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CNN Sunday Morning

Interview With Michael Popkin

Aired October 21, 2001 - 08:50   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
MARTIN SAVIDGE, CNN ANCHOR: Many Americans, especially children, are still trying to come to terms with the Twin Tower disaster. Add to that the new worries and concerns over anthrax. Now the question becomes: How should parents try to explain it to their children, and perhaps calm their fears?

For some answers, we turn now to parenting expert Michael Popkin. Good morning, sir. Thanks for joining us.

MICHAEL POPKIN, ACTIVE PARENTING PUBLISHERS: Sure. Glad to be here.

SAVIDGE: I've gone through this dilemma. My wife and I have gone through it with our 8 and 9-year old, trying to figure out what you say, what don't you say. Where do you begin?

POPKIN: Even before you begin, we've been teaching, you know, through our active parenting courses for parents over the past 20 years, that the most important quality that a person can develop or you can help develop in your children is courage. In fact, Winston Churchill once said it's the most important quality, because it's the one that all the other qualities depend on.

Now you've been talking about anthrax a lot. And we know that anthrax is no contagious; but fear is contagious. And kids often can catch it from their parents. So the advice you gave a little while ago about not running around trying to get antibiotic prescriptions, you can go farther than that, gas masks, being afraid to fly, being afraid to go out in public -- those things send a wrong message to kids. It sends the message that we're terrorized, we're fearful, you know, and there's something exaggerated to be fearful about.

What we need parents to do right now is to look inside their own hearts and find their courage. And we all have a lot more courage than we usually think. It's challenges like this that give us the opportunity to really touch how much courage we have. And that's the first thing parents need to do is really get in touch with that.

The second thing is to do what you're hoping to do, and that's to get the right information, to find out what is the story about some of these things.

SAVIDGE: How do you open the conversation with the child? First of all, do you recommend that you talk to the child? POPKIN: Absolutely. In fact, once you do those things, I've got really three steps we've been teaching over the past three years to help from anything from smoking prevention, something called "take 10," where we're trying to get parents to take 10 minutes to talk to their teenagers about not smoking.

The same kind of steps can be applied to this situation as well. And that's not to make the mistake that parents often make, which is to try to lecture to their kids. Engage your kids in a -0 minute dialogue by asking good questions: What have you heard on the attack on America? What do you know about anthrax? What are the other kids saying? What do you think about it? How do you feel about it?

And as they're talking, you're trying to listen sympathetically. It's not a time to get confrontational. But what you want to know is, what facts are they missing? What do they need to be corrected about?

And two, how are they feeling? What are their values that they're forming?

SAVIDGE: What do say to a 5-year old or a 6-year old, who obviously has no idea what terrorism is or what anthrax is? You're dealing with a painful subject, but you have to use...

POPKIN: Sure. With 5-year olds, if they don't know too much about what's going on, or younger kids, I wouldn't have the conversation. If they're under 5, and blissfully ignorant right now, that's fine. If they know what's going on, if they've seen some television or they've talked about it, then you always have to talk to kids according to their language level, their ability to comprehend. And don't tell them more than they are able to handle.

You know, don't go into the details of anthrax with a 5-year old, even a teenager. I was out with some friends recently. And their 13- year old daughter, the father was telling about the risk of a smallpox attack. And before he was, you know, two minutes into it, the daughter was in tears. And she said to him, "I'm only 13 years old, I don't need to know this." And she was very awkward about that.

So you've got to take your cues from your child. Yes, give them the information; but you always want to be reassuring them that we live in a country that's capable of handling the situation. We've got the resources to handle it, the resolve to handle it. And you're going to be safe.

SAVIDGE: And the important thing to know is that they watch us to see how we're handling it.

POPKIN: Absolutely, they take their cues from us. And so if we can approach it with intelligence and courage, that could be the most important thing to do for your kids.

SAVIDGE: Good advice. Thank you, Michael Popkin, appreciate it very much.

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