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CNN Sunday Morning

Interview With Tony Levitas

Aired July 21, 2002 - 08:06   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
MILES O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: Let's continue our conversation that we began in the last hour with Tony Levitas, psychologist who deals with these sorts of issues.

Good to have you back with us, Dr. Levitas. We've gotten a lot of e-mails in the interim. We invite you also to phone us, if you'd like, 404-221-1855 is the number. We'll take a collect call from you -- 404-221-1855. We will attempt to get that on the screen for you, for those of you who didn't just write that down, just this moment.

Here's a -- I'll bring this one to your attention right away, it's more of a comment, but: "As a parent and grandparent, the best strategy for protecting your children has not changed. Do not ever let them out of your site, ever. It is your responsibility to protect them." And I guess my question would be, as a practical matter, as a parent, I know, I haven't looked at my children 24 by seven since they were born. There's got to be a tremendous amount of guilt associated with this particular case for the parents, or -- in this case, grandparent, who looked the other way.

What is the -- what is the appropriate thing for a parent to do?

TONY LEVITAS, PSYCHOLOGIST: Well, I think it's important for parents to have regular contact with their kids. I think it's improbable that we're going to be able to watch them 24-seven, and being a parent requires a great deal of faith. So, we have to have regular contact, know where they are, know who they're playing with, and check in with them periodically.

O'BRIEN: Here's another e-mail, which addresses some of the issues, you've talked about earlier. "My son saw coverage of the Elizabeth Smart case, and is now terrified of being left alone or to sleep in his room. We have talked about safety and how rare this actually is, but still he is afraid. He is having stomach aches, he gets very emotional, almost like anxiety attacks -- what can I do to help?"

LEVITAS: Well, if a condition like that persists, Miles, a child such as this probably is going to require some professional assistance. In the meantime, he needs continued reassurance. He needs to know that he's safe, he needs to also know that if there's any type of alarm system in the home, there's a panic button that you can push at any time, things like that. O'BRIEN: All right, how -- another e-mail for you. "How are we supposed to teach our children to be respectful of adults in these times? You don't want to teach your children to be compliant to adults, just in case the adult is not what they seem to be. This could be a stranger, or clergy, or your next door neighbor. I am at the point of teaching my children only to speak to adult in my presence. Thank you." From Barbara.

LEVITAS: Well, as we discussed some earlier, Miles, I think it's important that children are taught to be assertive, that means they speak up for themselves, they don't act as a doormat, or let other people walk all over them. They speak up if something makes them feel uncomfortable. And I think we really need to model that and teach our kids how to be assertive in today's society.

O'BRIEN: All right, but that does sort of fly in the face of all the good manners messages you send out.

LEVITAS: Well, I think you can be assertive without being disrespectful. Assertive means getting what you want without hurting someone else.

O'BRIEN: All right, here's another one. "What type of stranger safety information is appropriate to give a preschooler?"

LEVITAS: A preschooler, depending on how verbal they are, are likely going to have a lot of difficulty with stranger issues. These children at that age need to know they need to stay close to their parents.

O'BRIEN: All right, here's another one. This comes from Christy, mom of two girls, 18 months and 3 years old. "Is there anything I can teach me 3-year-old little girl, like karate, for example, for her safety?"

Do you recommend that kind of thing?

LEVITAS: I think karate is a good discipline for many children, to help teach them discipline issues, to help teach them control over their bodies. Age 3, I'm not sure there's a lot that a 3-year-old can do in self-defense. That said, I do believe that karate's a good martial art to teach children.

O'BRIEN: All right, let's get a phone call in. Paul's on the line from New Jersey. Good morning, Paul.

PAUL: Good morning. My question is really regarding when you teach a child about not going to a stranger who's reporting a lost puppy to the kid, or actually has a puppy. They've shown that even though children have been told not to go near these people, they do go.

What can a parent do to reinforce it?

LEVITAS: I think the answer is that we teach children that there are people out there that are evil, and who are -- they're going to try to trick you, again as we said, earlier, not all people that we know, most people we know are quite good and decent people. But in regard to the tricking issue, we need to teach children that they're going to try to be tricked, and that you don't accept candy from someone you don't know, you don't go see a puppy, unless you have an adult with you that you know, and who's going to be there to protect you.

O'BRIEN: Hard to resist a puppy, especially if you're a child.

All right, here's a good comment.

"I continually get frustrated when I hear the age-old warning to beware of strangers. More often than not, the abuse comes from someone the child and the parent know. We need to teach our children to be wary of strangers showing an inordinate amount of interest in them, but more importantly, we need to teach them to trust their instincts. When the child feels uncomfortable, the child needs to know to go to someone they trust. This holds true whether it is a stranger, a family member, a neighbor, or a friend of the family that is making the child feel uncomfortable." That comes from Linda. Linda, very good comment.

What are your thoughts on that one?

LEVITAS: That is a good question, Miles, and again, it's imperative that parents have open lines of communication with their children, so they can feel like they're -- they can be comfortable in coming to their parents with any issue, no matter what it is, even if it's something that might make the parents upset. Children need to know that it's OK to talk about whatever it is.

O'BRIEN: All right, here's another one for you. "Not only did I teach my son about never going near a strangers car, or falling for the lost puppy ploy, I told him to never fall for a strangers' request to come closer because I can't hear you, if they pretend to ask for directions. I do believe you need to cover as many situations as possible, and often, and hope that your child remembers."

You have to drill them?

LEVITAS: You do have to drill them. You have to know constantly where they're at, you have to prepare for situations in life, and you have to let them know if they're -- have any uncertainty or any doubt, come get an adult.

O'BRIEN: All right, psychologist Tony Levitas, thank you very much for answering those questions.

Good e-mail questions, good phone call, we appreciate your input in the program, as always -- thank you.

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