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Weekend House Call: Kids, Sports, Parental Pressures

Aired August 10, 2003 - 08:30 ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

SANJAY GUPTA, CNN MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT: Good morning and welcome to WEEKEND HOUSE CALL. Today, a look at kids, sports, and parental pressure. Listen to this. An estimated 40 million children participate in organized sports and the children are getting younger and younger. This will make your cough or your cereal, some youth baseball leagues start players at age three and a half, organized gymnastic programs accept 2-year-olds. I could barely walk when I was two, but a recent study shows that 75 percent of kids will drop out of organized sports by age 12. Why? Because it's just not fun anymore.
Carol Lin has this report.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

CAROL LIN, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): For Kayla Stark, age 10, gymnastics is a job. Four to five hours a day, five days a week. She's on the brink of becoming an Elite, the exclusive club from which Olympic team members are chosen.

MRS. STARK, KAYLA'S MOTHER: It's a roller coaster. I mean, one day she'll go into the gym and she had an excellent day. The next day it's, you know, crying.

LIN: Her parents try to keep her going by giving her incentives.

MR. STARK, KAYLA'S FATHER: What are some of the things you've gotten out of us over the years?

KAYLA STARK, YOUNG GYMNAST: A cat...

MR. STARK: A cat...

KAYLA STARK: hamsters.

MR. STARK: hamsters, bedroom furniture, sort of the bribe/encouragement method.

LIN: Like other parents of talented athletes, Kayla's parents are haunted by a question. Is this her dream or theirs?

MR. STARK: Are we really staying altruistic to her dream, to encourage here, are we doing her harm?

LIN: Doing harm or nurturing a champion. For Tiger Woods' father, it was never a question. BOB BIGELOW, AUTHOR "JUST LET THE KIDS PLAY": Obviously, Tiger Woods is a great golfer and seems to be a pretty good kid. He has ruined my life the last five years.

LIN: Bog Bigelow is fighting a losing battle against a hypercompetitive youth sports culture. A former pro basketball player and author of "Just Let the Kids Play," he says too many parents push their kids, so they can be like Tiger.

BIGELOW: When I was a child, the vast majority of my sporting activities were playgrounds and sandlots, like this place here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Who is the faster one? Let's see.

UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: I am!

BIGELOW: Now the majority of youth sports activities are organized and governed and administrated by adults.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes! Look at that!

LIN: Here in the Virginia suburbs, parents are demanding lessons for kids as young as three.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This is her second sport. Tennis is her first sport. So maybe one day, she'll be the next Venus or Serena. We're hoping.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: All the way around!

LIN: parents are hoping, and paying more than ever before.

UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: Whoops!

JOE SAPALONI, SOFTBALL DAD: These kids are paying anywhere from $500 to $1500 just to join the team and then they have to buy all the accessories. By the time you're done with the hotel fees and everything, you might have spent $5,000 on your kid by the end of the year.

LIN: Joe Sapaloni is a softball dad.

SAPALONI: It's very competitive, today. If you're sitting on the sidelines and you're watching your kids not play, it gets -- it really gets tough.

LIN: How tough? It was a typical Saturday afternoon football game.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There was about five or six guys just pummeling me.

REPORTER: An outraged fan triggered a brawl when he punched a player in the head.

REPORTER: The fight continued here next to the stands, that's when parents jumped out and got involved in the melee.

BIGELOW: The biggest problem in organized youth sports is very simple to explain -- too many adults who want to compete through children.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

GUPTA: So, almost 75 percent of kids will drop out of organized sports by the time they're 12 years old. A survey by the Youth Sports Institutes ranked the top reasons kids stopped playing sports in order of importance. Check this out:

Kids say they lost interest, weren't having fun, sports took too much time, the coach wasn't a good teacher, there was too much pressure or worry, or some kids just want to do something else, not sports related. They grow tired of it or need more time to study. Some kids felt coaches played favorites or the sport became boring. And, the last reason kids gave for quitting, there was too much emphases on winning.

I'm sure there's a lots of questions. We want to answer your questions. Call us at 1-800-807-2620 or e-mail us, HOUSECALL@CNN.com.

And, joining us to help me answer your questions, Daniel Doyle from Orlando, Florida, he's founder and director of the Institute for International Sports and he's also written a book that's coming out soon, it's called "The Encyclopedia of Sports Parenting."

Thank you very much, sir, for joining us.

DANIEL DOYLE, INSTITUTE FRO INTERNATIONAL SPORTS: Good morning, Sanjay.

GUPTA: We've go a lot of phone calls coming and lots e-mails. A lot of parents and kids watching, it sounds like. Let's start with the first e-mail, let's go straight to them. This is from Debbie in Boston.

She asks, "How as a coach, do you keep your parents from screaming at their own children, teammates, or the other team and their parents? What happened to supporting the efforts of the child and the team?

Daniel, what do you think about that?

DOYLE: Well, a good way to address it at the outset is to have a preseason meeting with the parents and in a very good and positive way, lay out some ground rules as to behavior. Bob Bigelow just made an excellent point about the game's being ruined because adults compete against adults, as opposed to allowing the kids to compete against each other. So, I would say the first step is that pre-season meeting, Sanjay.

GUPTA: All right, good advice. Let's go straight to our phone lines, now.

Kristin from Vermont. Go ahead, ma'am.

KRISTIN, NEWPORT, VERMONT: Hi, yes, my husband and I are not athletic at all. I don't even like sports and ironically, our kids are obsessed, even having gone on to full scholarships and the whole nine yards. We support them, but we don't love it. My question is -- how do you deal with the out of control parents, coach? My son took his buy lingual test to get certified to be a hockey referee 14-years- old, he was only a lineman and we had an actual mother, who is now a director of our local youth hockey association, come over to me and screamed during a game, with a baby hanging out of her arms, that he'd better watch his back because I guess he didn't do a good job. My question is, with a do the parents get out of it? How do you control them and how do you protect your kids from this? It just seems out of hand to me.

GUPTA: Really interesting, Dan. We saw some of the video earlier, too, of these brawls breaking out at games, parents targeting kids, even. What do you say about this? It's getting a little too much there?

DOYLE: Well, in one of the chapters, we address this issue of officiating and point out, Sanjay, that one of the worst things a parent can do is criticize a high school child, who is trying to officiate a youth league game. We write another chapter, in which we reference Aristotle's Golden Mean. That mean between deficiency and excess, and that's a wonderful concept for parents to look at. It's all over the web. Aristotle's Golden Mean. And, in raising a kid who plays sports we need to try to find that child's mean. When Bill Bradley was a kid in Crystal City, Missouri, he could practice for eight or nine hours in the summer and yet still have enough energy to read and have a social life. Each child has a different mean and the test for a parent is to really try to find that mean.

GUPTA: You know, another question sort of out of Kristin's question from Vermont -- parents who aren't athletic, who have athletic kids -- kids who want to participate in athletics, how do you sort of get those non-athletic parents interested or motivated to get their kids involved in athletics?

DOYLE: All of us have an obligation, as parents, to facilitate exploration, Sanjay. And that means if a parent is sports-minded and a child might have an aptitude for music, it is the responsibility of the parent to give their child an opportunity to pursue music. Conversely, the question from Vermont was a good one. If a parent doesn't necessarily like sports, that's fine. But, allow the child to explore different activities, including sport, in their youth.

GUPTA: All right. Good advice.

We got to take a break. When we come back, a look at how to be a good coach or supportive parent from the sidelines. We've also got some tips for teaching parents to be better sports.

Call us with your questions, our number -- number is 1-800-807- 2620 or e-mail your question HOUSECALL@CNN.com.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUPTA: The Little League World Series regionals are going on right now. It puts the issues of kids' sports front and center. Two teams qualified last night, Florida and Massachusetts will move on to the World Series in Williamsburg, Pennsylvania. You know, approximately 2.7 million kids, worldwide, play in the 12 and under league. And, these are kids spending hours and hours practicing and playing a very competitive sport. Some of them even play year-round and their parents can spend thousands of dollars on equipment, transportation, and lessons.

Welcome back to WEEKEND HOUSE CALL. We're talking about children's athletics and the pressures some parents put on their kids. We're joined by Daniel Doyle in Orlando. He's written a book on kids' sports and is here to help answer our questions. And, we do have a lot of them coming in.

Let's go straight to our first e-mail, again, here now, from Jay in Arizona. He brings up some good questions about kids playing serious competitive sports at a young age. He writes, "My son plays on a club basketball team for kids 11 and under. They have recently won two national titles, and are one of the most elite teams in the country. My question is -- how much is too much? We practice and play 11 months out of the year. They practice twice a week for two yours a session, and usually have games on the weekends. We also have a strength and conditioning trainer once a week for an hour. My son still enjoys the schedule and to date has not suffered any serious injuries. All of his best friends are on the team and they all look forward to being together. What are some of the signs of 'burnout'?"

I imagine, Dan, this is a question that comes up a lot. I mean, this young person playing a lot of sports, it's a huge part of his life, he obviously looks forward to it. But, when does it get to be too much?

DOYLE: Well, burnout, Sanjay, is more prevalent in the individual sports. We find that in tennis, as a case in point, kids start to get very serious as early as 6 or 7 or 8, and that's why you see very few tennis players continuing on through their 20s and 30s, among other reasons. This young man that was just addressed in the e- mail would be a candidate for burnout, just based on what I've heard. 11 months a year in basketball at 11 years old, for most kids -- not all kids, but for most kids, would be excessive and definitely heading in the direction of burnout.

GUPTA: Yeah, it does sound like a lot. We've got phone calls coming in, as well. Karna from Massachusetts, welcome to HOUSE CALL.

KARNA, HOLDEN MASS.: Hi. Thanks so much. I'm calling because on the flipside of that, a lot of children often quit too soon, it seems like, if they don't get the ball or they don't get enough play time, they want to quit. My question is -- how long should you expose a child to a sport in order to see if he or she really is interested? When do you say it's OK to quit and when do you say -- just keep on going?

GUPTA: That's a good question, right Dan? I mean, some...

DOYLE: Great question.

GUPTA: There's youth leagues and stuff like that, you're playing in middle school and high school, how do you know?

DOYLE: The first thing that you should do is sit down with the child before the season begins and agree to some goals, and one of the goals is to finish the season. Clearly, if the situation is so dire that the youngster is suffering through a season, there are instances when quitting is OK. But, for the most part, you want to attach value to completing a task, to mastering a task. And that pre-season discussion with the child, during which goals of simply completing the season and enjoying the experience, are discussed.

GUPTA: You know one thing, Dan, as well, before we go to our next e-mail, a lot of people watching probably think about Tiger Woods and think about Serena and Venus. How likely is it for a child to actually grow and get one of these things? Obviously, it's very rare to see a Tiger Woods, but there's not that many opportunities for kids to get to that point, right?

DOYLE: I'll give you a couple of statistics, Sanjay. We surveyed 4th grade boy's basketball around the country and found that there were about 386,000 fourth grade boys registered in youth basketball. That number went down to 80,000 who were still playing as seniors in high school, based on varsity play. But, the big statistic is, only 1,560 of them got full college scholarships to division I level. So, those are the odds in a sport like basketball. And, in soccer, where there are fewer college scholarships, the odds are even more daunting.

GUPTA: All right. So, that puts in perspective the real reasons children should be playing in the first place. Dale from California, we got another e-mail coming in.

"I've been asked to be an assistant coach for my son's football team. I'm concerned that I'm going to push him harder than the other kids, simply to avoid the appearance of favoritism."

That's an interesting perspective. Any suggestions of him, Dan?"

DOYLE: Well, he sounds like he's on the right track just because he's concerned about favoritism. In point of fact, Sanjay, there wouldn't be youth leagues without parent volunteers. One of the surveys that we did suggested that 96 percent of the coaches in little leagues and youth leagues are parents. And in one case we found 49 who were parent and the other was a grandparent. So, if this gentleman is coaching and he already has that concern, I would suggest to him that he's on the right path.

GUPTA: OK, phone calls coming from all over the country, now.

John from Minnesota, good morning, you're on HOUSE CALL.

JOHN, MINNESOTA: Good morning. GUPTA: Go ahead with your question, sir.

JOHN: Yes, I have a question. I have a senior football player this year, and he has a job as carpenter for the summer job, of course he has to pay for his insurance, and cars, et cetera. And, he was forced to quit his job in order to play football. They have practice throughout 9:00 in the morning and 3:00 in the morning. And the coach told him that in order for him to play football; he has to quit his job. What do I do? We're both in a catch-22 situation, here. So, he wants to work as a carpenter, but he also wants to play football.

GUPTA: That's a demanding -- it's a demanding to play athletics at a young age, isn't it, Dan? What do you tell someone like John?

DOYLE: Well, there are policies or should be policies in place at schools that should preclude that kind of a thing. A youngster should have the opportunity to make summer money and if a high school football coach is demanding that a child quit a job in order to play football, I would suggest that the parent should go to the athletic director or school principal to discuss that matter.

GUPTA: That might be pushing it a little far, eh? OK. Good advice, there.

We got to take a quick break and when we come back: Should your child play one sport or several sports? And, does it make a difference? The answer when HOUSE CALL continues.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(NEWSBREAK)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUPTA: All right, welcome back to HOUSE CALL. We're talking about children's sports and parental pressure. Here's a recap of some basic rules for parents.

Never criticize a referee or umpire, at least not in public. Let the coaches coach, sit in the stands or on the sidelines and enjoy the game and cheer on your kids. When talking to your kids after the game, do try and keep it positive. Tell them they played well and then take them out for ice cream or pizza. Don't have a play-by-play discussion. When it comes time to consider club and travel teams, be sure that you're doing it for your child, not your own ego. And, remember your child is learning the values of teamwork, sportsmanship, responsibility, and effort. And, that's way more important than who won or lost the game.

We're joined by Daniel Doyle, out of New York. He is a -- he's from the International Sports Foundation.

Thank you very much, sir. We got some e-mail questions coming in, our first one from Tracy in Seattle. She asks, "I know it is healthy for body and spirit for young girls to play sport. How do you encourage, without being too pushy, your child to join a sport?" -- Daniel.

DOYLE: The most important sports initiative of the last century was Title IX, Sanjay, and all of us who have daughters are grateful for that. I think that in most cases when a child is in that 5, 6, and 7-year-old range, your job is to facilitate exploration of sports and, indeed, other extracurricular activities. You don't push the child into any particular sport, but you open the door so that the child can see what the sport is like.

GUPTA: All right. And, I'll correct that, Daniel is actually in Orlando. Get that straight.

I got a lot of phone calls coming in, as well. Michael from Georgia, you're on HOUSE CALL, welcome.

MICHAEL, GEORGIA: Thank you, very much. I have a question. I coach 9 and 10-year-old baseball all the time and my single biggest problem is -- how do you tell a kid he's not a superstar or an all- star when his parents think he is?

GUPTA: That's a -- Dan, this is an important point, right? Because you got to have parents who just think their kid is going to be the next Jordan, the next Woods, the next, Williams. How does a coach get into that discussion?

DOYLE: A coach should, first of all, begin, particularly at the youth league level, with setting objective that include learning the game and enjoying the game. And, as part of that, Sanjay, it's important for a coach to let the kids know that they will derive benefits from the sports experience in ways that go beyond winning and go beyond statistics.

We've done fascinating surveys, one of which was five -- was with 500 of the most successful people in this country. 86 percent of them has played sport, yet only seven had been college captains, only 29 had been high school captains, but they talked about leadership, teamwork, resiliency, learning how to deal with disappointment. So, that good youth league coach is going to focus on those kinds of things, as well as on proficiency.

GUPTA: And, those qualities can certainly make any child a superstar.

Phone calls coming in now, Faye from Illinois.

Good morning Faye, you're on HOUSE CALL.

FAYE, ATHENS, ILLINOIS: Good morning. We have a coach that's a second year softball coach and my daughter's 12. The coach has not used the word fun anywhere in her vocabulary. She wants to build a winning team and, therefore, she's working the girls really hard, some of whom wanted to quit, but their parent won't let them once they start. What do I do about a coach where the town actually supports the team, but the coach is so intent on winning that she pushes the kids away. GUPTA: Now, Dan, you already talked about this a little bit with regards to the preseason discussions. What would you say to someone like Faye?

DOYLE: Well, one of the -- one of the important issues that parents face is -- at what point do I step in with the coach? Generally my advice is you stay out of it unless it is a matter related to ethics and sportsmanship. If a coach is doing things that you would not want your child to be doing, I think it's important for you to step in. But, if it relates to strategy or playing time, remember now, most of these seasons are pretty short. Better for you to be the guiding light for your child and help the child get through the experience, learn from it, become stronger from it.

GUPTA: All right. Daniel Doyle, we're going to come back in just a couple of moments with him and me. We're going to have final thoughts in just a moment. Please stay with us.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUPTA: All right, if you'd like to know more about the competitive world of kid's sports, logon to CNN.com/presents. We've been joined this morning by Daniel Doyle from the, I got to get this straight -- Institute for International Sports, he's down in Orlando. He's been helping us wade through some of these complex issues. A final thought, sir?

DOYLE: I think my final thought is that if the research we've done proves anything, it's that one of the great values of sports, Sanjay, is that one can learn as much from losing as from winning. And, from a parent perspective, allow that child to deal with the disappointment that can come from losing, as well as the great lessons that can come from winning, like diligence and team work and the like. Sport can be a wonderful educational vehicle, as long as dad and mom keep it in perspective.

GUPTA: Very good advice, and thank you so much for joining us early this morning.

DOYLE: My pleasure.

GUPTA: A lot of those qualities that Mr. Doyle is mentioning, certainly the qualities that really make all kids a superstar. The qualities of responsibility, diligence, leadership, teamwork that can all be in all those kids who do play sports, even if they don't become the next Woods, Williams, or Jordan.

That's all the time we have for today. For more on the competitive world of children's sports, you're going to want to watch this -- it's our documentary, CNN Presents, tonight, "Whatever it Takes: Pursuing the Perfect 10." It airs at 8:00 p.m. Eastern and 5:00 p.m. Pacific.

And, pleases join us next weekend for another edition of HOUSE CALL. We'll talk about back-to-school health tips for your kids. Very timely. That's next Saturday, 8:30 a.m., 5:30 pacific. Thanks for watching. I'm Dr. Sanjay Gupta. "CNN SUNDAY" continues now.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com

Aired August 10, 2003 - 08:30 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
SANJAY GUPTA, CNN MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT: Good morning and welcome to WEEKEND HOUSE CALL. Today, a look at kids, sports, and parental pressure. Listen to this. An estimated 40 million children participate in organized sports and the children are getting younger and younger. This will make your cough or your cereal, some youth baseball leagues start players at age three and a half, organized gymnastic programs accept 2-year-olds. I could barely walk when I was two, but a recent study shows that 75 percent of kids will drop out of organized sports by age 12. Why? Because it's just not fun anymore.
Carol Lin has this report.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

CAROL LIN, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): For Kayla Stark, age 10, gymnastics is a job. Four to five hours a day, five days a week. She's on the brink of becoming an Elite, the exclusive club from which Olympic team members are chosen.

MRS. STARK, KAYLA'S MOTHER: It's a roller coaster. I mean, one day she'll go into the gym and she had an excellent day. The next day it's, you know, crying.

LIN: Her parents try to keep her going by giving her incentives.

MR. STARK, KAYLA'S FATHER: What are some of the things you've gotten out of us over the years?

KAYLA STARK, YOUNG GYMNAST: A cat...

MR. STARK: A cat...

KAYLA STARK: hamsters.

MR. STARK: hamsters, bedroom furniture, sort of the bribe/encouragement method.

LIN: Like other parents of talented athletes, Kayla's parents are haunted by a question. Is this her dream or theirs?

MR. STARK: Are we really staying altruistic to her dream, to encourage here, are we doing her harm?

LIN: Doing harm or nurturing a champion. For Tiger Woods' father, it was never a question. BOB BIGELOW, AUTHOR "JUST LET THE KIDS PLAY": Obviously, Tiger Woods is a great golfer and seems to be a pretty good kid. He has ruined my life the last five years.

LIN: Bog Bigelow is fighting a losing battle against a hypercompetitive youth sports culture. A former pro basketball player and author of "Just Let the Kids Play," he says too many parents push their kids, so they can be like Tiger.

BIGELOW: When I was a child, the vast majority of my sporting activities were playgrounds and sandlots, like this place here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Who is the faster one? Let's see.

UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: I am!

BIGELOW: Now the majority of youth sports activities are organized and governed and administrated by adults.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes! Look at that!

LIN: Here in the Virginia suburbs, parents are demanding lessons for kids as young as three.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This is her second sport. Tennis is her first sport. So maybe one day, she'll be the next Venus or Serena. We're hoping.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: All the way around!

LIN: parents are hoping, and paying more than ever before.

UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: Whoops!

JOE SAPALONI, SOFTBALL DAD: These kids are paying anywhere from $500 to $1500 just to join the team and then they have to buy all the accessories. By the time you're done with the hotel fees and everything, you might have spent $5,000 on your kid by the end of the year.

LIN: Joe Sapaloni is a softball dad.

SAPALONI: It's very competitive, today. If you're sitting on the sidelines and you're watching your kids not play, it gets -- it really gets tough.

LIN: How tough? It was a typical Saturday afternoon football game.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There was about five or six guys just pummeling me.

REPORTER: An outraged fan triggered a brawl when he punched a player in the head.

REPORTER: The fight continued here next to the stands, that's when parents jumped out and got involved in the melee.

BIGELOW: The biggest problem in organized youth sports is very simple to explain -- too many adults who want to compete through children.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

GUPTA: So, almost 75 percent of kids will drop out of organized sports by the time they're 12 years old. A survey by the Youth Sports Institutes ranked the top reasons kids stopped playing sports in order of importance. Check this out:

Kids say they lost interest, weren't having fun, sports took too much time, the coach wasn't a good teacher, there was too much pressure or worry, or some kids just want to do something else, not sports related. They grow tired of it or need more time to study. Some kids felt coaches played favorites or the sport became boring. And, the last reason kids gave for quitting, there was too much emphases on winning.

I'm sure there's a lots of questions. We want to answer your questions. Call us at 1-800-807-2620 or e-mail us, HOUSECALL@CNN.com.

And, joining us to help me answer your questions, Daniel Doyle from Orlando, Florida, he's founder and director of the Institute for International Sports and he's also written a book that's coming out soon, it's called "The Encyclopedia of Sports Parenting."

Thank you very much, sir, for joining us.

DANIEL DOYLE, INSTITUTE FRO INTERNATIONAL SPORTS: Good morning, Sanjay.

GUPTA: We've go a lot of phone calls coming and lots e-mails. A lot of parents and kids watching, it sounds like. Let's start with the first e-mail, let's go straight to them. This is from Debbie in Boston.

She asks, "How as a coach, do you keep your parents from screaming at their own children, teammates, or the other team and their parents? What happened to supporting the efforts of the child and the team?

Daniel, what do you think about that?

DOYLE: Well, a good way to address it at the outset is to have a preseason meeting with the parents and in a very good and positive way, lay out some ground rules as to behavior. Bob Bigelow just made an excellent point about the game's being ruined because adults compete against adults, as opposed to allowing the kids to compete against each other. So, I would say the first step is that pre-season meeting, Sanjay.

GUPTA: All right, good advice. Let's go straight to our phone lines, now.

Kristin from Vermont. Go ahead, ma'am.

KRISTIN, NEWPORT, VERMONT: Hi, yes, my husband and I are not athletic at all. I don't even like sports and ironically, our kids are obsessed, even having gone on to full scholarships and the whole nine yards. We support them, but we don't love it. My question is -- how do you deal with the out of control parents, coach? My son took his buy lingual test to get certified to be a hockey referee 14-years- old, he was only a lineman and we had an actual mother, who is now a director of our local youth hockey association, come over to me and screamed during a game, with a baby hanging out of her arms, that he'd better watch his back because I guess he didn't do a good job. My question is, with a do the parents get out of it? How do you control them and how do you protect your kids from this? It just seems out of hand to me.

GUPTA: Really interesting, Dan. We saw some of the video earlier, too, of these brawls breaking out at games, parents targeting kids, even. What do you say about this? It's getting a little too much there?

DOYLE: Well, in one of the chapters, we address this issue of officiating and point out, Sanjay, that one of the worst things a parent can do is criticize a high school child, who is trying to officiate a youth league game. We write another chapter, in which we reference Aristotle's Golden Mean. That mean between deficiency and excess, and that's a wonderful concept for parents to look at. It's all over the web. Aristotle's Golden Mean. And, in raising a kid who plays sports we need to try to find that child's mean. When Bill Bradley was a kid in Crystal City, Missouri, he could practice for eight or nine hours in the summer and yet still have enough energy to read and have a social life. Each child has a different mean and the test for a parent is to really try to find that mean.

GUPTA: You know, another question sort of out of Kristin's question from Vermont -- parents who aren't athletic, who have athletic kids -- kids who want to participate in athletics, how do you sort of get those non-athletic parents interested or motivated to get their kids involved in athletics?

DOYLE: All of us have an obligation, as parents, to facilitate exploration, Sanjay. And that means if a parent is sports-minded and a child might have an aptitude for music, it is the responsibility of the parent to give their child an opportunity to pursue music. Conversely, the question from Vermont was a good one. If a parent doesn't necessarily like sports, that's fine. But, allow the child to explore different activities, including sport, in their youth.

GUPTA: All right. Good advice.

We got to take a break. When we come back, a look at how to be a good coach or supportive parent from the sidelines. We've also got some tips for teaching parents to be better sports.

Call us with your questions, our number -- number is 1-800-807- 2620 or e-mail your question HOUSECALL@CNN.com.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUPTA: The Little League World Series regionals are going on right now. It puts the issues of kids' sports front and center. Two teams qualified last night, Florida and Massachusetts will move on to the World Series in Williamsburg, Pennsylvania. You know, approximately 2.7 million kids, worldwide, play in the 12 and under league. And, these are kids spending hours and hours practicing and playing a very competitive sport. Some of them even play year-round and their parents can spend thousands of dollars on equipment, transportation, and lessons.

Welcome back to WEEKEND HOUSE CALL. We're talking about children's athletics and the pressures some parents put on their kids. We're joined by Daniel Doyle in Orlando. He's written a book on kids' sports and is here to help answer our questions. And, we do have a lot of them coming in.

Let's go straight to our first e-mail, again, here now, from Jay in Arizona. He brings up some good questions about kids playing serious competitive sports at a young age. He writes, "My son plays on a club basketball team for kids 11 and under. They have recently won two national titles, and are one of the most elite teams in the country. My question is -- how much is too much? We practice and play 11 months out of the year. They practice twice a week for two yours a session, and usually have games on the weekends. We also have a strength and conditioning trainer once a week for an hour. My son still enjoys the schedule and to date has not suffered any serious injuries. All of his best friends are on the team and they all look forward to being together. What are some of the signs of 'burnout'?"

I imagine, Dan, this is a question that comes up a lot. I mean, this young person playing a lot of sports, it's a huge part of his life, he obviously looks forward to it. But, when does it get to be too much?

DOYLE: Well, burnout, Sanjay, is more prevalent in the individual sports. We find that in tennis, as a case in point, kids start to get very serious as early as 6 or 7 or 8, and that's why you see very few tennis players continuing on through their 20s and 30s, among other reasons. This young man that was just addressed in the e- mail would be a candidate for burnout, just based on what I've heard. 11 months a year in basketball at 11 years old, for most kids -- not all kids, but for most kids, would be excessive and definitely heading in the direction of burnout.

GUPTA: Yeah, it does sound like a lot. We've got phone calls coming in, as well. Karna from Massachusetts, welcome to HOUSE CALL.

KARNA, HOLDEN MASS.: Hi. Thanks so much. I'm calling because on the flipside of that, a lot of children often quit too soon, it seems like, if they don't get the ball or they don't get enough play time, they want to quit. My question is -- how long should you expose a child to a sport in order to see if he or she really is interested? When do you say it's OK to quit and when do you say -- just keep on going?

GUPTA: That's a good question, right Dan? I mean, some...

DOYLE: Great question.

GUPTA: There's youth leagues and stuff like that, you're playing in middle school and high school, how do you know?

DOYLE: The first thing that you should do is sit down with the child before the season begins and agree to some goals, and one of the goals is to finish the season. Clearly, if the situation is so dire that the youngster is suffering through a season, there are instances when quitting is OK. But, for the most part, you want to attach value to completing a task, to mastering a task. And that pre-season discussion with the child, during which goals of simply completing the season and enjoying the experience, are discussed.

GUPTA: You know one thing, Dan, as well, before we go to our next e-mail, a lot of people watching probably think about Tiger Woods and think about Serena and Venus. How likely is it for a child to actually grow and get one of these things? Obviously, it's very rare to see a Tiger Woods, but there's not that many opportunities for kids to get to that point, right?

DOYLE: I'll give you a couple of statistics, Sanjay. We surveyed 4th grade boy's basketball around the country and found that there were about 386,000 fourth grade boys registered in youth basketball. That number went down to 80,000 who were still playing as seniors in high school, based on varsity play. But, the big statistic is, only 1,560 of them got full college scholarships to division I level. So, those are the odds in a sport like basketball. And, in soccer, where there are fewer college scholarships, the odds are even more daunting.

GUPTA: All right. So, that puts in perspective the real reasons children should be playing in the first place. Dale from California, we got another e-mail coming in.

"I've been asked to be an assistant coach for my son's football team. I'm concerned that I'm going to push him harder than the other kids, simply to avoid the appearance of favoritism."

That's an interesting perspective. Any suggestions of him, Dan?"

DOYLE: Well, he sounds like he's on the right track just because he's concerned about favoritism. In point of fact, Sanjay, there wouldn't be youth leagues without parent volunteers. One of the surveys that we did suggested that 96 percent of the coaches in little leagues and youth leagues are parents. And in one case we found 49 who were parent and the other was a grandparent. So, if this gentleman is coaching and he already has that concern, I would suggest to him that he's on the right path.

GUPTA: OK, phone calls coming from all over the country, now.

John from Minnesota, good morning, you're on HOUSE CALL.

JOHN, MINNESOTA: Good morning. GUPTA: Go ahead with your question, sir.

JOHN: Yes, I have a question. I have a senior football player this year, and he has a job as carpenter for the summer job, of course he has to pay for his insurance, and cars, et cetera. And, he was forced to quit his job in order to play football. They have practice throughout 9:00 in the morning and 3:00 in the morning. And the coach told him that in order for him to play football; he has to quit his job. What do I do? We're both in a catch-22 situation, here. So, he wants to work as a carpenter, but he also wants to play football.

GUPTA: That's a demanding -- it's a demanding to play athletics at a young age, isn't it, Dan? What do you tell someone like John?

DOYLE: Well, there are policies or should be policies in place at schools that should preclude that kind of a thing. A youngster should have the opportunity to make summer money and if a high school football coach is demanding that a child quit a job in order to play football, I would suggest that the parent should go to the athletic director or school principal to discuss that matter.

GUPTA: That might be pushing it a little far, eh? OK. Good advice, there.

We got to take a quick break and when we come back: Should your child play one sport or several sports? And, does it make a difference? The answer when HOUSE CALL continues.

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GUPTA: All right, welcome back to HOUSE CALL. We're talking about children's sports and parental pressure. Here's a recap of some basic rules for parents.

Never criticize a referee or umpire, at least not in public. Let the coaches coach, sit in the stands or on the sidelines and enjoy the game and cheer on your kids. When talking to your kids after the game, do try and keep it positive. Tell them they played well and then take them out for ice cream or pizza. Don't have a play-by-play discussion. When it comes time to consider club and travel teams, be sure that you're doing it for your child, not your own ego. And, remember your child is learning the values of teamwork, sportsmanship, responsibility, and effort. And, that's way more important than who won or lost the game.

We're joined by Daniel Doyle, out of New York. He is a -- he's from the International Sports Foundation.

Thank you very much, sir. We got some e-mail questions coming in, our first one from Tracy in Seattle. She asks, "I know it is healthy for body and spirit for young girls to play sport. How do you encourage, without being too pushy, your child to join a sport?" -- Daniel.

DOYLE: The most important sports initiative of the last century was Title IX, Sanjay, and all of us who have daughters are grateful for that. I think that in most cases when a child is in that 5, 6, and 7-year-old range, your job is to facilitate exploration of sports and, indeed, other extracurricular activities. You don't push the child into any particular sport, but you open the door so that the child can see what the sport is like.

GUPTA: All right. And, I'll correct that, Daniel is actually in Orlando. Get that straight.

I got a lot of phone calls coming in, as well. Michael from Georgia, you're on HOUSE CALL, welcome.

MICHAEL, GEORGIA: Thank you, very much. I have a question. I coach 9 and 10-year-old baseball all the time and my single biggest problem is -- how do you tell a kid he's not a superstar or an all- star when his parents think he is?

GUPTA: That's a -- Dan, this is an important point, right? Because you got to have parents who just think their kid is going to be the next Jordan, the next Woods, the next, Williams. How does a coach get into that discussion?

DOYLE: A coach should, first of all, begin, particularly at the youth league level, with setting objective that include learning the game and enjoying the game. And, as part of that, Sanjay, it's important for a coach to let the kids know that they will derive benefits from the sports experience in ways that go beyond winning and go beyond statistics.

We've done fascinating surveys, one of which was five -- was with 500 of the most successful people in this country. 86 percent of them has played sport, yet only seven had been college captains, only 29 had been high school captains, but they talked about leadership, teamwork, resiliency, learning how to deal with disappointment. So, that good youth league coach is going to focus on those kinds of things, as well as on proficiency.

GUPTA: And, those qualities can certainly make any child a superstar.

Phone calls coming in now, Faye from Illinois.

Good morning Faye, you're on HOUSE CALL.

FAYE, ATHENS, ILLINOIS: Good morning. We have a coach that's a second year softball coach and my daughter's 12. The coach has not used the word fun anywhere in her vocabulary. She wants to build a winning team and, therefore, she's working the girls really hard, some of whom wanted to quit, but their parent won't let them once they start. What do I do about a coach where the town actually supports the team, but the coach is so intent on winning that she pushes the kids away. GUPTA: Now, Dan, you already talked about this a little bit with regards to the preseason discussions. What would you say to someone like Faye?

DOYLE: Well, one of the -- one of the important issues that parents face is -- at what point do I step in with the coach? Generally my advice is you stay out of it unless it is a matter related to ethics and sportsmanship. If a coach is doing things that you would not want your child to be doing, I think it's important for you to step in. But, if it relates to strategy or playing time, remember now, most of these seasons are pretty short. Better for you to be the guiding light for your child and help the child get through the experience, learn from it, become stronger from it.

GUPTA: All right. Daniel Doyle, we're going to come back in just a couple of moments with him and me. We're going to have final thoughts in just a moment. Please stay with us.

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GUPTA: All right, if you'd like to know more about the competitive world of kid's sports, logon to CNN.com/presents. We've been joined this morning by Daniel Doyle from the, I got to get this straight -- Institute for International Sports, he's down in Orlando. He's been helping us wade through some of these complex issues. A final thought, sir?

DOYLE: I think my final thought is that if the research we've done proves anything, it's that one of the great values of sports, Sanjay, is that one can learn as much from losing as from winning. And, from a parent perspective, allow that child to deal with the disappointment that can come from losing, as well as the great lessons that can come from winning, like diligence and team work and the like. Sport can be a wonderful educational vehicle, as long as dad and mom keep it in perspective.

GUPTA: Very good advice, and thank you so much for joining us early this morning.

DOYLE: My pleasure.

GUPTA: A lot of those qualities that Mr. Doyle is mentioning, certainly the qualities that really make all kids a superstar. The qualities of responsibility, diligence, leadership, teamwork that can all be in all those kids who do play sports, even if they don't become the next Woods, Williams, or Jordan.

That's all the time we have for today. For more on the competitive world of children's sports, you're going to want to watch this -- it's our documentary, CNN Presents, tonight, "Whatever it Takes: Pursuing the Perfect 10." It airs at 8:00 p.m. Eastern and 5:00 p.m. Pacific.

And, pleases join us next weekend for another edition of HOUSE CALL. We'll talk about back-to-school health tips for your kids. Very timely. That's next Saturday, 8:30 a.m., 5:30 pacific. Thanks for watching. I'm Dr. Sanjay Gupta. "CNN SUNDAY" continues now.

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