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CNN Saturday Morning News
Interview With Judy Kuriansky, Iris Krasnow
Aired July 27, 2002 - 07:38 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (UNINTELLIGIBLE) the first step. And if you can, if you can stand your partner, I think it's better to live together before you get married.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There's no magic that when you get married if you're living together before you get married. What'd be the magic of getting married?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CATHERINE CALLAWAY, CNN ANCHOR: The magic, the magic.
THOMAS ROBERTS, CNN ANCHOR: That's a good question. Well, more and more couples are sharing a house key before exchanging those vows but a new report now shows that those who live together before marriage are less likely to live happily ever after.
CALLAWAY: And joining us now to talk about this from New York, relationships expect Judy Kuriansky. Make sure I say your name right, Dr. G. And, from Washington, the author of Surrendering to Marriage, Iris Krasnow. Thank you both for being with us and Dr. Judy, I don't think I've ever had to say your last name. We all know you as Dr. Judy.
Thank you both for getting up early with us to talk -- and talking about hits. You a little surprised by this survey that was done? I think we had some of the numbers out of it, I think it says that 43 percent of marriages break up within 15 years. This would be -- is that the right one?
ROBERTS: That's the right one.
CALLAWAY: Yeah, that's the right one. Not a good idea to be living together, before you get married. But, you know -- Thomas made a good point before the newscast, he was saying, well, that means that 60 percent make it.
ROBERTS: Exactly.
CALLAWAY: I love that point. I love that point.
IRIS KRASNOW, AUTHOR, SURRENDERING TO MARRIAGE: I wasn't surprised, at all. Really.
CALLAWAY: Really, why weren't you?
KRASNOW: Well, I wasn't surprised because of the man who talked about magic. There's a wonderful, sexy discovery of each other that comes when you're courting and falling in love. And that euphoric can't eat, can't sleep bliss is short-lived, and you may as well go for it and get married. And, really have some mystery and magic.
You figure you're going to get sick of each other while you're living together and you are going to get familiar with each other while you're married. You may as well have that tedium set in within the framework of the marriage. I think living together if you want family -- living together if your goal is to have children and marriage is not a good idea.
KRASNOW: You know, Judy...
(CROSSTALK)
JUDY KURIANSKY, RELATIONSHIP EXPERT: I think it's really sad to be saying that the tedium is bound to set in after marriage. That's something that obviously all of that says that -- marriage counselors and couples counselors want to help people prevent by giving them tips on how to keep it alive.
What Thomas said before is very, very important. When you flip those statistics around, the fact that six out of ten couples stay together, even if they've lived together, is a very good amount. It's more than the statistics that half of couples break up that we've been hearing over and over again. The most important point here is that after 30 years of being a psychologist I know people change when they get married. Sometimes. So, you need to know what the person's life style is like.
KRASNOW: I think that you can find out a lifestyle by careful dating. You can come to know somebody profoundly while you're dating and courting. And, I am not a psychologist, I'm a journalist who has hundreds of people nosy and embarrassing questions for my book, Surrendering To Marriage, and I can tell you all of them said at some point tedium does set in, and doesn't mean you have to leave a marriage, it means you have to surrender and make it better and change and yes, Judy. And enhance your view. But the truth of it is when you're not married, and tedium sets in, you can bolt. You bolt easier.
CALLAWAY: Iris, I hate to interrupt, but you know -- lets move beyond the does it become tedious or not. Because, you know, certainly in any relationship after a while, the -- it's not quite as exciting as it was maybe in the first few weeks.
KRASNOW: Yes, that's true and what you need to do is constantly to treat each other...
(CROSSTALK) CALLAWAY: I'm sorry ladies, I have to interrupt. We're going to take you now to the Governor of Pennsylvania who's going to give us an update on this rescue of the coal miners out there.
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