMM, SON OF ROBERT KAMM: Well, we spent a lot of time together at a beach, reading together, just a lot of one on one time together -- human connection. And it had it's challenges but it was good and my dad was one of my best friends and a great father.

NELSON: Your dad, in his books, seems to characterize good fatherhood as something that is more in depth than it is anything else -- for example, he decries the word "speed." So your relationship with your dad was, I take it, very deep rather than a series of disconnected moments?

B. KAMM: Yeah, I'd say -- definitely.

NELSON: So how has this helped you to become a better person?

B. KAMM: Well, I feel like it's helped me just connect more deeply in my own one on one human relationship with my wife and with my own son, who is 2-and-a-half. Yeah, just to spend more time, slow it down -- just connecting.

NELSON: All right. Well, connecting with your kids I guess on this Father's Day that's a great message. Thank you both for being with us. Bob Kamm -- the author of "The Superman Syndrome" -- you might want to try and pick that up -- and his son Ben. Thank you both for joining us this morning from San Francisco.

B. KAMM: Thank you.

R. KAMM: Thank you.

NELSON: Sure.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com