Return to Transcripts main page

CNN Sunday Morning

Interview With Author Martha Manning

Aired May 12, 2002 - 11:36   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JONATHAN KARL, CNN ANCHOR: Well, there will be a lot of flowers, food, and candy this Mother's Day, but what happens after the big day, respecting and loving Mom the other 364 days a year?

Author Martha Manning has a few tips in her new book called "The Common Thread." She is a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at George Mason University.

Thanks a lot for joining us.

MARTHA MANNING, AUTHOR, "THE COMMON THREAD": Thanks very much.

KARL: Before we get to your advice, help me out. Where did this Mother's Day phenomenon come from?

MANNING: Well, from what I can tell, the idea came from the woman who wrote "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," that there had long been informal ways of saying, We respect you, we love you, Mom, but this was an attempt to make it more formal, and eventually it became a holiday.

KARL: Now, you've seen Barbara Bush awhile back came out and she said that she thought this whole Mother's Day thing was a big ripoff. I mean, this is a big -- you know, the greeting card companies...

MANNING: That's what my mother says.

KARL: ... the flowers, you know, the people that grow flowers, the candy. I mean, so what is this, is this -- how important is this day, and how much is it just another commercial holiday?

MANNING: I think the feeling behind the day is very important, to respect and honor the tremendous amount that mothers do in this culture, for which they get little reward or recognition. The day itself has gotten -- if you look at Mother's Day cards and look at that as a job description of being a mother, I don't know how anyone would -- you know, You've given up everything for me, you sacrificed yourself -- you know, it's just like, why don't you just burn yourself at the stake?

KARL: These cards are not exactly dripping with sincerity.

MANNING: They're a little much, they're a little much. Or they're just tremendously insulting in trying to be funny. KARL: Yes, yes. Now, you've also talked a lot about the mother- daughter bond, for instance. Now, what -- is there something that makes that bond stronger than others, you know, the father-daughter, father-son bond?

MANNING: The mother-daughter bond is really one of the most fundamental that we have. When you are born a daughter, you are born in training to a mother in many ways, and through a daughter, a mother sees herself and sees her life anew. So there's a reflecting that goes on, and each influences each other through development.

KARL: Now, you talked about empathy as being the mortar of that mother-daughter relationship. What do you mean by that?

MANNING: Empathy is the ability and the desire to get inside the shoes of the other person, even though they'll never be a perfect fit, whether they're baby booties or Air Jordans or Birkenstocks or orthopedic shoes, is that always that attempt to recognize that you and your mother do not experience the world in the same way, but that you're going to try to get as close as you can to that experience.

And that, rather than understanding or pretending to understand, is, I think, the key, it's the stitching, it's the common thread that will hold the relationship together.

KARL: OK, so Mother's Day, for some of us, can be, a, you know, a day to kind of make up for the rest of the year. So what's your advice on kind of strengthening, you know, the bond with Mom, besides sending her one of those sappy cards?

MANNING: One of the things I found mothers really like is, their children's curiosity about who they are as people. What do they like? What do they think? What were they like at that age? Oftentimes children will go, you know, Quack, quack, quack, they're getting the same thing when I was your age. But a true curiosity about your mother is a sign of respect for her, and it's a way of getting to know her as a person, rather than as the one who takes care of you and is responsible for you.

KARL: And many of us don't take the time to find out what it was like when Mom was growing up.

MANNING: (UNINTELLIGIBLE)...

KARL: Because (UNINTELLIGIBLE) -- a little bit, but, you know, because we've been hearing it all along, right, you know, When I was growing up, we didn't act -- So you get kind of cynical or jaded on this thing.

MANNING: Right, because some of the things your mother says, she does say over and over and over. But then there are other things that she may never have thought about. There are things that happen to you as you're growing up that will trip off memories and ideas in your mother's head that may be very interesting to learn about.

KARL: Yes, and we forget that they went through the process of growing up as well.

MANNING: We don't think they did.

KARL: Yes, I know, we often -- we seem to forget that. I try to remember it. Mom, if you're watching, happy Mother's Day.

Thank you so much for joining us.

MANNING: Thank you, thank you.

KARL: Happy Mother's Day to you.

MANNING: Thanks.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com