Return to Transcripts main page

CNN Saturday Morning News

"Weekend House Call"

Aired November 29, 2003 - 08:30   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


DR. SANJAY GUPTA, CNN ANCHOR, WEEKEND HOUSE CALL: Good morning and welcome to WEEKEND HOUSE CALL.
If you're thankful Thanksgiving is behind us, you may not want to be reminded that Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Years -- have we left any out? -- all those still lie ahead. It's supposed to be a season of peace and good will, joy to the world, if you will. So why do so many of us spend it run down, fed up, even sick?

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

GUPTA (voice over): Shopping, traveling, cooking, entertaining, so much to do in so little time and these are just a few things on a typical holiday to do list. Who called it the most wonderful time of the year?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I like to get things taken care of.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: At the last minute it gets very stressful.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I usually start a week before but I've learned my lesson.

GUPTA: For many, it is the most stressful time of the year. But you can minimize the level of stress by planning ahead and now is not too late.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Plan what you're going to do, in all respects, so that you don't get overwhelmed.

GUPTA: Dr. Leslie Brenner (ph), a psychologist in Atlanta, sees many patients who get overanxious about the holidays. Her advice?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Rather than just going with the flow, rather than giving control to everybody else to say you need to be here at this time, you need to be here at this time. Have them make a plan as to what they want to do, what is feasible for them to do.

GUPTA: Brenner suggests setting a limit for yourself, starting from the spending budget. While it might be tempting to buy gifts you can't afford, keep in mind you may be paying for them well in the next year. And don't underestimate the value of homemade gifts, they are unique and personal and won't empty your wallet.

If time is your main concern, head online. Is your entire gift purchase can be just a click away. Preparing holiday meals can be just as simple. Many restaurants and supermarkets now sell tasty heat and serve meals at a fixed price. It may cost a bit more than cooking at home, but could save your sanity.

For those who choose to serve home cooked meals, make it a joint effort and included your guests. Cooking gets a lot more fun when you have company.

Then there's the calories. Studies show the average American gains a little more than a pound each holiday season. Which may not seem like a lot, but the same studies show we never lose it. Self- control is the best weapon against overindulgence.

BRENNER: Nobody can stick on a diet, especially during the holidays. And so I suggest if people are going to a holiday event, a party or something, that they eat their regular meal before they go. And think about what they're going to allow themselves to have before they go.

GUPTA: After all, holidays are never going to be perfect. Keep expectations realistic and your chances might be better for a stress- free holiday season.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

GUPTA: Ask most people whether holiday gift giving is getting out of hand and they're going to answer yes. One poll shows 77 percent of us would like to have a simpler holiday and over half of us definitely plan to cut back on our spending.

Economists tell us holiday spend something likely to actually rise this year by more than 6 percent, which means the average shopper will be spending almost $700 on gifts. Our guest can't speak to the economics but knows a thing or two about people, more than a thing or two, he's Dr. Alvin Poussaint, renowned psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School.

Thanks very much for joining us, sir.

DR. ALVIN POUSSAINT, PROF. OF PSYCHIATRY, HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL: Thank you.

GUPTA: Doctor, we did some shopping on our own for stressed out Santa's helpers and guess what, not surprisingly they're everywhere.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think shopping's fun for the first two days and then it's overload.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: So, Doctor, what if our shopping list is, "longer than our patience"?

POUSSAINT: Well, I think first planning is very, very important. You have to be organized and ready to take a break. If there's overload after two days, and you have time, take a day off. Don't go shopping or make your shopping days a bit shorter. Or have a special treat for yourself during those shopping days, where you have a chance to pull back a little bit and to relax.

The other thing is we shouldn't procrastinate. And as you know, a big problem around Christmas shop something procrastination, where it is put off to the very last minute. And then they don't actually have time left to shop. There has to be planning, step wise and in an organized way so that you do allow time to yourself and allow time to week relax, and get away from some of the pressure.

GUPTA: Guilty as charged. I'm the guy who does all of his shopping the day before. Probably not a good idea. Take a listen to another stressed out holiday shopper.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: They can be very stressful, especially when you have family out of state, and have to mail all your presents to California. That can be stressful. You have to shop early.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: You mentioned getting started early. Any advice for those already feeling the time crunch, now, already?

POUSSAINT: The feeling that the time crunch, planning early I think is very important. Knowing that you're going to have additional kinds of hassles if you have to mail presents, that's an extra pressure and stress. You have to go to the Post Office or some mailboxes somewhere. You have to wrap that present. That's a whole lot of work and activity. You have to plan it and you have to do it on time, and make sure that you're not overdoing it when you're shipping presents.

So do as little of it as possible to the people who are the main folks in your life, who need gifts. Others may be able to do with a Christmas card or perhaps receive their Christmas presents a bit later after the holidays, when there's not such a big crunch.

GUPTA: And that's good advice. We're talking to Dr. Alvin Poussaint.

Let's take an e-mail, as well, Mark from Massachusetts asks, "What's the best way to deal with stress during final exam period?"

Doctor, students out there feeling the crunch as well, maybe even multiple-fold being they have to take exams and have to do their shopping and get to see the family. What do you tell students?

POUSSAINT: That's true. Some schools you get your finals after the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Other schools give the finals before the holidays and I'm sure those students are very happy about that.

I think students have to plan their time, what is going to be free time with friends and relatives and then they have to set aside time to try to study and try to study very efficiently. And, again, not to put it off until the last minute right before they're supposed to return to school. That's going to make them much more anxious and much more anxious during the entire holiday season.

They shouldn't study constantly. Even when they study they should take a break, like when they study for an hour intensely, take a 10- minute break, and do something else. Relax, watch a TV show, if that's what relaxes you, deep breathe, meditation, whatever. But not to just go at it so hard that in fact, you get more anxious from studying than you really should be. And doing it but steadily is I think one of the ways of controlling some of the anxiety that might mount during the holiday season.

GUPTA: Advice that I can certainly relate to, advice for everybody out there.

Coming up, forget the malls. When it comes to frayed nerves, short fuses, and great expectations, there's no place like home for the holidays. When WEEKEND HOUSE CALL continues, we'll help you keep it together during those annual family get togethers. Stay with us on WEEKEND HOUSE CALL.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You don't want to get together with your family, you know? But like it's holiday time and that sort of means like you're obligated to get together with your family time, and that creates a lot of challenges.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: Welcome back. Like most everything else in life, seasonal aggravations are relative and in many cases, relatives are where the real stress begins. Even family members we really like can say the wrong thing at the dinner table or fail to look properly thrilled when opening gifts. And so, of course, can we.

The American Psychological Association has some simple tips for coping. Among them: Be realistic, holidays don't solve family problems. Set limits, both on money and on time. And share the load. Don't buy every gift or cook every treat yourself.

Dr. Alvin Poussaint is here, helping us talk about families and holiday stress. He's a professor of psychiatry, a well-known one at Harvard Medical School.

Doctor, family issues seem to multiply actually when there's more than one family involved. And speaking to that, let's get to an e-mail from Heather, in Michigan, who writes, "How can my boyfriend and I avoid the bitter feelings that come up over how much time to spend at each other's house?"

POUSSAINT: Clearly in that situation, apparently there seems to be some type of competition going on about who gets what and how much do they get. I think that shouldn't happen. The relationships with their families shouldn't be competitive. I think they have to decide, that is a boyfriend and girlfriend, talk about it and see what's reasonable.

I think then deal with the families in that way. Not allow the families to bulldoze them into spending more time with one than the other. But perhaps other things are going on in the relationship that we don't know anything about. Perhaps there's strife because there's some type of anger or disagreement among the boyfriend and girlfriend in a particular family.

Those things would have to be worked out differently and talked about to get to the bottom of why there may be so much stress and strain in that particular situation. Sharing is a way to go.

GUPTA: And good advice. Not all the problems are going to be solved at the holidays.

POUSSAINT: Right.

GUPTA: Take a listen to this question follow-up question from Atlanta.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How do you deal with the stress of grandparents coming in wanting to give their thoughts on kids and how the school year is going?

GUPTA: And that happens quite a bit during the holidays. What about well meaning meddling, if you will?

POUSSAINT: That happens very frequently because I think grandparents want to be helpful. They feel that they have the experience that the child doesn't have and they have special things to contribute. I think in those situations, the mother and father can do a number of things.

They can, in fact, if the parents really -- grandparents are really meddling say I would appreciate, I know you want to give advice and it's well-meaning, but I appreciate if you didn't do it because sometimes it can feel annoying. I think you can say that outright and even if there's a bit offended they will get the message and that will save you a lot of stress.

The other thing you can do is you can be rather pro-active and actually have the grandparents do things with the kids, have special activities set aside where they're with the kids, taking them to the park, taking them to the mall, perhaps taking them to a movie so are you asking them to share in the responsibilities of taking care of the children, rather than their just giving advice about what you should do and so on.

I think sometimes that type of meddling may also indicate a problem going on between the grandparent and the daughter or the son. And that's another kind of issue where they're using the kids as a way of getting at each other in some way. So I think that type of thing should be toned down. I think sometimes you even have to talk to the children and say listen, grandma and grandpa think of it this way, but in our family we have different types of rules and routines that we stick by. And that's the best thing for us, but other people have other opinions, and that's OK.

GUPTA: And doctor, let's hone that down, those other opinions. For many families the holidays highlight differences in beliefs and traditions, for example. What's the best way to handle those situations when the differences do manifest themselves?

POUSSAINT: Well, it depends on what kind of differences. You know, Christmas dominates so much in American culture that it overwhelms all of the other religious practices in the country. So for instance, if you're Jewish, Jewish children may feel enormous pressure around Christmas time if they feel left out. And Jewish families have different ways of dealing with this.

Some of them may use, in fact, may use Hanukkah, like a mini Christmas and exchange presents. Others won't do that at all. And in fact, discourage that type of thing. And then others will allow their children to exchange presents at Christmas time and there are some who even have a Christmas tree.

I think this is probably going on with all religions in America, because you know, Christmas is everywhere with the music, the decorations, the shopping. You just can't ignore it, and I think each family, no matter what their religion beliefs, have to decide how much they want to participate in the Christmas rituals.

They can and a lot of them that are secular and not necessarily religious from Christmas trees to presents to ornaments, that type of thing to music and song, and get something from Christmas without feeling that they're compromising their own religious beliefs.

And to support the children, say Jewish children, and make sure they don't feel left out and explain, you know, what Christmas is about. But it's very dominant here in our country. Perhaps in other countries, they celebrate it in different ways. Even if they're all Christian, it may be celebrated in various ways that are different than it is in the United States.

The other thing here I think, Christmas is so highly commercialized. With buying things, buying more and more and more is a special pressure on everyone who feels some kind of pressure to have to give something to somebody, some type of gift. And earlier you said how important it is to give gifts that you make, bake some cookies, make a special card for someone.

It doesn't have to be materialistic. It doesn't have to be consumer goods from the shopping mall. We have to pull back. Sometimes that helps depressed people, because they feel that pressure and they don't have the money. And it makes them feel inadequate and feel guilty that they can't be as generous as they would like be.

GUPTA: You and I are both a little bit busier than normal, surprisingly, around the holidays. And I wouldn't be a doctor if I didn't urge proper diet and exercise. But even the least stressful holidays can seem to conspire against both.

When WEEKEND HOUSE CALL continues we'll work out a plan to increase energy, reduce anxiety, and maybe even add a few Christmases to your life span.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I gain a few pounds, but I think that's expected around this time of year. So just go ahead and gain them and try to work them off in the spring.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: If that guy does put on a few pounds and works them off later, he's in the minority. The National Institutes of Health, which used to think we gained five to six pounds during the holiday season, was surprised to find that Americans gain actually less than a pound on average between Thanksgiving and New Year's. That's the good news.

The bad news is experts say most people continue to carry all those extra pounds from holidays past. So eating right and staying active, not only to help your weight but also to help your stress level. Just when many people are feeling stressed out they're surrounded by food with few opportunities to work it off.

To help us try and work it off, Dr. Alvin Poussaint is here to talk about stress and keeping it under control during the holidays.

Dr. Poussaint, we hit the streets and asked people what they were most worried about when it came to the holidays and eating. Let's take a listen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Getting to the gym is a major concern. Yes, you start to lose that. The turkey starts to come and the candy, oh, that's the hardest part I think.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: Let's get real specific here, Doctor. How do you make time for even the gym when things are getting so hectic?

POUSSAINT: Again that takes planning. I think if gym is important in this instance, and you should set aside that time, and say that's when I'm going to the gym. I'm going to drop everything else and try to get the supports. People to take care of children, whatever it takes to get to the gym.

On the other hand, I think it's important to have some alternative exercise, if you can't get to the gym. You can take a long walk. You can do exercises at home if you have exercise equipment at home. You can calisthenics. You can do something that helps to work off some of the physical energy and physical tension and give the body some type of exercise and get the muscles loose in various ways.

I think if you can't get to the gym, then try to exercise, take some time at home to set aside some moments where you do other types of exercise to strengthen the body and relieve tension.

GUPTA: Yes, do both. Strengthen the body and relieve the mind a little bit. We've got another question, as well.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Is there a way we could anticipate is the sweets, but cut back? You know, maybe a preventive for gaining the pounds? It's hard to bake and not, you know, sample all the time.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: Yeah, you know, that's how it is around here, as well. Everyone is sort of nibbling. What's a nibbler to do about it, doctor?

POUSSAINT: There's food all around the place and there's various things depending on the amount of self-control that someone has. Some people bake cakes and cookies and they don't taste them or nibble very much at all. They may nibble a little bit. So it depends on what kind of nibbler you happen to be. There are nibblers and there are nibblers.

So I think some people actually nibble too much. And they're eating whole portions of a cookie or a whole portion of a piece of pie or piece of cake, and that's much too much. What they have to do is say beforehand is they're going to taste things, literally, just taste them.

If there's a piece of chocolate cake there, a taste is not the whole piece. Take off a forkful of cake and taste it so you enjoy the pleasure of how good this cake tastes, it satisfies your taste buds but you say no more. That's all I'm going to have of that piece of cake.

And I think we have to do that with a lot of other of the portions of food that are given to us on Christmas for those holidays meals. Smaller portions, don't take as much mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese and stuffing. Take smaller portions, get the good taste in, but make sure you're not stuffing yourself like the turkey and gaining pounds and weight.

GUPTA: Are you what you eat, right? Isn't that what they say?

POUSSAINT: You are what you eat, that's right. That's the title of Bill Cosby's book, if I can say that, "You Are What You Eat".

GUPTA: And you and I, we're not finished yet. Viewers grab a pen. When WEEKEND HOUSE CALL returns, we're going to point you to some web sites that can make your holidays merrier and brighter. But first this week's edition of "Your Health".

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) ANNOUNCER: Colon cancer is the second most common cause of cancer death. However, it is a highly treatable and often curable disease. Some common symptoms are a change in bowel habits, diarrhea, constipation, blood in the stool and vomiting.

Screening for cancer should be a part of routine care for all adults, men and women, starting at the age of 50, especially those with a family history.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUPTA: If you're too stressed to remember some of the strategies we've been talking about, point your browser to family education.com. You'll find tons of advice and information on family issues that pop year 'round. Don't forget apa.org, the Web site of the American Psychological Association. From the home page follow the links on stress.

Before we go, I'd like to share a mnemonic device that I learned about that might help keep your winter chill.

It's called "Be Natural", B for breathe deeply, E for exercise, N for nutrition, A for attitude, be on the bright side, T for time management, U for uniqueness, stay true to you, R for relaxation and A for associations with loved ones, and of course, L for laughter, always a perfect gift.

I want to thank Dr. Alvin Poussaint for joining us today. Good advice, really specific advice. Tough during the holidays sometimes, but I appreciate having you on. Thank you.

POUSSAINT: Thank you.

That's all the time we have for today. On tomorrow's WEEKEND HOUSE CALL, we'll help you survive the winter woes, from dry coughs to depression. Thanks for watching. I'm Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

"CNN Saturday Morning" continues now.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com







Aired November 29, 2003 - 08:30   ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
DR. SANJAY GUPTA, CNN ANCHOR, WEEKEND HOUSE CALL: Good morning and welcome to WEEKEND HOUSE CALL.
If you're thankful Thanksgiving is behind us, you may not want to be reminded that Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Years -- have we left any out? -- all those still lie ahead. It's supposed to be a season of peace and good will, joy to the world, if you will. So why do so many of us spend it run down, fed up, even sick?

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

GUPTA (voice over): Shopping, traveling, cooking, entertaining, so much to do in so little time and these are just a few things on a typical holiday to do list. Who called it the most wonderful time of the year?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I like to get things taken care of.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: At the last minute it gets very stressful.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I usually start a week before but I've learned my lesson.

GUPTA: For many, it is the most stressful time of the year. But you can minimize the level of stress by planning ahead and now is not too late.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Plan what you're going to do, in all respects, so that you don't get overwhelmed.

GUPTA: Dr. Leslie Brenner (ph), a psychologist in Atlanta, sees many patients who get overanxious about the holidays. Her advice?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Rather than just going with the flow, rather than giving control to everybody else to say you need to be here at this time, you need to be here at this time. Have them make a plan as to what they want to do, what is feasible for them to do.

GUPTA: Brenner suggests setting a limit for yourself, starting from the spending budget. While it might be tempting to buy gifts you can't afford, keep in mind you may be paying for them well in the next year. And don't underestimate the value of homemade gifts, they are unique and personal and won't empty your wallet.

If time is your main concern, head online. Is your entire gift purchase can be just a click away. Preparing holiday meals can be just as simple. Many restaurants and supermarkets now sell tasty heat and serve meals at a fixed price. It may cost a bit more than cooking at home, but could save your sanity.

For those who choose to serve home cooked meals, make it a joint effort and included your guests. Cooking gets a lot more fun when you have company.

Then there's the calories. Studies show the average American gains a little more than a pound each holiday season. Which may not seem like a lot, but the same studies show we never lose it. Self- control is the best weapon against overindulgence.

BRENNER: Nobody can stick on a diet, especially during the holidays. And so I suggest if people are going to a holiday event, a party or something, that they eat their regular meal before they go. And think about what they're going to allow themselves to have before they go.

GUPTA: After all, holidays are never going to be perfect. Keep expectations realistic and your chances might be better for a stress- free holiday season.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

GUPTA: Ask most people whether holiday gift giving is getting out of hand and they're going to answer yes. One poll shows 77 percent of us would like to have a simpler holiday and over half of us definitely plan to cut back on our spending.

Economists tell us holiday spend something likely to actually rise this year by more than 6 percent, which means the average shopper will be spending almost $700 on gifts. Our guest can't speak to the economics but knows a thing or two about people, more than a thing or two, he's Dr. Alvin Poussaint, renowned psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School.

Thanks very much for joining us, sir.

DR. ALVIN POUSSAINT, PROF. OF PSYCHIATRY, HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL: Thank you.

GUPTA: Doctor, we did some shopping on our own for stressed out Santa's helpers and guess what, not surprisingly they're everywhere.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think shopping's fun for the first two days and then it's overload.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: So, Doctor, what if our shopping list is, "longer than our patience"?

POUSSAINT: Well, I think first planning is very, very important. You have to be organized and ready to take a break. If there's overload after two days, and you have time, take a day off. Don't go shopping or make your shopping days a bit shorter. Or have a special treat for yourself during those shopping days, where you have a chance to pull back a little bit and to relax.

The other thing is we shouldn't procrastinate. And as you know, a big problem around Christmas shop something procrastination, where it is put off to the very last minute. And then they don't actually have time left to shop. There has to be planning, step wise and in an organized way so that you do allow time to yourself and allow time to week relax, and get away from some of the pressure.

GUPTA: Guilty as charged. I'm the guy who does all of his shopping the day before. Probably not a good idea. Take a listen to another stressed out holiday shopper.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: They can be very stressful, especially when you have family out of state, and have to mail all your presents to California. That can be stressful. You have to shop early.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: You mentioned getting started early. Any advice for those already feeling the time crunch, now, already?

POUSSAINT: The feeling that the time crunch, planning early I think is very important. Knowing that you're going to have additional kinds of hassles if you have to mail presents, that's an extra pressure and stress. You have to go to the Post Office or some mailboxes somewhere. You have to wrap that present. That's a whole lot of work and activity. You have to plan it and you have to do it on time, and make sure that you're not overdoing it when you're shipping presents.

So do as little of it as possible to the people who are the main folks in your life, who need gifts. Others may be able to do with a Christmas card or perhaps receive their Christmas presents a bit later after the holidays, when there's not such a big crunch.

GUPTA: And that's good advice. We're talking to Dr. Alvin Poussaint.

Let's take an e-mail, as well, Mark from Massachusetts asks, "What's the best way to deal with stress during final exam period?"

Doctor, students out there feeling the crunch as well, maybe even multiple-fold being they have to take exams and have to do their shopping and get to see the family. What do you tell students?

POUSSAINT: That's true. Some schools you get your finals after the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Other schools give the finals before the holidays and I'm sure those students are very happy about that.

I think students have to plan their time, what is going to be free time with friends and relatives and then they have to set aside time to try to study and try to study very efficiently. And, again, not to put it off until the last minute right before they're supposed to return to school. That's going to make them much more anxious and much more anxious during the entire holiday season.

They shouldn't study constantly. Even when they study they should take a break, like when they study for an hour intensely, take a 10- minute break, and do something else. Relax, watch a TV show, if that's what relaxes you, deep breathe, meditation, whatever. But not to just go at it so hard that in fact, you get more anxious from studying than you really should be. And doing it but steadily is I think one of the ways of controlling some of the anxiety that might mount during the holiday season.

GUPTA: Advice that I can certainly relate to, advice for everybody out there.

Coming up, forget the malls. When it comes to frayed nerves, short fuses, and great expectations, there's no place like home for the holidays. When WEEKEND HOUSE CALL continues, we'll help you keep it together during those annual family get togethers. Stay with us on WEEKEND HOUSE CALL.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You don't want to get together with your family, you know? But like it's holiday time and that sort of means like you're obligated to get together with your family time, and that creates a lot of challenges.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: Welcome back. Like most everything else in life, seasonal aggravations are relative and in many cases, relatives are where the real stress begins. Even family members we really like can say the wrong thing at the dinner table or fail to look properly thrilled when opening gifts. And so, of course, can we.

The American Psychological Association has some simple tips for coping. Among them: Be realistic, holidays don't solve family problems. Set limits, both on money and on time. And share the load. Don't buy every gift or cook every treat yourself.

Dr. Alvin Poussaint is here, helping us talk about families and holiday stress. He's a professor of psychiatry, a well-known one at Harvard Medical School.

Doctor, family issues seem to multiply actually when there's more than one family involved. And speaking to that, let's get to an e-mail from Heather, in Michigan, who writes, "How can my boyfriend and I avoid the bitter feelings that come up over how much time to spend at each other's house?"

POUSSAINT: Clearly in that situation, apparently there seems to be some type of competition going on about who gets what and how much do they get. I think that shouldn't happen. The relationships with their families shouldn't be competitive. I think they have to decide, that is a boyfriend and girlfriend, talk about it and see what's reasonable.

I think then deal with the families in that way. Not allow the families to bulldoze them into spending more time with one than the other. But perhaps other things are going on in the relationship that we don't know anything about. Perhaps there's strife because there's some type of anger or disagreement among the boyfriend and girlfriend in a particular family.

Those things would have to be worked out differently and talked about to get to the bottom of why there may be so much stress and strain in that particular situation. Sharing is a way to go.

GUPTA: And good advice. Not all the problems are going to be solved at the holidays.

POUSSAINT: Right.

GUPTA: Take a listen to this question follow-up question from Atlanta.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How do you deal with the stress of grandparents coming in wanting to give their thoughts on kids and how the school year is going?

GUPTA: And that happens quite a bit during the holidays. What about well meaning meddling, if you will?

POUSSAINT: That happens very frequently because I think grandparents want to be helpful. They feel that they have the experience that the child doesn't have and they have special things to contribute. I think in those situations, the mother and father can do a number of things.

They can, in fact, if the parents really -- grandparents are really meddling say I would appreciate, I know you want to give advice and it's well-meaning, but I appreciate if you didn't do it because sometimes it can feel annoying. I think you can say that outright and even if there's a bit offended they will get the message and that will save you a lot of stress.

The other thing you can do is you can be rather pro-active and actually have the grandparents do things with the kids, have special activities set aside where they're with the kids, taking them to the park, taking them to the mall, perhaps taking them to a movie so are you asking them to share in the responsibilities of taking care of the children, rather than their just giving advice about what you should do and so on.

I think sometimes that type of meddling may also indicate a problem going on between the grandparent and the daughter or the son. And that's another kind of issue where they're using the kids as a way of getting at each other in some way. So I think that type of thing should be toned down. I think sometimes you even have to talk to the children and say listen, grandma and grandpa think of it this way, but in our family we have different types of rules and routines that we stick by. And that's the best thing for us, but other people have other opinions, and that's OK.

GUPTA: And doctor, let's hone that down, those other opinions. For many families the holidays highlight differences in beliefs and traditions, for example. What's the best way to handle those situations when the differences do manifest themselves?

POUSSAINT: Well, it depends on what kind of differences. You know, Christmas dominates so much in American culture that it overwhelms all of the other religious practices in the country. So for instance, if you're Jewish, Jewish children may feel enormous pressure around Christmas time if they feel left out. And Jewish families have different ways of dealing with this.

Some of them may use, in fact, may use Hanukkah, like a mini Christmas and exchange presents. Others won't do that at all. And in fact, discourage that type of thing. And then others will allow their children to exchange presents at Christmas time and there are some who even have a Christmas tree.

I think this is probably going on with all religions in America, because you know, Christmas is everywhere with the music, the decorations, the shopping. You just can't ignore it, and I think each family, no matter what their religion beliefs, have to decide how much they want to participate in the Christmas rituals.

They can and a lot of them that are secular and not necessarily religious from Christmas trees to presents to ornaments, that type of thing to music and song, and get something from Christmas without feeling that they're compromising their own religious beliefs.

And to support the children, say Jewish children, and make sure they don't feel left out and explain, you know, what Christmas is about. But it's very dominant here in our country. Perhaps in other countries, they celebrate it in different ways. Even if they're all Christian, it may be celebrated in various ways that are different than it is in the United States.

The other thing here I think, Christmas is so highly commercialized. With buying things, buying more and more and more is a special pressure on everyone who feels some kind of pressure to have to give something to somebody, some type of gift. And earlier you said how important it is to give gifts that you make, bake some cookies, make a special card for someone.

It doesn't have to be materialistic. It doesn't have to be consumer goods from the shopping mall. We have to pull back. Sometimes that helps depressed people, because they feel that pressure and they don't have the money. And it makes them feel inadequate and feel guilty that they can't be as generous as they would like be.

GUPTA: You and I are both a little bit busier than normal, surprisingly, around the holidays. And I wouldn't be a doctor if I didn't urge proper diet and exercise. But even the least stressful holidays can seem to conspire against both.

When WEEKEND HOUSE CALL continues we'll work out a plan to increase energy, reduce anxiety, and maybe even add a few Christmases to your life span.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I gain a few pounds, but I think that's expected around this time of year. So just go ahead and gain them and try to work them off in the spring.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: If that guy does put on a few pounds and works them off later, he's in the minority. The National Institutes of Health, which used to think we gained five to six pounds during the holiday season, was surprised to find that Americans gain actually less than a pound on average between Thanksgiving and New Year's. That's the good news.

The bad news is experts say most people continue to carry all those extra pounds from holidays past. So eating right and staying active, not only to help your weight but also to help your stress level. Just when many people are feeling stressed out they're surrounded by food with few opportunities to work it off.

To help us try and work it off, Dr. Alvin Poussaint is here to talk about stress and keeping it under control during the holidays.

Dr. Poussaint, we hit the streets and asked people what they were most worried about when it came to the holidays and eating. Let's take a listen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Getting to the gym is a major concern. Yes, you start to lose that. The turkey starts to come and the candy, oh, that's the hardest part I think.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: Let's get real specific here, Doctor. How do you make time for even the gym when things are getting so hectic?

POUSSAINT: Again that takes planning. I think if gym is important in this instance, and you should set aside that time, and say that's when I'm going to the gym. I'm going to drop everything else and try to get the supports. People to take care of children, whatever it takes to get to the gym.

On the other hand, I think it's important to have some alternative exercise, if you can't get to the gym. You can take a long walk. You can do exercises at home if you have exercise equipment at home. You can calisthenics. You can do something that helps to work off some of the physical energy and physical tension and give the body some type of exercise and get the muscles loose in various ways.

I think if you can't get to the gym, then try to exercise, take some time at home to set aside some moments where you do other types of exercise to strengthen the body and relieve tension.

GUPTA: Yes, do both. Strengthen the body and relieve the mind a little bit. We've got another question, as well.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Is there a way we could anticipate is the sweets, but cut back? You know, maybe a preventive for gaining the pounds? It's hard to bake and not, you know, sample all the time.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: Yeah, you know, that's how it is around here, as well. Everyone is sort of nibbling. What's a nibbler to do about it, doctor?

POUSSAINT: There's food all around the place and there's various things depending on the amount of self-control that someone has. Some people bake cakes and cookies and they don't taste them or nibble very much at all. They may nibble a little bit. So it depends on what kind of nibbler you happen to be. There are nibblers and there are nibblers.

So I think some people actually nibble too much. And they're eating whole portions of a cookie or a whole portion of a piece of pie or piece of cake, and that's much too much. What they have to do is say beforehand is they're going to taste things, literally, just taste them.

If there's a piece of chocolate cake there, a taste is not the whole piece. Take off a forkful of cake and taste it so you enjoy the pleasure of how good this cake tastes, it satisfies your taste buds but you say no more. That's all I'm going to have of that piece of cake.

And I think we have to do that with a lot of other of the portions of food that are given to us on Christmas for those holidays meals. Smaller portions, don't take as much mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese and stuffing. Take smaller portions, get the good taste in, but make sure you're not stuffing yourself like the turkey and gaining pounds and weight.

GUPTA: Are you what you eat, right? Isn't that what they say?

POUSSAINT: You are what you eat, that's right. That's the title of Bill Cosby's book, if I can say that, "You Are What You Eat".

GUPTA: And you and I, we're not finished yet. Viewers grab a pen. When WEEKEND HOUSE CALL returns, we're going to point you to some web sites that can make your holidays merrier and brighter. But first this week's edition of "Your Health".

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) ANNOUNCER: Colon cancer is the second most common cause of cancer death. However, it is a highly treatable and often curable disease. Some common symptoms are a change in bowel habits, diarrhea, constipation, blood in the stool and vomiting.

Screening for cancer should be a part of routine care for all adults, men and women, starting at the age of 50, especially those with a family history.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUPTA: If you're too stressed to remember some of the strategies we've been talking about, point your browser to family education.com. You'll find tons of advice and information on family issues that pop year 'round. Don't forget apa.org, the Web site of the American Psychological Association. From the home page follow the links on stress.

Before we go, I'd like to share a mnemonic device that I learned about that might help keep your winter chill.

It's called "Be Natural", B for breathe deeply, E for exercise, N for nutrition, A for attitude, be on the bright side, T for time management, U for uniqueness, stay true to you, R for relaxation and A for associations with loved ones, and of course, L for laughter, always a perfect gift.

I want to thank Dr. Alvin Poussaint for joining us today. Good advice, really specific advice. Tough during the holidays sometimes, but I appreciate having you on. Thank you.

POUSSAINT: Thank you.

That's all the time we have for today. On tomorrow's WEEKEND HOUSE CALL, we'll help you survive the winter woes, from dry coughs to depression. Thanks for watching. I'm Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

"CNN Saturday Morning" continues now.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com